He was guilty. He was angry. He was sore. He felt like the worst person in the entire world.
Lou forced himself out of bed, cringing with pain, both from yesterday's beating, and from the emotional torment that refused to give him peace. He had to silence it. But he didn't know how.
Lou didn't realize he was hitting his own head until his mind caught up with his body. He glanced in the mirror, and saw an ugly bruise. 'Ugly,' ran through his head, and he started to laugh. 'That's right! I'm ugly! The ugly truth is that I'm the only ugly person around here!' With these thoughts going through his head, Lou went through his day on autopilot. He didn't bother brushing his hair, or changing his clothes. He didn't see the point. After all, wasn't it those 'beloved' fur balls that made it clear; looks don't matter.
He cleaned the windows, swept the sidewalk, mopped the floors, dusted every single surface, and didn't acknowledge anyone else. He didn't even realize how ugly he was starting to look, his hair frazzled from his constant hand running through it, his suit in absolute ruins, wrinkled and covered with stains. His face was filthy with spots, stains, smudges, and bruises from cleaning gone wrong. And he didn't care one bit. He didn't care about anything anymore. He was a prototype, put on this earth to be everyone's chump. He just wanted to leave this world. He needed to. No one would care. Not even the robots.
But, he didn't want to. He didn't see why he should. He'd probably end up no where. Heck, he couldn't leave at all. The portal would never let him through. He was doomed to spend eternity in the merciless clutches of punishment, and he deserved it.
"LOU!!" The poor blonde jumped, causing the bucket of water in his hand to spill all over his pants. Matt and his pals, standing nearby, started laughing up a storm. "Hey! Mr. Perfect wet his pants!" Matt roared, pointing and laughing, as Abby took picture after picture. Ox, who had been trying to get his friend's attention, frowned, and put his hands on his hips. "Now, cut that out, Matt." he stated firmly. "He lied to me. He was the cause of all our suffering." Lou winced. If all that Ox was saying was true, how could the rabbit want Matt to stop? So he could do it himself?
"...and I'm still trying to show him he's been forgiven." Lou's eyes widened, and he looked around at the crowd. Any hope inside him diminished. Ox was lying. All those 'disapproving' looks said so. Lou lowered his head again,, and went to clean up the mess. That was all he was good for, anyway.
Ox turned to Lou, surprised to see his blue orbs filled with tears, and emptiness. "Hey, Lou," Ox spoke, gently. "You want to go get something from Wage? She makes some mean chocolate-chip cookies." The rabbit smiled coaxingly. "Your favorite." He felt as if he were speaking to a little child, which surprised him. What surprised him even more was the shake of Lou's head. "I'm not hungry." Ox opened his mouth to protest...and drew a blank. He could only watch as Lou picked up his stuff, and went. Ox watched him leave until he could no longer see him, and, with determination, turned to hunt down Matt. Somehow, he knew Matt was responsible for this.
Lou enter the supply shed with less strength than he'd had the day before. Once again, he didn't bother to change or clean up. He simply hit the bed with an unceremonious flop. Sleep came easier then it had last night. He closed his eyes, and, at first, he dreamed of nothing. But, before he knew it, he was flooded with merciless nightmares;
'He was running. He didn't know where. He was running. Voices called after him:
"Monster!"
"Worthless!"
"You don't deserve to be forgiven!"
"You don't deserve...love...love...love..."
Lou ran faster. But it seemed more like he was slowing down. He was being dragged backwards. He looked over his shoulder, and immediately wished he hadn't. There was Ox, a murderous look on his face. And Moxy, tears falling from he eyes. Mandy, with an evil grin. "You'll pay for hurting my friend." One of her arms was draped over Moxy's shoulders.
"Please!" Lou cried, genuine tears falling down his face. "I'm sorry!" The Ox that towered above him growled. "Sorry doesn't change the past." Lu wished he could. He wished he could go back and tell himself not to hurt anyone, that it wasn't worth it. And when he wished these things, he felt anger. He turned around and Screamed. "It's not fair! Why can't you understand that I wanted the same thing you did?!" Through her tears, Moxy glared. "That's not a good enough excuse." Lou turned to run again, only to be grabbed by three familiar faces; Kitty, Lydia, and Tuesday. They grinned evilly, and hung him over a telltale pipe.
"NOOOO! NOT THE RECYCLING BIN!" Lou dangled helplessly, listening to the jeers and angry shouts of an invisible crowd...'
"LOU! WAKE UP!" Lou shot up in bed, and looked around wildly. Ox stood by his bed, worry clear in his features. "I've been trying to wake you up for three minutes! Are you okay?" Lou felt his cheek. The tears were real. Anger welled up in his chest, and he turned on Ox. Somehow, the fact that Ox still wanted to be his friend hurt even more. "Don't you see? Open your eye! Stop worrying. I don't want you to be my friend!" Without thinking, Lou got out of bed, and stormed out of the shed...bumping straight into Matt.
"Well," Matt jeered. "Look who finally showed up for his shift." Matt hadn't quite seen why they should let Lou off with nothing more than a demotion. In his opinion, Lou needed to know what it felt like to be ...little. The doll grabbed Lou's shoulders, and pinned him to the wall of the shed. Griff and Leon took their cue, ripping Lou's shirt off, and uncapping a permanent marker. The pink ink bled into poor Lou's fabric. Ox, who had followed his friend, gasped, and snatched the marker away. "Leave him alone, will you? He's been punished enough!" Ox didn't even see fit to punish Lou at all. The rabbit understood Lou had the same dream they all did. It just couldn't come true. So, to balance out the pain, the prototype had made things as hard as possible for every other doll.
Ignoring the mayor, Abby went about posting the film of Lou's latest humiliation, while Ox lectured the other three. Lou stayed against the wall, looking as if he were awaiting another strike. Matt and his buddies left, and Lou still didn't move. Ox watched him worriedly. "It's kay, Lou," he smiled comfortingly. "They're gone. They won't hurt you again." The uglydoll placed a paw on Lou's knee. "You wanna talk about it?" He looked up at the blonde, only to realize he'd been to late. The word 'crybaby' was written on Lou's stomach. "Lou..." Ox started, but Lou had already shut himself up in the shed, crying uncontrollably.
Ox turned to go find Moxy, thinking she could help, only to find Lucky Bat hurdling toward him. "Ox! Ox!" The poor bat panted, out of breath. "Have you seen Moxy?"
"No, I was just going to look for her. Why?" Lucky bat waved his wings in agitation. "Lou needs her help!" Ox's eyes widened. Lucy bat had noticed too.
While this was going on outside, Lou was reaching the end of his rope. The funny thing was, now that he'd had a good cry, he could think straight. He was nothing. He was trash. He was ugly. And there was no changing that.
As if he were possessed, he went to the closet, and yanked out a package of handi-wipes. For the next fifteen minutes, he scrubbed at the word, hoping to get rid of it. It took some elbow grease, but these new 'Disappearing ink' wipes really did their job. They had been invented a while ago to limit trips to the washing machine. They didn't care about becoming less perfect. The dolls just didn't like all the spinning and such.
After finally ridding himself of the accursed word, Lou yanked a clean suit out of the closet, and wriggled into it, sighing contentedly at the feel of something clean. He spent the next two hours trying to get his hair back to normal. It was a pain, and his arms were burning with exhaustion, but he managed to get every hair back in place. The final step was cleaning his face. The stains came off easily with those super-strong wipes. He sat on his bed, and pondered why he was doing this. He didn't know why. He just had to.
He finally left the supply shed, no cleaning supplies, no apron, and looking like he'd never been in the first place. He felt much better now that he was clean again, and a little smug about not having to go through the wash to do it. He turned back to the supply shed, and waved it off. "Seyonora, sucker!" he cheered, and strolled down the path, ignoring the looks of amazement and hatred, with some confusion mixed in.
"Lou!" Ox cried out. He and Lucky bat had spent their afternoon hunting for Moxy, and it was rather surprising to see Lou out of the shed, looking better. For a moment, they held onto the hope that Lou was feeling better as well.
Lou marched up the stairs to the portal. He knew he was about to make a fool of himself, but it was as if something were pulling him in a direction through the portal, like a string in his chest, yanking on him hard. He stood in front of the portal, just staring. As he did so, the doll of the hour stepped out. "Hey, everyone!" she greeted, cheerful as always. When she noticed the odd stares, Moxy turned and jumped in surprise. "Lou!...Hi!" Even though he had hurt her, she felt that the wash was enough punishment.
Lou didn't acknowledge her. He kept staring at the portal. Perplexed, Moxy scampered to Ox. "What's going on?"
"I don't know, Moxy." The mayor shrugged, apologetically. "but, we were hoping you could help." Lucky bat piped up, sheepishly. A noise turned their attention back to the portal. IN the silence of it all, Lou's footsteps echoed. Brows furrowed, he experimentally pushed his hand through the portal.
THROUGH the portal!
A smile stretched across his face. It stretched so far, he worried his head would split in half. He turned around to face Ox and al the dolls that had ridiculed him, their faces full of shock. He gave them a salute, mocking them, before turning on his heel, and stepping through the portal, leaving for good. He had made his decision. If they couldn't understand their own dreams, they were just as bad as he was, and he needn't bother with them anymore.
He was going to the Big World.