6 months later...
In the beginning, when she had never so much as heard from him for two years, having realtime exchanges had been nothing short of a marvel. His brevity had stood out from the start, but it became a distinct bother when he couldn't hold conversations over text. Despite the short responses she got for her yard length notes, she still jumped out of her seat every time the particular chime set for his notifications came through.
And the biggest problem of all - the man was dense when it came to the concept of stickers or emoticons.
Ri Jeong Hyuk: Ok. But what does it mean?
Yoon Se Ri: Will you at least try decoding?
Ri Jeong Hyuk: The bunny has fallen down? Are you hurt?
Yoon Se Ri: The bunny has her feet up against the wall.
Ri Jeong Hyuk: I asked you what you were doing.
Yoon Se Ri: Ok I give up. I meant I'm chilling.
Ri Jeong Hyuk: Is there a dictionary for this?
Yoon Se Ri: I'm never sending you a sticker again.
Ri Jeong Hyuk: (He sent her a sticker in response.)
Yoon Se Ri: Why are you sweating? I'm not mad.
Ri Jeong Hyuk: It's a crying bunny. I meant to ask if you are crying over me being as doltish.
She rolled her eyes but ended up laughing anyway.
Yoon Se Ri: I think I might, luv. That's a bunny covered in sweat.
Ri Jeong Hyuk: Maybe there is a business opportunity here?
Yoon Se Ri: Not really. I'm sure there's a book in your hand. With whom are you cheating on me?
He didn't respond to that and instead switched over to video call.
"I asked for the author's name," she insisted, pursing her lips.
"Meditations, by Marcus Aurelius." He flashed a smile that softened her mock anger. "And it was you I had in my mind when I read this line: Dwell on the beauty of life. Watch the stars, and see yourself running with them."
She melted with his words. He had a way of expressing things without saying. It was through these borrowed words that she'd met the real Ri Jeong Hyuk for the first time. The softness of his voice with the right enunciation at the right places had an uncanny ability to wash over her like honey. Sweet and clinging to her beyond the moment.
"Sounds whimsical," she said looking up the book details. "It's a book on stoicism?" she asked making a face. "As if you aren't stoic enough already."
"One of us should have their feet on the ground," he said throwing his brows up.
"Says the man who bought a cocoa estate in search of the perfect hot chocolate." Placing the phone against a stack of files, she crossed her arms.
"Trust me it's an investment." His image on her screen shook and stabilized after he positioned it at a distance, with the camera capturing his slack form stretched on the bedroom couch. The memories of their many conversations and kisses they'd had there echoing in the abyss of her being.
"Your Brazil trips are going to get twice as long. I will be able to see you only once every six to eight weeks." Her gaze fell to the floor, unable to process the wall of reality that allowed her to see him, but not touch.
"At this rate, you will be far busier than me." She held back the sting of tears collecting in the back of her eyes.
His gaze was fixed on hers as if he was looking past her complaints, the silence now belaying the simple message that she missed him.
"It's an experiment for now," he said with a muted understanding of all that was unsaid. "We'll figure it out in a bit."
True to himself he didn't offer her assurances. She didn't need them either. In that instant the realization was piercing: they would never fully get used to being together or missing the other.
*****
9 months later...
The smell of coffee and something nutty teased her nose, awakening her to find the sun well over the horizon. In the kitchen, he was busy setting the plates for breakfast, a sight that always made her utter a prayer to the heavens. Her cooking was yet to improve, but it would be a while before she could serve him something edible. After all, she was still on her journey from being a pathetic cook to a bad one.
Knotting her robe, she perched herself on the barstool and he leaned in for a kiss.
"Try this," he said, sliding an espresso cup towards her. "And this one." There were now two tasting cups, of which one she guessed was hot chocolate.
"New brand?" she asked and took a sip of the first cup, only to go stock still, the hot brew startling and original. Her gaze was steadfast on him. "This is from your estate, isn't it?"
"Ours!" He gave her an acknowledging smile and she eagerly reached for the hot chocolate. The warm drink was sinful and ambrosial. "You should call it Elixir," she proposed determined.
He was dumbfounded and nearly uneasy, he straightened himself. "That's the strangest thing that's happened to me in a while." At once, he scampered to his study and came back with some thick papers in his hand. When he placed it in front of her, she recognized it was flattened packaging foil. Printed in golden block letters against a shiny brown background, were the words, 'Elixir.'
Her hand flew to clamp her mouth. It was beyond coincidence, but she wanted to believe it was a sign they were finally on the path to being two parts of a whole.
"I was debating if I should use this for the coffee or the hot chocolate." He lightly placed his arms on her waist.
"For the coffee..." She bit her lips and her eyes turned into half-moon crescents lost in consideration. "Cup of Amber?"
He nodded, his eyes conveying more than words that he was impressed. "The names have a good brand presence." He mouthed a thank you.
She gave him a charming smile. "Then you'll pay me a commission for naming rights on every bag sold?" She opened her palm flat and raised it towards him.
"And here I thought I was talking to my wife." He bent down and placed a kiss in the middle of her palm. "Turns out its Yoon Se Ri daepyonim in front of me."
"Oh, you can take the wife out of the daepyo," she folded her arms defiantly and a smug smile played at her lips. "But not the daepyo out of the wife."
He kissed her then, taking her lips with a note of indulgence, and yet the distraction wasn't enough for the sharp tinge of ache that spread in her chest.
It shouldn't require her to take a break from work to be there for him. He wasn't much of a talker on the phone and the instance reinforced that this memory wouldn't have been possible if she weren't physically there next to him.
She had to find a way to a life where she wouldn't have to choose, one where she could be both a wife and daepyo, all at once.
*****
One year later...
"Wait!" she mumbled against his kiss and he drew back startled. "Wait, please!" She blinked, placing a hand on her forehead.
With his face marred by panic, he raised himself on his elbow. "Everything ok?"
Reaching for the sheet, she covered herself and sat up with her forehead scrunched. "I've not been regular with the pills."
The worry drained out of his face and lowering his head, he nuzzled the tiny dip in the sheet over her belly button. "We're out. I forgot to restock."
She rolled her eyes. "Couldn't you just put it on the shopping list?" Unawares her fingers combed through his hair, disheveling the smooth strands. "
And her breath quickened while he kissed his way upward. It was as if the man knew every trick in the book to make her mind go blank. Her toes curled and her feet shuffled on the smooth sheets with the fount of warmth blooming everywhere his lips touched her torso.
He briefly paused and looked up at her. "You want my secretary to know how many boxes we go through —" She clamped his mouth shut, her eyes wide as a doe and he laughed against her palm.
"It's our anniversary and you still can't deal with —"
She closed his mouth again. "Yes, just as you can't deal with others knowing about our bedroom forays."
To which he wrapped his arm around her waist and dragged her down. The sheet slipped out of her grip and his mouth caught her nipple over the sliding fabric, the friction amplifying the sensitivity there. She let out a pained gasp, even surprising him with her affectation.
"I can stop," he offered with a resounding tease in his voice.
"I think it'll be ok." She said with a ready, wicked smile and it was all he needed to take them back to where they had left off.
Later that night, she woke not feeling the weight of his arm around her. With the barely audible piano melody wafting into the bedroom, she got out of bed. He was either quite happy or bothered over something. Knotting the sheet over her chest, she went in search of him towards the piano room, all the while picking up the strewn clothes on the floor.
Despite noting her presence, he continued playing, the surrendering smile on his face allaying her concerns, just as his head fell back with the piece attaining its crescendo.
Piling the clothes onto the bench, she hugged him from behind, her arms cradled around his neck. She swayed them gently, in tune with the remnant melody that remained in the air. Removing his hands off the piano, he reached behind and pulled her next to him.
His smile was one she hadn't seen before, boyish and triumphant at the same time. "Care to share on the beatitude I see in your eyes?"
"The export license for coffee and cocoa got approved." He placed a kiss on the curve of her neck. "We are officially in business."
She was on her feet, a chuckle bursting at her lips. "Really?" Stepping forward she kissed him, doused in a overwhelm of pride. He'd slaved quietly with diligence to find an arrangement that would allow for an income while sparing him to spend the most time at home for practicing the piano and wait on her.
"There is more," he said breaking their kiss and drew her close. Balancing her one knee on the seat, she raised herself to straddle him and rested her arms on his bare chest.
She gave him an eager smile bouncing her brows up at him.
"I got a solo showcase," he said, his eyes holding a boyish gleam. It oddly reminded her of the video of him playing the four hands piece with his brother.
And her lips quivered from the sobs that fought to break free.
"It will be at my old school's centenary celebrations," he added.
She could tell it wasn't the same as doing a concert at a prestigious hall. But for now, she was glad he hadn't given up yet.
"I have to keep a low profile." He tucked a rouge wisp of hair behind her ears. "You know that, don't you?"
Swiping away her tears, he playfully tugged at the sides of her lips, coercing a smile and so she did. "Being a small-town pianist is not ambitious, but this is the only way I can choose both you and the piano in my life."
It was clear to her then that choosing more than one always involved compromises.
"Are you happy?" she asked in a small voice, holding him in a tight embrace. He nodded, smoothing her back. His sacrifice came with a deep acceptance and she didn't dare question it.
"The universe sent you better birthday gifts than what I could have ever chosen for you." She peeled herself away, pursing her lips.
"I want you to etch this in your mind," he said and shook her slightly. "Every time you show up at home, making an effort to reinforce that we can be a normal couple, is a gift to me." He gave her a hasty, but possessive kiss. "It's the only gift I want."
He held her face with both his hands and the pooled tears streamed down her cheek. "Then you better stay put at home, so I can always find you here."
It was the first time she'd voiced the fear that haunted her every time she took the flight to come home. And perhaps the last thought that remained when she left home too.
The uncertainty flashed in his eyes. "You know I'm always going to try and be here, but —"
She crushed herself to him and instinctively, he gathered her, his head resting on her shoulder with a latent sigh.
She didn't want to hear his doubts, nor remember that in-spite of a year of living a masked life, he didn't have the confidence to throw the guns away yet.
After a long moment, she felt the tickle of his smile against her neck and knew he was itching to ease the gravity of the silence swathing them. "I may have to step out now and then to buy us a box of —"
She closed his lips with hers, giving him a swift and impetuous kiss. And all else was forgotten. That she would have to leave again soon.
For that day, their worlds began and ended with each other.
*****
One and a half years later...
The near-silent stretch of him chopping vegetables and making noodles from scratch was her favorite.
She played the video again and his face came on puzzled.
"What's this?" He asked, wiping the last of the countertop down.
"Just take home souvenirs." Being the one wielding the phone, her voice was recorded louder than his.
He gave her an exaggerated goofy smile for the camera.
"Put that thing away Yoon Se Ri." He reached to swat her arm with the dirty sponge.
The frame jerked but steadied once she moved away from him. "You are camera shy!"
And she captured his everyday motions like it was a treasured keepsake. Of his piano practice and that of his pacing back and forth in his study attending to his work calls. The zoomed-in shots of him inspecting his tomato plants and watering them always managed to incite a tightness in her chest.
Towards the end of the day, somewhat accustomed to being less self-conscious, the clip showed her following him to the closet. He grabbed the towel and whisked off his t-shirt.
"Are you going to shoot me in the shower too?" He asked glancing over his shoulders, while the camera stayed on the solid expanse of his back.
"Why not?" She asked, her voice low and husky.
"Then it won't be labeled under home movies, luv." He smirked and his eyes darkened, just as he whirled around and caught her hand. The camera toppled from her grip, bouncing off the ottoman, recording his jubilant laugh over her protests to stop tickling her.
And, she slid to the floor against the kitchen cabinet some several thousands of miles away from him. While she sat there alone as a shadow, holding the phone to her forehead, her quick and abundant tears poured out.
Her efforts to open a second headquarters in Paris were a spectacular failure. The thought of being with him, even building routines around each other felt nothing short of a dream.
He is real. We are real.
But the distance was real too. And so was his absence.
*****
One year and eight months later...
"Ok, good night then," she said on the other end of the line, the hiss of rustling sheets letting him know that she was settled in bed.
"Uhm," he hesitated to speak his mind. "Can you leave the phone on for a bit? I want to be sure you aren't going to snore."
The ongoing debate being she snored whenever her tiredness took over.
"I.do.not.snore!" She declared miffed.
"Common!" He laughed fully for effect. "Prove it to me then."
"Whatever," she said without a fight.
Soon the only sound on the line was the rhythmic rise and fall of her breaths that filled the room. He adjusted the bass on the speakers and sat back on the couch, listening to the only assurance that could disperse the disquiet inside him.
It had only been a nightmare, but when the panacea to his restlessness was to hold her, he'd felt helpless and stranded in the darkness of their bedroom. The seconds had been nothing short of reliving the time inside the detention center; unable to hold on to hope or let go.
Sometime past an hour, when the phone somehow picked up a string of faint thuds which he believed were her heartbeats, he broke down.
"I miss you," he whispered, his voice tremulous.
"Say it again." He heard her then and sat up, shocked into alertness.
"I thought you were sleeping!" He smiled, feeling exposed, and yet, the vulnerability was strangely freeing.
"Say it again," she insisted, her voice firm and heavy with an unspoken worry.
"I miss you, Yoon Se Ri!" He spoke softly with a measurable pause between his words.
She was silent for a while. "Again, Ri Jeong Hyuk'sshi," she said and her voice cracked, "say it one more time when you have finally found it in you to tell me."
"For the last time..." he drew a sharp breath. "I miss you."
If she was crying then, she'd done a good job of keeping it from him. It was precisely for that reason, he'd never uttered the expression, even if he was crumbling on the inside. And when she was with him, there wasn't a need to say so.
"By the way, let's do it again." He resorted to humor again, his constant companion he chose to hide behind. "I'm sure you'll snore in no time."
*****
Two and a half years later...
Ju Mok was frantic on the other end. "I don't think I can take it down, Se Ri dongmu."
She was quiet for a moment. "Let it be," she said taking a deep breath. "This is nothing new anyway."
"Still, you don't think Captain Ri will be upset?" Ju Mok's displeasure was beyond her consoling. "This is the second time your name is being linked with the same man."
"Well, your Captain Ri can use some rattling, I suppose," she said feeling silly. Her husband was adorable when he pouted and the last time she'd sighted him do so was a good few years ago.
"Are you sure it's just coincidence, Se Ri dongmu?" Ju Mok was at it again. "First he couldn't stop taking your name during the interview. And then he bumps into you at the grocery store."
"He was interviewed because he was my main model for that show." She stepped out of the elevator and walked towards her apartment. "So he's bound to talk about me. "
"About the grocery store instance," she said placing a thumb on the fingerprint reader of her door. "Well, you can't help such things."
"Don't you worry now." She took a maternal tone with Ju Mok and ambled to take a seat at the kitchen counter.
"If you say so Se Ri dongmu," Ju Mok said with some reluctance. "Let me know if there is something else I can help with."
Assuring him that all was well, she ended the call and lay her head down on the cool marble. There was no more speculation in her head that someone was behind the slander. After all, Ju Mok only knew half the bad news she'd been receiving over the last few days.
It was a miracle such articles hadn't come out sooner. Ever since they were caught embracing in the hospital room, the tabloids had hunted her down. And there was the matter of her ring which induced another level of frenzy to find the mystery man who had proposed to her. "It's a family ring that she recently came into possession," had been their carefully worded response and accordingly, the vigilance had died down at least for a bit.
It was rightfully their family ring. And she'd indeed gotten it from him recently. The wordsmithing had been entirely his.
With her frequent trips to their Swiss home, she was hardly around to create any more buzz. And thanks to her PR team, she was able to keep a reign on the rumor mill too. But all was lost now. Her father was already being pressured to either announce her wedding or choose another to be the heir to Queens group.
She was tired of repeating to everyone there was no problem when she clearly saw the storm brewing.
Her stomach grumbled then and she felt like something spicy. Opening the refrigerator, she picked up the kimchi box and flipped the lid, only to find it shockingly nauseating. With her face turned away, she shut the box at once and placed it near the trash to be cleared by the house help.
She let out the breath she was holding and sought the take out pamphlets. There was nothing like comfort food on a bad hair day.
Just as the order was dropped off, the TV came alive, relaying the video call from him. Settling behind the countertop, she switched on the camera to allow him a view of her and waved to him.
"What are you eating?" He asked sitting down for his lunch.
She lifted the toothpick showing the rice cakes that were making her mouth water already. "Tteok-bokki."
"It's not like you to have such things for dinner," he remarked, slurping some soup.
"It's just work!" She took a deep breath and played with her food. "A few things here and there still need to be taken care of."
He put his chopsticks down and leaned back against the chair, eyeing her with a deliberation that made her curious.
"When were you going to tell me that your oppa's bail got approved?" The rebuke in his voice rang clear.
She refused to meet his eyes then. Evidently, there wasn't a thing about her life that escaped the man's attention. And for all the times, his obstinate watchful self felt protective, today, she couldn't welcome it.
"How long have you known about it?" She crossed her arms over her chest.
His face darkened with exasperation. "You lost your chance to question me when you decided to keep it under wraps," he said in a cutting tone. "Have you talked to abonim yet? What did he have to say?"
"His blood pressure is up and we now have him on meds." She picked on her food, suddenly losing the interest for the same rice cakes that had made her salivate only seconds ago. "It doesn't help when there are also reports of some unusual stock buying activity. Everything is making appa suspect that oppa might be planning something."
He nodded, but his face was steely again. "And the things at work? How did the quarterly report turn out?"
She scoffed. He was pushing it. "Look, we are doing fine in the South Asian market. The growth looks good. It's only the European segment that isn't doing well."
"It's time you cut your losses," he said, looking oddly pained.
International success was essential to justify her move abroad to the board. In a last attempt to showcase returns from the European market, she'd pumped new products and marketing investment towards its adoption. When there appeared to be no end in sight to their separate lives, she had to try everything for them and couldn't give up yet. "I want to give it two more quarters."
"Send me a copy of the reports," he asked and returned to his food.
Secretary Kim would have done it either way without her having to ask him. As if she didn't know that he had his sources. "You will have it tomorrow."
But the man had a keen eye for numbers and she wanted to give him that much. He'd pointed out gaps which her own financial analysts appeared to have missed, potentially saving her millions of won that might have been wasted on failing products.
"Anything else I need to know?" he demanded and her nostrils flared then.
"You know everything," she looked livid and her face felt hot. "And you don't get to blame me that I keep things from you. It's not like you speak your mind either."
She hated it when she used that tone with him, which wasn't often thankfully.
"And what is it that you know that I know?" He tilted his face to one side.
"Really?" She rolled her eyes with disbelief. "So you haven't seen that dispatch article about the dating rumors?"
"Are you mad that I'm not mad at you?" He leaned forward and scowled at her. "Does that even make sense?"
She held his gaze and saw the agony in him. He was just as much being torn that they were tiptoeing around the real subject, unable to address it head-on.
Everything would be solved if they could admit they were already married. If only...
"You are right!" She softened. "I should be thankful that you aren't making things harder for me."
"I'm sorry," he said, exhaling aloud. "I wish I was there with you."
"And I wish you hadn't said that." She closed her eyes, dispersing the tears pooling there, and violent sobs soon followed, racking her body.
When she didn't hear him speak for long, she wiped her tears to find him sitting in the same position. With his face devoid of emotion, it was his tightly fisted hands that gave away his inner turmoil.
Neither of them deserved to live through the pain of being helpless and so, she recouped.
"I know it's only been four weeks since I left home...." she started. "But, I would take a flight back right now if I could."
Four weeks? Somehow her mind refused to move past the newfound knowledge. She'd stayed with him for three weeks, which made it more than seven weeks now, since her last period.
And like a shaft of light shone through a dark room, everything came to her at once.
She flipped about to take in the kimchi box again and her stomach churned, from the memory of the revulsive smell.
And just like that, her mind played a harmless recounting from his mother during one of their phone banters. "Oh, I love kimchi. Although the only time, I both hated and missed it was when I was carrying Jeong Hyuk."
Her breath caught in her throat, and she hid her face in her palms, not wanting to give away her state. The panic that coursed through her made her light-headed. Or was it...
Even as she entertained the doubt, she knew she was supposed to be feeling anything but the way she did.
She took in his face and stayed with him. Confirmation bias. She wanted to believe it was only that. The correlation couldn't be helped when a part of her expected more bad news to come her way.
"Why did you have to go to the grocery store?" He asked and she jolted hearing his voice echo in her ears.
"I felt like some pasta," she said feeling unsettled. "I just happened to run into him. He asked for a wine choice and I helped him with that. Nothing more."
His lips held a faint smile. "You don't have to explain yourself."
"Sometimes I like to see my husband turn a shade of green too," she said, mirroring his ways of relying on comic relief and teasing to lighten the situation.
"I would if I had doubts that my wife might be interested in other men," he said holding a false but bright smile. He saw through her act too. "But there is no room for it when she loves me to a fault."
She wanted to smile. But she also felt the rise of hot tears piercing behind her eyelids.
"What if this was only the beginning?" she asked surprising herself.
"I suppose we'll figure it out." His face was white and anxious. "We will, won't we?"
And with that, his words... alongside his doubts were her undoing.
*****
An hour later, her phone beeped. She opened the text message app to find a long note for her.
Hello, Yoon we Se Ri daepyonim. I'm Kim Min Seo and run a personal shopping and chef service. I was hired by your bodyguard, Mr Ri and asked to give you my phone nos. You can text me any time, for anything you may need or if there are particular dishes you would like for a day/meal. Otherwise, we are happy to serve you our preselected daily menu. Awaiting to send you our home-style meals that will leave you both satisfied and nourished
And here she had mistakenly presumed the tabloid article was an opportunity to leave him pouting. In actuality, the expression was her way to feel cherished by him. A manner of reinforcing her exclusivity for him.
But he had his ways of delivering the same message home with a quiet and thin obsession that also made her feel she was his alone.
To what end though?
Everything had fallen apart already. She stared at the white test stick in her hands, showing the two short red lines, that had squeezed the breath out of her.
For a moment, the red lines seemed like the red string of fate she'd tied to his little finger on their wedding day. And the next, it appeared as the lines that could drive them apart too.
She studied her reflection in the mirror, her face meek and yet angry.
Forty-five minutes ago, she'd run out to the nearest convenience store believing she wouldn't be able to fall asleep if she didn't have all the answers. And now that she had them, she won't be finding sleep any time soon either.
"What if it turned out we'll be having one of our own?" She'd asked him four months ago while babysitting Seo Dan and Gu Seung Jun's little one and their goddaughter.
"Let's not entertain such thoughts, Yoon Se Ri." He'd sounded decisive then, resolute to the point she'd imagined the warmth drain out of his voice. "We cannot unless you and I can share the same roof and I don't know if we are fated for a life like that."
After briefly distracting himself with the adorable tot, he'd turned to her. "I don't think I'll be able to breathe then...if you are not in my sight."
The irony of it all struck her deeper. She would have to keep her finding from the man who would have treasured it the most, in another life.
But, the promise of life shouldn't stifle anyone. Heavens! I cannot make you more miserable.
For now, she would be the one to handle it all. Perhaps, now and forever.
*****
Author's note: Ok, that was a roller coaster ride of sorts. Covering two and a half years in one chapter and picking and choosing how they are as a couple wasn't easy.
Anyway, their life was never going to be easy. What suggestions do you have for RJH and YSR?
Thank you all for waiting for the update. If you liked how these chapters are coming along, do vote up and write me a note.