| October 1 | Monday Afternoon |
~ Megan's POV ~
Since the field trip, I noticed a distance from Sam she hadn't exhibited in a long time. As in, since she was in high school. It terrified me, because I had absolutely no idea what her problem was, and she refused to even talk to me when I tried to bring up school or Ava or how well my class was doing.
I had seen this look in her eyes the day of the field trip... as if she had seemed intrigued and elated to be around children. They had looked up to her and she had enjoyed it. Then, after lunch that day, it was like someone had flipped a switch. She was quiet, she was standoff-ish, and she no longer had that gleeful look when she associated or talked to the children.
Luckily, Ethan wasn't ignoring me. I had noticed they had had an exchange after I had escorted the girls to the bathroom during the fieldtrip, so I inevitably ended up asking him what they had talked about. He just revealed that he mentioned Ava's living situation, and that was it. I couldn't wrap my head around the simplicity of it, or why my fiancée was suddenly reverting to ways I thought we had abandoned ages ago.
Sam was still attending therapy and told me her and her therapist were addressing the things I desperately wanted to talk about but refused to elaborate any further than that. I hated it. I hated the way she was shutting me out and I hated that I had somehow made her feel like she couldn't talk to me. I knew going behind her back and inquiring about the foster thing was bad, and I should've known better, but I had apologized too. The only thing I could figure was that after Sam and Ethan had talked, she had put two-and-two together and realized my foster inquiry was, in fact, about Ava.
And that had managed to scare her.
"Hey," I heard next to me. "Are you okay?"
My eyes focused on Ethan who was accompanying me during recess. It sucked knowing that my mood and focus were visibly shot. I inhaled a deep breath and nodded.
"Yeah, just in my head today," I confessed.
"You've seemed to be like that for a few awhile now."
I knew that. Hell, I'm sure everyone that associated with me regularly knew that. It wasn't my fault. Sam's mood affected my mood and knowing her mood was off because of me just made it worse. Especially when I could do nothing to fix it.
My silence provoked Ethan to continue the conversation and avoid silence.
"You wanna see something?" he asked.
"What?"
"Look at that." He pointed over to the swing-set. "Ava is playing."
I realized that but didn't see the big deal. She had been playing all week on the swing-set. It seemed to be her go-to activity now.
"Yeah?"
"I haven't seen Ava do anything at recess until the last week," he confessed. "I've only ever watched her sit in a field and pick grass most days."
After he mentioned it, I realized he was right. Since school had started, I hadn't seen Ava play until recently. And, not only was she playing, but she was playing with Ashton, who was playing with another one of their classmates, Ben.
"She's been doing better in class," I revealed. "It's her homework that's holding her back."
Ethan looked at me. "You think it's her guardian?"
"Absolutely."
There was a silence that held a heaviness I couldn't ignore. I knew Ava's situation, or I at least knew enough, and it managed to literally keep me up at night. I should've known better than to get emotionally involved, but I couldn't help it. She was a bright girl, but it was buried under the lack of love and emotional, and possibly physical, trauma. Imagining what she went through in her foster home made me sick. The image of her being ignored hurt my heart.
And the worst part was, I couldn't talk about it with Sam because I didn't want to scare her any further.
"What does Sam think about it?"
I almost had to laugh at the irony of the question.
"I don't talk about it with her," I revealed. "Ever since the fieldtrip, she's just been different. She's probably in her head more than me."
Ethan shifted uncomfortably at my sharp tone regarding Sam, but I couldn't help it. Her silence was hurting me, and it absolutely sucked not being able to tell her what was bothering me so much. I mean, we were in a new place with new people. I didn't have the support I had back home. Things were different and I needed her now, too!
The conversation stalled at my stale mentioning of my fiancée and then we were back in class. It was distracting enough, but once it was over, the thoughts came rushing back. Then, eventually, we were packing up for the day and I was escorting my kids to the bus lines.
Once I dropped them off, I headed to the carpool area where I was assigned today. Deep down I was happy about it because I knew Ava was a car-rider, which meant I could make sure the right person, if you could even call them that, picked her up.
"I like this book a lot, Miss Adams," Ava said as we accompanied each other while waiting.
I watched her cradle the book in her lap because she refused to put it in her backpack. Hopefully she could get some reading in at home since I was allowing her to bring it outside of the classroom. Something I wasn't allowing other kids to do.
"What do you like so much about it?" I wondered, realizing she was the last one to get picked up today. Again.
"I like how Jo is always so happy," she said. "He doesn't get sad, not matter what bad things happen."
The sound of longing in her voice made my heart ache. I knew she was envious of the fictional boy, and I wanted to tell her that the sadness she felt was valid. That she had good reason to be, but how do you explain bad things like abuse to an eight-year-old that has possibly never felt real love in her life?
I checked my watch and realized it was well over an hour of us being out here. Her guardian was clearly late, and I was getting hot. Even though it was October, Florida's heat wasn't like Missouri's, so I decided to escort Ava back to my classroom where we could wait with air condition.
"How about we go back to my classroom to wait?" I wondered. "Aren't you getting a little hot?"
Ava just nodded.
"Let's go then," I ordered. "You can read a little more of your book, too."
She flanked me and I wondered how I should go about this. I could wait another thirty minutes to an hour, but once I did, then what? Maybe I could call her emergency contacts. I had them in my desk. Then again, I didn't want to worry the girl, which I would if I called for her guardian in her presence.
That's when we rounded the corner of the hallway and ran into Ethan. He looked startled to see the little girl next to me. His eyes asked the silent question. All I could do was nod.
"I'll give it another thirty," I revealed. "Then I'll call."
He just nodded. "Let me know when you do. I can stay with her."
Ava entered the room first and returned to her desk where she eagerly opened her book to continue. I sat at my own and continued some teacher work I needed to get done for an upcoming test and wondered if her ride would even show up today. Luckily, the book was distraction enough for her, but I couldn't stop thinking. What if no one showed up? What would happen to Ava then?
Thirty minutes seemed to fly by, and then we hit forty-five. Eventually, we were nearing six-thirty. I needed to call. Ethan appeared at my door just in time.
I just gave him a nod before pulling up the number and pressing dial. It rang for a while, but no answer. I tried three more times. Eventually, I was starting to give up because I was on my fifth try and that usually meant there was no one on the other side. What the hell was I going to do with her? I could call the authorities, but then what would that mean for Ava? She didn't deserve to end up in a police station waiting for her guardian.
Then on the fifth call, someone answered.
"H-Hello?"
"Yes, is this Lisa?" I asked. "Ava is still at school-"
"I'm on my way!" the woman nearly shouted. "My car has been givin' me a lot of damn trouble. I meant to call the school. I've just been so busy."
"Well, Ava is pretty worked up," I lied.
"She'll be fine. She's always worked up. I will be there in a few minutes."
Then she ended the call.
The fury I felt was so overwhelming that I had to stay outside my classroom for a few extra minutes. Ethan must've heard the conversation end, because he hesitantly joined me outside while Ava remained inside reading.
"Are you okay?" he wondered.
I just shook my head.
"You know what's crazy?" I said aloud, ignoring the burning in my eyes. "That same-sex couples have to jump through twice as many hoops just to adopt and foster, but people like Ava's guardian, who don't give a damn about the kids, get them easier. All for a check."
He didn't say anything, probably because he knew I was right. The look on his face pretty much said that. He just leaned on the wall next to me. The silence didn't last long, though, because Ethan always had something to say. Except, this was something unexpected.
"I looked into adopting Ava, too," he revealed. "But because I'm divorced, single, and don't make enough, I was declined."
The shock on my face was probably evident. It made me see him in an entirely new light.
"That little girl..." He just shook his head. "She deserves better. She deserves you and Sam, and I hope you can get through the process."
The mentioning of Sam did me in. It provoked a deep sadness that had been bubbling in my heart for nearly a month. I couldn't stop the tears from welling in my eyes and exposing themselves. I looked up, attempting to stop them from rolling down my cheeks.
"I'm sorry," he panicked. "I didn't mean to make you cry."
"It's okay," I lied. "It's nothing you did."
That's when I heard Ava next to me, prompting my own panic as I tried not to let her see how upset I was.
"Is Lisa coming Miss Adams?" she asked.
"She is." I kneeled in front of her and nodded. "Lisa's coming. She was just having some car trouble. That's all."
"So, she didn't forget about me?"
It took every ounce of strength in me not to break down and start crying right there. This shouldn't be this hard. It shouldn't be like this for any of us, especially Ava. She didn't deserve this. Ethan was right. She deserved better. She deserved me.
"No, honey," I answered while gripping her tiny hands. "Lisa didn't forget about you."
The comment at least made her smile, which meant the world to me. It was something I had only seen a few times since meeting her. The delicate squeeze of her hand let me know she believed me.
* * *
I got home around seven and Sam was beyond worried. At first, when I walked in, she was pacing the kitchen, which meant she was almost on her way out the door to come and find me, except I had beat her to it.
"What the hell, Megan?" she asked.
"Long day," I said. "I'm sorry."
"You're sorry?" She shook her head. "You couldn't respond to any of my texts or calls to tell me you were staying late?"
Don't mention why, I ordered myself.
"I have a busy week ahead of me and there were some things that came up," I lied. "I'm home and I'm sorry that I got so caught up in my work that I didn't respond."
I was being vague, but for her own good. I didn't want her to worry more. Not after whatever she was on since the fieldtrip. She didn't want to hear about Ava anyway, so it was just easier to refuse to mention it.
"Were you with Ethan?" she spat.
The question almost sounded like an accusation, which then lead me to the conclusion that she was going down the wrong road. I peered into our fridge and shook my head.
"Only for a few minutes," I answered. "Why does that even matter?"
I knew me not saying no really got to her, but she didn't want to overreact again and seem jealous, even though it was clear she was. That, of course, I didn't understand, but Sam had always had trust issues. I was starting to believe that would never change.
And I was starting to question if I could live with it.
"It doesn't," she deadpanned. "I guess you'd rather hang out with him anyway."
The comment was just so stupid that it infuriated me even further. Why was she making this about her? When she was making it impossible for me to express what was hurting me?
"Not everything is about you, Sam," I jabbed, tasting the animosity in my tone.
Her sad blue eyes turned to me, but she didn't say anything. She never said anything. This alone was enough to piss me off to the high Heavens, especially after the day I had.
"Maybe if you would just talk to me, you'd know that I'm hurting too," I continued. "You've shut me out again and made it impossible for me to express my pain and suffering because I'm scared it's just gonna make it worse!"
I could see my words stabbing her like they were invisible knives, slicing at her skin and making her flinch.
"Just..." I dropped the subject. "I need to be alone."
I entered our room and tried my best not to cry as I shut the door. The images of Ava swarmed my head as I heard Sam stomping around outside the door. Was Ava okay? Was she in trouble? Would I even see her tomorrow?
Then I heard the front door slam, rattling the walls. The sound inevitably broke me down and opened the floodgates. The tears came and my heart squeezed in pain. I was alone and convinced that my pain would drown me tonight.
***A/N***
So, apparently some of you don't like the drama that Segan is going through right now, but have I ever disappointed you? Wait. Don't answer that. Listen, don't worry, okay? You know I must add a little drama to make this season interesting. Give Segan and I some credit.
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Lauryn