The next day.
I stayed awake all night, thinking about Em and Ash, and the possible reasons any of them could have to lie to me. The more I think about it, the more confused I get. I'm torn between the two of them and whoever's side I'm going to take, I'll end up losing. I'm pulled out from my thoughts by a very loud bang on the front door and I look at the time: 6:57 am. Who the hell comes to someone's place and bangs on the door like that so early in the morning? The banging continues and I wait for Tris to go take care of it but apparently he's either deep asleep or waiting for me to get up. I drag myself out of bed and make my way to the front door where the banging is still going on. Before opening the door, I look at the camera to see who's the deranged person about to break the door. We had them installed for security reasons after some fans found our address a few months ago. Fuck me, I think to myself as I recognize the person on the monitor. What is he doing here?
"What the fuck do you want", I say as I open the door, already getting pissed just by looking at him.
"Look who finally showed up", Jay answers, clearly wasted and barely able to stand straight. "Brad fucking Simpson. You know, I've been doing a lot of thinking last night", he says, emphasizing the word 'lot' before pausing for a second. "And it all became clear to me"
"What the fuck are you talking about? Look, man, I don't have time for this shi...", I start to say before he interrupts me.
"How long have you been fucking her?", he asks, looking at me with disgust. "All those nights you two spent together, when she claimed nothing happened, that you two are just 'friends'", he says with air quotes. "I fucking knew she was lying. Because that's what she does, about everything. Does your girlfriend know?"
Why do I have to deal with that moron? He clearly doesn't care about anything I have to say and he wouldn't believe me anyway.
"Dude, you've got it all wrong, nothing ever happened with Em", I say before realizing that's not true. Something did happen. We kissed. But we were both drunk, and she doesn't even remember it. Does it even count? Not that Jay would care anyways considering the state he's in. "Now get the fuck out", I add, not willing to deal with his breakup bullshit.
"I've been thinking about it all night", he says, completely ignoring me. "Why making your girlfriend do the dirty work when you could have done it yourself?"
Wait, what? What does he mean by sending Ash to do the dirty work? Did she really tell him? No, Ash wouldn't have done that. I mean why would she? What reason could she possibly have to contact him? No. He's drunk and delusional.
"You didn't know she told me, did you?", Jay asks, seeing the surprised look on my face. "Fuck, it all makes sense now. She must have found out about you and Em and that's her payback", he mumbles to himself.
What the hell is happening?
"Hold on, what are you talking about? What did Ash tell you?", I ask, feeling my blood starting to boil inside of me.
"How have I been so fucking blind", Jay says as he continue to ignore everything I say. "You two really deserve each other. Two lying fuckers, fucking each other"
He pauses again, looking at the ground before he raises his head up and looks straight at me.
"You know what's funny though, I was thinking of proposing to her", he says with a sad scoff. "I thought I had found the perfect girl. So I guess I can thank your girlfriend for stopping me from making the biggest mistake of my life", he adds and my entire body freezes at the sound of what he just said. He was going to propose? But they'd only been dating for what, ten months? They weren't even living together. Well not officially at least. And the last I heard, he didn't even say 'I love you' to her. So how could he have been thinking of proposing? Had they already reached that stage in their relationship? Were they really about to commit to each other for life before all this shit happened? No, they weren't that serious. Fuck, they were, weren't they? And I fucked it all up. All of this is my fault, no wonder why Em reacted like that. She's been telling the truth all along. Ash did tell Jay for whatever fucked up reason she had. I can't believe Ash did that. Em hates me because of her. Is that what she wanted? But why? My heart's bleeding thinking how hurt Em is because of me and I suddenly realize that while I was stupidly defending my girlfriend, I was losing my best friend. The one person I should have trusted since the beginning. The one person who's always been there for me, no matter how much of a jerk I am to her. But I know that this time is different. This time she's not gonna forgive me, not after what I've done. I feel sick at the idea of losing Em, of never getting to talk to her or see her again. She's my everything, I need her in my life. The thought of what my life would be without her is making me realize how much I love her and I remember what Tris said to me yesterday, that I'm in love with her without even realizing it. Is he right? Is that what love is supposed to feel like? Like life isn't worth living without that person? Then I clearly ain't in love with Ash because right now all I want is for her to disappear from my life. I get pulled out of my thoughts by Jay throwing up right at my feet. Are you fucking kidding me.
"Everything's okay?", I hear coming from behind me and I instantly recognize Tris's voice.
"Yeah, he was just leaving", I say before calling a cab to bring Jay's wasted ass home. The minute he's gone, I tell everything to Tris and apparently, he's not as surprised as me to learn that Ash really did what Em is accusing her of. How have I been so wrong about her? I don't waste any more time thinking about it and go straight to her place. It all feels so unreal and I need to hear the reason why she told Jay from her mouth.
"Why the fuck did you tell Jay", I ask as soon as she opens the door. I walk inside, not waiting for her to invite me in. I'm so mad that I don't care about anything else than hearing the truth.
"What are you talking about?", she says, looking all innocent. "Is everything okay?"
"Don't fucking play dumb Ash. Why did you tell him about Em?"
She doesn't answer right away, probably thinking about how she can get out of her lies.
"I can tell that you're mad, so baby before I say anything, please know I had good reasons to"
"What the fuck? What reasons could you have to tell him? Why the fuck would you do that?", I answer, struggling to keep my calm. I'm literally about to explode. How could she do something like that? I trusted her. I fucking lost Emma for her.
"He deserved to know!", she exclaims, trying to defend herself. "She was playing him. She's been manipulating him since the beginning, 'cause that's what she does with everyone. You included baby. She's toxic, how can you not see that?"
She better be kidding.
"I can't believe you did that", I say, disgusted by her behaviour. "And I fucking defended you"
"Baby, you can't seriously be mad at me for telling him. Wouldn't you want to know if it was you?"
"You fucking knew what would happen"
"I didn't know he'd dump her. But she had it coming", she answers, and I suddenly realize something. How can she know they're no longer together?
"Who told you?"
"What?"
"Who the fuck told you they broke up", I ask again, losing patience.
"I don't know, I just assumed. I mean why would he stay with her anyways knowing she's a two-faced bitch?"
I don't even recognize her anymore. I've never seen that side of her, so selfish and manipulative.
"You told him just to break their relationship, didn't you", I say, ignoring her comment. "You don't give a shit about him 'deserving more'. All you wanted was to hurt Em"
Everything finally makes sense, and I feel so stupid for not figuring it out earlier. How did I let her play me like that? How did I not see that what Em was telling me about her was true? I was so obsessed trying to convince myself I was in love with Ash, and denying my own feeling for Em that I let Ash manipulate me without noticing it.
"Fuck, I'm so stupid", I say to myself.
"Baby, please, I don't want us to fight", Ash says almost begging. "See what she's doing? She wants you for herself"
"I can't believe how wrong I was about you. Everyone around me warned me this would happen, and yet I turned my back on all of them for you. I lost my best friend for you"
"What do you mean?" she asks, almost looking worried.
Why is she pretending to care? Em being out of my life is what she wanted all along.
"What do you think Ash? She got dumped because of me, and I chose to take your side. I fucking defended you when she told me what you did because there was no way the Ash I know would do something like that. But apparently I was wrong. Who even are you?", I say and she looks at me with tears in her eyes. Does she finally realize what she had done?
"I'm sorry", she says with a shaky voice. "I didn't mean to hurt you"
"You didn't mean to hurt me?", I answer, not believing a word. "What did you think then? That I wouldn't give a shit seeing my best friend heartbroken? That I wouldn't care seeing her so hurt and mad at me she doesn't want to ever see me again? Yeah, clearly you didn't mean to hurt me"
"All I wanted was for you to actually see me", she finally admits. "You think I don't see the way you look at her? I've been fighting for your attention since we first met. I knew you two were close when I met you, but I thought you'd grow to love me more, love me the way you love her", she continues before she pauses for a second and I try to think of something to say but my mind is blank. "But I will never be enough, will I? I will never be her"
I really don't know what to say. Because I realize what she's saying is true. She'll never be Em. No one ever will.
"I am so tired having to fight for your love because whatever I do and no matter how hard I try, your heart is hers"
"Ash I...", I start to say but she cuts me off.
"Don't bother", she says, not letting me finish my sentence. "I know I lost you. If you ever were mine. I just wished I had realized that earlier instead of trying to make you love me for so long"
She walks past me towards the door and opens it before turning back to me.
"Bye Brad", she says, clearly holding up her tears.
Our relationship just ended and all I can feel is relief. I don't feel sad or angry, I just feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
"I'm sorry", I say before I leave her apartment.
And I meant it. I truly am sorry I used her to block my feelings for Em, feelings I didn't even realize I had until today. What now? What am I supposed to do? I managed to destroy three relationships on my own: Jay broke up with Em because of me, Ash broke up with me because of, well me again, but the worst is that I destroyed the most important relationship I had, my friendship with Em. Will Emma ever forgive me? And if she does, what is going to happen? Can things stay the same between us? How am I supposed to act around her now? Should I tell her how I feel? No, I can't do that and take the risk of losing her again, if I haven't already lost her for good this time. My head is spinning from thinking too much. I have so many questions about the future, and how to handle the situation. But the priority is to talk to Emma. I need to apologize to her for everything, and I truly hope she'll forgive me.