Chapter 36 - The Gods Of Song And Poetry
December was passing by in a blur. Driver's Training was concluding, both Kelly and I worked a couple nights a week, basketball was eating up a lot of time, and there was the usual school work. Plus, band practices were ramping up in preparation for a couple live gigs Timmy had arranged. It had been months since our last public performance, and we were a little anxious about showing the world our new lineup with me as lead singer.
Kelly and I tried to balance our love lives with our friendships, but it was difficult. We wanted time alone as a couple, and we both wanted time alone with our friends. We also tried to hang out together with the other girls, and not act too lovey dovey.
To make matters worse, Shogun and Peter wanted to double date, so we made time to go bowling and out to eat with them. Also, John and Pixie had started 'hanging out,' and John convinced me to get Pixie to go to the movies with us. We didn't call it a double date, but it was. It was cute watching John try his best to act suave. He and Mark had such a comedy routine going at all times, that seeing him try to get a girl to take him seriously was amusing in itself. Even funnier was watching John doing his best to figure Pixie out. Pixie, for her part, seemed completely calm.
Just before winter break, on a dreary Thursday night, there was an away game for the girls at a school almost an hour away. Since Kala couldn't make it to the school in time to ride the bus with the team, I picked her up from college in my Jeep on my way there so that we could ride together. It would make for a late night, but the next day was only a half day at school since it was the start of Christmas Vacation. I could handle a late night.
A person I assumed to be Kala walked into the campus parking lot and headed straight to my jeep. She was wearing a huge white coat that went past her knees, and had a large, fur lined hood that covered her face. Cute little fur-topped boots scooted quickly through a thin layer of snow. She threw her bags in the back seat and climbed in the front.
"Dear god it's cold out there!" she complained.
"Kala, it's over twenty degrees out!"
"Hush, Elsa, and turn up the heat. I need to change before we get there. I'm not stripping in an icebox."
"You're...? Oh! Okay." My eyes went a bit wider than normal and I turned up the fan.
"What?" Kala smirked. "You act like you haven't seen it before. This time you aren't even an inexperienced little kitten."
"Yeah, but that makes it worse," I smiled at my own embarrassment. "Now I know what to do with a girl. Before, I was just sort of...intimidated."
"Well, keep your eyes on the road and you'll be fine. Speaking of being 'experienced,' now seems like a good time to fill me in on what's happening between you and Kelly. We haven't had ten minutes together since you dropped the 'we had sex' bombshell on me."
"I know! You were in Hawaii for break when it happened. Believe me, you were the first person I thought of."
Kala made an exaggerated sad look, "Ooh, poor Kelly."
I laughed and slapped her arm, even though it was covered with inches of insulation. "I mean you were the first person I wanted to tell, Dumb-butt!"
"I know. So..." She raised her eyebrows inquiringly.
My cheeks were getting hot and I had a goofy smile on my face as I thought about sharing details with Kala.
"Oh my gosh," Kala shook her head as if in wonder, "you are so adorable, Analee. Don't you dare ever change."
By the gods of self-consciousness, I giggled. "Well," I pleaded, "I haven't really talked about it with anyone yet. I mean, the morning after there was some teasing and innuendo from the girls, but most of them are as inexperienced as I was. Plus, we didn't really talk about it. It was just teasing."
"Okay then, serious talk, one girl to another. How was it? How do you feel about it?"
"Oh my gosh, Kala, you know how much I love affection and touching. The difference between nuzzling and cuddling and touching each other everywhere...It's like the difference between being wrapped in a warm blanket and being reborn inside of a firework."
I expected teasing at this point, but Kala just considered me.
"What? Am I being too cheesy?"
"No. I wouldn't describe it like that to kids if I was trying to convince them to wait to have sex, though. I'm just jealous. I guess I never experienced fireworks. I never made it past sparklers. Certainly not my first time."
"Really? Not even with Puanani?"
"Don't get me wrong, it was good. I guess it always felt...comfortable, with her, or exciting with others. I just assumed people were exaggerating when they said things like you just did. It was really that good?"
"Maybe it's an emotional thing. Kelly says it's better with me than it was with the other girls, even though they had more experience. Maybe because we love each other so much the physical stuff is better. I don't know. I don't have anything to compare it to. I'm not saying you didn't love Puanani!"
"It's okay. I know I loved her, but I think it was different. The more I look back at our relationship, the more I think maybe we were just good friends who were sort of exploring relationships together. Like, maybe we were just practicing for when we really fell in love with other people."
The vehicle was finally warm enough for Kala to remove her giant white coat, revealing a thick, turtleneck sweater underneath. I laughed at the sight.
"What?" Kala asked.
"Got enough layers on? What are you going to do when it's negative twenty?"
"Stay home," she said matter-of-factly. "So, you and Kelly are already using the 'L-word,' huh?"
"Yeah. It was because of what you said."
"Me?"
"Yes," I chuckled at her shock. "Remember when you said I'm a poet at heart, and I can't not be in love? You're right, I think. I decided I couldn't play it cool by trying to hide my feelings. Luckily, Kelly didn't freak out and run away. She feels the same."
"Of course she does," Kala said softly, looking at me.
"In a way, I have you to thank for us getting together, too. Remember? The night of your party, and the morning after, you encouraged me to take a chance and go for her."
She looked away and stared out the windshield of the Jeep. "I remember."
"You've been such a good friend to me, Kala. I don't say that enough. With Tara moving away, then Cindy and me falling out...I would have been so miserable and lonely without you to talk to. Where has Tara been, by the way? I hardly saw her at Thanksgiving. Is she just having too much fun at college to visit us?"
Kala took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "No. I think she's still mad at me." She stripped off her turtleneck, revealing a white thermal base layer. I snorted softly, but she didn't hear it.
"Why is Tara mad at you?"
Kala looked like she was considering her words carefully. "Remember the Halloween hickeys?"
"From your mysterious ménage à trois?"
"It wasn't a threesome. I was just messing with you. The truth is worse."
"Oh, no. It wasn't with someone Tara was seeing, was it?"
"Worse."
I just looked between her and the road with furrowed brows, not understanding.
"It was Tara."
It took roughly five seconds for what she said to make any sense at all to me, then it hit me like an electric jolt right to my chest.
"Oh!" I jumped. "You slept with Tara!?"
She held her forehead with one hand, "Yes."
"Wow, you and Tara...naked together...kissing..."
She looked over at me. Her mouth hung open. "Are you trying to picture it?" she snapped.
"Heck yeah."
"Well stop!"
"Sorry! Sheesh."
"Can we just focus on the damage it caused to our friendship?"
"Why would it damage your friendship? Is she not talking to you now?"
"No, she isn't. She feels like I took advantage of her because she was drunk."
"Were you drunk, too?"
"Worse than she was."
"And she gave you a bunch of hickeys?"
"Yes."
"Seems like it was mutual, then. Besides, she's always flirting and implying things."
"Yeah, but you and I both know that she just does it for attention. She loves that she can turn me on. We were hanging out at a frat party and she was flirting with me to get attention from the guys, like she usually does. Then she started giving me hickeys like she was performing for them. Next thing I know, we were alone in a bedroom..."
"And...?"
"And what? Oh stop! I'm not describing it for you!"
"Fine," I pouted. "She's seriously mad at you for that?"
"She says I cheapened our friendship. She knows I was just feeling bad about myself and I was looking for some comfort. I've tried apologizing a thousand times, but she won't accept it until..."
"Until what?"
"Tara put a condition on accepting my apology. She says there's something I need to do first."
"What?"
Kala looked hesitant to tell me. "You know that girl I was hung up on? Tara says I need to tell her how I feel."
"Is she still in a relationship?"
"Yep," Kala said with a clipped tone.
"Then why would you? I mean, does Tara want you to try and break up a relationship?"
"That's exactly what Tara wants. She thinks I'd be better for this girl than her current partner."
"Well, that's probably true, but still, it seems like a weird condition to put on an apology. What does Tara care? I'm not a fan of lying, but could you just tell Tara you told her?"
"Tara would find out. Trust me."
She unbuckled, stripped off her base layer to reveal a silky bra, and reached into her bag for her gym clothes. I tried not to peek. She found her sports bra and quickly made the switch, then replaced her base layer and put her warm-up jacket on.
"Well, I hope you guys get it figured out soon. I'd like to have Christmas with both of you."
"I'll be back in Hawaii to visit family. That's one advantage of having a rich uncle who loves to travel."
"Is Tara coming up? She's not staying down in Madison, is she?"
"I wouldn't know. You'll have Kelly, though, right?"
"No," I pouted. "Her mom actually called her grandma and said she would 'be okay with' Kelly coming home for Christmas. She didn't ask if Kelly wanted to come home. She didn't say she'd really like to see Kelly. She just said she'd 'be okay' with it. Can you believe that?"
"How does Kelly feel about it?" She started unlacing her boots.
"She's ecstatic, of course. I guess she's really good at keeping how she feels about the whole situation bottled up, because she hardly ever mentions her mom. Then, when her mom reaches out in even the littlest way, Kelly's just beside herself. It makes me sick to my stomach. I mean seriously, physically sick, when I think about how much she must hurt inside over how her mom starves her for the attention she craves. What kind of bitch does that to her own daughter?"
Kala straightened up and stared at me. "Analee, I've never heard you swear before. It sounds unnatural coming out of you."
I sighed. "I know. It's sort of a self-discipline thing. If you don't swear, you have to find better ways to express yourself. That's twice this year, and both because of how people were treating Kelly. I guess I'm a little protective."
Kala shook her head, "She's a lucky girl, Analee. So, that's seven cigarettes, two curse words, and now you're sexually active? What's next? An 'A minus' on a report card?"
"Stop it!" I laughed. "I'm not that bad. Oh!" I had looked over just in time to see Kala slide her jeans off. She grinned at my reaction.
"You're good for my ego today," she said.
* * *
Our half day at school was basically wasted time. We had our normal classes for the first two hours, but the second two hours were set aside for a student talent show. Timmy had convinced Mr. Maxwell to allow our band to play even though we had two non-students. I was excused from my first two hours to help set up. We had been working on perfecting one of our new songs, and everyone kind of knew we were going to 'win' the talent show. A couple of eighth graders were doing a gymnastics routine, from what I heard, but all the other acts were basically karaoke.
As we were waiting for the show to begin, I couldn't help but remember my coming out. It happened every time I was on this stage. I transformed mentally into an insecure fourteen year old girl. Today was different, though.
I cleared the auditorium in my mind. Only a small girl with light blue eyes and honey blonde hair was there. She stood in the middle of the stage wearing an obnoxiously childish dress and headband. I approached her.
Me: Hey.
Young Analee: Who are you?
Me: I'm you, about three and a half years from now.
Young Analee: Are you sure?
Me: Yes, I'm sure.
Young Analee: We got tall! But...I thought our boobs would be bigger than they are now.
Me: Don't worry about that. I have something to tell you.
Young Analee: What?
Me: Three and a half years from now, we're going to be standing on this very stage, singing a song to our girlfriend.
Young Analee: We have a girlfriend!?
Me: Yep.
Young Analee: Is she pretty?
Me: Oh, by the gods of song and poetry, she is the most beautiful girl we've ever seen.
Young Analee: Really? Do we kiss her?
Me: Oh yes! We...kiss her...every chance we get.
Young Analee: Aww! Does she buy us flowers?
Me: Actually, we bought her flowers, but she cooks special meals for us all the time.
Young Analee: She sounds amazing!
Me: She is. She's so smart we can barely keep up with her, and when we see her play sports we get so turned...um, she's really good at sports. Just wait until we see her in a mini-skirt!
Timmy: Whatcha thinking about?
"Gah! Timmy, don't do that!"
"Sorry. You kind of looked phased out. I wanted to make sure you weren't nervous."
I peeked out from behind the curtain to see if Kristy followed my instructions. She was supposed to make sure the girls sat in the front row, if possible, and have Kelly in the middle. I wanted to make eye contact for at least part of the song. They weren't here yet. I looked back at Timmy.
"Are you sure you can play in that?" He was wearing a black top hat and a long, curly black wig that hid most of his face.
"Absolutely, Axl-lee!" he retorted. I was wearing a bandana for a headband and my old black leather jacket. We decided to dress our parts, just for fun. Most of our high school probably wouldn't get it, but the teachers would. Timmy had been sending a link to the Guns N' Roses video to everyone he knew in the school to make sure more people got the joke. Besides, being in costume and playing a role gave me courage I wouldn't feel being out there as myself.
"Oh, I found these," Timmy said. He pulled out an extra pair of aviator style sunglasses and slid them into my headband. "Perfect!"
"Thanks. Oh, here they come!"
Classes must have been dismissed, because the auditorium was filling up. Some eighth graders grabbed the front row. "Crap!" I thought. I saw Kristy, Kelly, and the other girls walk up to the front and notice that their seats were taken. I saw Kala come up behind them. When I told her about the talent show yesterday, she insisted on coming. Yesterday was her last day of classes, so she had nothing to do anyway.
After some complaints from the girls and gestures to the eighth graders, Kala walked over to the middle of the front row. She got the attention of the middle schoolers, made an announcement, and pointed from one seat close to one end of the row, to another seat closer to the other end. Looking disgruntled, but not wanting to argue with an authority figure, the kids got up and left to find other seats. Kala motioned to the girls, but they were already smiling and running down the row.
Kala and Kelly ended up sitting next to each other in the middle. I was a bit disconcerted by this for some reason. It was like worlds colliding. Sure, I saw them together as coach and player almost every day. I even saw them play laser tag together that one time. For some reason, having them both sitting side by side to see me perform was strange. Kala, the mature, sultry, twenty year old woman, was sitting next to my slightly hyper, classically beautiful, fifteen year old girlfriend. Nearly a foot of height separated them. Kala's dark, smooth skin and Kelly's pale, heavily freckled face contrasted so vibrantly I wondered how they could both be so beautiful. They were like a living yin-yang. Kala sat with legs crossed and arms on her armrests, calmly waiting for the curtains to open. Kelly was talking and laughing excitedly with people all around her. Standing out in the middle of the younger kids, Kala looked like a tigress, relaxed and surveying her surroundings. Both girls radiated energy. Kelly's was all kinetic. Kala's was pure potential. Fire sat next to water.
Principal Maxwell walked out on stage and up to the microphone stand I had set up to welcome everyone. He went through his usual spiel about behavior in assemblies, and told the students that an online poll had been set up to judge the acts. It would be open for five minutes at the end of the show.
Timmy and Tommy were frantically checking everything while Maxwell was talking. We were the opening act. Our equipment took too long to set up, and took up too much of the small stage, so they made us go first and promise to get out of the way immediately afterwards.
When we were sure we were all set with Timmy in the middle, Cullen behind his drum set, and Tommy and I unseen on the sides, Timmy started to get anxious. Maxwell was nearing the end of his speech, but Timmy decided to cut him off anyway. He started the immediately recognizable riff heralding Sweet Child O' Mine.
I pulled the chord opening the curtains. With an angry look, Principal Maxwell walked off stage. I don't know how many students actually recognized the song versus how many were just cheering that the show was starting, but the reaction was as big as it gets for an audience of around two hundred students, teachers, and parents.
After Timmy's intro was halfway through, the drums and bass joined in, and Tommy strolled out onto the stage. The audience reaction repeated itself. As usual, in the few seconds before I was supposed to be onstage, I felt like I was going to puke and I was certain I had forgotten every word to the song.
I closed my eyes and let my assumed persona take over as I strutted out into view. I danced up to the mic stand with the swaying, back and forth dance that Axl Rose used in the video. Over the din of the pubescent tumult, my voice pumped out through the PA speakers.
"She's got a smile, that it seems to me,
Reminds me of childhood memories..."
As I sang, my arms were straight out at my sides and my body moved like a charmed snake in imitation of the famous singer. I brought my hands together to point at Kelly for the second verse.
"Now and then, when I see her face,
It takes me away to that special place..."
Kelly's hands flew up, covering her mouth and nose as everyone around her looked in her direction and either cheered or made "ooh" faces at her.
Analee would have smiled or blushed, but I was Axl-lee now. I was cooler-than-thou. I was a god of song. Let my worshipers beg for my attention. Let my woman swoon.
I saw Kala encourage the girls to get up, and soon a small crowd was gathered at the front of the stage. Kelly was in front with the rest of the girls. "Perfect," I thought.
Timmy masterfully played the guitar interlude, then the second phase of the singing started. I was curious how it would be received, since I had tampered with the lyrics.
"She's got eyes of a gold sunrise, that never thought of rain..."
Again, Kelly's friends went nuts and teasingly patted her on the head, slapped her shoulders, etc.
The hardest part to sing was coming up. Screeching in tune was difficult, and few singers could do it like Axl Rose. Timmy and Tommy had spent long hours helping me find ways of doing justice to the song while still staying within my comfort zone. Never had I claimed to be a great singer, after all.
I made it through all the oh's and whoa's until the guitar solo started. Then, I danced my way to the front of the stage with the same cheesy, back and forth motion that the real singer used for the video. On my way, I let my leather jacket slide off of my arms and slung it around in front of me. I kneeled down on the very edge of the stage, and draped the jacket over Kelly's shoulders.
Her face went bright pink, but her smile was huge. She put the coat on, once again reminding me of a little girl playing dress up. I danced away, letting my hand slide out of Kelly's. I retreated to the corner of the stage to give Timmy the center when the guitar solo went into high gear. I scanned the rest of the auditorium while Timmy wailed, and noticed the adults all had smiles, apparently appreciating the effort we put into reproducing a classic from their era. Or, maybe they just got a kick out of our attempt. Either way, it looked like they were having a good time. Kala was now off to the side. Oddly enough, she seemed to be much more interested in the girls than the show we were putting on.
The guitar solo was coming to a close, and that meant the least fun part for me had arrived. A full minute of repetitive lyrics and screeching was at hand. I had practiced this endlessly just to make it passable on stage. Listen back later, and it would be an obviously lackluster attempt, but I knew live performances were forgivable as long as the audience was entertained. So, I threw myself into it with abandon, reaching out to the audience and letting them touch my hand as if I really was a famous star and not the same girl they walked by every day in the high school halls. They played along, screaming and yelling.
The five minutes finally ended, and I couldn't help but laugh at myself as people clapped and screamed. I saw Kelly looking proud, and reveling in the attention. I couldn't find Kala in the crowd, but I would worry about her later. For now, my girlfriend's smile was what I needed to focus on.