September 28th: Alanta
Billie's POV:
There's a show today, this is the biggest show so far. It's about four hours before the show, Maddie and I are laying in her bunk watching The Office.
Maddie: "Are you nervous for the show today?"
Billie: "No, I performed here last year and it was best day of my life. So I expect this show to be crazy as hell."
Maddie "You have to press soon."
I whined and held on to her tighter.
Maddie: "Plus, I have to go to the airport."
Billie: "Why do you have to go to the airport?"
Maddie: "Because I flew in my nail lady because I need my nails done so fucking bad."
Billie: "Let me see."
Maddie: "No." She made fists and crossed her arms.
I playfully rolled my eyes and rested my head on her shoulder.
Billie: "What time do you have to go the airport?"
Maddie: "In like forty minutes."
Billie: "I can still cuddle you for forty minutes. Who's taking you to the airport?"
Maddie: "Claudia, and then we were gonna shopping. But I don't know if we're gonna have time for that because I wanna go to your show."
Billie: "You don't have to come if you don't want to."
Maddie: "Did you not hear what I said? I wanna come to your show."
I gave her a smile and looked up at her, she gave her a short kiss and my eyes fluttered.
Maddie: "I love you."
Billie: "I love you too."
...
It's been about two hours, Maddie's nails are done and she's been trying to take an Instagram picture of them for 30 minutes.
Maddie: "I don't even fucking care, I'm posting this one."
Via Instagram:
Liked by: bhadbhabie, finneas and 5,985,825 others.
madisonvoyage: favorite set so far 💅🏼
billieeilish: so you're not going to address the fact that it took you 30 minutes to take this picture?
madisonvoyage: @billieeilish why you gotta be like that?
Maddie turned around to see me standing there.
Billie: "You like your nails?"
Maddie: "Yes ma'am."
I laced our hands together and pulled her over to a couch, I rested my head in her lap. She started playing with one of the chains around my neck.
Maddie: "I'm really proud of you."
I looked at her.
Maddie: "You were hella stressed about tour and everything, but you're pushing through it and overall you're doing an amazing job at pulling all of this off."
Billie: "It's cause you're here, and I couldn't do it without you. I don't think you realize how much, you being here means to me and you're making it so much easier."
Maddie: "I'm glad that I can help you through this."
I smiled at her and she ran her hand through my hair, it was peaceful. It was always peaceful before my shows
Shortly after that, Finneas rushed in and he said something that I never wanted to hear.
Finneas: "He's here."
It took me a second to process what he was saying.
Billie: "I'm sorry, what?"
Finneas: "He's here."
Billie: "Why? Who let him here?"
Finneas: "I don't know, he said that he wanted to talk to you."
I sat up and ran my hands through my hair, I pulled Finneas closer so I could whisper to him.
Billie: "You're talking about Q aren't you?"
He nodded and I sighed, but then all of a sudden I remember Maddie's here. I can't- I can't tell her like this
Maddie: "Bil what's going on?"
I hesitated, "My ex is here, and I don't know why. I don't wanna tell you what happened yet, and I especially don't wanna tell you here. This isn't how I'm supposed to tell you."
Maddie: "You have no clue how much I understand, do you wanna talk to him?"
Billie: "He wants to talk to me."
Maddie: "Then go talk to him."
Billie: "You can come with if that'll make you feel more comforta-"
Maddie: "No, I trust you. Go." Before I walked away she laced our hands together and gave me kiss on my forehead.
Billie: "I love you."
Maddie: "I love you."
Finneas led me to him, and I never thought seeing him in person would fill me with pain. I hide my emotions all the fucking time, and right now it's hard as hell.
I started walking slower and became more pre-cautious, I started putting my walls back up quickly, remembering who I was with him.
Finneas patted me on my shoulder and walked away quickly. I stopped walking when I get a certain distance away from him.
Q: "Hi Bil." He bit the inside of lip, he's showing his nervous signs.
Billie: "Hello."
Q: "Will you um, sit with me?" He gestured the to the seats.
Billie: "I guess."
He was walking ahead of me, we both made it to the seats and he turned to face me.
Billie: "Why are you here?"
Q: "I didn't realize how good you were until it was too late."
Billie: "If you're confessing feelings, I got something to tell you."
Q: "I know you go out with Maddie, and I'm not here to confess feelings or whatever. I just want you back in my life, that's all."
Billie: "I don't think that's a good idea."
Q: "Why?"
Billie: "Because with the situation I'm in, I don't wanna get hurt again and I don't want to hurt the ones around me."
Q: "Okay, I'm not forcing you to do anything. But just please give it some thought though?"
Billie: "Okay." Yeah, I will not be doing that.
I got up and walked away, I looked at my phone to see that the meet and greet's about to start and I have no time to talk to Maddie.
How does he know that I go out with her? Oh yeah, I have a public relationship. I made my way backstage and I looked everywhere for Maddie, but I just couldn't find her. As I was looking for her, I ran into my mom.
Maggie: "There you are, it's time for the meet and greet."
Billie: "Where's Maddie?"
Maggie: "She's somewhere with Claudia, they didn't say where they were going."
So, she's not coming to the show? She said she wanted to, did this get to her? Did I hurt her?
Billie: "I'mma go to the bathroom before I meet them."
Maggie: "Okay. You have like three minutes."
Billie: "Okay."
I practically jogged to the bathroom and I pulled my phone out of my pocket, and pushed on Maddie's contact.
Calling Shorty❤️:
Maddie: "Hello?"
Billie: "Are you okay?"
Maddie: "Of course, why wouldn't I be? Are you okay?"
Billie: "I just thought, I thought that I hurt you about what just happened. To answer your question no, I'm not okay. But I will be."
Maddie: "I'll be back before your show starts, I'm with Claudia taking pictures. We'll talk."
Billie: "Okay, I have to go to the meet and greet. I'll see you soon, I love you."
Maddie: "I love you too babygirl."
Via Instagram:
Liked by: bhadbhabie, billieeilish, and 4,365,736 others.
madisonvoyage: deadass don't know what to caption this.
bhadbhabie: I MISS YOU BABYGIRL!
billieeilish: why tf your feet look so little?
madisonvoyage: @billieeilish you got no room to talk with your baby feet😂
I smiled at her comments, I love messing with her.
After the meet and greet and the show.
The show went how I thought it would, the energy was crazy. But since, I love Atlanta, I wanna take Maddie out. I know exactly how I'mma do it too.
I told Maddie we would talk after the show, and to be honest, I don't wanna talk about it. At least not now, like I'mma tell her that everything was okay.
I was currently sitting in the bus by myself, and everyone else walked in. Everyone went to their own parts of the bus, Maddie sat down by me and laced our hands together.
Maddie: "You did good tonight babygirl."
Billie: "I know."
I leaned deeper into the couch, and took both of her hands in mine.
Billie: "I'm taking you out tonight."
Maddie: "You're not tired?"
Billie: "Nah, and I just wanna spend time with you."
Maddie: "Okay, where are we going?"
Billie: "You'll see."
I laced our hands together and we walked out of the tour bus, we got into the Uber that I had waiting. Now you're looking at me, like how did I have time to do this? This was already planned before everything had happened.
Maddie had her head rested on my shoulder while she traced the design on my shorts, and I know she wants to say something. But she doesn't wanna force me into saying anything.
Maddie: "Are you excited to be back home next week?"
Billie: "Extremely."
Maddie: "Are you excited to leave the country?"
Billie: "Yes, because it's with you."
Maddie: "When we get back to L.A. I was wondering if I could stay with you? Because my house isn't ready."
Billie: "Of course, shorty."
Maddie: "I'm not gonna ask you to move in either."
I looked at her.
Maddie: "I just feel like it's not necessary, because like you have your own career and you work from your house. I still want you to be over there all the time, I still want it to be like my apartment. I want you to have your own space and I want to have my own space."
Billie: "Makes sense, and I know you like your alone time. But I'll still be over there all time. So don't think you can get rid of me that easily."
Maddie: "I would never get rid of you." She brought her thumb up to stroke my cheek gently, I leaned into her touch.
Shortly after that we pull up the arcade that I rented out, I just wanted to beat her in laser tag, and that's exactly what I'mma do too.
Maddie: "You rented this out, didn't you?"
Billie: "Sure did."
Maddie smiled at me and laced our hands together, I held the door open for her and she walked in. I love when I take her out, just because I love the look on her face.
We walked to the counter and got the game cards, we held hands as we walked around. Maddie stopped when she got to a claw machine and she saw a stuffed animal.
Billie: "I have an idea."
Maddie: "What?"
Billie: "We'll take turns trying to get that stuffed animal, whoever wins it, is the top."
Maddie: "Say less."
Maddie went first, and she didn't get it. I went and I didn't get it. It was like for a couple more turns, and I ended up getting it.
I leaned down and picked it up and handed it to her.
Billie: "There you go shorty." I gave her a smile.
Maddie: "Are you happy now?"
Billie: "Yes ma'am."
Maddie and I walked around for awhile, playing the different games and winning different things. We ended up sitting at the car games, I took a picture of her because she looked cute.
Maddie was sitting facing forward, but she was looking at me and I was sitting facing her.
Maddie: "Are you alright? I know today was hard for you."
Billie: "Yeah I'm okay, I just wish that he didn't show up and I wish that part of the day never happened."
Maddie: "Everything happens for a reason babygirl, whether you like it or not. You can't do anything about it."
Billie: "I know."
Maddie: "I'm not gonna make you tell me what happened today and I'm not going to ask what happened in general, you were patient with me so I'mma be patient with you."
Billie: "Ugh, you're too good to me. But I'll tell you what happened today, it wasn't even that bad. I'm just dramatic about the whole thing."
Maddie: "You sure you wanna tell me?"
Billie: "Positive."
Maddie: "Okay." She rested her hand on my thigh and I started to draw little designs on her fingers.
Billie: "He asked to me sit with him, and then he said that he didn't realize how good I was until it was too late, then he said that he knew you and I were a thing. He said that he wanted me back in his life, and I told him that was a horrible idea. But he asked me to think about my decision and I told him that I would, but I will not be doing that."
Maddie just looked at me, I was looking down at her hand because I couldn't make eye contact with her.
Maddie: "He really hurt you."
Billie: "Yeah, really bad."
Maddie: "You remember when you surprised me in New York? You said that you don't acknowledge your feelings, do you still not acknowledge them?"
Billie: "I'm getting there, I know how I feel for like the first time ever and I'm happy with it. I talk about my feelings with you all the time, I just don't acknowledge the bad ones."
Maddie: "How often are your bad ones?"
Billie: "Not often, they happen when I have one of my moods or whatever. It's not even like bad, it's just. I don't know, I just doubt things."
Maddie: "Do you doubt us?"
Billie: "I have never doubted us for a second."
Maddie: "Neither have I, I don't think I doubted you, I think I just doubted myself and my ability to let you love me. That's cliche as hell." She laughed.
Billie: "I'm glad that you realized that I'm here for you and I'mma care for you no matter what."
Maddie: "You know that you can talk to me about anything and everything, even if you think it's pointless. I'mma be here and I'm going to support you through everything."
Billie: "Thank you shorty, I appreciate you. Can I kick your ass in laser tag now?"
Maddie: "Anything for you." She smiled.
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this virus canceled my school for three weeks. so best believe i'll be writing the whole time🤪
thanks ily
words: 2357.