TWENTY SEVEN. already gone
Forgiveness was never an easy thing to earn. But Adeline Grimes had always been the type of person to hand it out in exchange for a kind smile. She was naive, hoping for something to come true when deep down she knew it never would. There was some part of her that still hoped the end of the world wasn't actually the end of the world. That maybe, things would eventually go back to the way things used to be. But she slowly realized that it was just her naiveness poking through to get a jab at her. Death was something she used to be able to deal with easily, cry for a few weeks and then sooner or later it would be better. But in the world she lived in - death clung to you like a lost child.
Death paid a heavy price. It carried a toll on its back and gave a piece to everyone it came into contact with. It changes you - shapes you into what you truly are. The person that's hidden under all of the muck and blood, death brings it out. Like a teasing light in a pitch-black room, it ropes you in ever so slowly. It came to be an inescapable thing. The undeniable truth hidden within. The death of Dale Horvath had a heavy impact. It tied a string around the once parting group and pulled them all in together. He said it was broken, and it was their job to put the pieces back together. To be stronger than they ever were - for him. To reel their humanity back in and never let it go. To stay alive.
The funeral was a sorrowful one, one that Adeline Grimes ever dreaded going to. The long-standing stance next to her husband she feared, the long speech given by her brother in honor of the passing man. Guilt was portrayed within her features, threading her eyebrows and settling bags underneath her eyes. Dale made her realize that things can change within an instant. That in a split second, you can lose someone you loved. Someone you called family - someone you cared about. It could all be gone within the blink of a guilty eye. It made her regret ever having an ounce of fear towards her husband.
Together they had committed a crime; one that would forever be unforgivable. They took a husband away from a wife, someone loved from the person that loved them. It haunted her dreams every night, but she failed to believe that it had the same effect on Shane. Adeline realized remorse and guilt was an emotion her husband had been void of, two that he didn't feel. She had given up too easily, and it took the death of Dale for her to have faith in herself. Faith that if she tried hard enough she could piece her husband back together. For the first time in a long time, she felt hopeful for something.
Winter had begun to approach them at a fast rate, the weather changing rapidly. Warmth became frost, and short sleeves turned into fur lined jackets. The process of moving into Hershels house had begun - every single survivor stuffed into his living room in hopes of fighting through the cold. It hadn't become unbearable yet, but Adeline had always been known for freezing easily. Fingerless gloves covered her fingers, tapping rhythmically against the wooden post of the porch. A beanie sat perched atop her head, causing her hair to lay flat against her head underneath the warm material.
Even the warm jacket she wore failed to prevent the rosy tint to her cheeks, boots tapping against the floorboards. Standing between her brother and Daryl, they offered her a seat for their trip to drop Randall off an hour away from the farm. Reluctantly, she accepted it and decided on going with them.
Three sets of eyes were glued to the map laying against the wooden surface, chilly air brushing against her pale skin. "Take him out to Senoia - hour there and hour back, give or take. We may lose the light, but we'll be halfway home by then." Rick informed, trailing his finger over the markings on the map.
Daryl shifted on his feet and straightened his back out, "Little pain in the ass will be a distant memory. Good riddance," He retorted while leaning his back against the wooden post and sitting against the railing. Adeline copied his actions but relied on her grip to keep herself from falling off rather than the post.
"Carol said she was putting together some stuff for him, enough to last him a few days." She informed, fingers curled tightly around the wood beneath her. The sound of a car approaching caused her to turn around, body nearly toppling over the side but was saved by her brother and Daryl simultaneously holding onto her arm. "Thank you boys, I think I'm done with living life on the edge now." She informed, hopping off of the railing while they released their careful hold on her.
Recognizing the vehicle to be her husbands, she pressed her elbows against the wood and waved to him with a small smile that failed to reach her eyes. He lifted two fingers from the wheel, wiggling them in a failed attempt at a wave. She nearly laughed but the guilt became too much when Rick started talking to Daryl, "That thing you did last night..."
The redneck spared a glance to the brunette who noticeably frowned at the mention of Dales death, her head turning to the ground while she twisted with the ends of her hair. "Ain't no reason you should do all the heavy liftin'." He replied just as Shane parked the teal car in front of the house.
"So you two good with all this?" Rick questioned, patting his sisters back with the map held in his hands. Adeline nodded, a thumbs up sent his way before Daryl squinted his eyes at her husband who started to get out of the car
"I don't see us three trading haymakers on the side of the road. Nobody'd win that fight." He informed before grabbing the map and examining it. Noticing Shane approaching them, he handed the paper to Adeline before walking off of the porch and away. "I'm gonna take a piss," His southern drawl called out, causing the woman to fold the map in her hands and stifle a laugh.
"Hey, Little Bird." Her husband greeted with hardened eyes before looking to Rick - "You seen Carl lately?" Shane questioned the man with furrowed brows. The Grimes brother nodded, "He's inside with his mother." He informed while motioning towards the screen door entrance of the home.
Adeline curled her fingers around the wooden railing, "Everything okay?" She inquired with a soft voice. If it included Carl, she became automatically worried. Besides her husband, her nephew was the one thing she wanted to protect in this world; the thing that kept her sane.
Shane nodded, "He came to me. I wasn't supposed to say anything, but he was out in the swamps yesterday and he came across a walker stuck in the mud. He got scared and ran off." He informed the two with reluctant eyes.
"Same walker that killed Dale?" Rick questioned, causing his sister to straighten her back and her face to lose any emotion of happiness. Adeline crossed her arms over her chest, swallowing the fears in her throat and sparing a glance to the men - "I'm gonna let y'all talk this out." She spoke before walking off the porch and over to her husbands vehicle he had parked in the yard.
Sliding into the passenger seat, she pressed her elbows against her knees. A shaky breath left her lips involuntarily, tears threatening to leave her eyes. Guilt imbedded marks into her skin, claiming her body to be its home. That's what it felt like to her; a never ending mindset that it was her fault. Adeline believed she had fallen into a bottomless pit, no end in sight for the torture her own mind had put her through. Every time she looked in the mirror, she saw how she had changed. The way her smile lines had faded, the way bags of exhaustion etched into her bloodstained or dirt marked skin.
She missed the way she could see her freckles dancing across her cheeks, when she could be happy without feeling guilty blame tagging along. Adeline felt her thoughts began to chip away at her sanity, taking pieces with it as she pulled the beanie off of her head and curled her fingers into her hair tightly. The words almost slipped out of her mouth before she stopped them; pleads to just let her be happy. But like always - the guilt nailed stakes into her mind. She felt the drivers door open, metal shifting upon entrance and she knew exactly who it was.
"I'm scared." Adeline admitted, her voice trembling as she looked up and her eyes landed onto Shane who held the same dark look in his eyes. The look that had taken over his life - the same one that had changed him with no hopes of his mind ever returning to happiness. "I need you, Shane. I need you to survive."
But for a split second, his eyes softened at the sight of the red rimming her waterline. Emotions poured all at once and slammed into her fragile frame, "Keeping you safe is all that matters to me. Do you understand me?" He inquired, cupping the back of her head and leaning over the arm rest to wrap his arms around her body. "Trust me, Little Bird. I just need you to trust me." He pleaded.
Pulling away from him, she smiled through the tears that blurred her vision and pressed a kiss to his bruised cheek. "I love you." Her voice wavered above a whisper, thumb padding against his scarred skin.
"I love you too, Addy. More than anything."
━━━━✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*
"Randall's gone! He ain't there!" The panicked voice of T-Dog rang out through the camp, fear coursing through veins at the revelation. Pushing herself off of the blue truck, she felt her heart pound harshly in her chest as she sprinted towards the man. "What do you mean he's gone? Who the hell was posted?" Adeline yelled out, a ringing resembled muffled fear pumping through her body.
A minute passed and the whole group was circled around the shed the teen was held inside, eyes searching every corner of the wooden structure just incase he was hiding. Adeline heard the fearful voices of the women, her brother examining the bedding Randall slept in while Daryl looked at the lock that was on the door. It hadn't been forced open, it wasn't busted - it was perfectly fine.
"You boarded the rafters, right?" She questioned, stepping out of the shed with worried eyes. Approaching Daryl, he noticed her hand fearfully curled around the handle of her machete she had grown to love. He nodded as an answer, causing the woman to sigh deeply and look around the group that crowded the shed. When the realization that the man she loved was missing, a storm of emotions brewed in her stomach. "No... Where's Shane? Did anyone... did anyone see Shane?" Her voice trembled, fear pounding harshly in her chest.
Rick walked down the short set of stairs leading out of the shed, "The cuffs are still hooked. He must've slipped them." He informed while looking around the door frame. Adeline stood beside of him, picking at her hands worriedly with thoughts burning tracks in her mind.
"The door was secured from the outside." Hershel spoke, shutting the shed door to show the group that it had been unharmed. Adeline chewed on her bottom lip nervously, "But where's my husband? Where's Shane?" She continued to ask, her brother squeezing her arm assuringly - "If anyone knows how to protect themselves it's Shane, Addy. You know that." He reminded, which confronted her with the fact of denial as she nodded to relieve him and looked away.
As if it was right on time - a loud familiar voice cracked through the evening air. "Rick! Rick!" Her husband yelled out, walking out of the tree line and towards the worried group. Adeline was greeted with a wave of relief, but her eyes soon turned down at his bloodied face. "Shane? Shane! Jesus, what happened?" She inquired, rushing over to him and pressing her hand against his face worriedly.
Cupping her hands with his own, he met her eyes and sighed deeply- "He's armed! He's got my gun!" Shane informed, the sound of his wife repeatedly asking if he was okay ringing through his sick mind. "I'm fine, baby. That little bastard... he snuck up on me. He clocked me in the face." He assured, wrapping his arm around her shoulder and looking back to the group.
"Alright, Hershel and T-Dog, get everybody in the house." Rick called out as his sister wiped away at the blood that trailed down her husbands shirt. "Glenn, Daryl, come with us." He informed - motioning for his sister to go with him.
Adeline shook her head, "No. I'm going. I have a weapon, I'll be fine." She assured only to be cut off by her husbands voice. "I need you to stay here, Addy. You heard what those men were gonna do with you, there's no way in hell I'm risking them getting you." Shane spoke, ushering her towards T-Dog who nodded assuringly and wrapped his hands around her wrist to pull her into the farmhouse.
Being forced to stay put, Adeline paced the wooden floorboards worriedly and ran a hand through her tangled hair. By the time she had finished, she realized she had forced all of the tangles out. Sighing deeply, she unsheathed her machete and twisted it around in her hands. She stayed hidden from the rest of the group, sitting in the kitchen by the back door with careful eyes. Every so often Jimmy would walk by the doors, but she took notice that he never spared a glance her way.
Ceasing her pacing, she poked her head through the doorframe into the living room and coughed to get their attention. "I'm gonna shower. I just need some time to think." She lied through her teeth, smiling softly at them before walking back into the kitchen and making her way up the stairs.
Carefully, she stopped before she could reach the top and inched her way back down the steps. Peeking out from the wall, she made sure no one was looking and waiting for Jimmy to pass by the doorframe once again which would give her a minute to escape the home.
Avoiding the floorboards she knew creaked under her weight, she curled her hand around the doorknob and slipped out the back. "Home free," She whispered - leaves crunching underneath her boots as she held her machete tightly in her hands and snuck out into the fields in search of her husband and brother.
The moonlight was the only source of vision provided for her, caramel eyes squinting at every turn she made and corner she turned in the forest. Avoiding any twig that was visible to her eye, she searched the trees for any sight of Shane or Rick. At the point she was at, she would be thankful for Glenn or Daryl to appear. Any answer for her would do; she just needed to know if they were alright.
The sound of muffled voices caused her to stop in her step, slowly making her way towards them with her hand brushing against the rough bark of the trees. Another tree line that faded into an open field came into view for her, eyes squinting at the two figures standing in the middle of the field. Quickly noticing who they were, she moved to make her presence known before confusion mixed with fear cut her off and caused her to stay hidden in the shadows.
Her brother stood with his back turned to her husband, "At least have the balls to call this what it is - murder." Rick started, oblivious to his sister hiding within the tree line. "You really believe if you walk back onto that farm alone; no me, no Randall-"
"I want you to hush up." Shane was quick to cut him off, the harsh pounding of his wife's heart slightly muffling the words which caused her to inch closer to the men.
"You really believe they're gonna but whatever bullshit story you cook up? That Adeline will believe it?" Rick seethed, turning around and circling around the man. As he moved along with him, the sleek pistol held in Shanes hand became clear to Adeline.
Her husband shook his head - "She will. Because that's just it. It ain't no story. I saw that prisoner shoot you down. I ran after him. I snapped his neck. It ain't gonna be easy, but she'll believe it. Addy and Carl, they'll get over you. They done it before. They just gonna have to." Shane stated, causing his wife to furrow her eyebrows and inch even closer to the sight.
When he raised his gun, her heart lurched in her chest at the sound of it clicking. Her husband aimed the gun at her brother, a fearful gasp leaving her lips which she covered with a quick movement of her hand. The shock she felt caused her body to run could, freezing up and unable to move from the spot she found herself to be in. No matter how hard she tried, Adeline couldn't move a single muscle in her body. She could only watch with tearful eyes of shock. "Why?" Rick questioned, voice full of disbelief. "Why now? I thought we worked this all out."
Shane chuckled, "We tried to kill each other, man. Whatchu think? We're just gonna forget about it all? We gonna ride off into the sunset together?" He inquired with a humorous tone, keeping the gun aimed at the man.
"You're gonna kill me in cold blood? Manipulate my sister? Screw my wife? Have my children- my children call you daddy? Is that what you want? That life won't be worth a damn and you know it! Addy wouldn't able to live with that fact that she's alive and I'm not. You know how guilt eats her up, you'll kill her!" Rick bellowed, his sisters hands digging into the rough bark of the tree she hid behind. "I know you. You won't be able to live with this."
Shane lowered his gun - "What do you know about what I can live with? You got no idea what I can live with, what I live with! You wanna talk about what I can do, Rick? How about what you can do?" He tucked the weapon in his pants and raised his arms. "Here I am. Come on, man. Raise your gun."
"No. No, I will not." Rick was quick to reject, his eyes sharp as they bored into the man before him.
"What happened, Rick? I thought you weren't the good guy anymore! Ain't that what you said? Even right here, right now, you ain't gonna fight for 'em? I'm a better father than you, Rick! I can protect Adeline better than you ever will! 'Cause I'm a better man than you, Rick. 'Cause I can be here and I'll fight for her. But you come back and you just destroy everything!" Shane bellowed, his words slicing scars that would never heal into his wife's mind.
Her husband eyed her brother, "You got a broken sister. You got a weak boy. And you ain't got the first clue on how to fix it." Shane seethed, pulling the gun back from his pants and aiming it to Rick. "Raise your gun!"
"You're gonna have to kill an unarmed man." The words that left her brothers lips mixed with the thoughts rushing through her mind. The inescapable truth, the lies she had told and the serpents tongue lying within her mouth. Fear blended with an approaching grief, her body standing from it's hidden sight and revealing her position to the man she loved.
Taking a step forward, her husbands eyes widened in shock at the sight of the woman. "Shane, you can come back from this. We-"
Before Adeline received the chance to talk him out of the brink of insanity, before she had the chance to give him his hope back - Rick dug his knife into Shanes stomach. A loud gunshot rang throughout the midnight air that blended with a broken scream leaving her lips, tears called their home permanent on her face as her body rushed over to the fallen one of her husbands. "What did you do? What did you do?!" Her voice cracked, sobs racking her chest as her knees dug into the dirt underneath her.
The pain that ripped through her veins, taking over every inch of her mind was unexplainable. An inescapable force named grief tearing through her mind and breaking it up until little pieces. Pieces that were too small to touch, pieces that could never be put back together again. Broken sobs left her mouth, tears glistening with fear and guilt trailing down her cheeks. Emotions at an inhuman speed flashed through her mind, everything sounding like a nonstop ring in her head. Muffled cries, muffled apologies that would prove to be futile to her broken soul that screamed for help.
A crimson red coated her fingertips, inching up her arms and sneaking into crevices that had been born. The stars that danced in the sky cracked, raining down catastrophes upon the crying body of Adeline Walsh. The galaxy failed to provide her the sense of comfort it always did, the night sky and crickets chirping slowly became sounds that she hated as Shanes hand gripped her waist loosely. The hold he hand on her were nothing compared to the grip she had on trying to save his life, fingers curling around the knife imbedded into his stomach.
"You're gonna be okay, you're gonna be fine. I'm gonna make it all go away, I can save you... I can- I can," The sobs cracked through her words, his hands trailing up her body and cupping the side of her face helplessly. The dark look that claimed his eyes had faded, replaced with the humane expression of fear. A glistening in his eyes sparking with guilt and blame, tears leaving his eyes as he choked on his own blood.
"I'm sorry," The two words were the last ones he would ever speak. A shortness of breath being his last as his wife watched the life in his eyes fade away.
Adeline shook her head, "What're you doing? Wake up. You can't leave me, you can't! Shane you promised- you promised me you wouldn't!" She cried out, blood stained hands cupping the side of his cheeks as tears fell from her eyes and blended with the blood that had spluttered out of his mouth. "You promised me. You made a promise and you have to keep it. Please don't leave me, please don't leave me."
The words that left her mouth were useless, hands pushing against his limp body in attempts to wake him. "I had it... I had you, I had it. I was gonna save you, just wake up and give me the chance! Please," The screamed faded into broken whispers, face pressed against his chest as she sobbed into his jacket. "I can't do this without you, I need you." Adeline pleaded, arms curling around his body and pulling him into her lap. "I need you."
The debris of grief and guilt trapped her, suffocating her mind and her body as she helplessly held onto Shane. The rings on her blood covered hand had suddenly become known, the memory of losing everything she had ever wanted fading away with the last piece of humanity held inside of her broken soul. "Please come back to me."
"Addy... he's... he's gone. We have to- we have to go." Rick attempted, his hands reaching out to grab ahold of his sister. But one the the things he feared the most, one of the repetitive nightmares that haunted his dream had become true. Adeline flinched from his touch, and with one swift movement she had a black pistol gripped in her bloodied hand and pointed towards his head.
Cocking the gun, she motioned for him to step away. "Don't." Adeline spoke once, her brother stumbling back with tearful eyes at her actions. "Get away from him."
"Dad?" A voice broke out, eyes turning to a crying Carl who stared at them. Adeline lowered the gun away from her brother, not giving any chance to think over her thoughts as she ignored their words and looked back down to her husband laying dead in her lap.
The slight twitch of his hand caused her to shake her head, tears crawling out of her eyes sinisterly and slipping down her cheeks. The low snarl that left his lips caused a sob to leave her own, one hand curled around the pistol and the other against the side of his face. "Just look at me," Adeline pleaded - his once clear eyes opening and appearing a foggy grey as he snarled at her. "Shane? It's me..." She whispered, his hands that once held a tender touch to her skin tightening their grip around the brunette.
"It's me..." She cried, her hand trembling as the panicked cries of Carl rang in her mind. "Adeline, get away from him." Rick called out, as she held her husbands body and away from her neck.
Struggling against his tight grip that failed to loosen on her hair, she cupped the back of his head and brought his forehead to hers. "I'm sorry too." Loud snarls and growls pushed through her mind, the pistol in her bloody hand raising to the side of his head. "I'm so sorry..."
SHE PULLED THE TRIGGER.
AUTHORS NOTE.
i know for a fact that i didn't do this justice
but i am crying very hard.