Matty
I wish that I could find the correct words to describe how magical it all felt, being with Alyssa in Paris but no words could justify the feeling. Nothing could even come close. Every smile in my direction filled me with emotions that I didn't even think were possible at this point. It scares me a little just how much power her aura seemed to have over me so quickly. In truth we'd only known each other for a little over 2 months, which isn't a lot of time in the grand scheme of things. I don't know if maybe being alone for so long has heightened the feeling of being with someone generally or it was her.
As we stood in the Musee D'Orsay looking at paintings by artists I've never even heard of, she looked over at me and her eyes twinkled against the lighting. My heart jumped a little at how she looked at me. I just wanted to be inside her head, to see what she sees and to know exactly how she felt about me.
If she was anyone else I would have some doubts, probably thinking she was maybe using me to gain some form of fame or even to attain a better job within the music industry, or maybe even to just brag about sleeping with someone slightly famous. But with Alyssa I don't have that worry at all, which to me feels more dangerous. As a person I tend to fall in love too easily, it's something George always teases me for. I can't help it though, sometimes it's not even the person I fall for, it's the idea of them.
I couldn't quite gauge exactly what the feeling was for Alyssa though, no matter how hard I tried. For the first month of knowing her I told myself over and over again it was just lust and friendship. That I just found her attractive, which is true but a part of me deep down knew that there was more to it than that. She ignited something within me that I couldn't explain, even if my life depended on it.
Which is why I'm terrified.
"I think this would look amazing in the hallway." She turned to me, pointing at some weird looking painting. I raised an eyebrow at her, she made that joke a few times already.
"If you can afford it, by all means." I shot back. She giggled and continued walking. Her eyes would dance over the works of art in front of her and as cheesy as it sounds, she was so blissfully unaware that she was the most beautiful piece of art in this building, if not in the whole of Paris.
"Do you ever think about the mark you will leave on this planet Matty?" She spun around to face me, a small smirk playing on her lips.
"Sometimes it's all I think about." I replied.
"Well you have a platform to do that on, which is why I ask." She tilted her head to the side and looked over at a painting nearby her.
"It worries me a little, I've made mistakes and said some stupid shit that I don't want to be remembered for." I told her. "I don't want in 100 years time for someone to Google me or whatever search related site is used in the future and for them to find me having a mental breakdown on stage, crying about how no one has the right to love me because they don't know me." I had to laugh at myself, as much as that moment was a low point for my career if I don't laugh I'd probably cry. She made a confused face at me, probably having no idea what I was talking about.
"I think you're gonna make an impact, maybe not as culturally ground breaking as some of this work." She smirked, nodding towards Van Gogh's Starry Night.
"You might be right on that one." I said a little defeated, I'm not that up myself to believe I could be that influential.
"You've made an impact on me at least." She smiled sweetly, spinning around and continuing to walk on.
"And you too." I mumbled under my breath, she didn't hear me but I didn't intend for her to.
We walked into another part of the gallery and there were some questionable looking pieces of art. It brought a sense of calm to me in a way. Everything about the way someone poured their heart into these paintings made me feel at ease. They probably never thought that years later people from all over the world would travel just to view them in person.
"Hey Matty." Alyssa said, leaning in a little closer to me. "That's you." She said childishly, pointing at a funny looking painting. I rolled my eyes at her, that being at least the 5th time she did that too. It was cute though, she always seemed to laugh afterwards and the sound was like music to my ears.
"I think you might be right on this one at least." I played along, if it made her happy then I couldn't exactly take that away from her.
When we left the museum we strolled along a park in the beautiful autumn sun. It was weirdly sunny for November to be honest. The breeze blew the leaves in all sorts of directions and the colours were magnificent.
My phone begun to ring from my pocket which confused me, who would be calling me now? I pulled it out and saw George's name flash on the screen. I thought about declining it but maybe it was important so I hit accept. "Hello?" I asked.
"Matty mate, have you been on Twitter at all today?" He asked me. I looked at Alyssa who was just awkwardly standing next to me as I held the phone up to my ear.
"No I haven't, why?" I replied.
"Are you really in Paris right now with Alyssa?" He pressed. My eyes grew wide.
"Wait what's going on? How did you know that?" I started to feel a little panicked.
"Someone posted pictures of you two in some art gallery in Paris, they must've been a fan or something but that shit is spreading a lot of people are speculating about you two." George explained. I closed my eyes and let out a soft groan.
"Fuck." I mumbled. "Yes we are."
"I mean it's not really a big deal to be fair, it was just a shock because you know, you were meant to be coming to Manchester with us this weekend." He said. "Are you two dating then?"
"No, I just wanted to take her somewhere she's never been before and this seemed like a good place. It's nothing serious George." I tried to fob him off a little, which made me feel bad.
"Look I don't really see why you feel the need to hide anything from me, I'm not gonna say shit about it and I'd be happy for you two anyway but please, don't lie." He sighed.
"Okay, fuck I'm sorry." I sighed, running a hand through my hair. "We're just spending time together George, nothing serious. We didn't tell anyone because we just want to see where this goes ourselves but I'm asking you to try not tell anyone for us. Even the guys, we just want to keep this quiet for now." I told him, he let out a soft chuckle down the phone.
"Alright mate, I'm not gonna say a word but you should maybe tell the guys what's going on because they're not stupid. Are you guys having fun in the city of love?" He asked in a cute voice.
"It's been nice to get away for a bit and not having to play a show there. Look I'm gonna go now, I don't wanna waste anymore time but I'll see you when we're back okay." I tried to get out the call.
"Will do mate, remember use protection and treat her with respect." George said in a very stern sounding way.
"Okay dad." I rolled my eyes, which gained a chuckle from Alyssa. "See you later." And then I hung up the phone. Alyssa looked at me with curious eyes.
"So the cats out of the bag then I guess?" She looked nervous.
"In a sense, yes." I said sliding my phone back into my pocket. "Someone must've recognized me in there because there's a picture of us floating around Twitter right now and fans are going crazy."
"Sorry." She mumbled, looking down at her feet.
"It's not your fault, don't be sorry Alyssa." I told her, reaching out and pulling her closer to me. "If anything, I don't really care. We know where we're at with everything and it's no one else's business."
"Do we though?" She looked up at me, her eyes filled with many questions she was clearly afraid to ask.
"Okay, well maybe not completely but we're gonna figure it out in our own time. There is no rush." I tried to reassure her.
"I don't want to put a downer on everything but I'm just trying to figure things out in my own head, you're helping me a little but I don't think I'm ready to put a label on this just yet." She explained. I nodded, understanding how she felt.
"Then we don't need to, let's just enjoy this for what it is and come to that conclusion when we both feel it's right." I smiled at her. She smiled back and it took away the worry that was building up.
"You're not bad Healy." She said, wrapping her arms around my neck. I leaned in and kissed her, in the most cliche way possibly, in the city of Paris.
-
Alyssa
I didn't want to tell Matty that fans of his speculating that I was his new girlfriend made me panic a little. I don't do well under the spotlight and maybe that's the true reason that I was unsure about us making things more official between us.
He seemed so happy to even spend time with me and with all the effort he'd made to bring me to Paris as a surprise, I didn't want to burst any bubble of his. It didn't seem fair.
I was truly happy to be there with him though, which made me question my feelings even more. I didn't want to fall for anyone ever again after Mason. Even when we had that brief stint as a couple again, it didn't feel right. It didn't feel like I could allow myself to fall in love with him again. But being around Matty, learning how he is as a person made me question that feeling constantly.
Was I really afraid to fall in love again or was I just afraid to fall in love with someone that could break my heart all over again? Maybe that is the case, or maybe I was just scared to let Matty in enough that he could break my heart because surely, with someone like him and just how quickly he seemed to grab my attention, he had every tell tale sign that he could ruin me.
A part of me wanted to risk it though.
We decided to go to the Eiffel Tower and watch the sunset on the stairs of the Musee de l'Homme. The sun was going down and we sat there, smoking and talking about nothing of interest but it was quite beautiful in it's own right. The sky was a purple hue and looked like something out of a movie scene.
"When I was a child I always wanted to come to Paris, it just seemed like a dream to me." I told him, after the words left my mouth I realised how cheesy it sounded.
"Has it lived up to your expectations?" He asked.
"It a sense, better than it." I blew out the smoke from the fag I was currently smoking.
"What makes you say that?" He pushed the topic further.
"Well it was unexpected to begin with so that really threw me off but also you've made it more fun than I could've imagined." I told him, tearing my eyes from the sunset.
"I guess it's just my dashing looks and fun personality." He said sarcastically, it made me chuckle though. When our laughing died down he looked at me and went serious. "You've never really told me much about your family."
"Maybe there's a reason." I said slyly. "What if they're serial killers and I just don't want you to know the truth." I smirked.
"That would be an interesting topic to discuss though." He grinned. I looked back out to the view ahead of us and sighed.
"My mum and dad are very plain, boring people. I love them but they just wanted me to go to uni, get a degree and live a life like theirs." I explained to him. "They wanted me to marry Mason so badly, they definitely pressured us into the idea so that I'd settle down and have a family."
"Classic parental move." He joked.
"I have a sister and a younger brother, both of which are the perfect children for my parents. I was the middle child and I guess that's why they tried to control many aspects of my adult life." I shrugged.
"Where are you siblings now?" He asked.
"Rachel lives in Brighton and Liam is still in high school, although he'll be finished this year." I told him.
"I've just never heard you talk about your family life is all." I looked at him and gave a weak smile.
"I was never really close with my family, well I was with Rachel when I still lived in Brighton but she got into a relationship not long after I moved to London and that was her main focus." I sighed. "It's sad because I do miss her a lot sometimes and I see her when I visit but I can barely face it anymore, my parents just seem to hate the fact I broke up with Mason."
"I'm sorry." He said grabbing my free hand. I took one last drew of my fag and stubbed it out.
"It's fine, I'm not that fussed anymore." I smiled, even though it wasn't a genuine one. "What about you Matty, what is your family like?" He made a face when I asked.
"Well my parents are both actors so I grew up around famous people that were too fake for my own liking, Louis my brother is still in high school and sometimes I wish I spent more time with him when I lived in Manchester but we have a good relationship now." He said softly. "There's not much to my story that you can't read online anyway."
"I'd rather hear it from you though." I told him, he looked at me and gave a warm smile.
"You look so beautiful in this sunlight you know." He whispered, it made me blush. I noticed how quickly he changed the subject and decided to let it drop. He obviously didn't want to discuss it further right now.
"Now look at who's being cheesy." I shot back. He pulled his phone out and quickly snapped a picture of me with the tower in the background. I quickly covered my face out of embarrassment. "Matty." I whined.
"I have to preserve the art." He grinned at me, taking another picture. I shot him a glare but I couldn't keep a straight face, it was hard to when he gave me the puppy dog eyes so I let him take a picture of me where I didn't try to hide.
The sun was almost gone and the lights on The Eiffel Tower begun to shine. It was mesmerizing to look at but I could feel Matty looking at me more than the view in front of us. "What?" I asked, glancing at him.
"I'm just taking the moment in." I smirked a little.
"Don't fall in love with the moment and think you're in love with the girl." His eyes widened for a second and then he went a little red. It was the one line of any of the songs on the new album that I had taken in and remembered. I think it's an amazing lyric, it was very Matty.
"I can't believe you just clapped back at me using my own lyrics, from a song you've heard once." He shook his head, I noticed the smile on his lips wasn't fading away as he talked.
"It fit perfectly." I grinned at him, his eyes softened and he leaned in and kissed me. It was lowkey romantic to be fair. Who doesn't dream of going to Paris with someone special and sharing a kiss in front of The Eiffel Tower. He put his hand on my cheek, caressing it softly. When we pulled back his hand lingered for a second and he ran his thumb over my bottom lip.
"I say we go back to the hotel and make the most of the remaining hours of the night." He said in a low, husky voice. It was a massive turn on the way he spoke to me. I stared at him and nodded.
"Okay, but first we need to take a picture together." I informed him. He let out a laugh and nodded. We stood up and took a few pictures in front of the view, a few of them he leaned his head on mine and one of them I kissed his cheek. They were adorable and all for me, I didn't need the world to see this side of us, not yet anyway.
-
Matty
The weekend ended far too quickly for my liking. A part of me wanted to stay in that bubble with Alyssa forever, forgetting the world and our responsibilities for awhile. It would've been nicer that way.
Going back to the flat made reality set in. It only made me question myself more about how I truly felt about Alyssa, only because it has to be questioned. When someone feels the need to make such romantic gestures towards someone then you have to ask, why?
We didn't get back until around 8pm on Sunday, meaning Alyssa would want to sleep soon because of work in the morning. She decided to shower and prepare for bed when a knock at the door brought me out of my thoughts. I walked past the bathroom and could hear the shower running and smiled a little.
When I got to the front door I opened it and was shocked to see the person in front of me, Sarah. "What are you doing here?" I asked. I hadn't seen her in about 8 or 9 months at this point. She simply smiled and threw her arms around me.
"Matty I've been thinking about you so much recently and I just miss you so much." She mumbled into my chest. I could smell the alcohol off her, it was overwhelming.
"I'm confused Sarah, you said you never wanted to see my face again." I said. She pulled back and looked up at me, smiling even more.
"That was a while ago." She shrugged as if it was nothing. "Things change."
"You broke up with me and haven't spoken to me since." I made a face at her, she looked a little hurt by it but I didn't really care.
"And I regret it so much." She frowned. I don't though. I heard the bathroom door open, meaning Alyssa was out of the shower.
"Look I don't think this is a good time." I said to her, suddenly worried about her presence. "Can you just leave please?"
"But Matty we need to talk about things, I miss you." She pouted, slurring her words slightly.
"I don't want to talk to you though." I said simply. Then it clicked. She must've seen the picture of me and Alyssa in Paris and got jealous. She was always jealous of me around other women, a very unappealing trait for her.
"Please." She pleaded.
Alyssa
When I got out of the shower I could hear Matty talking to someone, a female. I walked towards the hallway and I could see the women standing at the door. She was extremely pretty and clearly very drunk.
I felt a pang of jealousy shoot through me, this is what I've always been slightly concerned about. I can't pretend that Matty didn't have other female interest but it still hurt a little.
"Can I just call you sometime? We can meet up for a drink and talk about things." She pleaded with him. I heard him sigh and then say okay. That hurt me even more. After the weekend he planned for us, taking me to fucking Paris he was agreeing to meet up with someone else? I know we aren't like a couple or anything but I kinda thought it was maybe heading that way at some point.
I heard the door close and quickly begun to make my way towards my bedroom. When I got to the door I heard him walking up the hallway. "Alyssa, do you want anything to eat?" He asked as if the entire encounter didn't just happen.
I spun around and smiled at him, a forced and pretty uncomfortable one at that. "No, I'm just gonna head to bed actually. I'm shattered." I said.
"Oh, okay." He looked a little defeated. I could tell he knew I heard some of the conversation but it became clear as the seconds went on that none of us wanted to mention it. "Do you want me to spoon you tonight?" He asked.
"I have to be up extra early tomorrow so I'm just going to sleep in my room tonight." I said quickly. I could see the disappointment flash across his features.
"Okay. Goodnight then." He mumbled, sadness dripping from him.
"Goodnight Matty." I said with even less enthusiasm as he had.
We stared at each other for a few seconds and then I turned and went into my room, closing the door behind me quickly. What a fucking terrible ending to what was the best weekend of my life.