Once you know the whole story, it makes complete sense. Everything that Neomi told me made sense. Don't get me wrong, I never expected something like this but at least it was the truth. Neomi and Sophia used to be really close. Then Neomi set her up for her own freedom but I can still see the regret in her eyes. Her friendship with Sophia meant a lot to her and I could see that by the way she talked about Sophia.
After she is done talking, I look at her. She is waiting for some kind of answer from me but I have no idea what to tell her.
How should I even react to something like this ?
'Thank you for sharing this part of your life with me,' I finally say after a few seconds of silence. Neomi slightly smiles at me but I can see it makes her sad to talk about this part of her life. She has spend there six months.
But this is no longer about revenge on River even though I still want him to pay for what he did. The curious side of me has taken over. I want to know more about Greenpeace and what happend between my family and River's. Even though I don't know if I will ever be able to surpass the anger I feel towards River. Just thinking about him makes my heart beat faster but only increase my anger.
'No problem, just don't tell anyone okay ?'
'Of course not, I just needed to know the truth. At least now I know why my dad acted so strange about you.'
'Your dad is a good man and I understand that he wants to protect you from me, I would too.'
'If you think this will change our friendship, you are completely wrong', I say as I smile towards her.
Neomi looks up at me with now a huge smile plastered on her face. She walks up towards me and her arms make contact with my body. Before I know it, I hug her back. Once we pull away I can see the tears building up in her eyes.
'I never wanted to hurt her, Angel.'
'I know.'
~
Once I am finally home, after helping Neomi out with our project, the tiredness hits me and suddenly I want only one thing. Get into my bed and never get up. When I enter, there is no sight of my grandma. It is afwully quiet and I bet she is taking a nap. So without even eating, I walk upstairs into my room. I collapse on the bed. My body immediately relaxes. I don't really feel like sleeping so instead I just think as always about only person.
River enters my mind again and suddenly the scene of when he came to my house starts playing in my head again. Different memories of the two of us together start playing in my head. I like to think about these memories. They make me happy but also sad at the same time as I realise he was just acting with me. He used me and it hurts to see that in. Instead I like to think about what happend if he didn't come into my life. First of all my dad wouldn't be in jail. Second of all, I would never know that something between our families happend and I am kind of thankful for him. Because now I can find out what happend. I hate being lied to and this story seems really fucking important if River did so much effort to put my dad in jail. It means he wants revenge for something that my dad did, something my grandmother also knows about but won't tell me. I have tried multiple times to get some type of answer out of her but it doesn't work. Then I think again, I know myself. And I know I won't give up on this before knowing the whole truth. But my family brings me absolutely nowhere with their 'you don't need to know' or 'it was a long time ago'. If it wasn't that important, my dad wouldn't be in jail would he? I also cannot ask River. We have only had small conversations that never turn out good. I do miss our little interactions but I know that I shouldn't. Not anymore, not after what he has done. But then again I want my answers and I know he will give them to me. But after what I did at school, I don't think he wants to have anything to do with me.
With all these thoughts echoing through my mind I slowly drift to sleep.
~
It is the first of march, the day that my dad's lawsuit will be held. Also two weeks since the last time I properly even exchanged glances with River. I sometimes see him at school but we never make eyecontact. It is better that way and I know that but I still miss him deep down even though I try to hide it as good as I can.
My dad said that he doesn't want me at the lawsuit. He doesn't know for sure if he will get out and if he doesn't he knows I will have an episode right there in a room full of important people and that will make his case even worse. He doesn't tell me the real reason why he doesn't want me there but I know for sure it is because of that. I perfectly understand where he is coming from but I need to go, I just need to.
March first is also friday, normally I would have gone shopping with Neomi and Amara who also are friends again after a long period of not talking to eachoter and exchanging dead glares with eachother but I don't know if I still want to go knowing that my dad's lawsuit will be held while I am shopping. But on the other hand if I cannot even go, shouldn't I make myself busy so that I won't be stressing out. I don't know at this point. I don't know anything anymore and everything is confusing me these last days. I bearly even make my homework and my grades have been lower then usually. The teachers don't really care about my situation and it shows. They act as if everything is fine when it is really not. It shows what type of people there are in this world. I finally decide not go, it will be better like that.
I just hope everything will be alright.