Alyssa
If there is one thing I've learned since I begun working at Dirty Hit it's that my patience was a lot better than I ever imagined. Mainly because I had to work with Matty in a somewhat professional manner, when I know deep down he's the biggest goofball to walk the planet. He hardly takes things seriously until he get's told to. It isn't a bad quality but I can see why it takes them so long to write anything.
I was invited to the studio for the first time since working for the label, I don't really know why but Jamie insisted that Matty let me come along for the tracking of one of the last songs on the album, since he decided at the last second that he didn't like the current vocals.
Matty was pacing around the floor with a fag hanging out his mouth, whining about how it just didn't sound right. I looked up at him and raised an eyebrow. "What?" He snapped at me, I rolled my eyes.
"Don't give me attitude Healy." I said in a warning tone. His features turned soft and he sat down next to me.
"Sorry." He apologised. "I'm stressed."
"You're always stressed." I said, a small smirk playing on my lips. He let out a deep breath and threw his head back onto the couch.
"It's making me nervous that you're here." He whispered, I looked at him and grinned even more.
"You're nervous because of me?" I questioned.
"Yeah." He mumbled, looking at me.
"Why?"
"I don't usually have hot girls watching me track vocals for songs that could possibly be a flop." He sounded so flustered. It was kinda cute actually. He brought the fag up to his mouth and took a draw. "Besides you're watching me so intently and it's throwing me off."
"Get over yourself Matty, I'm here for work related business only." I reminded him. "Getting to hear a song is a bonus for me, think of all the fans out there who would kill to be me right now."
"For more reasons than being sat in the studio with me." He shot me a cheeky grin, I rolled my eyes at him.
"Shut up." I replied feeling slightly flustered. I knew exactly what he meant.
"Matty, time to go in." Adam popped into the room. Matty groaned and got up off the couch and walked out and into the recording booth. He picked up the headphones and placed them on his head, looking slightly uneasy. It was kinda sweet to see him nervous because I was there.
George and Ross came into the room and sat down along with a few other guys. If he could do this in front of all them then why am I the issue? The music begun and he looked at me, clearly getting more and more nervous.
"I've got a God shaped hole that's infected and I'm petrified of being alone, it's pathetic I know." He begun, his eyes diverted from mine. "And I tossed and turned in my bed, it's just like I lost my head."
"It sounds really good." George mumbled, looking at Ross. "I don't know why he's been so antsy about this song."
"And if I believe you will that make it stop? If I told you I need you, is that what you want? And I'm broken and bleeding and begging for help." He sung with so much emotion covering his features. "And I'm asking you Jesus, show yourself."
"Sounds really good Matty." George said to him through the pa. Matty stopped and looked at George, feeling a little more comfortable. Matty nodded and continued.
"I thought I'd met you once or twice but that was just because the dabs were nice and opening up my mind." He closed his eyes, getting into it more. "Showing me consciousness is primary in the universe and I had a revelation." I couldn't take my eyes off of him, he looked and sounded so beautiful in this moment. "I'll be your child if you insist I mean if it was you that made my body you probably shouldn't have made me atheist."
He paused for a second and took a deep breath, I couldn't look away though. "Keep going." George told him.
"But oh, I'm a lesbian kiss, I'm an evangelist and if you don't wanna go to hell then miss you better start selling this." He looked over and George, a smile beginning to form on his lips. He sung through the chorus again and it was just as beautiful as the first time. "If I'm lost then how can I find myself?" The words seemed so familiar to me. Where have I heard that before?
He finished the song and looked at me the entire time that he sung the last few lines, repeating it over and over again. I felt like he was staring straight into my soul. When it ended he took the headphones off and placed them back on the stand. His features looked solemn and broken. I wonder why the song really seemed to hit him harder.
When he came through to us he looked at George waiting for approval. "Matty that was perfect, you really don't need to redo that one again." He beamed at him.
"Are you sure?" Matty asked, looking slightly nervous again.
"100%." George went over and gave him and high five. "I think you need to stop being so hard on yourself, it was good."
"It was Matty." I stood up, walking over to them. Matty looked at me with uncertainty.
"Thanks." He mumbled, looking at me.
"Well you finally got to hear a song that isn't released yet." Ross spoke up, joining our little circle.
"I'm glad, I feel special." I told him, smiling.
-
I went back to the flat a little earlier than Matty did, he told me he had a few things he had to do before going home. It was nice to have a little bit of time to myself though, so I decided to tidy up my room a little and just generally keep myself busy. I wanted to do some washing but I couldn't find one of my jumpers, I think I left it in Matty's room.
I went into his bedroom and looked around, it was sat on a chair near his desk. I walked over and picked it up. His journal was lying open on the desk and I usually wouldn't pay much attention to it but something caught my eye.
I like it when you sleep, for you are so beautiful yet so unaware of it - September 14th 2015.
I don't think she truly understands the depth of her own beauty or just how much she seems to light up the room whenever she enters it. Tonight I saw her light dim and fade into nothing. It takes a lot to rob someone of their internal happiness but when I saw the look in her eyes before she drifted into a state of sleep, I felt a small part of me break away. Watching her sleep is like waiting for the sun to rise, everything is so dark and lonely but I long for her eyes to light up the way they did before he took it from her.
I felt bad for reading his personal writing, it was an invasion of privacy that he didn't allow me to know. But the words hit me in a completely different way from what I was expecting. I know he's a deep in thought type of person but the way his words sprawled out onto the page really changed my perspective of him. Did he really write this about me and then name his album because of it? Did I really make that much of an impact on him.
I heard the front door open and shut, the sudden noise made me jump. I threw the book down on the desk and dashed to the door with my jumper in hand. As I was leaving his room he caught me. "What you doing in my room." He asked with a raised eyebrow.
"I was looking for my jumper." I said quickly, feeling like I'd been caught doing something terrible.
"Okay." He nodded, walking over to the kitchen. I followed him in and continued to do my washing.
"Did you get everything done that you needed to do?" I asked, forcing the small talk. I hated it but I was so flustered from what I just read and almost being caught that I couldn't for the life of me think of anything else to say in the moment.
"Yeah, it's all good now." He told me, grabbing water from the fridge and leaning on it. "Are you happy now, you got to hear a song that's not even fully finished?"
"I'm over the moon, I always get what I want in the end." I stood upright and smirked at him.
"Of course you do." He said rolling his eyes. "What did you think of it then?" He asked, looking a little nervous to ask.
"I really like it, it is my song after all." I winked at him, causing him to roll his eyes at me.
"You're always going to say that aren't you?" He asked with an amused grin appearing on his face.
"It's not everyday that a famous musician writes a song based off your depressing ramblings. I'll take what I can get." I shrugged.
"Right." He nodded.
"I do have to ask, the last line of the song sounds really familiar to me... where did it come from?" I asked him. He shifted his position slightly and bit his lip.
"You wrote it on the mirror one night." He mumbled, it all hit me again. I frowned slightly.
"Do I get some writing credits then?" I asked jokingly.
"I'll give you a shout out as my inspiration." He grinned at me. The silence fell between us as we stood at opposite ends of the kitchen looking at each other. There was an obvious elephant in the room that neither of us seemed to want to discuss. We didn't seem to have the time so far or the energy.
"I broke up with Mason." I announced, he raised an eyebrow at me.
"When?" He asked, I could see a smug smirk begin to form on his lips.
"Last night, that's why I stayed out after work." I told him. "He didn't really see it coming to be fair but after he made an issue at the party at the weekend I felt like there was truly no reason to keep him in my life."
"What did he do?" I looked at him unsure of whether I should tell him, probably because it's not like Mason was completely wrong in what he was thinking but it annoyed me.
"He had a go at me for being friends with you, thinks you're a prick that's going to hurt me and only wants me around to fuck when you're not touring." I said bluntly. Matty begun laughing.
"That's a bit ironic coming from him." He folded his arms across his chest.
"Well he was insecure and thinks you're only around to try and sleep with me, which you know he wasn't wrong to think that since we actually did but I don't even feel bad anymore. He made it clear that it was all a mistake trying to rekindle that bullshit." I sighed, running a hand through my hair. "It's done now and I know for sure that I made the right decision leaving him all those years ago."
"I don't keep you around for sex, please don't believe a word of that." He said turning a little more serious. "It was never ever my intention, I never for a second thought this would end up happening when we became friends."
"I know." I mumbled.
"Now what?" He asked.
"I don't know." I sighed.
"We can just see how things go, nothing too serious if that's not what feels right." He suggested.
"I would like that." I couldn't help but smile, he really did have an affect on me.
"Come here." He motioned for me to go over to him, I walked over and he opened his arms out for me. I fell into his embrace and put my head on his chest, smiling even more now. He leaned his head on top of mine. "I'm just glad that you're here."
"Me too."
-
Matty
I looked at Alyssa as she was laughing at something on her phone, we were lying in my bed just cuddling as fucking cheesy as that sounds. It was nice. I had my arm around her and she was lying there in only her underwear. She was so effortlessly beautiful it made my head spin. "Look at this." She said shoving her phone in my face, it was a video of a puppy. "How cute is that?" She awed.
"Very." I chuckled.
"I was never allowed a dog growing up." She sighed.
"Really?" I asked.
"Yeah, my dad is allergic so we couldn't." She pouted.
"That's so heartbreaking." I told her. She put her phone down on the bed and cuddled into me more.
"There's so much in life I haven't experienced that I wish I could." She said softly.
"Like what?" I asked, rubbing circled on her bare skin.
"Well I've never left the country for a start, I've barely been out of England to be fair." She said. "I have never been skinny dipping, or camping. I've never been to a big theme park or went on a road trip with friends."
"We're gonna have to change that, aren't we?" I told her, she looked up at me with hopeful eyes.
"Are we?" She asked.
"You said I've been making your life less boring, all of those things are very easy to do." I kissed her forehead. "You make a list and tell me what you want to do and we'll do it." She sat up and looked at me, her hair falling all over the place.
"Really?" Her eyes lit up.
"Life isn't meant to be filled with regrets and wishing you could do things but never having the opportunity to do them. If I can do anything to change your life then I'll do it with absolutely no hesitation." I smiled at her, she grinned even more.
"I'm very lucky I met you." She said in the most angelic way possible. I sat up and placed my hand on the back of her neck and pulled her into me, kissing her softly. She smiled against my lips, causing me to do the same.
"I think I'm the lucky one here." I laughed against her lips.
"How is that even possible?" She asked, pulling back and looking at me with amusement on her face.
"Look at you, fucking hell you're too gorgeous for you own good." I said looking over her body. She blushed and pulled the sheets over herself more. "Oh now you're all shy, that wasn't the case an hour ago when you were begging me to..."
"Shut up." She groaned and pulled the covers over her face, hiding. I laughed at her actions, she's so adorable when she's blushing.
"Come out of there." I laughed, pulling at the sheets. She poked her head out with a pout on her face.
"Stop making fun of me then." She said.
"I'm not, just pointing out a fact." I said playfully, she laid down again but more across the bed than on the pillow.
"Do you think we should keep this quiet for a bit?" She asked me, her eyes were twinkling with happiness.
"Do you think we should?" I asked in return.
"Maybe just for a little bit, until we know where we're going with it." She shrugged. "It can be our little secret." She said with a sly smirk.
"I think you're onto something." I grinned down at her.
-
I walked into the kitchen due to being woken up by Alyssa listening to music. She must've been getting ready for work or something because it was early. The funny thing is though, Love Me was playing on the radio and she was dancing around as she made pancakes, singing loudly. She was wearing one of my shirts, a sight I'll never get over to be honest.
"AND LOVE ME, IF THAT'S WHAT YOU WANNA DO OH." I screamed, coming up behind her. She spun around with a look of complete shock and embarrassment covering her features.
"Fuck sake Matty, you scared the shit out of me." She said with a slight chuckle in her voice.
"It was funny for me though." I grinned at her, she rolled her eyes and continued to muck about with the pancake that was cooking. I leaned against the breakfast bar and watched her. "Continue though, I was enjoying the show."
"You'd love that wouldn't you." She glanced over at me.
"Well when you're dancing around the shirt slides up and I can see your knickers so yeah, I would love that." I shot back at her, she looked away but I could see the blush in her cheeks grow redder.
"Haven't you got better things to do than bother me?" She said turning to the plate and placing the pancake on it.
"It's more fun messing with you." I said sticking my tongue out at her, I reached over to the pancake and pulled a bit off and ate it.
"If you wanted food you could've asked me to make you some." She glared at me, I just shrugged.
"Nah it's more fun stealing yours." I grinned.
"You're a bit of a prick Healy, you know that." She said sitting down at the breakfast bar and pouring syrup over the pancake she'd made.
"Who has only one pancake?" I questioned.
"I'm not that hungry plus I don't have time to eat a lot since someone kept me up all night." She shot back at me, flashing me an annoyed look. It was more playful than actually annoyed.
"Well I'll leave you to it then, see you tonight?" I asked, she nodded as she took a bite of her pancake. I left the room and couldn't stop smiling. I feel like a fucking hormonal teenager getting the girl after being so infatuated with her for so long. It was a sickly sight for everyone else but I kinda felt like I was on cloud 9.