What did the Soul Animals just do? I am so very confused. I'm at Christi's dinner table right now, and I keep exchanging glances with Christi. Her parents are chatting happily with each other, and as much as I love this meal, I need to speak with Christi. Alone. I hurriedly shove some delicious rice into my mouth. Even though I'm in a hurry, I still thoroughly enjoy the meal. Christi finishes in a few minutes, so I follow her lead. Christi gets up and takes her plate to the sink. I grab my plate as well, and follow her upstairs.
"What in the world was that?" I ask, baffled. Christi shrugs, just as confused as I am.
"No idea, but on a somewhat related topic, Skifter won't answer me!" she exclaims, worry lacing her voice.
"Don't worry," I tell her, "he's probably not answering because he can't tell you any more things." She nods.
"That makes sense," she clarifies. I nod as well.
"So, what was that?" I ask, referring to the message the Soul Animals gave us. She shrugs, clearly just as baffled as I.
"I have no idea," she says.
"Hmm, 'come to the books' that could mean school maybe?" I offer.
"Actually, I think it means the library!" Christi exclaims.
"Oh yeah! How come I didn't think of that before?!" I say, spirits soaring.
"Wait, what about 'among the hidden.' What does that mean?" Christi questions. Oh, I forgot about that part.
"Hmm, why don't we just go to the library first," I say.
"Okay, but first thing in the morning we're going!" Christi agrees.
Ding Dong!
"Sabrina, your dad's here!" Christi's mom calls from downstairs. Ugh! I exchange my goodbye with Christi and plod down the stairs. My dad is standing in the doorway, still in his work clothes. My dad works at Tech Center. Yeah, I know, what a creative name! He is the manager for the Software department. My mom works as a marine biologist. She gets to actually go out at sea and stuff. I want to do that when I grow up. It just sounds so cool! I mean, maybe she could let me do some exploring with her sometime, that really would be amazing! Does she know how much I dream of being out there in the ocean, swimming alongside dolphins and hoping to research the entire earth's waters? Okay, sorry, I'm losing focus here.
"Sabrina!" My dad says, clearly getting a little impatient.
"One minute..." I trail off, trying to shove my foot in my sneaker. He sighs. I can basically hear him glance at his watch. He clears his throat.
"Have you ever thought about actually un-tying the shoelace before putting your foot in?" he asks, sounding slightly bemused. My dad tries to act tough and business like, but really, he's a softie at heart.
"Yes, well, the thought has occurred to me a few times, but I think to myself: why go to all that extra work? Aha!" I add in triumph, seeing as I had just gotten my foot into the shoe. "Ah dang it!" I exclaim, after feeling that my sock has been pushed partially off. By now, Christi and her mom are both waiting. I shoot Christi a smirk, and she just rolls her eyes, a small smile playing on her lips.
"Come on Sabrina, I'm sure they have much more productive things to do right now," Dad reprimands me, now getting more irritated. I sigh.
"All right, I'll just live in discomfort for the next three minutes of my life," I say dramatically.
"That's my girl!" he answers, slapping me on the back, nearly knocking me over into the shoe pile. I steady myself and say my final goodbyes.
"Bye, thanks for having me!" I tell them. They wave as we get into the car.
On the ride home, I'm pretty quiet. Normally I'm talking so much I trip over my own words. But not today. Today, I have way too much on my mind, and none of it I can voice aloud. So we sit in silence. We pull the small blue Fit into our crumbling driveway and I waste no time getting out of the stuffy car. I reach the door and as I step in, the screen door closes on me.
"Ow," I mutter. Dad hasn't come in yet, so I let the main door close too. Mom hasn't said anything about my cast, so I'm assuming that the school told her. Dad too. She is sitting at the kitchen counter along with Jago. Jago isn't usually here at this time, he normally has cross country. But something has happened, I just know it. I hurriedly yank off my tennis shoe and bound over to them. By now, Dad has walked through the door. He doesn't seem to notice anything different. He's not a very observant guy.
"Mom, what's going on?" I ask as evenly as possible. She slowly looks up, her face is tear-stained.
"Sabrina, Xander, come here," she says. I don't ask again, I just follow her instruction. Dad does too.
"What's going on, honey?" Dad repeats my question. She shakes her head, trying to compose herself. Jago looks my way. I catch his gaze and we hold it. I break away when Mom starts speaking.
"Xander, Sabrina." She pauses, "Kai has passed."
🎔
"I—I'm so sorry." Christi comforts. I know she's only trying to make me feel better, but losses are pretty big in my family. I don't know why I never saw it coming. I just, well, never saw it coming. He was my best friend (aside from Christi and Lupo). It doesn't matter though. He's gone, what can I do now? No one can live forever...
"Christi, there's no need to comfort me," I tell her. But really, on the inside, I'm fighting back tears myself. I never really thought it would end this way.
"You know Sabrina, if you want, we can go to the library," Christi suggests. I shrug.
"I dunno, we could I guess," I say numbly. I never thought that I would lose Kai so early. He wasn't that old! I can't feel anything right now, except cold hard grief. I already miss him so much. Sometimes we take trips and we can't take him with us. But I've always known that I would see him again. This time, I won't.
"Come on Sabrina, we can get out of this stuffy house and somewhere a little better," Christi says, trying to help.
"Okay, I guess we can go," I agree.
Since this is a small town, the library is only a block or so away. But truthfully? It feels like hours. I loved Kai. Still do actually. I furiously blink back the flood of tears waiting for me.
I just shove on a flip flop instead of my sneaker. Too much work. Christi and her family came over as soon as they heard. Everyone else is still inside the living room.
We sneak out, Christi merely texting her mom where we are going. I don't mind. I just want to get out of that pit of grief, and sympathy. Don't they see? All I want is Kai back. Drowning me in unwanted sympathy glances, or condolences will not help. If anything, it will make it worse.
It's practically dark out now, so we use our phones as flashlights. The soft pat, thump, pat, thump, of my shoe and cast lulls me into a sort of numb trance. Just my feet moving without command, my mind so far away, it could take years to pull me back. It turns out however, that it only takes Christi's voice.
"Sabrina, we're here," she says softly.
"Okay," I whisper. A large brick building stands before us. It might as well be the school if you look from the outside, but inside, it is so much more than a school will ever be to me. Full of so many different worlds, dimensions, and facts, it just entrances me.
The wind blows slightly, pushing my curtain of red hair over my freckled face. Hidden like that, I finally let the tears fall. At first it's just a few droplets fall, but soon, it's the waterworks. Christi notices, and is immediately by my side. As soon as she is there, I turn and sob into her shoulder. She rubs my shoulder and hums softly to me. We stand there for a few minutes, just the two of us. Finally, I'm dried up.
"Hey, it's gonna be okay, Sabrina." She comforts. "He wouldn't want this, he would want you to celebrate his life, not mourn his death." I nod, sniffling.
"You know, I read somewhere, a quote that says: 'When I'm gone, I don't want you to mourn, I want you to go out and save another dog, and give it the life you gave me.' Or something along the lines of that," I tell her, using a tissue she gave me.
"See? Come on, let's get lost in the world of fantasy." She smiles.
So we do. We go into that library, (Which you'd think would be closed. They have some weird hours) and we dive into the worlds of Narnia, Wizarding, and Half Bloods. I don't regret one bit. For me, it's kind of like I'm drunk on these fiction worlds, on what might be. What's weird though, is that I'm technically living one. But to just dive headfirst into somebody else's world, and be with them through problems that they overcome. Frankly, it inspires me.
"You girlies better get if you wanna be home on time." The janitor says through his gum. I sigh, as does Christi, but we take out our bookmarks, (we have special bookmarks that we made for each other. Except, this is my fourth. I may have lost the past three) and mark our pages. Right now, we are both in the middle of Sunshine to Hold the Fear, by Kailey Tan. I must say, it is a magnificent book.
We take the books to the self checkout lane, and check them out. All the while, the creepy janitor is watching, still chewing his gum. It's probably lost its flavor by now anyways.
We step outside again, and a gust of wind sends goosebumps up my bare arms. Wordlessly, Christi hands me an extra sweater. I take it gratefully. It's now dark enough so the streetlights are all on. We walk home in silence, just listening to the wind whistling through the leaves. Normally, it would be still fairly warm out, but I think it's gonna storm. How fitting.
"How was the library, girls?" My mom comes to the front door.
"Good, we each checked out a book," I say hoarsely, showing her my copy. She nods and holds the door open for us. Christi nods her thank you.
All the adults are still here, and talking like a bunch of well, chatty parents.
"Sabrina; Christi," Christi's dad comes over. "All of the parents are okay if Christi stays over. If that's okay with you, Sabrina," he adds, glancing at me.
"Sure, Christi can stay," I confirm.
"Great! We already brought her stuff over, just in case," he says, pointing to where her purple duffel bag lies at the stairs. I help her carry it upstairs and we dump it on my fuzzy floor. While she's unpacking her things, I rummage through my closet to find some pajamas.
"So, what do you want for breakfast?" I ask. It's what we always do, ask each other. We started when we were younger, and it's kind of become tradition. I did not want to be the one to break it.
"Hmm, cinnamon rolls?" she says grinning. Oh yeah, we both know what the other will say, we just like to ask. I grin, and we both get ready for bed. I help braid her hair, then she does mine. Soon, we're all ready for sleep. I snuggle into the covers, as does Christi in her sleeping bag. We say goodnight, and I turn out the light. I face my window and gaze under the blinds. The moon shines brightly, and then a soft rain starts. I close my eyes and listen to it. It's like it's weeping for my loss like the heavens are shedding tears for me. For Kai.