Ancient with another smashing review!
Finished Ingrid by @EireenDonegal
TLDR; A well written fiction biography with a unique, fun style.
First off, let me say the story is not for me. I don't like it. I do not like narrative styles, nor incredibly sappy romances, nor a lot of things. Whether you like styles and genres have no bearing on talent or writing skill, and I hope my overall review reflects that. I am honest about that. I don't have to like a story to acknowledge its strengths within that style.
Characterization: Nonexistant - This is immediately where we come into what makes the story different. It is not good nor bad, but extremely different for the simple fact there is nothing I would call a character. The entire story is like someone is reflecting back and telling you a story they lived in, like a biography. The entire story is a giant narrative. This is shown to great effect by the 4th wall breaking such as "I feel like I've been talking too much about this... lets move on. Back in the days when I was six..."
World Building: Painful. - This is a problem with pure narrative style and non-existant characters. You have to do world building in a purely tell not show, because there are no characters to show it. You only have narrative to tell you. This is style of world building is the only effective way a pure narrative has, and it is painful. Is there world building? Yes. Is the world building effective? Also yes. The method of giving me the information is painful. This is not because of how effective the writer is (He writes well.) but it is simply a consequence of the style chosen.
Plot: Solid - This is where the story shines. As with any style, there are strengths and weaknesses. The plot is given with tell-not-show, but you, at the same time, feel like someone is really sitting down with you and remembering events in their life. This feels like a look into someone's life, like reading a diary, or having a giant conversation. This is effective and well done within the narrative style. It is so good, and so focused on a narrative style, you could literally read the story outloud to someone else and it would work perfectly. That is not as easy in other styles, because this style is a written form of verbal story telling.
Grammar: Slightly below average - Mostly the issues are what one would typicall see. There is a few bonus things you typicaly do not see. Like the constant usage of numbers. Saying 2 instead of two. Overall it is one would expect from a pure narrative style, and so the grammar at some points, despite being poor, cannot be changed without distorting the narrative's dialogue and voice and the effectiveness of the narrative style. People do not talk with perfect grammar and the writer's grammar reflects that. I also get the impression that English is not the writers first language, so you know what? Kudos to him. He writes well.
Word Usage: intelligent but also wordy, like a real person - This is another strong strength of the narrative style and is why it works in this case. A real person is very wordy when they talk. They correct themselves constantly. They are also reflective and either use words from much higher than a fifth grader or much lower. It is different and @EireenDonegal uses exactly the kind of words and phrases one would expect from a real person who is reflecting back on past events in a narrative.
The one and only real problem I can find besides normal grammar things is that a normal person wouldn't remember exactly how many days, weeks, or months pass from one event to the next. They also cannot remember every single detail. Example: "Exactly two weeks later, on a Sunday, at 9 A.M, I picked up my pink backpack with one broken strap, met up with my friends, and went camping to Inari, Finland close to the borders of Norway. There were 17 people, 3 stoplights, etc etc." Just too many specific details people would never remember in their own life. People do not track how many days, hours, or minutes pass from one thing in their life to the next.That is impossible. A normal person would say "A few weeks later, I met up with my friends and we went camping to Inari, Finland. Inari is near the borders of Norway. Didn't see many people that I recall."
Overall I would rate it 3 smashing out of 5.
If you do not mind narrative styles, then the story is good, but I don't see the potential for 4 of 5. Even if the grammar is fixed, i think the narrative style is incredibly confining.
I'm out with a smashing!
If you are interested in learning to write, mastering the craft, want some really good reads, or just to chat and hang out with a mature group of adults, feel free to hit me up for a smashing discord book club that has lasted years.