omg theres smut at the end of this chapter so dont read if ur like 9
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A month had past since Ashton and I had tried to make this whole thing work and it seemed to be going better than I had thought. January is probably the worst month - it's cold and raining all the time. Ashton and I still hadn't made anything official, but I like that he's trying more than he was before. I thought that after five months of knowing Ashton - I would have ran by now after everything he's put me through, although I still get the same heart racing feeling whenever I'm around him. I don't ever want that feeling to go away.
I arrive home from school, rushing through the door to get away from the freezing weather. I slam the door quickly behind me, to be greeted by the noise of my parents shouting at one another. This had been going on for a couple of weeks now, although I haven't thought much of it. They've been together for twenty years now, I figure that they'll sort out whatever rough patch they're going through.
My Mom and Dad come storming down the stairs. I instantly spot my Mom holding a suitcase, before she quickly throws it down the stairs - where I am still stood at the bottom by the front door.
"Get out!" My Mom screams at my Dad, shoving the bag into his chest. Fuck. What the Hell is going on?! "I don't want you anywhere near the kids and I don't want you anywhere near this house. Ever."
I feel my heart pounding in my chest and I feel a little dizzy. I feel like I could pass out by the sudden shock I had just walked through the door into. I almost want to rush back out of the door and not walk in until it's all over. Anxiety washes over me and I feel weak at the knees, dreading whatever is about to come.
"Let's just talk about this," My Dad's voice is loud and demanding as he tries to reach for my Mom's arm and she pulls away quickly.
This cannot be happening. "What's going on?" I finally get the guts to ask, even though I'm dreading the answer. My palms get sweaty as I look between the two of them, feeling petrified as I see my Mom burst into tears.
"Ask your father!" My Mom snaps, gritting her teeth in disgust.
I breathe heavily and look over to my Dad. His face is covered in guilt. "Lacey, listen, you know I'd never do anything to hurt you...or your Mom."
"Bullshit," Mom snaps in disgust, screwing her face as her eyes refuse to even look in my Dad's direction. It's now that I realize that this is serious and I just want to break down. I want to go back to a few months ago when everything was fine.
I find myself sobbing and my voice shaky. "Will someone just tell me what's going on?"
Neither of them answer. All that's heard is my Mom's heavy sobs and my heavy breathing. My mind begins ticking with the worst possible answers they could give me and I could scream right now. Why is this happening to me?
My Mom reluctantly speaks, fiddling with her fingers. "Your Dad cheated on me, Lacey."
WHAT. I feel my mouth hang open as the words come out of her mouth. No, he couldn't of. Why would he? I have no idea how to react - whether I should deny it to myself or just break down crying at the thought of my Dad with another woman. My mind begins to play all the happy times we had together as a family (in the space of ten seconds) and everything just begins to go blurry.
My lip trembles and I can't make it stop, I just want someone to tell me it's not true. I just want to wake up and act like this is all a dream. "Dad, please, tell me it's not true," I practically beg.
My Dad stays silent and it suddenly hits me that my Dad is a lying, cheating asshole and I have no idea how to feel about that. A part of me wants to charge forward and kill him for putting Mom through this - and his children - but another part just wants to forgive him and act like this had never happened.
"Lacey, this doesn't change anything," Dad says softly. LIAR. I want to throw up. His voice, the voice that would read me a bedtime story every night when I were younger, now makes me want to be physically sick from the thought of his lies coming out of the same lips.
My heart pounds and I bring myself to look at his face. He's almost crying too, although what right does he have. He's the cheater and the liar. How dare he expect sympathy from me? I explode. "It changes everything!"
By now tears are running down my cheek and dripping onto the ground and Mom cries harder too. God, this is all too much. How can I get through the day knowing everything from now is about to change? All because of him. All because my father had to fuck everything up. I almost hate him right now.
"You should go," Mom speaks quietly, trying to refrain her tears.
I stand silently, lost for any form of words. I have nothing to say to him. Parts of me want to know every little disgusting detail, although I know I'm not ready for that. I need time to digest all of this. My Dad picks up his bag and smiles at me as he walks out of the door. How dare he even smile at me after all he's putting us through.
Mom and I stay up until midnight, sobbing away as we sit on the bottom step. Eventually, I tell her to go to bed - knowing that there's no point wasting anymore time crying. I stay on the step and wait for Mom to cry herself to sleep. The noise is heartbreaking. I could melt.
I think for a moment about heading to bed too, although my mind is too fucked up for that right now. I don't need sleep. I need Ashton.
I drive round to Ashton's house at one in the morning, not really thinking about waking him up - but feeling selfish that all I want is his arms wrapped around me. I don't really think anything could make me feel better right now, but the scent of Ashton's sweet cologne and his strong arms strongly around me might help.
This is dumb, my subconscious hisses at me as I stand on Ashton's doorstep to his mansion, go back home and sleep, you idiot! I tell my mind to shut up, not wanting to think about anyone else but myself right now. I knock on the door. SHIT. What if one of his parents open the door?! I begin to panic and find myself rushing away from the front door. Before I have time to get back into my car I hear the door unlock and open.
"Lacey?" Ashton's groggy voice startles me as I quickly turn back and face him. "What are you doing here?"
I don't speak - simply because I have no idea what to say. I just drag myself over to where he's stood sleepily in the doorway, wearing only his Calvin Klein underwear and his hair messily scattered all over the place. He looks simply perfect and the pretty sight of him is almost soothing enough.
"Are you okay?" Ashton asks and I ignore him once again. Instead, I just burst out crying and fall into his arms. "Lacey, what's happened?"
I manage to whimper out, holding tightly onto him and never wanting to let go. Ashton begins to rub my back and goes along with it. "Can I come inside?"
Ashton pulls away for a moment and looks at me intently with his hazel eyes. God, he's gorgeous. I could stare into his days all day. He looks at me softly and warm. "Sure," he smiles gently, taking my hand in his, "just stay quiet or we'll wake my parents up."
I nod as I allow him to lead me up the spiral stairs and into his dark bedroom. We instantly make our way onto the bed and Ashton helps me climb under the covers, before he gets in beside me. He scoops me into his arms like a baby and soothingly rubs my hair and presses light kisses to my forehead. Please don't ever stop or I think I might break into a million pieces right now.
"My Dad cheated on my Mom," I mumble after seemingly forever of silence. I thought Ashton may have fallen asleep when he doesn't answer straight away, but eventually holds me tighter.
"Shit, that sucks, Lacey," Ashton breathes beside me.
I find that I'm all out of tears at the moment, although my heart still feels weird as if a part of it had been ripped out. "Why would he do that, Ashton?" I whimper into his chest. "I feel like it's all my fucking fault."
Ashton places a kiss on my forehead. "How is it your fault?" Ashton's voice is soft and soothing. "You couldn't have prevented it. He's an asshole for doing this to you Lacey and he deserves the full blame."
Ashton seems almost mad himself and it's comforting. "You're lucky, Ashton. I know you don't get along with your parents, but at least they're still together."
Ashton stiffens at my comment, and I'm afraid that he's going to get mad. He relaxes and keeps his hold around me still. Phew. I couldn't deal with anymore drama for one day. "One day, I want to have kids and do everything right, you know? I want to give them everything I never got to have."
"I never had you down as a Daddy type of guy,"
"I'm definitely a Daddy type of guy," Ashton teases and I know he's smirking even though I can't see him.
I chuckle a little, before allowing it to go silent for a little while again. The silence is almost soothing and being in Ashton's presence proves to be helping a lot. "I haven't really thought about having a family of my own, I'm too busy dealing with the one I'm currently in."
"Me too," Ashton agrees, "but sometimes it's nice to think that one day I'll have kids of my own and I have the chance to give them everything I never got."
"Looks like you've got everything figured out," I observe.
"I like to be prepared, Lacey," Ashton chuckles. "I'm going to get a scholarship into a soccer academy in London, make it professional and then hopefully settle down when I retire."
London. That's so far away. I decide to not take into account the whole London thing, since the chances of making it big in soccer is slim anyway. I dare not to tell him that. Although, i feel intrigued about Ashton's future plans. "Have you applied for this place in London?"
"I have," Ashton says and his voice suddenly turns quiet as if he doesn't want to discuss this right now - although I definitely do. "I go over there next month so they can observe my performance."
Oh. I decide not to speak because I'm not sure I want to think about having to deal with Ashton and I living in two different countries. I know that it's my inner teenage girl talking, getting ahead of myself and dreaming of being with Ashton forever - which is unlikely, I know - but I don't want anything to ruin my day dreaming at the moment.
"I've always imagined myself staying here, working in a small office and having kids when I meet the right person," I say.
"You want to stay here?" Ashton questions and I nod into his chest. He plays with the ends of my hair and sighs - he's thinking exactly what I am. It's completely obvious that our futures are different and it's not something I want to begin to think about. "We should sleep, we have school tomorrow."
Oh yeah. School. I had completely forgot about that. Just because my life seemed to have come to an end doesn't mean the world around me stops too. "I don't want go to school; we should just stay in bed all day."
Ashton softly chuckles. "That sounds great, but Mr Raye would lose his shit if I miss practise tomorrow. You should have seen him when Calum was five minutes late - he threatened to shave Michael's hair off."
"Oh."
"He said it's going to fall out anyway, so he might as well do the honours," Ashton explains and we both chuckle.
How does Mr Raye even still work at this school?
I roll over on my side and face Ashton, admiring how beautiful he is with the dim moonlight pouring through the curtains. I lean forward and softly kiss his lips, wanting to absorb every single feature to him in this moment.
"You even look hot when it's dark," I say dreamily. Perhaps I shouldn't have said that out loud. It sounded kind of creepy. Ashton grins and smirks at me cockily.
"Are you flirting with me, Lacey King?" Ashton teases, knowing I''d ge embarrassed.
"I was just complimenting you, Ashton Irwin."
Ashton smiles. "Tell me something I don't know, Lacey."
I think for a moment as I admire how he's grinning like a child in front of me as he finds himself hillarious. Care free Ashton is definitely my favorite. I sing awfully, "you don't know...oh, oh... you don't know you're-"
"Stop!" Ashton grabs his pillow and tosses it at me and I instantly pick it up and throw it back.
"Hey, that hurt me!" Ashton whines as he crawls on top of me and begins to kiss my neck casually. I smile at his lips on my skin, the feeling is like nothing else. It's amazing the kind of power he has over me and I never seem to manage to get enough of him. Being around him makes me forget everything that's happening in the world and only focus on him. I love that.
"I thought you're Mr Popular, Ashton Irwin," I tease, "you don't do getting hurt."
"Very true, Lacey King," Ashton pauses and looks up at me as the corners of his lips tug into a smile, "you should be careful because I'll probably break your heart."
"Not if I break yours first," I chuckle. Ashton smiles as his lips travel to my neck and places light kisses on my skin. I close my eyes and allow myself to absorb every moment of it - since there felt something different about tonight and I wanted no interuptions. All I want is to be close to the guy I've found myself hopelessy devoted to.
I realize Ashton is on top of me with only his underwear on as I lay underneath him fully clothed. I volunterily sit up and Ashton looks to me with confusion. I tug my shirt over my head and lay back down. Ashton just stares for a moment, looking lost so I guide him back down on top of me and place my lips onto his. We continue like this for a while, our tongues dancing around each others mouths as Ashton's hands travel up and down my sides.
I can feel his evident bulge pressed against me and it only makes me want him more. I reach down to pull my jeans off and Ashton pauses.
"I thought you said on the rules that we're not doing this for another year," Ashton pants as he kneels beside me.
I smirk devilishly. "Who said anything about having sex?"
"You fuck me up, Lacey," Ashton breathes, running a hand through his hair and biting on his lip. He lays off for a moment and it only makes me want him even more. He doesn't push me into anything and just stops when I do. I realize that there's only one thing I want right now.
I climb onto Ashton this time and crash my lips, hard, against his. Our lips touching feels like butterflies and thunderbolts filling the room and I love being so close to him. I begin to pull at my jeans and Ashton looks up at me startled. I just give him a smile as I tug them off and throw them onto the ground.
"Look, I think we should stop here," Ashton breathes, "if we keep going further and stop, I think my dick might fall off."
"Ashton-"
"I'm actually being serious, Lacey," Ashton looks to me with wide eyes. "I saw it in a movie."
Oh dear. This, ladies and gentleman, is the guy I'm falling for. "I don't want to stop, Ashton."
I blush as I speak and Ashton's eyes almost burst out of his socket. I chuckle at the sight as he grips his hair and breathes heavily. "You want to, like, you know?"
"Have sex? I-"
"Holy shit," Ashton interupts and lays back down on the bed and grips onto a pillow. I sit and watch him curiously, wondering if I had said something wrong. God, this is embarrassing. I thought it was what both of us wanted.
"I mean, if you don't want to-"
"Fuck, Lacey," Ashton pants. "How do we do it?"
I furrow my eyebrows. "Ashton, you've done it before."
"Fuck, I know but I feel out of practice," Ashton seems to be going into a hyperventing spasm by this point as he sits in front of me fiddling with his fingers. "Like, what position do you want to do? Shall we do roleplay? Do you have any fetishes we should try out?"
WHAT IS HE TALKING ABOUT?! Remain calm, Lacey, he's just nervous. So are you. "Ashton, no-"
Ashton interupts me and talks with his hands going all over the place and he suggests more dumb shit. "Like, you're a virgin so does that mean we should keep our underwear on?"
Oh God. "Ashton, are you seriously going to make me explain to you how people actually have sex because I feel like that would be horrible for both of us."
"I'm just nervous Lacey," Ashton sighs, reaching and taking my hand in his and running his thumb of the back of my hand soothingly; I couldn't work out if he's doing it for me or himself. "I like you so fucking much and I don't want this to ruin things."
"It won't," I say. I hope not, anyway. "Just forget about the kinky shit and roleplaying, we should just start like this..."
I lay down and softly grab Ashton's arm, pulling him down on top of me. Ashton's heart is beating fast against my chest.
"Shit, your heart's going quicker than Luke's when he thought Molly loved Calum more than him,"
"Please can we not talk about Luke's dog right now?"
Ashton nods and joins our lips together and moves them slowly in sync. Stay calm, Lacey. I tell my innerself to shut up because there was no way of staying calm right now. I'd been waiting for this forever and it wasn't quite going how I planned, but it didn't have to because as long as it's with Ashton - I'm not bothered.
He reaches behind me and unclasps my bra, letting it fall down my arms and exposing my chest to him. Ashton's eyes widen as he seems to just stare for a while, before he places kisses around my breasts before moving his lips down my stomach and to the line of my underwear. He pauses for a moment and looks up to me. God, this is a hot sight. I nod and Ashton pulls down my panties, gently pulling them down my legs and tossing them onto the ground.
"You're really pretty, Lacey," Ashton mumbles, pressing kisses around my thighs and I feel a sense of pleasure building in my stomach.
I squirm under his touch as he continues to rub slow circles over my sensitive area and I moan quietly (remembering Ashton's parents are in their room down the hall). Eventually Ashton stops and I'm frustrated by the sudden lack of touch. I thought my first time would be awkward, but everything about being around Ashton isn't at all. It's the opposite.
"Are you sure about this?" Ashton whispers and I nod. He reaches over to his bedside table and pulls out a box of condoms and takes one from the box. I can't help but be shocked at the amount of condoms he has in his drawer.
"That's a lot of condoms," I observe, chuckling.
"Well, I'm not sure about what you think, Lacey King, but the world isn't ready for children as hot as ours would be just yet."
I smile at his comment and lay back. I watch Ashton pull down his underwear and his erection spring free and my eyes practically widen at the sight. Well, damn. My virgin eyes can't help but stare at his dick as he rolls the condom onto it. Ashton notices me staring at me smiles at me as he crawls between my legs.
"Shit, Lacey, I'm scared," Ashton whispers, not moving.
I smile softly at him. "Just do it how you've done it those other times."
Ashton shakes his head. "No, I don't want to. You mean more to me than just a quick fuck."
"I know," I smile at him for reassurance. Ashton smiles back to me sheepishly before positioning himself. I always thought I'd be scared my first time about how much it would hurt - although Ashton could never hurt me.
"I don't want to hurt you," Ashton says softly as he slowly eases into me. Oh boy, this feels weird.
"You won't," I promise. You could never.
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ummm hi