It was dead silent when I woke again but luckily Freddie still hadn't returned for the night and I was so thankful, even as I slept in the cramped corner for the night, I was still alone in the cell and I didn't want to be around anyone. Definitely not Freddie. When I opened my eyes, only one opened fully and the right side of my face was so sore to the touch that I had to rest my chin on my arms instead of my cheek. I sighed while staring forward, my corner was more than comfortable and I didn't plan on moving at all, I slumped slightly and barely noticed the steer in the silence around me until I heard loud steps suddenly. I stiffened back up as the steps slowed until they were barely outside the cell and I looked at the chipping paint before going back to picking at it like I was before I had fell asleep. I remembered humming a few lyrics to a song but I couldn't remember exactly what song it was, but it sounded so familiar whenever I had sung it.
I bit my lip gently, very gently to keep from hurting myself more, and looked at the cell door as Freddie stood there very quietly and not moving a muscle, as if he was skeptish of entering the cell with me. I watched him closely so that I wouldn't fall victim to being caught off guard again in his presence, I didn't want to be put in that position ever again but I knew that wasn't something I could promise myself. But, what I could promise myself... a new person to protect me. Freddie was good at all the opposite things I wanted in someone that was going to be protecting me, he's good at insulting, he's good at ignoring, and he's good at hurting people but he wasn't supposed to do those things to me. He was supposed to protect me but him being someone that wanted more than a casual agreement, he was supposed to make sure that I was safe and taken care of. I wasn't safe with him, I wasn't taken care of by him, and there was no use for me to be around someone like him.
Freddie's Point Of View:
I wasn't scared, I wasn't angry, and I definitely wasn't ready to apologize but I knew it was a start in the right direction. I cradled the small wrapped box that was very light with a glossy bow on top, I had picked it up from commissary this morning after sleeping on the bottom bunk of Lloyd and Mautrice's cell last night. I nervously shifted the square, red box into my other hand as I eased past the door and inched closer to Barbie as he nestled herself in the corner, he truly thought he was out of my reach. I had snapped yesterday and it was no excuse for what I had done to him, of course he spoke out of turn but it wasn't his fault, I should of fed him like I was supposed to. I halted mid step as he scooted further into the corner and that sight broke my heart, I knew better and my mama would of been pissed off, my grandma probably rolling in her grave also. I kneeled down in front of Barbie as he avoided my gaze but I still was able to catch the sight of his swollen eyes, only causing me to feel even worse.
I reached forward with my free hand as a frown worked onto my face, I gently pressed the bruising on his cheek and caused him to flinch away in pain with a barely heard whine. I wanted to desperately grab him tightly and clutch him to my chest but there was no way he wouldn't fight me... I would fight me. I decided to settle with giving him the present first, he looked more than reluctant to take the gift out of my hands so I sat it at his feet and backed away from him slowly as he watched me like a hawk. I felt more than guilty and I couldn't blame anyone but myself because I deserved to feel this way, I deserve to lose a sweetheart like Barbie because I couldn't treat him right. However, the thought of Barbie being under someone else, or someone so much as touching his skin, pissed me off.
Okay, here goes nothing. "I'm sorry." I said, and it came out muttered but he knew what I was saying.
"Fuck you." He replied curtly, making me chuckle lightly at his sexy feistiness, that's what made me adore his presence all those years ago.
I stared at Barbie as he simply shook his head and went back to ignoring me, his hair was much longer now than all those years ago when we'd sneak into the closet and he would shyly suck me off. I was always possessive of him, even from a distance and while those feelings vanished momentarily, the sight of him sparked that fire in me again but that wasn't an excuse to hurt him. With that possession came excitement and want, and I was exploding with different emotions and plus the weight of the gang was on my shoulders now that Tony had been legally released due to winning the last race that damn near killed his lover, Baby. I knew I was an asshole for trying to compare Baby's sweet ass to Barbie's feisty bigger ass but I had always envied Tony for getting his hands on Kiden's sexy ass and damn wasn't he sexy as fuck. He kept a pretty good build about himself and he didn't walk around like he was the shit all the time but it was always nice to see that perky ass of his switching when he followed Tony around like a little ass puppy. He was outspoken at the wrong times but it wasn't enough to push Tony over the edge or ever embarrass him.
Fuck, Tony was in love with the little sexy shit and I didn't blame him, I was happy that my bestfriend had moved onto someone else who cared about him. I knew I was wrong, so damn wrong, for staring at Tony's boyfriend like that but how could I not? Baby was the finest ass that walked through here in a long time and Tony had gotten lucky for having to share a cell with him, and little ol' Kiden needed some protection, definitely after Poppi had attacked. I should of been the one protecting him but I knew my time would come for me to find me a person that I could protect and love all I want. Baby was sexy in all the right ways and if Tony was fucked up, he could of made loads of commissary money off of Baby just being in a desperate man's presence.
However, I had gotten stuck with the little chub that I knew from high school that could suck a pickle through a straw, can I complain? Probably not. I wasn't the kind to be particular about who laid in my bed but Barbie was the only exception, I was used to the skinner and quieter him but things changed. Life changed him. He looked completely different, probably about two-hundred pounds with hair slightly past his shoulders in a choppy, black wave that used to be dyed auburn and well-kept before things between us split. His skin didn't have a vibrant hue anymore, and the new bruises on his face didn't make it any better now that he had swelling and discoloration around his left one. I wasn't shit, and I knew it but even I didn't want to believe that I did this to him? He deserved it... didn't he? My questioning only made me feel worse as I tried to constantly blame him for my actions, he was just trying to piss me off to begin with.
The silence around us was slightly welcoming because it wasn't filled with tension, just accepted silence that made his presence more pleasant than anyone else I've been around, even my baby mother's presence wasn't this warming to me. I looked down at the small box in my hand, it wasn't much and I should of took more time into getting a I'm-sorry-gift but I knew there was always one thing you could never go wrong with when gifting someone. I looked back up at Barbie to see him silently staring at the wall without really seeing it, he was all in his head and in that moment I wondered what he was really thinking. Do he think I hate him? Does he hate me? Shit, he probably does and I don't blame him. Maybe he's thinking about sucking my dick, should I suck his dick? The thought made me shudder, and it was all in disgust because I'd never done it and I never wanted to. I wasn't sure how I should give it to him, should I put it in his lap? By his feet? Fuck, just give him the damn gift already. I was doing all this shit for nothing because Barbie wasn't going to do anything but just piss me off again. I dropped the present not so kindly by his feet and rose to mine as I looked down at him expectantly.
"I'm sorry." I said, lightly tapping the box with the toe of my shoe as I still waited for him to accept the gift from me, cause it'd be rude if he didn't.
"I don't want that shit." Barbie said, catching me completely off guard at his animosity and language, this little feisty ass motherfuc... deep breaths, deep breaths.
"You ain't got a damn choice, open the fucking box, Barb-"
"That's not my fucking name!" He snapped suddenly, cutting me off.
"What you say?" I asked, wanting to make sure I heard correctly before I smack the fuck out of him again.
"That's not my name." He repeated quieter, facing away from me as if expecting me to disappear, too fucking bad. "Just leave me alone."
"That is your fucking name." I mocked immediately, glaring at Barbie as he shook his head aggressively. "Barbie."
"I hate you." He whispered, but I still heard it.
"No, you don't." I said truthfully, watching as his eyes closed tightly to hide the unfallen tears welling there.
I was breaking his heart and forcing him to accept what happened to him, I was an asshole but that's what made me Freddie Williamson, I had no heart because the streets ripped it out years ago when I was just eighteen years old. I had suffered at the hands of the streets more than anyone and everyone close to me knew that, from the overdose of my mother to the shooting death of my first child, little Erica. I was coldhearted for all the right reasons and I was also only humans, I wasn't going to take shit from anyone, definitely not this fat piece of shit.
"You love me." I said, knowing I was readying his soul and making him uncomfortable. "You've loved me all this time and you not tryna let me go, so do what the fuck I say and open the damn box."
"Is it a gun?" He asked truthfully. "Cause if so, I'd shoot you with it."
I couldn't help but snicker because I knew Barbie was being truthful when he said he would shoot me if he ever get his hand on a gun but I knew his better judgement would tell him to lower the gun. I sighed as I shook my head while pinching the tip of my nose, that's one thing I had always admired about Barbie, the fact that he was bluntly honest and sometimes, that was sexy as fuck to me. He huffed angrily and yanked the lid off the box roughly, peeking inside before looking up at me with an unamused expression. His eyebrow raised as he reached in and pulled out a Hostess Cheese Danish in one hand and then reached inside again to pull out a package of Maruchan Instant Chicken Ramen.
"So you want me to lose weight... but you give me all this food and stupid shit? You're so damn backwards." Barbie said, making the warmth in my stomach grow more.
"Damn, a thank you would be appreciated." I huffed, a little smirk on my face with amusement as Barbie rolled his eyes with a huff of his own.
"Like I said earlier, Freddie..." Barbie said, opening the Danish and taking a bite of it with a small moan of delight. "Fuck you."
Well, at least the animosity is gone.