"How long is this going to go on, Tyler?" I look over at the naked man beside me, his dull blue eyes never leaving the ceiling.
Craig and I have secretly been together since Sophmore year. It started with us both just experimenting as friends. A few kisses and sloppy handjobs now and then. Eventually, we moved onto friends with benefits Junior Year, screwing every which way whenever we could. Now as Seniors, It's gone to booty calls and stress fucks. We keep this all away from our friends, bickering and laughing like normal whenever we're with them. No one suspects a thing. It's the perfect operation to me, It's the most ideal.
But Craig has always wanted to be more than this. Since we started. Craig has a luxury I don't have, he is openly gay. He gets bullied and his parents kicked him out to squat in old hotels and friend's houses. At least he's not living a lie. Me on the other hand, I'm the star quarterback, breaker of hearts and heads. My parent's perfect straight son. They've always been accepting but I don't think I could bring myself to ruin my family's name like that. Craig doesn't understand that. So this question always finds it's way around.
"Until you want it to stop. Honestly, Craig, I don't know why you even bother with me. There are plenty of other gay guys that want to dick you down." I reply looking away from him and sitting on the edge of the bed to pull my boxers back on. Craig sits up behind me, putting his chin on my shoulder and pressing his body against my back.
He wraps his arms around my chest and he nuzzles his face into my cheek.
"But I want you, Tyler. We have something that I couldn't have with anyone else. If you would just admit that your gay-" I stop him.
"You know I can't, Craig. Do you know what that would do to me? It would ruin me. Me and my family." I snap getting a scoff from Craig as he pulls away and falls back onto the bed.
"Who cares? It's better than living this dumb lie. You're gay, Tyler. If you won't admit to your family and friends, at least admit it to yourself." I glare back at him.
"I'm not having this fight with you." I try to keep my voice calm and steady but it's hard when he's so frustrating. I pray that's the end of it but of course he has to keep pushing it.
"Why not, Tyler? It's about time we talked about this. You've been in denial for years and I'm sick of waiting for you to finally grow the balls to accept who you are and be with me." Craig's words are sharp but backed by hurt.
"If I didn't accept myself I wouldn't be here with you! I'm just not ready for everyone else to know. Can't you understand that?" I say, anger seeping into my words.
"It's nothing to be ashamed of! Can't you understand that? and who cares what everyone else thinks?" Craig retorts, watching me pull on my joggers. I whip my head around to face him.
"I care! No college recruiter is going to want a gay guy on their team! No one will ever look at me the same again. This could ruin my future, my possible career. I can't have that."
"So you're saying your reputation with the sluts and the jocks is more important that who you are and how you actually feel?" Craig crosses his arms over his chest.
"I'm saying that I'm not going to fuck up the rest of my life because the boy I've been screwing wants to go on dinky ass dates and hold hands and swap spit where everyone can see!" As soon as the words tumble out of my mouth, I regret them. Craig's face goes blank with hurt.
His voice is quiet as he speaks, "Is that all I am to you? A quick fuck?"
No, you're not. I want to date you more than anything and show you off. I want to be with you, Craig. You know I do. That's what I want to say. But instead, I straighten up and grab my shoes and hoodie. I turn from him before speaking, my words coming out heated and emotionless.
"You knew that when we started, Craig. We weren't going to be anything more," I hear Craig take a sharp breath, something he's always done to keep himself from crying.
"You can leave right now, Tyler and never come back. I won't stop you," His voice is steady and calm but I know it's taking a lot out of him to do that.
"But I will never stop loving you and wanting the best for you." His voice cracks and I have to force myself to step out that door and not turn around.
On the drive home, I can't feel anything. I don't know how to feel. I should be relieved to be rid of this lie but I don't feel it. My heart aches actually. I can feel piece by piece break off as it explodes with anger, guilt, and sadness. I've really fucked up this time.
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"Hey, Tyler." I barely glance up from my lunch tray at Brian and Brock as they sit across from me at our usual lunch table. They both glance at each other, worry across their expressions.
Three weeks ago, when I broke it off with Craig, we stopped talking. We'd talk to our friends but never to each other. Everyone noticed and would ask questions but Craig would always ignore it and change the subject. When they would ask me, I would glare at them and they wouldn't bother me.
But about a week ago, it got hard to watch Craig go on and be happy so I just stopped talking altogether. Crushed by guilt, I would sit in silence with my thoughts. I'm still trying to wrap my head around why I did what I did and how I could fix it and everything we said-
"Tyler?" I look up again, right into Brock's soft caring brown eyes. The thing about Brock is he knows when something is wrong. He's what the girls would call 'The Mom Friend'. And those eyes of his can make someone reveal all their deepest and darkest problems. We've discovered we can't say no to him.
"What's wrong? I know something is up with you and Mini. He won't talk so I'm hoping you will." His voice is soft and calming and I can't keep it together. Brian is beside Brock, drinking some milk and watching intently.
I sigh and lean back crossing my arms over my chest.
"Craig and I have been fucking since Sophmore year," I admit and Brian spits out his milk, the white beverage spraying out of his nose and mouth. I start laughing at him and Brock sighs, helping him clean it up and wiping his face off.
"Jesus Christ, what?!" Brian exclaims once he's collected enough to speak. Through laughter, I nod.
"You and Craig have been doing the dirty for almost three years?! How did none of us know?!" Brian gaps at me in awe. Brock sighs and closes his boyfriend's mouth.
"That was the point dumbass. No one was supposed to know. But then a few weeks ago, Craig wanted to be more and well..." I sigh again and put my head in my hands.
"You are scared of coming out." Brock finishes for me and I just nod again, wiping away the strangler tears that start to fall from my eyes.
"I said some stuff to him that I shouldn't have. I really like the little shit ya know but how will people react when they find out I'm gay?" My voice got quiet, not wanting anyone to overhear us.
"Fuck em'. You're speaking to two openly gay athletes. People hated us but I learned to ignore them because I love this man." Brian smiles fondly at Brock which Brock returns with a small kiss on the Irishman's cheek.
"Tyler, if you really like Craig, go for it. People will get over it." Brock says, giving me a reassuring smile.
I open my mouth to say something but the rest of our friends sit down at the table, chatting amongst each other. Scotty, Marcel, and Anthony sit on my side while Nogla, Craig, and Evan sit across from them and next to Brian. everyone says hi but Craig, who just digs his sack lunch out of his bag. I watch him smile at a joke Evan made, his cute laughter ringing through my head. I stare him down helplessly. Our eyes meet briefly, his dull orbs burrowing into my bright blue ones. I'm waiting for you. You hurt me but you can fix it. is what they tell me.
"Fuck it," I yell, causing everyone to turn to me. I hop up on the table, looking out over the lunchroom.
"HEY YO DICKHEADS!" I cup my hands around my mouth and yell, every head in this room turns to me in silence.
"GUESS WHAT FUCKERS!? I'M GAY AND I'M IN LOVE WITH MY BESTFRIEND!" I walk over to the end of the table and yank Craig onto the tabletop, smashing our lips together. A chorus of gasps echos through the hallowed room.
As Craig and I pull apart, I keep my hands on his face. our eyes meet and I can see tears weld up in his. I smile and wipe them away.
"No more hiding. I promise." I whisper as Craig lets out a sob, a smile spread across his face.
"Took you long enough you big, stupid asshole." He pulls me down into another kiss, all of our friends wolf-whistling and cheering for us.
"Boyfriends?" I ask hopefully as we pull away again. Craig raises an eyebrow.
"Why the fuck are you even asking me that?" Craig snaps, I roll my eyes and huff out in annoyance.
"Okay well sorry, I wanted to make sure that's what you wanted, fuckhole. But if you don't want to be boyfriends I get it."
"No fuck you, you're my stupid ass boyfriend."
"Thank fuck."
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Guess what? I'm not dead. This time I plan on staying alive actually, this is the first one-shot of many. Mainly because I have four weeks off of school due to the Coronavirus so what else am I gonna do right? Anyways, I have some half-written, I'll get those done and out. It's good to be back ya know. Still taking requests. But instead of commenting them, DM me about them so I can keep track easier. Anyways, yeah. I'm back. Back and ready to attack ya know. 👉😎👉. Anyways, as always, I hope ye all enjoyed and I will hopefully see you all in the next chapter. Peace.
-MEOW🍍