Dear Xavier,
I miss you so much, baby. You're my other half, my soul mate. I feel like I'm missing half the time. And the other half, I'm just walking around without thinking–just going through the routine of my everyday life.
I miss your hugs most of all. I could really use one now.
I went to the doctors yesterday. I thought I was pregnant because I have missed my period ever since you left.
I'm so sorry.
The doctor said that I wasn't pregnant. In fact, she said I'll never be pregnant again.
Apparently I went through early menopause, hence the lack of my period month after month.
I could've used your arms around my when I broke down crying in the exam room.
I know I'm suppose to be strong and brave while you're away, so that you don't have to worry about me. And I'm sorry that I can't always be strong.
I'm sorry that I can't give you any children. I would've loved to see a few mini Xavy babies running around the house.
Milo would've loved them, too. He hasn't left my side since we left the doctors—I think he knows something isn't right.
You've always been here to give me the best things in life. You've been here to support me and help me to grow, even in the worst of circumstances.
So, I will always love you, and want what is absolutely best for you.
And if you believe that it's best for you to be with someone else, someone who can give you children of your own, than I will support you one-hundred percent.
It will kill me to see you go, but I know how much you want a family of your own. How important kids are to you. They are to me, as well.
Let me know what's going on in your mind, and life. I miss you. I love you so much. Stay safe.
P.S. I met two small girls at the group home–they're new. Their names are Peyton and Maddy. They remind me so much of myself before you came into my life.
They were so scared and lonely. I hope someone can give them a home like the one I found in you.
Love,
Delaney
Dear Delaney,
I miss you too. So does Jacob—he wants me to tell you that, and I quote 'I love you shortie'.
Things here are boring. The guys are great–especially Jacob. He missed you, weirdly. Says you were like a rainbow and he's a little gloomy right now. I think he misses being home. Anyways, he also misses how happy you are. Can't say I blame him, I miss that too. I just miss you in general. But I'll be home soon.
But, let's move on to you, though. I'm so sorry I wasn't there, sweetheart. I'm sorry you had to go through all of that alone. Was anybody there to comfort you? Josh? Nathan or Scott?
I wish you would've had someone to hold you, even if it wasn't me.
Let's get one thing straight. I'm not going to leave you because you can't conceive children. We can find another way. You are my family. We can always find another solution to our problem, but I can't ever find someone as amazing and as perfect for me as you are, Delaney Taylor.
So get those thoughts out of your head. You're my girl. Forever.
I'm happy to hear that everything at the home is going well. Send me some pictures of the kids–especially Maddy and Peyton. Anyone who is a mini you must be pretty spectacular.
You don't always have to be strong for everyone else, baby. Lean on your family. Heck, lean on my family.
Don't let the world take you down because you're too stubborn to ask for help.
And give those kids the love you never had before I met you. I know you have it in you. You always have.
Oh, and I'm not going to be able to make any form of contact with you for a while. We're going to be in a very dangerous area, and I don't know when or if I'll talk to you again.
I plan on fighting my hardest to make it back to you, always.
If I don't make it back, though, always remember how much you mean to me. You've been my rock through every battle I've come across.
Know that I'll always be in your corner, fighting for you and holding your hand when you cry. I'll be there to cheer you on when you succeed and comfort you when you fail.
Don't live in the past forever. If I don't make it back to you ever, I want you to keep moving forward. To live your best life–the one I know you're destined for. You're going to do great things, sweetheart.
I hope you cherish the moments we spent together. Because all of the better things in my life came with meeting you.
Love always,
Xavier