❝ I'm holding in my breath
And looking at you,
As if the world has stopped.
Like the passing wind,
Even if you don't see me,
My heart goes toward you. ❞
Laughter of joy and giggles filled the hall with people exchanging smiles from ear to ear. Everyone seemed so happy and I could only smile while looking at the grinning faces. My stomach was fluttering because I was no longer just a daughter and a sister, but a wife.
It was all arranged since my parents thought that it was already time for me to go above and beyond together with my career. I was not in to argue with my parents but I was utterly shocked when I found out the man they arranged me with. He used to be my classmate, someone whom I didn't have the courage to approach in my life before. The part of having each other as life partners were so out of question and unpredictable, it still made me wonder about how parents had to choose only us.
The hall was lit up with the beautiful golden chandeliers hung above and the beautiful fairy lights put up just on the pillars. The curtains were the beautiful shade of rose gold, the same fabric hugging the chairs as well. I looked around, spotting my friends talking to my husband.
Sehun, my husband.
He looked incredibly handsome. His caramel brown hair was styled perfectly giving off the 'prince-ly' vibe. He wore a white tuxedo, something which I personally loved so much on him, his frame perfectly accentuated, curving at the right places, especially his shoulders. He was happily talking to my and his friends, laughing at something they were talking about. But then he turned around to meet my eyes and I almost lost my breath. His eyes were gleaming with a different amount of elation and adoration as he looked at me. He smiled warmly and motioned me to walk towards him and my feet moved on its own.
And as soon as I reached him, his arms gently snaked around my waist and mine rested on his shoulder from his back. We looked at each other for a moment and smiled.
That was a moment where I believed that may be we could work this work. May be, we could to find love.
••••••
During the start of this marriage and relationship, we were going strong. I think we were actually fond of each other at first. But then I saw the differences.
We weren't like any couple who would hold hands, we weren't like best friends who would casually talk to each other and share secrets; I didn't know what to term our 'relationship' as. At times I felt like we were acquaintances who were just doing their work. It was so hard for me when my brain would always make me think that we didn't have any motive in this marriage. We weren't going back nor were we moving forward in life. At least, I wasn't.
"I'm actually going to the library, would you like to join me?" I called Sehun as I quickly wore my shoes, taking my purse and car keys with me. Sehun was at work and I got off work early because there was some meeting where I wasn't actually needed so I decided to just relax off the evening.
Sehun hummed against the line as if he was thinking, "Actually, you go ahead. I have some of the paperwork to do... I'll be a little late. I'm sorry..." He replied and I could hear the slight pout in his sadness.
I shook my head though he couldn't see me, "No, don't say sorry. It's totally fine. I'll see you later then?" I answered, locking the house in the process and walking towards my car.
"Yeah sure. Bye!" Sehun replied quickly.
"Se — " But I was already too late because he already hung up. I heard the beep and stared at the black screen. I sighed and slowly sat down in my car, pulling out of the driveway.
After visiting the library and wandering around here and there, I decided to treat myself to eat something and I immediately headed to a cafe. Ordering an espresso and a brownie, I took a seat on the far left side of the cafe so that I didn't have to sit in the midst of many people. The atmosphere was calming and it made me want to go to sleep but then I held back.
I got a book from the store and started reading it but the bell of the door of the cafe caught my attention. I looked up and I saw a familiar face with someone I didn't know. They took a seat towards the window which was why they didn't see me.
Sehun led the beautiful lady wearing a gorgeous grey winter dress into the cafe and they sat on the complete side of where I sat so they didn't get a view of me. I couldn't see that girls' face. But what I noticed was how happy Sehun looked. He was smiling from ear to ear. The girl forwarded her hand to touch his and my heart dropped a little. It was pretty stupid for me to react that way but I was genuinely afraid.
Our marriage was only an agreement between our parents and a contract between us. Sehun wasn't interested in me. We didn't even share the same bed. I loved my activities of being a 'wife'. It felt nice when he introduced me with a graceful smile as his 'wife'. It felt so amazing to be recognized as the other half of someone.
Sehun smiled cutely and noticed how his eyes lit up and that was my toll to just leave.
When I reached home, I quickly made dinner for the two of us. Sehun reached home at around eight in the evening, sleepy and tired. He plopped himself on the couch and grabbed a pillow, huffing out. He looked so adorable when he was tired and sleepy which was why I quickly set the table up. After setting everything up, I walked towards him only to see him almost dozing off.
I chuckled at his state which caused him to open one eye to look at me. His lower lip jutted out a little and he took a deep breath. I took a seat beside him and slowly turned towards him. He was staring at me, "You're finding this funny, huh?" He squinted his eyes at me and I shook my head. Not funny, just extremely cute.
"You look funny and cute."
"Oh really? Thank you, wife." He smiled and leaned his head towards my shoulder.
That was the problem.
Even if we weren't 'in love' with each other or something, he did everything a man would do for his wife. He was indeed a gentleman and an amazing husband. He made me feel warm and cozy in his presence which was why I was never of anything when he was just beside me. What made my stomach flutter happily was how he would just randomly place a soft kiss on my forehead or cheeks. He would do that when he would head out or anything, sometimes even out of nowhere. He was just so gentle that any girl would fall for his charms. No one could guess the amount of joy I felt to have him as my husband and to call him as 'my husband'.
I gently brushed his hair which fell on his eyes and placed my cheek against his forehead, "You'll have to eat dinner, okay?"
He groaned, "I will, no worries. I'm hungry as well, just very sleepy."
The scar on his cheek was one of the first things I've adored about him. He said that it was a birthmark, a mark which showed that he was just a normal being like any of us despite his undeniably good looks.
"C'mon, let's go and eat. After that, you're going to sleep, okay?"
"I'll help you with the dishes." He opened one eye.
"Nope, I can handle that. You'll head to sleep."
••••••
Around some days later, Sehun announced that his friends were to visit our home. I did meet his friends and almost all of them were nice. There were just two of them who I wasn't really fond of; Junwon and Reon. They were two people who didn't get along with Sehun's friends as well, it made me wonder how Sehun got along with them. I always found them very irritating, something which I confessed to Baekhyun, Junmyeon and Jongin to which they immediately agreed.
Junmyeon, Baekhyun, Jongdae, Jongin, Chanyeol, Minseok, Kyungsoo and Yixing were basically like brothers for Sehun. Added the fact that they were always so nice and caring. I could say they really did care for Sehun, mainly because of the fact that he was the youngest among them all.
I prepared dinner for the guys and I thought of an idea. I was sure to be awkward with them because I wasn't that close with them so why not invite my own friends? My closest girl friend was Areum and I was more than happy when she agreed. Jaemin and Jeno agreed as well, together with Renjun, Jisung and Haechan. Chenle couldn't join because he had some important household work. Also, Sehun agreed to let my friends come as well.
"Sure! Why not?" He cheered and gave me his signature eyesmile.
The house was cleaned and they were to arrive at seven in the evening. I still had time since it was only quarter to six. I took a quick bath and got ready. I didn't do much to get ready since I wasn't going outside but decided to just wear a dress to be formal. Sehun was clad in his royal blue shirt tucked in with a pair of black jeans. His veins on his arms were prominent when he rolled his sleeves up his arm, which made him ten times more hotter than he already was. He walked with so much modest that it makes me want to stare at him all the time. But that would be straightaway creepy so I just pretend to play in my phone.
"By the way," Sehun caught my attention and I looked up at him with curios eyes. God, he looked so handsome, "You look beautiful." He replied and I lost my breath when our eyes met and he gave me the most beautiful and genuine smile. For
"You don't look so bad, Sehun. " Nope, I was too shy to admit that he looked hot in fact. What I said was just an understatement. But then I decided to give it a shot.
I cleared my throat and looked at him again only to realize that he was already smiling. When I caught his gaze, he coughed awkwardly which made me laugh a little, but I said, "You look very handsome, Oh Sehun."
His eyes widened a little and his cheeks turned a light shade of pink. He looked so adorable that I just wanted to pinch his cheeks and boop his nose. He smiled shyly, rubbing his nape and a small laugh escaped his lips, "Thank you so much, dear."
And my heart just flipped.
The bell rang and the both of us excitedly walked towards the door. We were immediately greeted by bear hugs by Sehun's friends. Baekhyun launched himself on me and literally clinged onto me like a koala.
"Baek, you're going to choke her!" Sehun complained, pulling him away from me. For one second, I actually thought he was jealous because of how he pulled me behind him but then I dismissed the thought when I saw who came along with his friends as well; that same girl I saw holding Sehun's hand in the cafe. It was harder for me to smile when she wrapped her arms around Sehun and literally traced his spine. Pulling away she smiled up at him with a nice smile and smiled up at me.
It was so sad that I couldn't even hate her for any reason. Well, I didn't have any reason then. She smiled sweetly at me, hugging me. I was surprised so I awkwardly patted her back.
"You must be Amelia, Sehun's wife. Right?" She asked, wiggling her eyebrows at Sehun in a teasing manner. He pursed his lips in a thin line as if he was trying to stop himself from smiling. They held eye contact for a few seconds before she turned to look at me. I nodded at her question and smiled uptight.
I looked at her, "Who are you?" I asked but decided that it sounded way too blunt so I added, "I mean, Sehun never mentioned about you to me, that's why..."
Her smile faded away for a second before she regained her composure, "I'm Yuna, Sehun's childhood friend actually. I'm really glad that he got someone as you. He seems really happy..." She replied with a genuine smile on my face.
And my reaction mentally was, 'erm... you don't even know me,' but I kept quiet.
When my friends arrived, I immediately went to hug Mirae. I heard Haechan scoff dramatically but I only stuck my tongue out at him.
He huffed, "Wow, no hugs for us. That's not fair!" He complained and slung his shoulder against Renjun who dodged him. I laughed and went forward to hug Haechan. I sighed, "I missed you all so much," I stated and hugged Renjun after him. Renjun immediately wrapped his arms around me, resting his face on my shoulder instead.
"What about me?" Jisung asked innocently and Jaemin piped up, "Me too!"
I gave them the biggest bear hug I could ever give them and the both of them smiled in content except Jaemin leaned down to place a peck on my cheek. Jeno was the last one as I proceeded the others to head in. All of our lives were so busy that all of us barely got time and I was sad with the fact that Chenle couldn't come. I missed everything about our pasts and how much we were so carefree and just... Happy. I was the first amongst the friend circle to get married and that's when everyone got busy with their jobs and lives, including me.
I flashed a smile at Jeno and he smiled cutely as well, his eyes turning into an eyesmile. He looked like he had so much to say but when I forwarded to hug him, his arms immediately wrapped around my frame in a protective grip. He rested his chin on my head and gently breathed out. I rested my head on his toned chest and looked up to his neck, noticing how his Adam's apple bobbed up and down. The warmth of his neck made me nuzzle my nose against his neck and a breathy laugh left his lips. The thing was, the two of us were utterly fond of being clingy. But we were even more clingy with each other because of the fondness between us. It wasn't romantic, it was simply so warm and assuring.
The thing was, his presence provided me with a different amount confidence and comfort. I could never comprehend how amazing it felt when Jeno would just talk. He was so gentle, a happy pill.
"I missed you a lot," I murmured against him.
"I missed you too," Jeno stated softly, "How's everything going for you? Is Sehun treating you, right?" He asked, gently pulling away and cupping my cheeks with his warm hands.
I smiled an unsure one, not really understanding how to reply to that second question, "Yeah, he's treating me well and perfect. What about you? Have you found a girlfriend yet?" I teased him as I pulled him inside the house. The answer to the Sehun question wasn't wrong though, he always treated me with respect and gentleness.
He scrunched his nose in dismay, "Noo, obviously not! You'll obviously know when I do have a girlfriend," He replied, holding my hand in his and that's when Sehun approached. His gaze fell on our intertwined fingers and I gently pulled away from Jeno's grip. It almost felt like Jeno had no plans of letting go because of how tight he held my hand.
Sehun smiled at Jeno and pulled me towards his side, "How are you, Jeno?" He asked and slung his arm against Jeno. Jeno and Sehun were practically like brothers because of the similarities they held between them. I actually loved their friendship.
"I'm good, what about you?" Jeno tickled Sehun which caused the latter to let out a high pitched squeal. The two of them walked towards the couch and started talking about God knows what.
The house turned out very lively. Everything was going perfect but then I was robbed off my smile when I saw Reon and Junwon walk in. I smiled but didn't exchange any words.
"So, are we getting any good news?" Reon asked and I immediately froze on my seat. I knew what he meant and I was also aware that he asked that only to get on my nerves. Reon and Junwon weren't really 'friends' of Sehun but mainly acquaintances. I always noticed the way Sehun would also be irritated by them sometimes and I was glad I wasn't alone in that view.
Reon sat beside Jeno because just when he was going to sit beside me Jeno jumped up from his seat and settled beside my left. I was beyond relieved when he did that because he was aware of how uncomfortable I was with those two. I always complained about them while we were on call. On my right was Sehun.
Sehun pursed his lips in a thin line and gently held my hand in an assuring grip, "That's something which you'll have to wait for. Besides that's our choice, so you'll come to know when the time comes." He answered truthfully and I smiled at him, more than thankful that he was able to answer so maturely without having to sound rude.
Junwon scoff, "Why don't you just say that you aren't interested in each other? Sehun looks so much better with Yuna anyway. Leave Amelia, if you can," He laughed and high fived Reon who laughed while eyeing me.
My cheeks turned red because of the humiliation and I felt my tears prick my eyes.
"Amelia is so boring - " Before Reon could even continue the sentence Jeno punched him square on the face and what shocked me even more was when Sehun nearly chocked Junwon because how he came forward to touch my knee.
"Don't you dare talk about my wife like that ever again. Get out. The two of you." Sehun said with gritted and his friends pulled him away and I pulled Jeno towards me.
I held Jeno's hand and examined his knuckles, "Are you okay?" I asked and this time he held my small hand in his comparatively huge hand. Instinctively, he leaned down against me a little, "I'm fine. Are you?"
I nodded. Sehun cleared his throat and my gaze fell upon him. He sat beside me, meeting my eyes for a brief moment before looking down at his hands, "I'm sorry... I didn't invite them actually, I don't know how they even came to know about this." Sehun admitted, a look of worry crossing his eyes when he looked at me but his expression completely changed when he saw Jeno and mine's intertwined fingers.
Yuna cleared her throat, "I invited them... I'm so sorry. I seriously had no idea that they were such an ass to you. I'm really sorry, Amelia." She apologized and she genuinely looked sorry.
I flushed. I didn't like much attention on me.
"It's totally fine. Let's not get gloomy over this, okay? Let's just enjoy this night." I announced, flashing them a smile and walking towards the kitchen.
The guys were enjoying each other's company, especially Yuna. Wow, that girl was enjoying my husband's company even more. She cracked jokes on him and I only stared at the two as they laughed with so much happiness. It was for the first time I saw Sehun laughing wholeheartedly. The two of us weren't even in a position to be that open with each other because of our situation which kept us together.
We weren't together because we wanted to; we were together because we needed to. That was two whole different situations. And that's when a thought hit me; what if Sehun was being nice only because it was an obligation and a formality, and not because he wanted to be the man for me? If that was true, I wouldn't be surprised.
These all made me feel a weird churn in my stomach and I noticed how Yuna was holding onto Sehun's arm as she started narrating a story of Sehun to my friends except Jeno, who excused himself to go to the bathroom.
By looking at how Sehun smiled and laughed in front of his friends, it made me want to go back in time and try to be friends with him first. He looked so innocent and pure... For some reason, I wanted him to open up to me like he opened up to his friends and Yuna. We were so closed off with each other and the distance was starting to hurt to me a little.
I wish we were a happy pair too, like other couples. But we were far from being a 'couple'.
Sehun stared at Yuna, who was smiling from ear to ear, hearing whatever Baekhyun was saying. He stared at her as if at that moment she was the only girl he could see. He stared at her without her knowing with so much adoration and intensity. And then when Yuna stared back at him, I saw the way Yuna looked at him with adoration. They looked so good and probably in love. My eyes stinged a little at the sight and that was when Sehun shook his head a little, breaking his gaze away from Yuna and looked at me. He smiled a little and motioned me to sit near him.
Yuna was kind and beautiful. I didn't want to think much about it but she helped me set the table as well. She was confident and probably an optimistic person unlike me who would contemplate on all of my actions wondering if what I do was right or wrong. I was never straight up with my feelings.
It made me wonder, was there a way out of this? Also, if I confessed my feelings to Sehun, would he have reciprocated my feelings?
Because that was the problem; I was starting to fall for my husband. And I wasn't sure if he was there to catch me.
I shook my head with a smile and looked away, totally missing the way his lips curved downwards and a flash of hurt crossed his eyes.
••••••
Work was beyond hectic and my only aim was to crash on my bed for my delicious sleep. But those thoughts were interrupted when my stomach growled. I was obviously hungry and it was that time of the month. So I quickly pulled out of the parking lot of my workplace and headed home.
The house was empty and I quickly made my way to the kitchen to make dinner.
Midway during cooking, I noticed the time. It was quite late and Sehun was never that late so I decided to give him a call.
He picked up in the second ring. I heard a loud hollering and I immediately recognized it as Baekhyun's voice. My eyebrows furrowed and I turned the gas off. "Where are you?" I asked and I was actually worried.
Sehun giggled at something, purely ignoring my question, "Oh, I'm so sorry. I actually forgot to call you but today I'm staying at Junmyeon's, is that okay?" He replied, a hint of nervousness when he asked the question.
"Where are you?" I repeated the same question.
"In Baekhyun's house."
"If you're already there, what's the point of asking me anyway?" I felt a lump on my throat.
I was so tired already and the rejection was only pissed me off all the time.
"Baek, give me the remote!"
My breath got caught in my throat when I heard Yuna's voice. I swallowed the lump in my throat and I heard Sehun go silent.
"I'm really sorry, seriously... I should have told you but it was such a last minute decision.. I'm sorry." Sehun apologized softly and I immediately felt myself soften at his words, upset that I got mad with him.
I shook my head even though he couldn't see me, "It's fine," I sighed and managed to ask the question though I already knew the answer, "Who are you with?"
"With the guys..?" He asked, a little confused probably because he already told me he was going to stay at Junmyeon's. But I had to hear it from him.
"Other than the guys?"
"Only the guys."
My hand gripped the phone tightly and I was on the verge of tears. Why are you lying, Oh Sehun?
It was the first time he lied to me. And why did he lie for? For a girl.
I didn't say anything because it was so hard to swallow the lump on my throat. I rested my hand on my forehead. I knew things were bound to go down after this.
I heard Sehun breath against line, "Did you eat?"
I nearly choked on my own tears. I wanted him to just say the truth because if he admitted me the truth, I could have accepted the fact that he was being truthful and the both of us were aware of each other's actions. But no, he stick to just keep quiet.
I took a deep breath, "Um... I-I have to go. I'm busy. Sorry, bye." I put the phone down.
"But do eat - " He was just starting but I already hung up.
I stared at the blank screen and let out the breath I was holding. A lone tear escaped my eyes when I heard the worry and concern in his voice about me eating. Dear Sehun, please stop caring. Another tear escaped my eyes and then it was difficult to stop the waterfall.
My phone chimed, alarming me that there was a text. I turned the phone on and saw that there was text from Sehun.
It read,
'Please don't be upset with me. I'm sorry. I'll make it up to you. I promise.'
But he probably forgot about the promise.
••••••
The smell of freshly cooked chicken dumpling and soup filled the air. I looked at my masterpiece cooking and felt proud. I took my phone out, clicking a picture and sending it my friends groupchat. It was quickly seen my Renjun and Jeno, the former whining about not having tasted food cooked by me for long and the latter texting me in private telling me that he was ready to come over to have the food I cooked. I laughed at his text and assured him that I was definitely going to make loads for them.
This time it was only for Sehun. I really wanted him to taste some of the dishes I felt I was good cooking at. While waiting, I decided to flop myself on the couch and browse my phone as the television was switched on in the background because I liked it.
After that day when he didn't inform that he was going to be at his friends' house, he was extremely sorry about it and I forgave him because he really was sad about it.
The bell rang and I excitedly jumped upon my feet, running towards the door. I opened the door to a smiling Sehun and scooted on the side so that he could walk in.
"You seem happy," Sehun remarked with a smile, plopping himself down on the couch.
I smiled, "So do you."
"Sehun," I called, "I actually made chicken dumplings... Would you like to take a bite?" He sat straight when I said that, a happy smile etched on his face and I felt content.
"Sure, obviously! But I'm sort of full, so I'll eat a little less, okay?" He replied and speed walked towards the kitchen.
Oh.
I frowned, "Where did you eat?"
"Yuna's." He answered, oblivious to the fact that it hurt me a little. We were supposed to eat together but since so many days he has been busy and when I finally cooked something special for him, he comes back full by eating what his childhood friend made, the said friend who was slowly taking him away. Or may be, he was slowly walking away from me. I shook my head to get rid of those thoughts. I was obviously over thinking, right?
He sat down and ate a dumpling, humming in satisfaction and all my worries immediately washed away. May be, I did a good job.
His eyes lightened up and he smiled wide, the crinkles on his eyes made adore him even more than I already did, "It's so tasty!" He exclaimed happily, taking another dumping and I felt my chest warm with joy.
"Oh, you know," Sehun started, munching his food in the process and I shook my head at him.
"Eat first, talk later."
He had three dumplings since he already felt full. I made quite a lot but it was fine since he at least tasted it and complimented me on it. I was more than happy.
After gulping down water, he started back again, "I ate the food Yuna made and I'm telling you, it's beyond the world. It was like a chef's cooking!" Sehun exclaimed happily, smiling wide as if I didn't just cook for him and as if he didn't eat my dumplings. My heart dropped to me stomach at that. What was the point of making him food if his mind was occupied by some other girl?
How could he be so oblivious to the fact that I was hurting? I immediately felt insecure of my cooking and to add salt to the wound, he continued, "You should definitely try her cooking. May be, you'll learn some dishes and better than yours? Anyways, it's was so good," He pursed his lips in a thin line as if he was deep in thought, but he obviously wasn't thinking.
I abruptly stood up, "I'll call my friends to let them eat the dumplings," I murmured, turning away from Sehun and randomly trying to text properly because of the building tears in my eyes. Blinking rapidly, I tried my best not to cry and finally turned to look at Sehun who had a confused look plastered on his face.
"Why though? I'll eat it later. I liked it a lot." He replied, looking puzzled and stared at me as if he was analyzing my emotions which caused me to look away.
"But..." He trailed off, "What if I'm hungry?"
"You can order take out or tell Yuna to cook you something," I replied nonchalantly and I saw Sehun's face change into an expression as if he just realized something. Good for you.
"I've got to go."
"Amelia - "
Ignoring him, I just walked towards my bedroom and closed the door. It was like the waterworks just broke and tears cascaded down my cheeks as if there was no stopping. There was a foreign feeling of my chest clenching, and hurt me both physically and emotionally.
••••••
I saw the last person on earth when I went grocery shopping. The sight of Yuna itself made me groan internally. Why her out of all the people?
I was busying myself while looking at the snacks, almost feeling like I blended in with the shelf when I didn't hear her call me. I tilted my head so that my hair could hide my face. But to no avail. Life is cruel.
"Oh, Amelia!" Yuna called happily and I looked at her waving at me, and I managed to flash a smile at her.
I greeted her back and went back to look at the biscuits and chips. I really wasn't looking forward to talking to her when my alleged husband only blabbers about how 'amazing' she is.
However, I noticed the escalating distance between the two of us. It felt painful but I had to stay cool. I couldn't let this marriage of almost a year fail only because I was jealous. Nope.
"What are you buying?" I heard Yuna ask beside me.
Oh, you know just trying to find fish in the snacks section. Pretty normal, y'know.
My conscience mocked and I immediately shut her down.
"Snacks."
She hummed and I proceeded towards the next aisle just to get her off my tail but she didn't stop following. What the actual heck? I groaned internally but didn't stop my pace.
"Amelia, are you going to the movies tomorrow?" She asked out of the blue and I was dazed.
What movie? When? And with whom?
I turned to look at her and she only had a small smile on her face. "What movie?" I questioned and proceeded looking at the body lotions and shampoos which were on display, pretending to not care but I was already feeling a sense of panic with her statement.
"We were going to watch that recent film which was released just yesterday. So, you didn't know about it? Sehun didn't mention anything about it?" Her tone was unfamiliar and as if she was already expecting something from me. Her emphasis on 'Sehun' made me feel like she was deliberately trying to hint something.
"No." When I answered her, she looked dissapointed. What, did you expect me to hang out with you guys?
"Would you like to join us? Let's all go together." She suggested.
"No. I'll be busy. Thanks though. I've got to go."
°°°°
When I reached home, I waited for Sehun to tell me himself that he was going to the movies with Yuna. But he didn't mention. Not even when I asked him if he was busy, only told me that he had a lot of paperwork.
I was itching for him to just let me know about it. But there was not even a word about it until it was bedtime.
Sehun called my name from the living room and I went towards him.
"We're going to the movies tomorrow. Would you like to join us?"
Oh.
I wasn't expecting him to invite me. I was expecting him to just tell me that he was going to the movies with Yuna. But I agreed.
And it the first time we went to the movies together.
I guess that was the worst decision to ever take. The movie was great but the thing was, I felt like a third wheel between Sehun and Yuna. Everyone sat randomly but when I was supposed to sit somewhere, I felt awkward. I randomly sat beside Chanyeol, who wanted to chat with as the movie went by and I too needed a partner for that, which obviously Sehun wasn't that to me. Yuna was looking at me as if I was supposed to sit beside Sehun but the other seat by my side was empty so I didn't understand what big of a deal that was. Yuna sat beside me and on her right sat Sehun.
I was a little puzzled. Sehun could have just sat beside Yuna but she sat before he even realized it. Why the hell was Yuna so confusing?
Ignoring them, I looked straight and tried watching the movie but was immediately distracted when I saw Yuna talking about something with Sehun. They seemed deep in conversation until the ghost popped up on the screen and the two of them got shocked, holding each others arms. In normal cases, I would have probably jumped out of the seat but the sight itself bothered me.
Yuna immediately pulled her hand away from Sehun's and looked at me to see if I reacted in any way and instead of looking away, I only stared at her. She genuinely looked scared for a second before she apologized, "I'm sorry... I really didn't mean to hold his arm. We just have those childhood habits." She whispered and looked down at her hands.
I only gave her a cold look and turned away.
By the last part of the movie, Yuna, just like a normal human being does, choked on her drink. And you should have seen the way Sehun's eyes filled with worry as he rubbed her back. She was choking pretty bad and I became afraid as well.
I might be stupid and I might not know much about Sehun but I knew how two people in love would look at each other. As cringy as it sounds, they look at each other as if they're the only ones who completes them. Sehun and Yuna looked at each other that way but they didn't admit so.
Because?
Because you're married to him. You're holding him back.
Despite all the saddening thoughts swirling in my mind, I looked at Sehun worriedly who could read my face and answered, "Don't worry, she'll be fine," He assured and I nodded.
When the movie was over, my mind only played back to the part where Sehun and Yuna would hold such a meaningful gaze.
"Who are you going with?" Sehun asked and I was going to answer before I realized that the question was for Yuna and not me.
She shrugged, "I can just walk home."
"Hey, it's better not to head home alone. One of the guys can drop you, right?" I suggested and looked at the guys. Before any of them could answer, Sehun volunteered and my heart protested.
I ignored the sudden clenching in my chest and only looked at Sehun.
"I can drop you off. Amelia will be there too so." Sehun replied.
My head felt a little heavy and all I wanted to do was just go home and sleep. Besides, I wanted to avoid them. So I lied.
"I- uh... I don't feel so well. So I will just head back home."
Sehun frowned and I looked away from him. The way he looked so distressed during times made me want to punch myself. Why did he hold so much pain? Did I really hold him back? He quickly walked towards me and let the back of his hand feel my forehead. He gently brushed my front hair back and I almost leaned towards his touch. It was so heartfelt and gentle, it felt like I could just fall asleep then and there, "You're slightly burning," He stated worriedly and proceeded to take his jacket off but I stopped him. With that action of mine, he suddenly looked so sullen when I stopped him.
"You're cold, Amelia..." He trailed off, his frown deepening.
"I can handle it. Go ahead. Drop her home! Go quick." I ushered him to go towards her even though the protests of my heart elevated.
"We'll drop her off and immediately head home. You'll be fine, okay?" Sehun assured and I nodded. Turning away, Chanyeol decided to drop me off since he lived near the neighbourhood and also because Sehun wasn't in for me to walk back home alone.
I breathed out and randomly looked down.
There goes the burning in my eyes.
I knew, I knew they were in love with each other. There wasn't any lie in that.
Taking a deep breath, I blinked rapidly and breathed out to stop myself from tearing up. No, that was embarrassing.
••••••
The next few days were hectic but the change in atmosphere was killing me inside. There were no smiles or laughter in our house anymore.
It's just a house, not a home anymore.
My conscience spoke and I wanted to throw her out of my head but then I wouldn't have had any of the so called smartness I barely had so I stopped myself from thinking that way.
Sehun was always busy and when he came back home I realize that he already ate with his friends and Yuna. Her workplace was just near Sehun's so they probably met often.
"Are you coming back tonight?"
"I'll be late though. I have a lot of work so don't wait up for me, okay?"
I nodded and hung up.
That was what happened the coming days.
••••••
"Dinner?"
"I already ate, love."
That made time stop. My heart fluttered happily and I felt my breath quicken. It felt so light, that endearment. It was probably a slip of tongue but he didn't take it back and for some stupid reason, it felt so beautiful to hear that that I nearly teared up.
It made me forget about the fact that he already ate somewhere else even when I cooked for him so dearly.
Next time, may be.
••••••
"I'll be staying over at Chanyeol's." He stated one day suddenly, probably not paying attention to the fact that he almost stopped living in the house. The only proof that he was a part of the household was that the house was named in both of ours names and his clothes.
I felt so lonely.
"Okay..." Without saying anything, he walked out, not looking back even one to just say 'bye'.
He just walked out...
And my faith in him was also slipping away.
••••••
"Oh, I'll be staying over at Junmyeon's for the next week. We are having a huge project coming up. So..."
"Oh yeah, sure."
I didn't understand the need to tell me. He was free to go anywhere.
"I'm sorry. I'll be back soon."
••••••
I was happy that he didn't lie to me about anything. But what hurt me the most was the lack of phone calls and texts. It was almost like he forgot about me, when in reality I would see him just a few feet away, talking to his friends and Yuna.
He looks so carefree and happy whenever he's with them and especially with Yuna. She made Sehun happy. When they would accidentally lean closer after laughing, they suddenly blink at each other as if they snap back to reality and resumes to keep a distance between them.
May be, he was really busy. I probably shouldn't have been overthinking.
So I just walked away even when I just wanted to meet him. It was almost a week and I really wanted to talk to him. But seeing him was enough as well.
••••••
"I won't be home tonight."
I stared at the table full with dinner cooked by me for the almost what felt like the nth time that month.
That was however when I decided to let him go.
••••••
"Will you come home tonight?" I asked Sehun on the other line.
Sehun hummed, "Yes, of course."
"I cooked dinner."
He giggled against the line and I almost held myself back from letting him know my decision. No... Don't.
I tried smiling and looked at my lap, feeling the tears burning my eyes and blurring my vision, "Why are you giggling?"
He took a deep breath, "I don't know. Just excited, I guess? I haven't seen you for quite some time," I could sense the smile on his face and a lone tear cascaded down my cheeks.
I won't hold you back anymore, Sehun.
I only hummed because I didn't trust my voice while I cried. Leaning my head against the headrest of the couch I realized how much I loved Sehun.
I fell for you, my love.
"See you at home then!" He exclaimed happily and I could imagine him making that fist he makes when he's happy and as an encouragement.
"Yeah..."
••••••••••••••••••
A/N: Unedited.
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