A note from the Author:
Hello, readers!
Here are some musical suggestions for the
mood of this chapter (in chronological order):
* Shiro Sagisu - Here to Stay
* Emmelie De Forest - Only Tear Drops
- Heather
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Chapter ⅤⅠⅠⅠ: In Ashes
"Uncle, let the Captain know we'll be staying a bit longer." Iroh was taken back by Zuko's cheery mood. "Tell them to ... go have a nice bowl of noodles in one of the villages and enjoy themselves."
A heartfelt smile spread itself across the older man's face. He nodded, happy to oblige his nephew.
*✧*
The pair had been walking a while along the beach, not saying too much, content with each other's company. Zuko sometimes considered taking her hand, but found himself to suddenly be a terrible coward at the thought.
"So how do you keep your hair ..."
"Not looking like the pelt of a Platypusbear?" Nala finished his thought amid a discussion of hair maintenance.
"Oh, I don't know about that ... I'm sure it doesn't look particularly ... refined today." Nala tittered to herself. Zuko smiled. It was a little wilder than usual.
"I couldn't even imagine what a Palace must look like from the inside. Tell me more about these royal combings ... You said there was water involved? Is that uncomfortable?"
"Uh ... no, actually. It's kinda nice." Suddenly, Zuko's tongue acted before his head. "I could brush your hair for you if you ... want to know what it's like."
"Really?"
"Y-yeah ... I couldn't really do it the same as in the Palace, but ..."
"I'd like that."
He smiled at her, feeling a flutter of joy that she'd accepted. He felt her walking close to him, her hand brushing against his, and he decided to coyly slip his fingers into her's, letting them intertwine. He looked over at her, and not even minding the way his cheeks burned or the smile that crinkled his eyes. He felt peaceful drinking in her unusual beauty ... a pair of sparkling gemstones set against marble, framed by rushes of flaming topaz that caught the sunlight and wind like agrestal fields. She certainly wasn't the kind of beauty found poised in a palace, or painted and packed firmly to paramour perfection. She certainly wasn't a dainty wisp of a thing being moved about by servants, and it showed in the toning in her body that could be made out beneath her clothing.
He found himself starting to love the strange mannerisms she had. Even her animalistic movements, and the way her gait was less of the graceful shuffle of a noblewoman or courtesan, but steady shifts of weight ... like she was carrying herself through dance steps or a fight. Zuko found himself lingering on the thoughts of her and caught himself in his runaway emotions.
Soon, they came to the edge of had been a forest. The two began to walk through the blackened wasteland cautiously, stepping over entire trees that had fallen and been burnt from the inside out. Nala seemed to look incredibly morose as she scanned the remains of the swamp.
"This is terrible." She said grimly.
Zuko felt guilt welling inside him for bringing her here so soon."I'm sorry."
Nala shook her head.
"Don't be sorry ... this wasn't your doing." She gave him a reassuring smile, before her eyes looked closely over the burnt foliage. "But it wasn't a natural blaze, either. No fire from nature could burn through swampland and forest with this much ferocity. This was the Fire Nation. This was wanton killing."
"But I am the Fire Nation ... What makes me any different from them?" Nala had released his hand to move over to a fallen tree. She examined it closely, tapping on the charred wood as he spoke. "I'm just as destructive."
Her fingers curled under a separated slab of charred bark, and lifted in restrained heaves. She stood up.
"Fire is destructive." She said, making Zuko's stomach sink. She stretched out her now blackened hand to him. He took it as she pulled him over and toward the tree. She manoeuvred his hands, and together they lifted back the piece of burnt bark, revealing tiny green sprouts. "But sometimes what is left behind can grow back better than the generation before."
Nala looked up at Zuko who was studying the tiny plants intently. Her hand found his and her cool eyes filled him with warmth.
*✧*
They'd made their way along to where the fire had seemed to die out, probably from the firebenders giving up on whatever they were trying to flush out. They walked hand in blackened hand to the shore, dipping their hands in the cool water to rinse the soot away.
"You liked living there?" Zuko asked softly. Nala shrugged.
"I liked the trees, and the water. And the animals for the most part." Zuko blushed as he thought about the day with the frog and how close he'd been with her. He tried to push the thought down as the walked a little ways up the shore and sat together. "I could've done without that boggy smell. And ... it was lonely."
She paused, her fingers caressing a few blades of grass pensively.
"I suppose I should've been used to it. I was alone for quite a long time. It was okay ... once I started helping people it was easier to put them first. Even though doing what I do means I need to keep a distance. I can't risk anyone tying the Blue Spirit to villagers. It was easier again leaving my original home to come here, but of course, I'd lived there my entire life and it's all I'd known. So being in unfamiliar territory took some adjusting. And nothing seemed to cure the loneliness."
"I couldn't imagine if I'd had to travel as much as I have alone." Zuko mused.
"Yeah ... a ship like that would be awful big for one person."
"Yeah..."
"I can't really go back, now. So ... I guess I'm stranded again."
"Where do you think home will be this time?" Nala simply shrugged.
"Well ... maybe I can make it a little easier again." He began, hoping he was saying the right things. The hopeful glimmer in her eyes reassured him. "I ... your company is nice. If you like ... you can stay with me."
Nala cocked an eyebrow at his formal shift in tone.
"Is that risky?"
"I suppose not any more than it already has been." He hoped he hadn't made himself sound like she was a burden. He smiled awkwardly to try to mask it. She seemed to get the gist.
"I suppose not."
"And, y'know, it can be just ... until you find a new place to call home." He could have slapped himself. Too much overcompensation. Nala looked down with a more serious expression.
"Oh." She looked confused. ".. Sure."
"I mean, you hate the Fire Nation." Shut up, Zuko. Shut up, Zuko. Nala seemed to be getting increasingly vexed.
"I don't ... hate you." She murmured, an air of irritation laced her words.
"I don't hate you, too." He replied. Nala tittered at his awkward wording.
"I'd hope so." She smirked. "Funny way to act around someone you hate."
"Nala ..." She looked up at him expectantly.
"Yeah?" He noticed her mouth seemed to stay open ever so slightly after she spoke. He couldn't help but let his eyes trail over her lips.
"I'd ... uh." His words caught like fabric on a hook. "I don't know... nevermind."
Nala let out a sigh as she let herself fall back into the grass. She knew she shouldn't have expected any different from him, but as she laid in the cool grass, part of her had wish he'd said something. She rolled away from him, onto her side as she played with the grass. She'd hoped he'd said "I don't want you to leave" or "please stay with me", but a part of her wondered if it would ever work to travel with him. Would she have to stay in hiding from the guards the entire time? He was royalty after all. It wasn't as if he could be seen with - how had he put it? - 'Some thief from a swamp'. She'd have to face the music sooner or later that this companionship was fleeting.
*✧*
Zuko looked over at her after a while. He wished desperately to tell her what beautiful light she brought to his life, and the way she made his stomach flutter like a thousand fireflies were dancing within him. He wanted to touch her, and always be close to her. But he felt pulled in so many directions. He couldn't see passed what he saw as the destined path laid out for him ... he was supposed to capture the Avatar, bring him home to his father and have his honour restored. He'd finally be able to return home and take his rightful place. And as much as it saddened him, he couldn't seem to see a way to make Nala fit into this destiny. Not only would she find it hard to fit into royal life, she probably wouldn't even step foot in the Fire Nation ...
And then there was the matter of the Avatar. Would she even be able to understand his need to capture the Avatar? He imagined she'd be furious ... she'd bowl him over without breaking a sweat, reprimand him with a few choice words, and be on her merry way prancing about through a forest with the Avatar and his ... monkey thing.
With all this playing on his mind, it seemed to make a blockade in his throat.
Zuko placed a hand on her shoulder and gently rolled her onto her back. She looked at him expectantly, her eyes were searching. He placed a hand on her face, as pale and as cold as the surface of the moon, and leaned in till he could feel her breath on his lips. He felt electricity ignite a thousand powder kegs inside him and closed his eyes. He felt every single atom but one inside him burst into flame and the threads of the world pulling him closer ... but he stopped ... for the one part that gave him doubt.
His forehead rested against her's for a minute, catching his breath and the smell of her, before pulling away.
"I'm sorry I ... I can't."
He watched her eyes darkened as she looked away.
Zuko stood, holding a hand out to her to help her up. She pushed herself to her feet, and only then took his hand. What else would you expect from someone so stubborn? He led her silently down to the water's edge. They stood side by side, hand in hand as the sun set. He looked at her, watching the vibrant colours dancing on her pale skin and she looked up at him through her feathery lashes.
They pulled each other close, the sun blitzing the sky with reds and oranges as it sank into the ocean. Nala watched him and his sad honey eyes, searching for a glimmer of something. After a while, she laid her head on his chest and watched the light and warmth fade.
Zuko felt comfortable with her, it was peaceful ... and devastating.
*✧*
The walk back to the ship had been devoid of conversation. They sneaked quietly onto the ship, hoping the crew was still out enjoying revelries. He opened the door for her, but she hesitated.
"Is ... this the only room for me to sleep?" Her voice came as hesitant as her movements. Zuko felt himself sinking.
"Yeah ... sorry." His apology came across with more venom than he'd intended. She seemed to acquiesce, and moved through the opened door. He understood exactly why she asked, but still ... it hurt.
The door creaked shut and Zuko sat on the bed as Nala stood awkwardly at the edge of the room.
"Relax." He said, trying to sound welcoming. It didn't work.
She moved to the place where her clothes had been hidden earlier that day and retrieved them. Zuko took his cue and left the room.
He found himself again at the bow of the ship, hanging his head as he rested his arms on the railing. The sea air felt course on his skin, the salt prickling him. The water was quieter than usual, allowing his thoughts to drift atop the rolling waves.
Zuko found himself replaying the day in his mind, wandering through memories like a man lost on a street painted gold, the glaring setting sun bouncing off every surface, and at every junction reminding himself that each light dappled memory was not meant to be. Zuko felt a weight pressing on him. He wanted her to be safe and comfortable, to have a place to call home and not be alone after everything she'd just been through, he just couldn't keep getting close to her.
After spending a few hours contemplating his situation and his future, The Prince finally decided to return to his room.
He creaked the door open as slowly as he could to prevent it from squealing, finding Nala sleeping on the cold floor. He knelt beside her, brushing her hair from her face gently, his thumb finding a dampness around her eye. He scooped her up in his arms, feeling her stirring against him, then laid her gently onto the bed. He used a finger to tenderly wipe away the moisture under her eyes and on her cheeks, then pulled the blanket over her to keep her warm.
"..mmn?" She hummed, her eyes squinting.
"It's okay ... you'll be more comfortable here." He watched her shift around at the edge of a deep sleep, her hand moving to take a hold of his. "I'm here. I won't leave you."
Liar.
Zuko stayed by her for a while, keeping her company while she was far away and dreaming. When he was sure she would be okay, he stood up and made a makeshift bed on the floor. He stared at the ceiling for a while, his mind far too loud to sleep. Her dreamy breathing made his stomach flutter, and he closed his eyes to let his mind fill with the sound of her. He was trying his hardest to savour her company while it lasted, however long it lasted ...
However fleeting...
However difficult it was ...
But it was...
and it hurt.
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Author's Note:
I'm soooorrrryyyyyyyyyyy
- Heather