"Your strength doesn't come from winning. It comes from struggles and hardship.
Everything that you go through prepares you for the next level."
― Germany Kent
~
Mew mostly looked down instead of looking at the boy, cause actually his emotions were messed up.Mostly the people living in Area C was okay with this formation, they saw the chaos when fertile ones were not captured and they were all agreed to keep living like this.But Mew always felt awful about all of this, that was why he needed few days before making up his mind and going there again to pick someone.He hate to see everyone living like that cause he was thinking about something most of the people didn't, the fact that it could be him.He could've been a fertile one too, his best friend could, anyone could; but nobody seemed like they thought about that.They were so focused on putting on a system and following it since they almost reaching the point of not being able to reproduce.
"Here." He finally lifted his head and stopped thinking when the woman turned back to the room with a tray in her hands.He smiled softly and thanked her, holding the cup with both of his hands as he watched the woman sitting on the bed, placing their own drinks on the nightstand beside it.
"So, you guys already talked things out, right?" She asked and Mew smiled weirdly as Gulf sighed, rolling his eyes.
"I left you alone for more than 15 minutes, what have you been doing?" She raised her eyebrows and Mew looked at him innocently, not actually realizing it had been that long since he was lost in his mind.
"I just—"
"We don't have to talk." Gulf interrupted him and he looked at the boy, but Gulf was looking at his mother instead. "He's the one who did this to me, he's gonna take the responsibility." He said, throwing a look at Mew when he saw the man getting lost for a second.
"Oh—yes---I mean yes, of course." Mew quickly nodded, he realized that Gulf didn't tell all the story to his mother.Maybe that was why she seemed happier than the time she stepped inside that room.She missed him for a long time and now seeing him alive and well was enough for him, that was probably why Gulf didn't let her know about the way they treated him in the Area C, especially the rape part.
"I'm glad that he's finally getting out of there." She smiled at Mew and the man could only mirror it, he didn't really know what to say, he didn't even like his position right now cause that woman was dying to take his son back to his home but obviously, she couldn't.Even if it wasn't Mew, they were going to give him to someone else and it was making Mew feel even worse.
"He's not gonna try something like this again—right?" She said softly as she grabbed her son's wrist, caressing over the bandage gently.Mew looked at Gulf to see his reaction, the boy sighed as he saw his mother's teary eyes.He gave her a soft nod but for Mew, it wasn't so convincing.
"I can't lose you too, Gulf." She mumbled before sniffling and Mew saw Gulf averting his gaze when his mother's hand caressed his own, he seemed like he actually forgot about his mother, like he did that on purpose and didn't see her to not feel like this.He seemed much more loud and wild when his mom wasn't around, but after a couple hours with his mother, his face seemed less stressed.
"I'm sorry for the trouble he caused, he won't do it again.Please don't report it." She suddenly said to Mew with pleading eyes and Mew was surprised, he paused for a moment.
"Mom—" Gulf grabbed her hand to stop her but she shook her head.
"No—it's so nice of him to invite me here and—" she wiped her tears before looking at Mew. "This is all too much for him but he's not a bad boy—he will accept it eventually—I just need him to be safe and—please don't report that he tried to kill himself—" She was trying to stop crying and find the right words as she kept trying to convince Mew.They usually didn't even let them see their parents, forgiving them after a mistake wasn't even a thing, they had a lot of punishments for the fertile ones if they tried to kill themselves or try to end the pregnancy.It was simple, fertile ones were low life and Gulf's mom was aware of it, so she was desperately trying to convince Mew to treat Gulf nice.
"Mom you don't have to—" Gulf was about to stop her again but he got surprised when Mew suddenly stood up.His mom was even more surprised when the guy kneeled down in front of her.
"I'm not going to report him." Mew said as he looked up at her, grabbing both of her hands kindly.Gulf could only watch since he wasn't expecting a move like that.
"Thank you I just—" She tried but Mew patted on her hands, not letting her keep doing the same thing as before.
"I won't report him for anything." He said, realizing the woman was worried since she knew her son, she was scared that he would do something again and get reported.
"I know that it wasn't easy, but it will be better from now on.You don't have to worry." He said with a gentle smile, he couldn't think of any other words, he didn't want to lie to that woman so he told the truth, he was doing this to make things better and he was obviously not after a fertile guys like the now-dead- one.
"Plus—you can easily see him, you will see it yourself." He said and his smile got wider when he saw the woman chuckling before wiping her tears, that detail really made her happy.Cause people usually took fertile ones like pets and didn't really bother to let them see their families or anything.Mew was the last guy who would do that but he knew telling all of these wouldn't convince that woman, she was a mother after all, so he just told the truth and hoped that she would sense he wasn't the bad guy in this unfortunate story.
"As long as he is well and healthy, I will be good." She said while looking at Gulf and Mew knew what she was trying to do, she was still not sure about her son.She never mentioned the pregnancy or child, didn't use any words related to that which gave Mew a quiet signal; he noted, it seemed like not using those words or bringing the topic up would be better for them.
"I'm sorry---Mew, she needs to go." Mild suddenly knocked and walked in, Gulf feeling surprised as he kept watching Mew, cause the guy didn't bother to get up when someone knocked, he thought Mew would pull himself up quickly to not let anyone see him kneeling down in front of someone like that.
"Okay." Mew nodded, slowly getting up as the woman followed him.
"Don't do anything stupid, take care---alright?" She told him while cupping his cheeks and Mew saw the boy nodding.Gulf smiled gently as she waved at him before walking out and waved back.But Mew watched his smile quickly disappearing after the woman left.He realized how strange this was, it was in the middle of night and they were alone in the room, actually Mew wanted her to stay that night so the next day they could go back to Area X together; he was lowkey scared of Gulf's reaction anyway.But Mild warned him about not making the manager of building suspicious, the whole thing was surprising enough.
He rubbed his palms against to each other nervously, not really knowing what to say.But he raised his eyebrows and looked at the boy's side as he heard some voices.He watched the pale boy getting comfortable on bed, completely covering himself with the white blanket and resting his head against the pillow.
"So, your name is Mew?" Gulf asked as he looked at him and Mew moved back to the couch across his bed, sitting down again.
"How old are you?" The younger asked and Mew looked at his big eyes which didn't seem so fiery like before.
"29." He answered and Gulf's eyebrows made a quick move like he was surprised, but he quickly got himself together.
"I didn't want to find a mate, I couldn't stall my family anymore." He explained without hearing him asking.He knew most of the people didn't actually wait till his age.
"Don't you think it's weird?" He asked so calmly, Mew wouldn't actually believe he was screaming with that angry face earlier cause the boy seemed so calm and peaceful while having his cheek against the pillow like that and looking at him.
"We have mothers, but the next generation of men will not have mothers." He was talking slowly, Mew realized that he actually kept ignoring the reality of being a fertile, so he never gave it a thought.He was really focused on helping the other kids in Area C, so he was only facing with the truth now.
"I don't think I can replace my mother with anything." He mumbled, one of his hands sliding under the pillow and making the corner of Mew's lip curl up a little since he seemed like such an innocent move.
"They will still have a family." Mew said after a while and watched the boy's eyes finding his again. "You can't replace your mom with anything cause you care about each other, cause she raised you and you are bonded." He tilted his head. "Not because she is a woman."
Gulf kept staring at him, this time his stare wasn't hateful or angry, it seemed similar to the time he cut his wrist, he seemed tired.
Mew actually wanted to tell him to not hurt himself, tell him that they could try this out and it could be good for him, tell him that being able to carry a child wasn't a thing to kill himself; but he stayed quiet until the boy closed his eyes.He thought saying one wrong word could flip everything again, the boy wasn't stable and Mew wasn't blaming him for it, this whole thing was even too much for him, he couldn't imagine Gulf's head now.So he chose to not say anything, he just sat there.Maybe letting the boy think by himself was better, he seemed calmer after staying with his mom for a while and Mew didn't want to pres the wrong buttons.
"We need to leave tomorrow." Mew said as he stood up. "Good night." He said, not getting a reply as he walked towards door and turned the lights off before walking out.
Everything inside him was screaming that he needed to stay there, make sure the boy wouldn't try to hurt himself again.But he thought this was the best for everyone, if he was determined about ending his life, Mew didn't think he would be able to stop him.He did it once cause everything was too much and Gulf wasn't even used to live like that, probably all of sudden feeling his body reacting in a way only he could understand was shaking for him.So he did a mistake, tried to end it with killing himself.But he was going to try it everyday, even under Mew's watch he would do it one day.Mew thought this night was the boy's answer.Gulf didn't say anything to him in the room, didn't say he wanted to kill himself or he would give it a try with Mew's plan.
Mew looked at the door before walking away, tonight was going to be his answer.
-
"God damn it!" Mew cursed under his breathe, he was done with turning around so he threw the blanket over and sat on the bed.He couldn't stop thinking about the possibility of finding Gulf dead in the morning and it was bugging the shit out of him.He knew there was no way to change his mind but still he wanted there to be a way.That boy didn't deserve to die, nobody would protect other kids like that, everyone in there focused on getting out as soon as possible, fertile ones needed to be worried about themselves first and that boy was doing the opposite for years.
He sighed before ruffling his hair and leaving his room, going downstairs again.
"Is there something—"
"I'm just gonna check on him." Mew told the guard who was having a tea in the end of the corridor.
He stopped in front of the boy's door, closed his eyes and exhaled before slowly opening the door.The bad scenario was seeing the boy in the pool of his own blood, the good one was seeing him sleeping peacefully.So he tried to not make a voice, slowly taking a step in to be able to see his bed.
The room was stil dark and he saw a movement on the bed, he was about to take another step to be able to see it more clear but he stopped breathing when he heard a muffled sob.
Gulf was crying.
He was crying really hard, it wasn't loud but Mew could hear the way he tried to take deep breathes and stay quiet.
After gulping and feeling the tug on his heart, Mew managed to tilt his head and have a clear view of the younger.He was sitting on his bed, his head was resting on his knees and his hands were tugging on his hair.
This view made Mew feel worse, he couldn't describe the feeling around his stomach, it almost felt like falling down from somewhere high.
The boy seemed really small like that, Mew already know that he wasn't able to eat that much in there and it caused him to gulp again, but the thing he felt in his throat wasn't actually going down.It was so heartbreaking to hear his sobs, he couldn't actually stand it for few more minutes, so he left the room quietly just like how he entered.
He couldn't kill himself.It was 6 in the morning and he was still breathing, he couldn't kill himself but he didn't want to live like this either.Mew knew he would definitely do it again if his mom didn't come, but he saw the way that woman looked at him,Most importantly, he saw the way Gulf looked at her.He wasn't doing it again just because of her, but he still didn't want this.
Mew didn't realize he was sitting on the floor, right in front of Gulf's door until the guard called him.
"Mr.Suppasit..? Is everything alright?" He seemed confused as he looked down at the man and Mew just shook his head no, checking his watch before standing up.
"Do you want me to—" The guy said a bit loud and Mew quickly pressed his index finger on his lips.
"Shh!" He said before grabbing the doorknob and opening the door slowly, letting out a sigh after seeing the boy sleeping under the covers.
The guy gave him a confused look, not knowing what to do as he stood there until Mew made a hand gesture, signalling him to leave quietly.He just nodded and obeyed, then Mew slowly closed the door and took careful steps to the couch.He sat down on the couch and got relieved as he saw Gulf's face not changing at all, he was probably exhausted after everything.
He leaned his elbow on the armrest, resting his cheek against his fist and sighing as he looked at the boy's sleeping face.
At least he was alive, he cared about his mom and he was willing to try to not end his life, even if it was just for now, it was a good sign.
Mew closed his eyes, feeling better after making sure the boy was still breathing.He didn't actually know what was gonna happen tomorrow, but he was also willing to give it a try.