Susan marched towards the briefing room flanked by her personal detail, menacing yet resplendent in royal blue. Throughout the network of tunnels, her banner, emblazoned with her beloved pet budgerigar Darwin now hung. It was Susan's idea to have the silver dagger in his beak as he held aloft an olive branch in one wing and the Book of Alan in the other, and she had to admit, it looked pretty marvellous. As part of her swearing in ceremony, she had ornate silver daggers made for each Champion to symbolise their lifelong fealty to her.
'How's this all sitting with you, Treacle?'
Monkey looked up at Jaibles and then to the oppressive military bunting that now dominated the corridors of the old Justice for Earth headquarters.
'How do you mean?'
'You know full well how I mean. The Mother of your child has gone full Mother of Dragons on us.'
'Will you keep your voice down, no one can know about that.'
'But don't you think you should have a word, or something?'
'Jaibles, she's following the literal word of God, what exactly do you think I should say? Besides, she's already demanded I leave the Archangel and join her shuttle as 'Holy Engineer,' so I need to pick my battles.'
'What did you say?'
'I told her no. While all this is going on, the Archangel needs me more than she does. Perhaps when the child is born it will be different.'
'How did she take it?'
'Not well. Something tells me that conversation isn't over.' Monkey looked back at Jaibles, 'but this could be my one chance to have the life I always dreamed of: the little house, the dog, the family...'
'What are you soft cocks whispering about?'
They spun around to see Wildcard and Kali closing in behind them.
'Just admiring the new decor - lovely don't you think?' grinned Jaibles.
'Not really,' said Kali, 'and I'm not too keen on our new strategy either.'
'Pembo and Gabe seem pretty on board,' replied Monkey.
'There isn't much my sister wouldn't sacrifice to see Abaddon dead', interjected Wildcard, 'and as for Gabe, he just needs to grow a pair and tell her how he feels.'
They rounded the corner and entered the briefing room.
'Come on, lets see what fresh new hell, God's got in store for us today.'
They were the last to enter the harsh neon lighting of the briefing room and Kali was shocked to see how many people filled the room. All previous safety protocols had been discarded.
'Finally! You can take a seat over there,' ordered Susan's advisor before signalling to the guard by the back entrance.
A steady murmur rippled through the room as a procession of guards marched in at speed.
'SILENCE!' he screamed, dropping to all fours. 'Her high priestess, Emissary to the Lord God Alan: Susan the Unworthy.'
The procession of royal blue uniforms formed a guard of honour at her throne, holding their spears aloft. Moments later, in glided Susan with the air of a victorious warrior.
'Thank you for joining me at such short notice. As time is of the essence, I shall be brief. Using the foundation of the original plan put forward by Pembo and her team, I have devised a new strategy. A strategy with one sole objective: the death and sacrifice of Buzz Abaddon.'
A smile crept across Pembo's mouth as the murmuring heightened.
'Jäger Yamagotchi.'
A young man dressed in black stepped forward. His long hair, so black it shone blue against the neon lights, was swept back into a bun. Bowing low towards Susan, he looked up at her with emerald eyes.
'I am here to serve, your Unworthiness.'
'What do you know of your part in the previous plan?'
'Nothing, your Unworthiness.'
'Then allow me to enlighten you.'
Kali gesticulated wildly towards Pembo in protestation, who, with a single glance ordered her to step down.
'You were to use your connection to Abaddon to feed him false information, but I believe to limit your involvement to just this is to limit our chances of defeating Abaddon for good. So here is what I want from you.'
Susan nodded to her advisor who pulled down a detailed map of the fleet.
'First, you are to feed Abaddon the information that we are to attack his personal assets here at the far westerly point of the fleet, far from his personal shuttle and EDEN Military stronghold at the opposite end.'
Jager nodded his compliance.
'Captain Bingram.'
'Aye aye Skipper!' he bellowed.
'The reason Jager is going to feed him this information is because you are going to take our full fleet of shuttles and attack his personal assets at the far westerly point of the fleet.'
'So no longer just a decoy, but a full scale battle with the Military Police who will be expecting us and lying in wait with their full arsenal of tanks?'
'Yes,' said Susan.
'We're going to get torn apart!' he laughed maniacally. 'I love it!'
'While Captain Bingram is drawing Abaddon's forces to the west - JJ and Kali: You will continue your mission as planned to secure the Serpentine Media broadcast tower, however you will no longer have access to the weapon.'
'Then how are we supposed to do it?' objected Kali.
'We can help with that,' said Gabe as Jaibles gave her two thumbs up from across the briefing room.
'There,' pacified Susan, staring Kali down. 'While our forces occupy the EDEN Military's attention to the west, and you secure the broadcast tower to the north, Jäger is to take the weapon...'
'I've called it the Nutcracker,' beamed Jaibles.
'Indeed,' continued Susan tiring of the interruption. 'As I was saying, Jäger is to take the "Nutcracker" and affix it to his shuttle, the YAMA 2010.
A low rumble of confusion and worry cracked open and spilled across the room.
Susan raised her voice.
'For only Jäger Yamagotchi has the credentials and the clearance to dock with the SS YAMA Pharmaceuticals, located next to Abaddon's private shuttle. It is here we secure our redemption for this and future generations, because just before Jäger docks, when he is at the closest point between the SS Abaddon One and the SS YAMA Pharmaceuticals, he will fire the weapon and offer this sacrifice to the Lord God Alan.'
'But there are thousands aboard that shuttle,' said Monkey.
'Then they shall all be sacrificed,' snapped Susan.
'I will go with him,' announced Pembo stepping forward. 'This is too important to leave to someone so new, besides, Abaddon's life is mine to take and no one else's.'
'It would be an honour to have such a high ranking member of Justice for Earth aboard the YAMA 2010,' bowed Jäger.
'Then it is settled,' announced Susan standing up.
'So, what sort of time scale are we looking at?' asked Wildcard looking around, 'because there is a lot of planning required to pull this off safely.'
'Time scale?' replied Susan. 'Time is of the essence. We leave in an hour.'
Susan's guard of honour reformed at the door of the briefing room and she marched out to a stunned silence.
The tunnels of Justice for Earth became a hive of frantic activity. Thousands of Captains readying their shuttles for an impossible fight. Kali raced to catch up with Pembo outside Jäger's EX.
'Why are you agreeing to this? It goes against every procedure you put in place to keep us safe.'
'And where has it got us? Abaddon still holds power and still hunts us. If this is the risk we have to take to rid us of him once and for all, then I accept that.'
'I don't trust Jäger,' hissed Kali, 'and neither should you.'
'You don't trust anyone,' smiled Pembo making her way into the belly of the YAMA 2010. Jäger stood at the entrance welcoming her in. He caught Kali's glare and winked back as the ramp slowly raised, sealing them inside.
'Champions - Report in.'
A pensive Susan sat on her throne as her advisor conducted proceedings to her request.
'Archangel ready for take off,' reported Gabe.
'Porlock ready for take off,' said Kali.
'Broadwick and squadron 'Redemption' ready for take off,' yelled Bingram.
'Porlock and squadron 'Paradise' ready for take off,' reported JJ
'Tyssen and squadron 'New Earth' ready for take off,' said Wildcard.
'YAMA 2010 still refuelling. Take off estimated in ten mins,' reported Pembo.
Susan nodded towards her advisor.
'Very well. Broadwick, Porlock and Tyssen: permission to engage. Archangel and Henbury: permission to approach but do not engage until distraction is underway.'
Gabe, Monkey and Jaibles watched from the bridge and looked out as bursts of light shot across the shimmering lake of planet Battenberg and out into space.
'This is it boys!' giggled Jaibles removing his clothes.
'I just hope it works,' replied Monkey anxiously.
Gabe was given the green light to take off and he shot them out towards the outer perimeter of the fleet's radar, where he slowed to a stop.
'Archangel in place,' reported Gabe.
'Henbury in place,' reported Kali.
'Hold your positions. Bingram, can you confirm the decoy is effective?'
The sound of a blood-curdling scream filled the Archangel.
'GIIIIIIIIIIIIRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR.'
Gabe froze at the audible horror echoing in his ears; froze until the scream mellowed then fell a full octave. It was then he realised it wasn't screaming - It was singing.
' RRRRRRRRRRRRRlllllllllllllssss just wanna have fu-un, I said giiiiiiiiirrrrrrrrrrls just wanna have, that's all they really waaaaaaaaaaaaannnn...'
'Captain Bingram, will you report your status!'
'It's absolute carnage,' bellowed Bingram with glee, 'the full Military fleet are here and they're tearing us apart! '
'Archangel and Henbury you have permission to proceed.'
Calculating a single jump, they warped to the location of the Serpentine Broadcast Tower as provided by Jäger. With weapons at maximum capacity they searched the surrounding area for any signs of a trap.
'Looks clear,' reported Kali.
'Affirmative. Let's get the tower located and attached ASAP to limit the damage to the squadrons. Jaibles will meet you by the entrance, Monkey and I will provide cover.'
'SPACE PIRATES!' whooped Jaibles into the ComsLink before running off to suit up.
'Really?' Sighed Kali, 'you're sending Captain Underpants out to help me?'
'You'll be fine,' smiled Gabe, bringing the Archangel around and firing a light volley of cannon fire at the cargo bay doors of the broadcast tower, 'I'm almost positive they were clean on this morning.'
From the bridge, they watched Jaibles float peacefully by, tow cable in hand, and dock with the twisted metal remains of the bay doors.
'All yours,' he called as Kali landed gracefully behind him.
Gabe jumped the Archangel and two twisted metal sheets popped from their hinges and floated aimlessly into space.
'Alright Geezer, scanners are on full. Stay online and be ready to get out of there at a moment's notice,' said Monkey watching them float into the silent vessel.
Aboard the YAMA 2010, Pembo nervously eyed the controls to the weapon. The sleek lines of Abaddon's personal shuttle hovering into view.
'Are you sure he's in there?'
'Positive,' replied Jäger calmly as he sipped from a glass bottle of milk.
'Okay - Start your approach. I estimate 900 yards is the closest we can get before safely activating the weapon. '
'This is Exploration shuttle YAMA two zero one zero to Mothership YAMA Pharmaceuticals requesting access to the maintenance bay on level one six seven.'
Pembo shot him a confused glance.
'It's on the side closest to Abaddon, so they can't be suspicious about the angle of our approach.'
'Jäger my boy!' fizzed the response. 'I assume everything is going to plan?'
'Like clockwork, Father,' smiled Jager, winking at Pembo.
Several pensive minutes passed for Monkey and Gabe as they stared anxiously at their scanners.
'I don't like it,' worried Monkey. 'Something's wrong.'
Gabe opened up the ComsLink. 'Jaibles, what's going on in there? Is the broadcast tower secure yet?'
Muffled fragments of an argument filled the bridge.
'Hold on a second, Gabe. Hot buttery coitus,' repeated Jaibles. 'Look, you're being ridiculous. ...'Now I'm here;' 'Flick of the wrist;' 'Stone cold crazy,' Jaibles persisted. 'Freddie knew every red-blooded man wants to feel heroic as he's going through the gears. Wants to be standing at the top of that mountain, infinity stretching out before him, thunder and lightning in the skies, wearing nothing but a bear-skin loincloth...'
'I'm going to have to stop you there,' said Kali. 'You know Freddie was gay, right?'
'That's irrelevant. A red blooded male is a red blooded male...'
'JAIBLES!' Screamed Gabe.
'What?'
'The Serpentine Media broadcast tower.'
'It's not here. Something like that should take up at least a couple floors, but we're finishing up a sweep of the shuttle and nothing.'
Confusion, then panic swept through him before an ice cold realisation dawned.
'Get back to your shuttles, NOW!'
His next thought turned to Pembo.
'Mission control, this is Archangel. It's a trap. I repeat, this is a trap. There is no broadcast tower, we've been sent to an empty shuttle.'
Susan rose from her throne and anxiously paced the room.
'Received, Archangel. Await further instructions,' said her advisor looking at Susan.
'Get me Jäger on the line immediately,' she ordered.
'HQ to YAMA 2010. Come in YAMA 2010.'
He looked to Susan for divine guidance as pensive static filled the briefing room.
'Come in YAMA 2010. Do you copy?'
'This is YAMA 2010,' replied Jager.
'YAMA 2010, this is Archangel,' interrupted Gabe. 'There is no broadcast tower. Your Intel was wrong, there is no broadcast tower.'
There was a sharp intake of air through teeth. 'Gee, sorry about that,' smirked Jäger, 'I guess those are the breaks.'
'Pembo, get out of there. Abort mission!'
'Ahh, I'm afraid Pembo can't come to the phone right now, but I wanted to thank you all for how accommodating you've been.'
'I swear to god if you've hurt her...'
Jager cut the transmission with a chuckle and stepped over the unconscious Pembo, brushing shards of broken bottle and milk from his seat.
The Mothership YAMA Pharmaceuticals and its million twinkling windows, opened up its cavernous mouth and they disappeared, like a fly into the ominous darkness of the maintenance bay. Its steel teeth patiently trundled closed behind them, sealing them in.