~BOOK 6, can you believe it?!!! Thank you guys for sticking around after the long wait during the making of book 5 and reading this far. We still got so more to come. And this book? I think I have a few surprises for you all, a couple twist and turns. Let's just say Kenzie is on a bumpy ride this year... I won't waste another second, get reading love bugs 🕷❤️🥰📚
Chapter One
Third week of the semester. Halfway through all my classes. And here I was miserable and bored to no surprise. School? Not my strong suit. But Stefan wanted me to graduate. However, it was only bearable when he was here with me. I was again desperate to find some fun this school year. Perhaps without crazy drama like being kidnapped by a professor. If at all possible universe. But at least tomorrow was Friday and there was a football game, which I was going to, to have some fun before my weekend in bed, grieving my dead boyfriend. Or I could leave my empty dorm room and stay at Elena's off campus apartment and change dirty diapers among other things with baby Maverick. Hmmm.
"Pop quiz: Mr. Weatherly complains of chest pain and shortness of breath. Can anyone tell me what tests we run?" Ms. Laughlin asked, snapping me out from my running thoughts.
Mr. preppy, dork raised his hand up for the millionth time to answer, but Ms. Laughlin made it clear to look over him. "Gilbert," she said instead and I snorted.
"Which one?" I asked, rolling my eyes. Elena elbowed me gently and I gave her daggers. "Don't touch me," I hissed quietly.
"You, Kenzie," she smirked back, eyes narrowed.
"What was the question again?" I sighed.
"Mr. Weatherly has chest pains and shortness of breath, what test do we run?" Ms. Laughlin repeated.
I rolled my eyes. I knew this answer. "A pulmonary angiogram, duh. It provides a clear picture of the blood flow in the arteries of the lungs, which is what we look for in a pulmonary embolism, a condition in which Mr. Weatherly's symptoms are common."
"Good. Somebody's read ahead. Remember that. You'll need that in 3 years," Ms. Laughlin smirked, grabbing some type of bin off a cart next to where she stopped outside a large hallway in the university's hospital. "Here's the bedpan you need to know about today," she added, holding the 'bed pan' out towards me.
"No thanks," I smiled sweetly. She raised an eyebrow and Elena moves quickly to grab it for me.
"Moving on," our instructor said and everyone followed her while preppy boy turned to me. He gave me a quick once over from head to toe.
"I was impressed," he said with a slight smirk. Think his name was Larry. Or maybe Lane. Maybe Lionel. Something with an L. Lame. That's what I'll call him. Wannabe doctor Lame. Ha! Oh, wow... I sound like Damon coming up with nicknames. I miss him a lot too. Ugh.
"Whatever," I replied, walking past him. This already sucked. An internship in a hospital? There are so many other places I'd rather be, and a million other things I'd rather be doing.
***
I was more cheery when I entered my next class. Professor was Ric. And I was just early enough to catch him pouring a blood bag into a cup. "Want some?" He offered.
"No, I'm alright. I had some on the way over," I said, stopping at his front desk. "You know... this will never not be weird."
"What? That some ancient witch turned me into a vampire, or that four months ago, I rose from the dead?"
"Just that you're my college professor now," I smiled, heading to my seat. I decided to save both Elena and Tyler one. They both seemed to always be late coming here for some reason.
I pulled out my "Dear Stefan" journal. It was time to write. Because I hadn't since school started. And I packed it in my school bag so I could finally catch Stefan up on how none of us recovered over the summer. We were all just keeping busy.
"Dear Stefanator,
So sophomore year started. It's been completely lame so far. Summer is over though and I have to get back to real life. That means not in bed crying over you. Not disappearing for days to follow a dead end lead with Enzo. You know how he and I are good allies at the moment. I bet that would bother you if you were here. But he's the only active one trying to bring you back. Well, Damon back. But still.
Anyways school is a distraction from my grief. And I've been holding it all together almost too well. It was getting exhausting. I couldn't wait till this school day ended and I could go to your family crypt and talk to you. Be with you.
Anyways, let's play catch up. Because I usually just tell you the boring sad things I do at home. Well, first things first. I'm back living on campus. In a dorm room alone. Elena has her apartment off campus, my room I had over summer is officially a baby nursery. But she's gotten way better with being a vampire. Took to it better than I did I guess. But no ones surprised by that, right?
Elena is also in school now. And we compelled her into sophomore year. So now she's 'this is the year to pick a major and start carving out your path in life' ...Blah, blah, blah. But that's what we did. She dragged me into this hospital internship on campus. I have to wear khakis and a maroon polo every time in there. I hate it. Maroon isn't a good color on me. But it's supposed to be dark enough to pretend you can't see stains like blood or vomit somehow.
Your fiancé is going to be Doctor Kenzie Gilbert. How does that sound? Cool right. It might not have been my idea or my first thought but now I've been thinking about it seriously. What if I could be a therapist one day? I could help people like. Just a thought. But I spent my fourth day again observing the instructor as each day we're on a new floor of the hospital that she's showing us around. It's really boring. And I want to drop out already... But at least now we have unlimited access to blood bags. And trust me, we need all the help we can get.
Ric and Elena are so new to vampirism. They aren't used to the whole drinking other people's blood thing. They're not comfortable with it. Yet, as to be expected, they're going through blood like crazy. I've been extra hungry lately but maybe that's from the herbs Luke's been giving me. I told you about those. Yeah, I'm still using them. Why? Because I miss looking at your face and talking to you and feeling like my world isn't empty and falling apart. I miss you, Stef. So if I can hallucinate you next to me, smiling at me every day until I have you back, I will. Because if not I'm crying in bed, cuddling my teddy bear and that's not going to fix any of my problems. It won't bring you back, it won't get me into Mystic Falls, and it won't let me live my life without you. I hate how broken I feel when I let myself realize I'm alone now. Not having you is the worst thing in the world. And I don't want to be depressed. I don't want to turn into that girl you first met. I want to be strong for you. For my family. For my wellbeing.
But it's so hard, Stef. I can't sleep at night. All I do is cry. And when I'm finally so exhausted and start driving off all I see are your green eyes. How can something so beautiful be so haunting? I'm a mess. But only you have to know that. Only you have to know that I'm tormented everyday.
Back to Ric. He's still an original vampire and now he's teaching at Whitmore. Weird, right?! But in his defense, he couldn't exactly compel himself a job back at the high school. Nope... The high school, the grill, town square everything in Mystic Falls was still off-limits to anyone with fangs. All thanks to the traveler's anti magic spell. So a lot of us haven't been back home in months. On the plus side, the crime rate is way down.
Although I'm not sure Matt got the memo. He's a dad full time practically. But in all his free time he's part of some protect the community squad. Like a neighborhood watch club. But more on the offense. It's confusing and messy and probably unnecessary cause Mystic Falls is back to being the town where nothing ever happens. I will say Matt's never been better though. I think he can bench press more than Jeremy now, which is beyond freaky.
Speaking of Jeremy, he's not doing too well. He misses Bonnie like crazy. He even pays her phone bill so he can listen to her voice over voicemail and leave her messages. Which is where I got the idea to do the same to you. When days feel lonelier or after another dead end lead, I call you. And I cry. Cause I need you. I really need you. I want you back in my arms. Back in my life.
While I'm pretending I'm fine, and doing magical drugs. Jeremy's drinking, plays video games all day and is already skipping school. Per usual Elena's more on his case than I. But that's because I have no room to talk. If I was in his shoes I'd probably be doing the same thing. Elena doesn't understand our pain she wasn't madly in love with Damon, she didn't have all this history with him. Relationship history. I wasn't really sure if she and your brother were in love. Or what the deal was. They've never said. But back to Jer. Well... I'm just glad he's not on drugs and he's still talking to me. He and I are still very close, we tell each other everything. Well, almost everything. He doesn't know about my herbs. That's because I'm afraid he'd want to try them and I don't know how that will effect his human body. I've been wondering if they are what make me so blood hungry.
Who else is there? Oh, you're best friend. Caroline. She and I are getting along semi-better without you here. Granted I also don't see her much. She's been living off campus too. In an apartment closest to Mystic Falls. She's been getting books from Ric, trying to figure out how to undo the travelers magic so she can go home. She's spent her entire summer getting nowhere with that and spending time with her mom. Which she was probably doing now. I needed to call her and invite her out. It was kinda sad how desperately she wanted to be in Mystic Falls. Like she doesn't want to let go.
I don't blame her. I don't want to let go either. I don't want to think that everything has changed and that I have to start over... the worst thing that could possibly happen actually did.
But I don't have to start over. In a few sips of magical herbal tea, I'll be seeing your face. And the nagging feeling of loneliness will go. And I'll pretend I'm not a failure for not saving you already. Four months is a long time, Stef. I should've gotten you home by now.
Oh, Tyler just got here. I gotta finish writing. Update on Ty, he's human again. He's been working out like crazy to fight his anger issues and pent up aggression. Turning into a wolf... not his cup of tea. He's been my closest friend all summer too. I missed having him around all the time.
There's Elena. Gotta go, baby.
Love you,
Kenz-anator <3"
***
"I dropped out of Whitmore. Why would I support their stupid football team?" Caroline scoffed. I was giving her a call to invite her out to the game tomorrow night.
"It's the opening game of the season, Caroline. Time to come home," I told her.
"I am home! I just signed the lease to my new apartment remember?" She retorted.
"On the border of a town that doesn't want you. That's not home. That's sad."
"You don't even like football."
"No, but I like drinking in the parking lot beforehand," I grinned to myself.
"Caroline, you're coming," Tyler joined in, walking up next to me.
"Tyler, don't act like you have any ground to stand on. You skipped an entire year," Caroline retorted through the speaker
"And you hounded me for an entire year! So here I am. Now get your ass back here," Tyler quipped.
My eyes landed on Luke behind where Tyler stood facing me. The phone between us. Luke pulls out a small yellow envelope from his bag and I shook my head just barely no. He put it away and walked off. Thank god. Didn't want Tyler catching that.
"Caroline, I'm picking you up at 6 p.m. sharp tomorrow. Okay? Bring your school spirit. Bye!" I said, ending the call.
"Hey, you want to grab food?"
"Not that hungry. I had a big lunch after another day at the hospital," I told him.
"Still boring?" He chuckled as we walked.
"Yup. But Elena loves it. Our teacher chick asked a question and I nailed it perfectly. All that stupid studying with my twin paid off. It's so weird to be so smart," I joked.
"Well, smart looks good on you," he winked. "So does happy. I gotta run. Gonna try to join a practice to keep this rage in check. I'll see you later."
"Okay," I said. We hugged and then he ran off. And I headed to my car. I needed to get to the cemetery. Tyler was busy, Elena was home already studying. So now I was free to go do my thing.
***
Home away from home. The Salvatore crypt. I pulled out the small envelope of herbs. I went to the little stone table in the middle of the room and quickly prepared my tea. Crushed up herbs, a splash of water. And then a few sips.
My eyes were closed as I took the large gulp of magical mess. Didn't taste that good. But—warm hands slid across my stomach and a head seemed to rest on shoulder. I opened my eyes and looked over my shoulder to see Stefan's face.
"Hi," I grinned.
"Hi, babe. How was school?"
"Uneventful. There's a football game tomorrow I'm going to," I told him. I took his hand and led him out the crypt to our little stone bench. We sat side by side and he wrapped his arm around my shoulder so I cuddled into him.
"You don't know anything about football."
"I know there's gonna be alcohol there."
"Ah, so you're going to party."
"Yes, sir. I could use some fun. This summer sucked. Back to school sucks too but it keeps me busy."
"From missing me?"
"I'm not missing you now. You're here, you're right here," I said, grasping his tight tan v-neck shirt.
"But this isn't real."
"It is to me."
"You can't do this forever," he said, running a hand through my hair.
"Why not?"
"You're supposed to be figuring out how to save me," he pointed out and I winced.
"I know," I whispered. "I'm trying."
"No, you're not," he snapped, pulling away from me. I gasped as he stood up and crossed his arms. "You're doing psychedelic drugs not rescuing me, Kenz! Do you even miss me at all?"
"Yes!" I shouted, tears welling in my eyes. "I'm sorry I'm such a failure... I just... I need to see you, Stefan. Or it feels like I'm dying!"
"Well, I did die!"
I sobbed loudly, shaking my head and hugging myself. Oh, I hated when this happened. My hallucinated Stefan was 50% my guilty, self loathing subconscious and 50% my desperate want to have my sweetheart back being, well, sweet. Today, was going south.
"Don't say that," I pleaded.
"Why not?"
I walked closer to him, placing my arms on biceps as his arms were crossed angrily. "Just be here, with me in this moment. Please? Hold me and love me and talk to me. But not about this. I can't... I c-can't handle this."
His face slowly changed and with a soft sigh he pulled me in his arms. I cried for a few more minutes before all the bad seemed to melt away. "I'm sorry," he whispered in my ear.
"Me too," I admitted.
***
Another day. Another lecture from Ric. At least it was Friday and I had plans to look forward too.
"Therefore, the study of the occult..." Ric trailed off, adjusting the collar of his shirt. "Uh.. Therefore, the study of the occult is the study of the hidden knowledge. Today, we're going to discuss it and how it relates to resurrection."
Liv giggled in her seat and I rolled my eyes, sinking back into my chair so I was hidden behind my notebook as I took a sip from the straw in my cup of blood. "Is there something funny, Liv?" I heard Ric ask the witch.
"Uhh, more like ironic, but okay," she mumbled. I looked up to see when there was a loud commotion at the front door. I snorted as it was Tyler rushing in all sweetly looking. Ew.
"Ah, Mr. Lockwood, how generous of the squad to lend you to us," Ric commented
"Sorry I'm late," Ty apologized, taking an empty seat two rows down next to Liv. Also ew.
Ric sighed and walked back to the chalk board while speaking, "Typically not all occult groups held a consensus on the topic."
"Give me some," Elena whispered next to me, reaching for my nearly empty cup. I was so hungry these days. Every day more and more. My want for human food was decreasing. Which was totally not okay with me. Pizza, fries, tacos?! I wanted to crave those not blood bags.
"Kenzie and Elena, you know I can smell that, right?" Ric whispered to us and I jumped in my seat while Elena handed me my cup back. "I'm teaching a class full of kids who all look like blood sausages to me. Now, put that away."
"Sorry," we both chorused one a whisper that only he would hear back.
"Uh, whereas others like the early church Fathers..." he continued to teach while I tuned out. I put my cup away and pulled out my phone to play games. Ugh, I miss playing games with Damon he really sucked at them and it was all the more funny when he was a sore loser about it. But I had Jeremy back. He shouldn't be busy right now.
***
"Luke, hey," I greeted, walking up to the blonde.
"Hey, I gotta run, actually," he said, nodding in the opposite direction of where I stood in front of him.
"Oh, no, I'll be quick. Really quick. I just... I've been really thirsty lately. Do you think it's because of the... you know," I hinted, keeping my voice down.
Luke scoffed, "Are you asking me if there are side effects to the ancient psychotropic herbs I've been giving you, because there haven't exactly been clinical trials."
I faked a laugh even though I wanted to strangle him for one not keeping his voice down and two for being a smart ass and three for making it seem like this wasn't his idea to start with. "Well, obviously, blondie. I was just wondering if maybe you could, like, I don't know... Add something to the next batch?" I suggested.
"Yeah or maybe there shouldn't be a next batch."
I clenched my jaw, "Luke, it was your idea that I see him again, remember? You were all, hey, Kenzie, I'm sorry that I wronged you. I'm sorry that I'm the reason your fiancé is dead, remember?"
"I am. I'm sorry. Something I made clear when I made Alaric's daytime bracelet, because you asked."
"Yeah, I know—"
"And when I went against my coven rules to get these herbs because you asked."
"Right, but—"
"But it's time to return to reality," he cut me off again. There's nothing I hated more than being interrupted while I was speaking except people that told me no—especially when it had to do with my feelings for Stefan. No one would stop me from being with him, from marrying him, from saving him, and now seeing this illusion of him. No. Without Stefan I am nothing.
"Luke, I'm fine. I'm okay, I promise. Just come by my place by 5, okay?" I told him more than requested.
"Kenzie—"
"Thanks, bye," I cut him off this time and then turned and walked away. Let's see how he likes it.
Now time to get lunch with Elena. I caught up with her in the cafeteria. She was on the phone. "Why isn't Jeremy answering his phone?" She questioned and I raised my brow.
"I don't know. He's probably doing homework or something," I heard Matt's voice come through on the other side of the line.
"Doing homework?" Elena scoffed as I sat down next to her. "Put me on speaker, please." A few seconds later and some background noise, my twin started speaking. Being that annoying mom. "Jeremy, I know you can hear me. Get your butt off that couch and do something productive!"
"Or what? You're gonna come here and make me?" Jer scoffed and I smiled in amusement, rolling my eyes. Elena shot me a glare and I grabbed the phone from her
"Or I'll have the sheriff arrest you and drag you to the town border, where I will kick your ass myself," I grinned.
"Hey, Kenz," Jer greeted.
"Seriously, dude, do some homework or something so mommy dearest can leave us both alone. Matt take care of him. Bye, love you both!" I said quickly, hanging up before Elena could add anything else.
"Really?" Elena sighed, taking her phone back. "That was a lot of help."
"Cut him some slack."
"He has all summer. Even you're going to school and going on with your life."
I winched at that, "he'll come around. I'll worry about our little brother. You worry about being a mom to your only child, Maverick."
"If Jeremy starts failing—"
"I'll kick his ass," I assured.
"Fine," she agreed, shaking her head in annoyance.
***
I waited impatiently for Luke to answer the door. And when he did he sighed. He didn't look shocked to see me but he had the disappointed face my dad used to give me mixed with the face of someone who had bad news to give. "Hey," he greeted quietly in a sort of grumble.
"Hey. You're home. I thought you were coming over at five," I said, smiling as nicely as possible.
"I know you did," he said before looking down at the floor. "Look, Kenzie, I can't help you anymore."
"Is it because I told you that I was thirsty?" I asked, starting to panic. He couldn't stop giving me the herbs. I needed them. I needed to tell him whatever he wanted to hear to agree to give me more. "It's fine. I can get more at the blood bank at the clinic. Apparently I work there now. It's easy."
"Kenzie, you're going through this stuff like crazy."
"Yeah, and?" I frowned.
"I'm not a drug pusher."
My jaw clenched in anger, "No, you're my friend," I stated, entering the room now. I walked right past him to his dresser, opening up the top drawer and looking for the envelopes. "My friend in spite of the fact that my fiancé got stuck on the Other Side...
"Kenzie, don't—"
"Because you decided to stop the spell that could bring him back! My friend that owes me!" I shouted, growing more annoyed when I didn't find what I was looking for.
"No. A friend who cares about you and thinks you're living in denial," Luke retorted and I spun around to face him.
"I know you have more," I stated.
"Kenzie, stop," he growled.
I raised my eyebrows in shock before grabbing him by his shirt and lifting him off the ground. "Where is it?" I questioned.
"Look at you—!"
"Where is it?" I repeated, my fangs coming out. "I need to see Stefan, Luke, and I'm not asking. I'm telling. You think I'm bad now? You have no idea what a nightmare I am without him. Seeing him again is what keeps me sane and from ripping people's heads off their bodies."
He looked terrified so I put him down. "I'll get it," he whispered quietly. I let him go and he fetched me what I came here for. Wasn't so hard after all now was it, Lucas?
***
"Ew. At lunch, Elena was like 'I kind of want to set up Ric with Jo from the hospital. I mean, we both know he has a soft spot for the sexy doctors type.' Jo being Ms. Loughlin our instructor for the internship," I told Stefan, taking my eyes off the road to glance at him. "My question is how long do you think it takes after somebody comes back to life before they can start dating again?"
"Well, the fact that you can say that with a straight face is one more reason that I love you," he smiled softly and I rolled my eyes playfully. "I love how crazy you are."
"So, like, 3 months?" I asked, getting back on subject. He shrugged his shoulders. I sighed dramatically, "fine. I love how un-crazy and stable you are."
We sat in silence for a moment. I was lost in thought until Stefan spoke up. "Can I ask why there is not a Bennett witch in the back? I mean, can't Luke whip up a batch of herbs in Bonnie flavor? Or Damon even? He's your friend too."
I winced, "You know, if I had to drive around with everyone that I've lost, I'd need a school bus," I joked halfhearted you.
"Or you just know that Bonnie would agree with Luke. The last thing you need to do is conjure up someone who's gonna tell you the truth. Or Damon who's gonna tell you how ridiculous and crazy you're being, doing drugs to see me."
"They're not drugs," I snapped. "Ugh, Stefan, can we pleas just not talk about it?"
"About what? The fact that I'm dead? Because I am."
"Technically, you were dead when we met," I quipped, sending him a pointed look. I really didn't want to have this argument with him... with myself. I didn't want to think about it. Or try to figure out where my moral compass was pointing.
"Good point. Now I'm just gone."
I winced, squeezing the steering wheel. "Stefan... please, please, don't say that," I begged him.
"And this conversation is pretty much the smart, level-headed you talking to the irrational possible drug addict you, which is clear evidence of your insanity."
"Mhm, whatever," I grumbled, turning up the radio so I could hear the Falling In Reverse song playing. Yes, scream at me Ronnie Radke. Drown out my imaginary fiancé drama.
Three songs later and Stefan was speaking up again. I loved his company. But right now he was being mean, annoying self righteous Stefan. "What are you looking for?" He asked me as I was reaching one hand back for a bloodbath.
"I thought I had..." I trailed off when I grabbed them. I pulled them to the front and my brows raised in shock. Oh. They're gone. "Well, guess not."
I sighed, eyes back on the road. "Is that Elena's car?" My fiancé asked me as I was staring at my twins car and another SUV pulled onto the side of the road.
"Oh, my god," I gasped, pulling over. Elena was feeding off of her. What the hell? I hopped out my running car, speeding over to her in a flash. "Stop it, Elena!" I shouted, grabbing her by her shoulder and pulling her back from the poor frightened girl.
Elena was gasping for air, still holding the girl close to her with tight grips on the girl's arms. "Don't you miss feeding from the vein?" Elena asked me. "Take a bite, Kenzie."
I stared at the bleeding neck, feeling my face start to turn. I was starving. But, this was wrong. "You can't feed off people," I told my twin.
"Why not? They won't remember," Elena said.
"Compel her and let her go."
"I'm not done feeding," she said, dipping a finger in the pool of blood on the girl's neck. She held her hand out to me. "Come on, we can share. If we're both doing it, it's not so wrong, right?"
I couldn't stop myself. I was next to my twin in a flash and biting into the other side of the victim's neck. "Kenzie, stop. Kenz?" I heard my fiancé call for me all of a side end.
I pulled away to look at him staring at me with a frown. He looked so disappointed and hurt. His arms crossed over his chest. "I'm still hungry," I told him, looking back at the bleeding neck.
"Who are you talking to?" Elena asked, looking behind her then over at me in complete confusion.
"No one," I said.
"You're both going to kill her," Stefan told me.
"I got it, Stefan. I'm gonna let her go. I'm just... fuck, I just need a little more," I said.
"Did you say, Stefan?" Elena asked me, stepping away from the girl and letting her go. I grabbed the weak girl by the arm, holding her close to me.
"Forget it," I told her. I was ready to dive back in to bite and feed when a shrill yell came.
"Oh, my god! What are you doing?" Caroline questioned us and I stepped away from the girl, throwing my hands up in defense.
"Caroline, it wasn't my—" I was speaking before Elena interrupted.
Elena shouted, "no!" She started running and I looked to see the girl had ran off. My twin bounced backwards as her skin turned red from burning in the sun. That was the borderline. "Look what you did," Elena groaned.
"What did you do? Why the hell are you feeding on people?" Caroline asked mee.
"It's fine. I've compelled everyone else," Elena told her. I gaped at her in shock.
"Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hang on. So you're the border-lurker?" Caroline questioned.
"The what?" My twin and I asked.
"Yeah, did you know my mom's been out looking for a vampire prowler?"
"I'm sorry," my twin frowned. "I've been so hungry."
"What's your excuse?" Caroline asked me. "She's a newbie. You're not, Kenzie."
I opened my mouth then closed it twice before rambling off, "it's the... the herbs Luke's been giving me. They make me so thirsty." I was pacing now, looking around for Stefan who was gone. "I'm not thinking straight. I wouldn't have bit that poor girl."
"Whoa, what herbs?"
I pressed the palms of my hands into my eyes. Fuck. I said too much. It's too late to go back. Elena knows I was talking to myself. To Stefan. "They make me see Stefan," I admitted, turning to look at both of them. I can talk to him, and, a-and I can be with him, and..." I trailed off trying to explain.
"God, is this what you've been doing this whole time? Hallucinating your dead boyfriend?" Caroline scoffed in disgust.
"Fiancé," I snapped. "And I tried to grieve him, Caroline. Trust me, I know grief. I've got grieving down to a science at this point, and I tried. But every time I let it sink in that I'm never gonna see him again... I feel like I'm gonna die."
They were both silent but then Elena was wrapping her arms around me. "Oh God, I get it okay? I do. But, there are better ways to get through this," Caroline told me.
"Like what? Like dropping out of school and having picnics with my mom, near the town border? Or maybe I could go back to bouncing from country to country with Enzo, chasing some false hope that we're gonna find a way to bring Stefan, Damon and Bonnie back. We're all getting through it. This is me, getting through it, okay?" I snapped, pushing Elena away from me.
"Yeah, but you're not getting through it, Kenzie," my twin responded. "You're just pressing pause."
I shrugged, "that's better than the alternative. This is the best version of me there is without Stefan... I can't... I can't stop... I need him. In some way, shape or form. I really need him. I can't live without him."
The two remained silent for a few seconds. Then Caroline sighed, breaking it. "Look, I'll call my mom and she can fix all this. But you both need to get out of here, go hide, okay? Go!"
Elena looked at me and then in a flash was in her car. I wiped my teary eyes as I rushed back to my SUV and got in. "What am I doing?" I whispered to myself. Then a large hand landed on my thigh. Stefan's. He grabbed mine and gave me a sympathetic look. I squeezed my eyes shut. No. My fiancé didn't ever pity me. He stood by me and took care of me. If he was here this would have never happened to me. He'd help Elena too. He'd make all my problems go away.
I drove off, trying to get to the party. I needed a distraction but I couldn't find one. Not when Stefan still appeared next to me. When I finally put my vehicle in park, I grabbed my phone to make a call. I dialed Enzo's number.
"Hello, gorgeous," he answered.
"Enzo, hey... um... how's it going?" I asked, my voice shaky with the need to cry.
"Well, it's going."
"I need you to tell me that you found something. A witch. A guy who knows a witch who knows something. Anything. I need you to give me hope and tell me that you're going to find Stefan and bring him back."
"Not yet."
"No," I cried. "No. I need something! How am... How am I supposed to wake up in the morning? To go about my day without falling apart? Tell me what to do to get through this, because I'm clearly doing it wrong. I'm drinking potions to hallucinate my dead fiancé! We need to save him!"
"Love," he sighed softly. "There's no right or wrong way to heal or grieve. Hallucinating isn't going to help you."
"I know, but there's only forever to live. That's why I need you to give me hope. Because I don't think I can live forever without him."
"I am trying my best, love. But right now, I have no news for you. I'm really sorry, Kenzie."
I hung up then. I rested my head on my steering wheel and just let the sobs I've been holding back out. The tears ran down my cheeks rapidly. I was crying like I never had cried over losing him before. The pain was still so raw and I was still so fragile. And without a doubt it was an impossible pill to swallow. Stefan being gone. Me having to cope without him here. Without 'seeing' him either.
***
I didn't go to the party. Instead I headed to the cemetery. I was making one last magic herbal tea. I needed to see him one more time if this was goodbye. Just three gulps and there he was, standing next to me with that kicked puppy look on his handsome face.
"You can't be here anymore... You're not even real. It's just my subconscious making me see what I want to see," I said.
"One call from Enzo and you're gonna throw all this away?" Stefan asked, placing a hand on my shoulder and I shrugged it away.
"You know I want to see you, Stefan. But it makes me reckless. I hurt a girl today. I could hurt more people," I told him.
"So, why am I here?" He quipped, turning me to face him. "Do you want to move on?" I nodded. "Then move on, babe."
"I never got to say thank you," I said quietly, sniffling. He furrowed his eyebrows before wiping my eyes for me.
"For what?" He asked, his hand cupping my chin so my eyes met his pretty green ones.
"For bringing back Alaric and Tyler. Thank you."
"Oh, Kenz—"
"No, I'm not done yet. I... I want to thank you for giving me everything I always wanted. A love that consumed me. This relationship was everything. You were everything to me. There's nothing more I could ever want other than for it to last forever, and to marry you... but... it can't last forever and I can't marry you now. And this is the last time I'm gonna see you. This is good-bye, Stef. I love you. But I have to let go now."
I was crying softly as I stepped up against him, pressing my lips to his first a slow and gentle kiss. A goodbye kiss. It was deep and passionate. It was also very sad. And when I pulled away... he was still there. My eyes opened so I could still be staring into his. That wasn't right.
"You're still holding on," he said.
"W-What? No. I-I said goodbye, Stefan."
He shook his head at me. Like a switch he his demeanor had changed. "I don't blame you. You know what's waiting for you. How long before you go running back to Luke?" He asked.
"No. I told you, this was the last time, Stefan. I'm done. I can't see you anymore."
"So you want an eternity of torment, agony, and grief? You'll feel it all."
"Stop it, Stefan," I pleaded.
"Eternity without me."
"Stop, stop it! You're getting in my head!" I shouted and he shrugged nonchalantly.
"What are you without me, Kenz?"
"Don't do this. Please," I begged.
"You'll feel it forever."
"No!" I screamed, knocking over everything on my stone table. Stefan stood there watching me. But now he was silent. So I threw a candle at him and he disappeared.
Then my chest tightened. He was gone. Not just right now in my mind but in reality. And then the sobbing started again. I was so hurt and so angry. I threw a whole lamp over. I tossed a random rock out the window, causing it to break. But as I cried harder, my body felt weaker. I leaned against the tomb wall before slowly sliding down with my back to it. I hugged my knees and cried out, "Stefan!"
And just when I thought the crying was over, Stefan appeared, sitting next to me. "You're still holding on," he told me.
"I know," I admitted. "But I don't know how to let go... But this is the last time, Stef. When this wears off, I won't see you anymore. Not until Enzo finds a way to bring you back.
"I love you, Kenzie Nicole."
"How much?" I asked, cracking a smile.
"A whole lot. To the moon and back," he grinned beautifully, tucking some hair behind my ear. Then he kissed my forehead.
"I love you too, Stefanator. Forever and always."
~Picture: Kenzie crying to Caroline and Elena while on the side of the road
Here we are love bugs! Book 6, Season 6. Took long enough. And it's been a crazy journey. Are we ready for the rollercoaster ride that is this book? Because it's about to get messy. Try to keep up.
But what do you think so far? Kenzie is taking magic herbs to see Stefan who is gone in the wind with Damon and Bonnie. Enzo is the only one trying to save them. Elena's feeding on people. Both twins are trying to be doctors. Tyler is back and in college. Caroline is desperate to get in Mystic Falls. How is this all going to play out?
And who's ready for Stefan back? And even more exciting #Stenzie and #Delena drama. Both are coming. Stay tuned.
25 votes and we will be onto chapter two!