There was a loud knock on the door. "Dinner is served," Gu Seung Jun called out and a sliver of guilt surged. Wasn't she supposed to be the host? Detangling herself from his arms, she winced and the next instant she was taken by the crick in her neck, the bolt of pain that shot through her leg and the general heaviness of her body that resisted motion. Perhaps everything will have to wait until she was pain-free.
At the table, she stuck to the hot soup broth, pushing aside the noodles and all other solids. Even chewing took effort. One side of her head throbbed more than the other. Damn, the meds were wearing off and she needed something to dull the senses again.
"I guess it's not to your liking." Seo Dan pursed her lips, a friendly smile still in her eyes.
"Oh no, Seo Dan'sshi," she shook her head and stopped abruptly from the sudden rush of dizziness. "This soup is really good."
"I think its the meds." Ri Jeong Hyuk offered quickly. "She doesn't seem to much of an appetite. Otherwise, she would have turned the house upside down by now."
She didn't correct him. After all, he had been tormented enough for the day.
Gu Seung Jun raised a brow at her. "I thought your nickname was Picky princess."
"Not about home-cooked food," she said throwing a glance sideways. Not meeting her eyes, Ri Jeong Hyuk cleared his throat and reached for his water glass.
"The way to a woman's heart is through her stomach too, eh?" Gu Seung Jun said, grinning wide. "This one here" —he elbowed Seo Dan gently— "took a whole lot of noo—"
Seo Dan dropped the chopsticks and swiftly drifted over to clamp Gu Seung Jun's mouth. "There is no time and place for you."
Dismissing the discomfort in her jaw, she laughed, joining him. Seo Dan let go, with a warning in her eyes that Gu Seung Jun behave and he winked at her, keeping at his mischief.
The buzz of a phone shook the table and he grabbed it with a knowing smile, directly going for the speaker button.
"Se Ri Dongmu Happy Birthday." A chorus sang at the other end.
She beamed, tilting her head towards the speaker. The North Korean birthday song brought back memories of another time and a small prayer rose to her lips. Life was beginning to be like that birthday wish she'd made two years ago. They were all together again, even if not in-person.
"I was waiting to give you all a good scolding," she said, nodding, "but this instant, I cannot stop wishing that you were all here."
"We all hope to meet you soon too." Ju Mok said, rather cheerfully.
"I heard from Ri Jyeong Hyuk'sshi," she said, placing a hand on his arm. "That you all put your lives in danger to help him out. Everything I can offer will fall short of —"
"Just hold onto each other." Pyo Chi Soo ordered, sounding his usual sardonic self, but soon went silent for a moment. "That way we no longer have to keep an eye on you both."
She took in a deep breath. The air was thick with the unsaid and the smile on her face withered. The weight of his arm around her. She leaned on him, taking succor from his warmth, which reinforced that the reality of the day had changed. I'm never letting you go.
Gu Seung Jun and Seo Dan got to their feet. "We're done," he said in hushed tones. "Take your time."
She nodded at Gu Seung Jun and returned to the call.
"Ya Pyo Chi Soo," she drawled. "You are beginning to sound like a real Oppa. Don't tell me I have to be formal with you?"
"Would you believe that Pyo Chi Soo Dongmu is engaged now?" Eun dong took over.
"Well, congratulations Pyo Chi Su," she said, smiling. Life indeed was moving on for everyone. "I hope you didn't skimp on the ring."
"Ring?" Pyo Chi Su's voice showed confusion. "We exchanged cell phones; that's the going trend right now. A ring doesn't have any functional value. Such baubles are perhaps for your capitalist hearts."
She rolled her eyes, still not used to his gibes.
"Not even for the wedding?" she asked, her forehead creasing.
"We mostly give household gifts to each other, Se Ri Dongmu," she heard Ju Mok say, taking on his typical role of being the cultural interpreter. "The upper class and the elite exchange rings during the wedding ceremony, but it's at the couple's discretion entirely."
Turning her face, she blinked at him. She extended her left hand with her wrist bent upright. Her eyes narrowed catching the gleam from the ring, piquing her curiosity.
Leaving the phone on the table his fingers quickly wrapped around hers and lowered them. "I told you," he whispered in her ears. "It means nothing."
"Did you know that we all live in Pyongyang now?" Gwang Beum said, distracting her. "Ri Jeong Hyuk Dongmu made sure we are close to our families too."
"That's good that you can go visit your families," she looked up at him, impressed. "What about our baby Eun dong? Is he all grown up now?"
"How does it matter when you still won't allow me a drink?" Eun Dong complained and she imagined a pout on his face.
"We'll see about that when you are here," she chirped.
"Se Ri Dongmu have you watched secret Garden?" an excited Ju Mok called her attention. "What I don't understand is why Kim Joo Won just won't accept he is in love with Gil Ra Im?"
She laughed heartily at his gripes. His unabashed attachment to drama characters made him a child at heart and she cherished him for that.
"That's a chaebol's life for you," she said, sighing. "I say, wait for a few more episodes and you'll be bawling your eyes out."
"Gwang Beum is still not accepting dates," Pyo Chi Soo interrupted. "We don't know what to do with him."
She felt like the mother hen to whom her little chicks were telling on each other, and the deep-set joy of belonging showed in her face.
"Still, keeping up that air of mystery eh?" she asked in a low voice.
With her energy levels down, she rested her head on his shoulder. Tipping his head forward, he checked if she was ok and she dismissed him with a wave of her hand.
"Nothing of that sort Se Ri Dongmu. Truth is..." Gwang Beum hesitated. "Arranged dates no longer hold appeal to me."
"Then what do you have in mind?" She prodded.
"I want a love story like yours and Ri Jyeong Hyuk Dongmu," Gwang Beum ended in a rush.
"Oooh..." The boys were a riot of laughter at the other end.
Her cheeks burned and she covered her face with both her hands. Memories flashed hot and cold in her mind's eye and the smile eventually disappeared. Everything was a trigger to throw her back to the time she was left searching for him.
"I hope you only wished for the good parts of our story," she said, in a wistful tone and stiffened against him.
He squeezed her arm, and his eyes held an understanding of her state. "Se Ri needs to take her meds and get to bed. How about we do a video call tomorrow evening same time?"
Agreeing to chat more, she found her smile again bidding them a good day. Once done with the call, he scampered to clear the table, while she, in contrast, moved at snail's pace to settle down in the bedroom for the night.
Comfortably nestled within the plush spread, from the side table drawer, she picked up the printouts of her messages to him, with his penned responses.
More than half the sheaf was still left to be read and she thumbed to the page where she'd last left off.
Ms.Edelweiss (Dated Oct 11th, 2019): How long do you think this madness will last Ri Jeong Hyuk'sshi? It's been a year and a half already. Day after day, I long to see your face in the crowds. Will this fire of longing last a lifetime? I don't know if I can endure it.
His answer to her note had been a few lines of poetry. The style and word choices indicated the poem was from another era. Her literary dork, Ri Jeong Hyuk'sshi! She should have seen this coming when more than three-quarters of the outpost home and his childhood room had been filled with books. Smiling, she resorted to the internet for an explanation.
"Work?" He entered the room with a glass of water and a few bottles of medication.
She pointed at the set of papers on her lap. "If I had put in half the effort I use towards figuring your poetry and prose references," she launched passionately, "I just might have gotten into B-school just as Appa wanted."
"What are you looking into?" he asked standing on the other side of the bed and she handed the sheet to him.
He took one glance at the note. "Ah!" he exclaimed casually. "The song of the wandering Aengus. It's by Yeats"
And here she was toiling away to find the poem in question.
"Show-off," she said making a face at him. "Thanks. But no thanks. I can find my way around it."
He laughed and the throaty sound ebbed noticing her mock anger. "I already told you to give up on these."
"And I already told you to give up telling me what to do with what's mine." With a flourish, she hugged the printouts tightly to her chest, a small pout at her lips.
Placing the glass and the bottles on the table by his side, he leaned in, bracing one hand on the bed. With an amused look on his face, he yanked the papers from her grip with no effort at all. Climbing in, he flipped over and lay with his head on her lap, while carelessly tossing the papers towards the far end, beyond her reach.
Folding his arms, he raised one challenging brow at her.
"Has anyone called you stubborn?" Her hands circled his neck, the clasp of her fingers resting on his chest. She slowly lowered close to his ears and said, "They were absolutely right."
In response, he pulled himself up to kiss her. She playfully dodged him and ended up regretting bending sideways. She groaned tipping her head back and he sat up appearing concerned. "I'm fine," she wrinkled her nose. "Don't worry."
Gathering her in his arms, he gave her the glass of water and the long-awaited pills for the aching that wrung her muscles like that of a tightly coiled snake.
She swallowed it all in one gulp. Drawing in her limbs, close to his body, she clung to him, her lips pressed against his arm, while he set the glass back on the table. Instinctively, he raised the quilt to cover her fully.
The fuzz from his sweater teased her nostrils. She scoffed. "I suppose my heart will always find a way to bring up old regrets."
"What is it?" He raised his arm over her head to pull her closer.
"I miss seeing you in uniform," her lips curved into a frown and she tapped his chest lightly. "I guess I'll never get to meet the uptight Captain Ri Jeong Hyuk again who refused me a hug."
His brows drew together. Pursing his lips, he tilted his head with an appraising look in his eyes. "Come with me," he said releasing her and jumped out of bed to go around.
Taking his hand for support, she gingerly stepped down with her good foot and hobbled the rest of the way. He led her to the closet. Inside, he opened the lower drawers of the dresser at the far end of the room.
"Woah," her mouth rounded. There were all there; neatly folded towers of military greens and browns. Next to it, her eyes rested on a set of her own clothes. She inched in and her hand traced the thick mustard sweater that had kept her warm long ago. "You saved everything."
She let out a painful sigh. "Had I known, I wouldn't have run off to Bern for a change of clothes."
"Next time" —he blew against her ear— "talk to me first."
Surprised, she reeled back and then went back to looking through the pile. The brown plaid button-down jacket she'd worn to Pyongyang caught her eye. With the passing of time, it seemed like the only chic piece among the lot and she pulled it out. Trying it on, balmy nostalgia splashed within her chest.
"The train ride to Pyongyang..." She turned from side to side, checking the fit in the mirror. "It's one of our memories that got me through the years."
Pleased with how it fell around her waist, she took out his long brown trench from the adjacent stack. Holding it up against his chest, she batted her lashes at him, a sheepish look on her face.
"Try it on for me," she cooed and he stared disbelieving at her suggestion.
Shaking his head, he unbuttoned the jacket and she turned her attention back to the drawer. "Oh—found the under jacket too."
"The things I do for you..." He mumbled and slipped the shorter garment over his sweater.
"We are missing the corn and the potatoes," she sounded pensive, falling through time and slipped her hands inside her side pockets.
"Thankfully, we don't have to argue over hot water," he said donning the trench. "There's plenty in the bathroom."
They broke into a laugh together and she shifted to stand by him. The image of them in the mirror, a time machine.
"Allow me," she suggested, yanking him by the sleeve to face her. While she worked the buttons of the inner jacket, an approving smile simmered on his lips.
Smoothing the wool of his jacket, she met his eyes ruefully. "We don't have a fire?"
He didn't answer her and instead pointed his index finger straight across at something. Beyond the closet door, the couch was a few paces out and past it, a strip of an exposed brick wall cut at right angles with the glass wall.
When she missed what he was gesturing to, he took her by the hand towards the brick wall strip. And tucked next to the couch a small fireplace revealed itself. The seagrass basket with the throw blankets had perfectly hidden it until then. Something told her that this wouldn't be the last of the pleasant surprises that awaited her in the process of discovering their home.
In no time, he cleared the basket, shoved the couch back to make space next to the fireplace and got a fire going. Next, he spread the throw about and helped her to get down on the floor.
"This is more than I can ask for," she said with glee and patted the space next to her. "Ri Jeong Hyuk'sshi, sit here. It's warm."
He flopped down by her side and took out his phone to punch a few buttons, after which the bedroom lights along with the garden lights went out.
He raised his brows at her. "Impressed," she said, acknowledging the setting and scooted into his hold.
Basked in the golden glow from the fire, they sat in silence for a while, listening to the sound of crackle slowly fill the room.
"Why about that trip was special?" he asked with a curious eye. Whirling about, he slid down and placed his head on her lap again, extended his feet out.
"I got to spend a whole day and night with you," she said, her voice distant and placed a hand on his forehead. "I think it was the first time, I worried about missing you if I were to..."
She breathed out loud and his arm soared to curve around her neck.
"You had a good night's sleep, despite being out in the cold," he spoke with mischief in his voice.
"How would you know that?" she asked, her eyes wide from the suddenness of the remark.
"You were snoring on my shoulder all night," he crossed his arms across his chest. "Does that makeup for the hug I refused?"
"I do not snore," she swatted at his arm and he chuckled. "And no—" she sharply turned her face away in mock anger. "Letting me sleep on the shoulder doesn't make up for a hug."
"Alright," he sat up and took her into an embrace, even as she sprightly fought him. "How about now?"
She gave in and turned her face into the crook of his neck. "Thank you for playing along," she said, her voice cracking. "But I don't snore," She sniveled.
"I made up the snoring part," he lazily stroked her back. "Distractions don't seem to be working on you."
"This time too, it's on you for making me cry..." she freed herself from his hold, tears streaming down her cheek. "Otherwise, I don't cry easily."
The longing of the past and the blissfulness of the present clashed inside her. There was little she could do about it.
This consuming smile of his. She wanted to pocket it for the times she would be away from him.
"I'm not afraid of a woman's tears," he tipped her chin up and swiped at the wetness. "You don't have to explain it to me. Just don't let them spill when I'm not next to you."
Her hands flew to circle his neck. "How is that you always end up choosing the right moment and the right words that will leave me reeling for years?" And she kissed him along the length of his jaw, ending at his chin. He encouraged her advances by gathering her closer to him. Her lips lingered there, the raw smell of him and cologne being her only anchors to reality. But when a small rational part of her mind reasoned she cannot handle inciting him, she retreated with only a kiss on his lips.
If he was disappointed then, it didn't show and instead, he looked at her warmly.
"Wait here for me..." Leaving her alone for a brief period, he returned with a mug in his hand.
"I couldn't get you a cake," he said tilting his head. "So will hot chocolate do?"
"Hot chocolate solves everything!" She smacked her lips, squealing in delight. Throwing her head back, she eagerly took the mug from him for a sip.
The drink was liquefied pleasure indeed. Closing her eyes briefly, her fingers traced the path of the liquid, down from her throat toward her chest. A deep moan escaped her lips.
Taking in her animated display of satiety his eyes darkened for a moment. Realizing her slip, she cleared her throat and lowered her gaze to the fire.
He recovered with her. The expression on his face shifted to one of excitement and his eyes held a wicked glint. Locating his phone, he typed something. A moment later a beep went off from her phone. When she glanced back to spot where it was, he handed his phone to her.
It was the game app and the message to Ms.Edelweiss read, "Thank you. Now I know what hot chocolate does to a woman ;)"
The innuendo was loud and clear and her cheeks felt warm, flushed with embarrassment. She let out a small whimper in protest. But soon her gaze flitted to the sender's name and her mouth fell open.
Mr. Incognito.
She gasped. "After all that I have seen and heard, I shouldn't be surprised and yet I am," she muttered.
"Surprise I can live with," he said with a laugh in his voice and yet, was beginning to look quite uncomfortable by the second. "As long as you aren't mad at me."
Keeping her eyes on him, she persisted to bring the conversation with Mr.Incognito to mind and failed. She would have to revisit it at another time.
He puffed out a breath of air and then decisively took off his trench followed by the jacket.
"What else do I not know about you?" she asked dryly.
"Nothing that's worth mentioning," he said, distending his sweater near the neck area, blowing air to cool his body. "I have a greenhouse twenty minutes from here," he began and slumped in her vicinity. "Remember the water pipe that I had mentioned in the note? That's where I had to go. I'm experimenting with heirloom tomato varieties."
She nodded amused that he had once dismissed having a green thumb at all. A real-life tomato cultivator indeed.
"Also," he went on. "I'm thinking of investing in a coffee estate with Gu Seung Jun. We are considering some options in South America. Nothing is final yet."
"Is that another entrepreneur in the making?" A small smile tipped her lips upward and yet, her chest felt heavy with a tinge of disappointment. "What about playing the piano full-time?"
He let go of his sweater and reclined against the couch. He didn't look away and the struggle showed in his eyes. "I'm a lot late to that game Yoon Se Ri," he said softly, with an exhale. "And it won't pay the bills. It'll always be my passion."
She wasn't ready for the resignation in his voice and the ready tears brimmed over. He didn't attempt to console her and she realized the grieving was necessary.
"If money is —"
"Do you still not know me Yoon Se Ri?" His face held a finality that didn't leave much to be questioned about his decision.
The rhetoric meant many things at once and she resorted to the diversion it afforded.
"The truth is yes and no," she sounded miffed, wiping her tears. "The moment I get to believe I know you, there is always a curveball waiting for me."
"Isn't being on your toes good for the relationship?" His voice abandoned the steely tone and was one of mocking again. "I hear that it keeps the attraction from fizzling out."
Grabbing the cup from her, he took a swig of the warm beverage and left it behind him.
"So that's why you keep all those secrets?" she demanded, narrowing her eyes.
"I'm an open book," he gave a short laugh. "You only have to ask."
Bending her good leg, with her hands clasped around it, she rested her chin on her knee. The next instant, she felt the length of his arms scooping her away from the floor. A grunt and then she was fully hoisted up in his arms. "It's too hot there," he breathed against her ear and strode towards the bed.
Lowering her down onto the mattress, he covered her with a quilt and went back to put out the fire. With the room plunged in darkness, she couldn't tell his position for some time, until she heard his soft footfall close to her.
"I'll sleep on the couch," she felt his hand on her leg.
"What's wrong?" she tugged on his wrist and the edge of the mattress sunk from his weight.
"I'm too warm," he said and raised her arm to touch the side of his face. A thin sheen of sweat over his temple. "I really need to be off with this sweater and cannot handle a blanket for a while."
Her fingers shivered in his grasp and he let her hand go. "It's ok —" her breath hitched in her throat. "I suppose you can still sleep here."
"I don't want you to be uncomfortable." His voice showed concern.
"I'm not as demure as you imagine," she said dismissively, and a sharp restlessness grew in her unable to see his face. "Don't leave me by myself, Ri Jeong Hyuk'sshi."
He breathed in. "I won't," he said and patted her leg assuringly.
He was back on his feet again. After a beat, she found him stretched on the other side.
She slid down to repose for the night. Her hand sought him in the dark but recoiled upon second thought. Was there a night light? It had been just as dark the previous night, but the darkness felt pervasive tonight. For a moment, she saw the sky disappearing again in her mind's eye. She swallowed and held back a sob that threatened to escape her.
"I only have to ask you say..." she kept at the topic, wanting his voice to keep her company.
"What's on your mind?"
She thought hard about what else she wanted to know about him. "You never told me who your first love was," she asked and cringed that she'd really gone down that path again.
"You already got the answer to that." His voice was tight, betraying the tiredness he hadn't revealed earlier.
"Yes, your silence."
"And you used some south Korean term to describe my type," he complained.
"But if there was no one before..." She was silent for a wink and broke into a smile. Me! And her chest fought the rush of warmth again.
She felt his arm over her waist. "I don't understand this fascination with numbers. First or not, does it matter? You are the one I want to be with," he said in a matter of fact tone.
"You are right," she said getting up. Somehow, she'd forgotten about the jacket and it was beginning to heat up under her sweater. "It doesn't matter. But..."
It took some effort to raise herself to tug the jacket from under her. "I'll let you in on a secret," she said falling back on the pillow. "You were the first man I fell in love with."
He didn't answer. There was no movement either. He was asleep already?
A small overhead lamp came on. He was fully awake, lying over the quilt and still had his sweater on. There was a good foot of distance between them. His eyes softened and he nodded, drifting close to hug her.
"It's a little embarrassing" —she pursed her lips briefly— "to admit that I didn't experience love before I was well into my thirties."
She shook her head against his chest and tipped back to meet his gaze. "It was easier to keep people afar than let them in..." His thumb grazed her cheek. "Well, at least until you came along."
A half-smile curved his lips. "Something about the way you are, made me feel safe."
His eyes were keenly upon her hearing her confession. "Safe enough to be vulnerable to love someone." Holding his gaze for a moment, she added. "You."
Her breath caught on a sigh. "I always believed that I wasn't capable of such things."
"You underestimate yourself, Yoon Se Ri," he placed a kiss on her forehead. "You being the way you are made me want to live and love and dream again."
Her mouth rounded and a sliver of exasperation showed in her eyes. "There you go again, beating me at that word game. That's the effect I was going for."
But she was truly touched too. "I have to say," she spoke with surrender in her voice. "That is a perfect line to make any woman fall for the man saying it."
"Has she?" Raising a brow at her, he was genuine in his inquiry.
"Only now and forever," she said and her voice sounded absolute, holding the same promise she showed in her eyes.
Smiling in acknowledgment, he gave her a quick peck on the lips.
"Good then," his hand shot upward. The light was gone the next instant. "We can sleep now."
His hands left her and the shiver returned to her fingers. Really? He was going to keep his distance on a night she needed him the most?
"Either go stand in a shower and cool yourself down —" Propping herself on her elbow, she tugged at his sweater. "Or get rid of this. If you can't figure this out, you are sleeping in the dog house for the rest of the year."
"Awh —" he grunted. "This woman's temper is just as hot as this room."
*****
He was amused by her demand. The room heater was already beyond warm, to suit her. With the fireplace heat into the mix, it was going to take a while before the room would return to a bearable temperature.
Just as he was about to step out of the bed, he felt her draw closer. "I'll be back after —" He went still as his fingers gripped a naked arm. Curious, he rounded his arm to reach her back, her skin cool and smooth as marble. She gasped and jolted ever so slightly with his touch. Her top was off, save a small strip of satin across her back. He drew in a sharp breath. "That's a little cruel, don't you think?"
"Like I care," she whispered back, a practiced sternness in her voice.
His fingers slithered down and paused at the start of her skirt. Relief. He let out a deep sigh.
"Dream on," she sang in a tune.
"Fine!" he yanked his sweater over his head and threw it. "Have your way."
He took her into his arms. And it was her turn to stiffen against his bare chest. Skin on skin. This was another kind of torment. She was soft as holding onto a wisp of cloud, a dazing contrast to where their bodies touched and it took everything in him to restraint himself from exploring her.
"Sorry if I pushed you," she muttered, her breath warm over his throat.
"You cannot push me to do anything that's not of my choosing," he said, dragging his nose down her nape, losing himself in the smell of her.
Finding her fisted hand tucked under her chin, he raised it to kiss the inside of her palm and drew it around him. Her fingers tentatively held him, but soon settled to draw lines over his back with her fingertips. It tickled, and yet, he didn't stop her. With that, her fingers flitted quietly from one scar to another. It was a while before her hand rested in one place.
His smile pressed against her forehead. "Sleep now, will you?"
She didn't respond and after a long period of quiet, a mumble issued forth.
"It's cold... please... I can't feel my leg." He slightly pulled apart intently listening to make out her words. "It's cold... Ri Jeong Hyuk'sshi."
His smile faded. He finally understood the reason behind her drawn-out conversations and wanting him beside her.
In a way, she had delayed falling sleep.
Though she wasn't stuck in ice and snow any longer, it would be a while before she would escape the frigid place in her nightmares. Even if the cool of her skin turned into hellfire, he didn't think he could let her go then.
*****
Author's note: Woah! that was a long one. This is a chapter I have been wanting to write for long. Do kindly bear with my indulgence to explore their story as a real couple through conversations. If you did like it, vote up. Leave me a comment to let me know what worked for you.
For all those who have been encouraging me with comments and your kind words - Thank you! Stay with me till the end. We'll get through this story in a few more chapters.
Amadeus is a new story based on Crash landing on you. Do check it out.