When I turned sixteen, the world decided to crumble around me. I wasn't sure why or even how it even happened, but one day I was walking down the halls of Beacon Hills High School with a smile on my face, laughing with my friends, and tossing jokes back and forth at one another and then the next, it was all over. Life as I knew it was gone and I was alone.
Motherless.
Fatherless.
Brotherless.
It was a nightmare. One that no matter how hard I tried, never ended. No one believed me and quite honestly, I couldn't blame them. I mean, sometimes I couldn't even believe myself, but it felt real. the pieces I remember d felt so vivid, it was hard to think that they were nothing more than the fabrication of a broken mind.
Something happened that night and it was far more than just a fire. I may not have been able to remember everything, but I knew I was different because of it. Something changed and even though I hadn't been able to put my finger on it, I knew I would never again be the same sixteen-year-old that got through life staring at her feet in the hallways.
I knew my mother would have wanted me to walk into this school with my head held high. She would have told me that "Sommer's didn't care what people thought about them". I'd be dressed to the nines and my nails would have been painted red instead of peeling and crusted with blood at the cuticles. She would have wanted me to sit down in front of the mirror and take the time to curl my oak nut hair, instead of throwing the unwashed mess into a bun.
Here I was though.
Nearly seventeen and far more broken than your standard traumatized teenager. I was broken and bruised beyond repair. Hugging my locker as I tried to catch my breath. My dark washed jeans had holes in the knees and my t-shirt clung to what was left of my stressed-out figure. It had been six months since the fire and even though I knew I wasn't doing anything to make them proud, I couldn't bring myself to do anything about it. Not when I was living out of suitcase in a room that wasn't my own. The last thing I wanted to do was wake up earlier than necessary to paint a smile on my face.
The warning bell rang and I jumped. The lingering students snickered as they crept by, no doubt trying to get a good look at the basket case on her first day back. I already knew this was going to be a disaster. I could feel the crippling doubt settling in every bone in my body. All I wanted to do was turn and run out the double blue doors. Leave reality and fall into some fictional world where what I knew to be true would have been believable. But, I was stuck here, in this God-forsaken high school and already late for my first-period biology class.
I shuffled around in my locker as I waited for the sparse crowd to pass. I buried my face into the stack of books I hadn't touched in months and took a deep breath, counting slowly before shuffling down the hallway to class.
"Well, welcome back Ms. Sommers." Mr. Harris nodded as I walked into the classroom. I stood there staring at him from the doorway as all eyes turned to me.
I can do this.
I heard the whispers as they turned to one another and I swallowed deeply.
I can do this.
The whispers weren't so quiet anymore and Mr. Harris stared at me like he was thinking what everyone was saying. It was almost worse than the nightmares. I couldn't wake up from this or run away, it would only make the rumors more believable.
"Are you going to take a seat or do you need to go to the nurse's station?" Mr. Harris questioned my mentality. I stood there, not sure if I was going to be able to move or respond, but just as I turned to flee, my books fell from my hands as I bumped into someone who let out a sharp yelp.
"I'm so sorry," I muttered as I bent down and grabbed my books.
Chuckles filled the room, but I tried to focus on the dark chocolate curls that brushed past my face. The young girl didn't speak, but as we stood, she gave me a timid smile and handed me my tattered notebook.
"Alright, that's enough," Mr. Harris snapped at the students. He sighed heavily, obviously annoyed by the morning's ordeal and sauntered over to us. "Allison I presume."
She only nodded, but I could tell by the way her well-defined jaw tightened, that she was just as nervous as I was.
"You two girls can take the empty table in the back."
Allison nodded and pulled her back tightly against her shoulder. She weaved through the lined of tables, but instead of following her, my gaze fell on the curious eyes that stared me down. I knew all of them. Every single one. It was hard to believe that at one point they all waved and said hello as I walked down the hall, no doubt because of my brother, but now, he was gone and I was no longer the lacrosse captains little sister, I was the mental girl who didn't know how to find her seat.
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The day had rushed by in a blur. I was thankful. It could have dragged or even inched, but every time I looked up at the clock minutes or hours had surprisingly passed. It wasn't until lunch though, that I was able to escape the stares or the whispers as I settled in the table in the corner. Far beyond the nerds or gamers who battled about playing the card. I felt safe here. Comfortable. It had been a long time since I had felt either, but it was familiar territory and even with my back to the crowded room, I felt calm.
It was just as I remembered it.
Although instead of eating lunch with Penny and Lola in the quad, I was alone and to be honest, I quite liked it this way. I didn't have to explain myself or lie to keep people at bay. I had accepted the fact that nobody would ever believe me and that I would forever be that girl who went crazy, but there were only a few more years left and maybe if I tried hard enough, there was a good chance I could convince Roe to let me homeschool.
"Do you mind if I sit here?"
I looked up from my untouched lunch and saw Allison smiling awkwardly down at me. She held her tray to her chest and glanced around as I tried to find the words. It wasn't that I didn't want her to sit with me, it was the fact that there were empty seats everywhere and I didn't want to form even the slightest friendship with someone who would run away the moment they found out where I had been the last few months. "Well?"
"Um," I muttered, but instead of telling her yes I pulled my bag from the spot on the bench next to me and let her sit.
I tried to cover the side of my face as I glanced around. I had managed to find my way to the quiet corner without a fuss, but now that this beautiful brown-eyed new girl was standing next to me, I was sure people would take notice... and they did and unfortunately, the first person I locked eyes with was the one person I had tried to avoid like the plague.
Lydia Martin stared at me from across the room. She sat up front, surrounded by every jersey clad lacrosse jock that walked the halls of the school. We were only sophomores, but people praised that girl and her friends as if she had already been crowned prom queen. For a moment I thought she was going to march over here and pull Allison out of her seat by her hair. Not that it would have mattered to me much. I wasn't keen on conversations, but Lydia had a knack for the dramatics and would make damn sure I left this cafeteria in tears.
"I'm Allison," she finally spoke up as she settled into the seat next to me. I tried to smile but instead stared awkwardly down at her hand that she had extended. She chuckled softly as she dropped it, folding her hands into her lap. "Sorry. You'd think for a professional new girl, I'd know how to introduce myself by now."
"It's okay," I finally said. "I'm just - it's my first day too, so. - I'm Sid."
"Really?" Her eyes lit up as she smiled. "Where did you move from?"
I felt my lips purse and quickly tried to turn it into a smile. "Well, um, I'm from here. I've just been gone for a little while. Today is my first day back."
"Oh." Her voice trailed off and she lowered her head.
I felt my jaw tense and I tried to hide the sinking in my chest with a small smile. There was no chance she didn't already know and in a quick attempt to divert her from the slew of questions I was sure she was about to ask, I tried to keep the focus on her.
"What about you?"
"San Francisco."
I couldn't help but smile and though the awkwardness was still stiff between us, the words fell from my lips before I could stop them. "I love it there."
"You've been?"
I nodded. "Yeah, we - I mean, I used to go every summer. My parents had their wedding at City Hall and every year we'd go back to get photos in the same spot."
"It's so beautiful there."
"It was my mom's favorite place," I said quickly, not sure why I was telling this random girl anything about my life. Though, before either of us could keep the conversation going, a flash of strawberry blond whipped past my face and I was met with the backside of Lydia's plaid skirt.
I straightened, my breath getting caught in my throat. It was involuntary. I couldn't help it. Lydia's presence still hit me the same way it did before I left. The cloud of Chanel that followed her around scratched at my throat and I was thrown back into my brother's bedroom, finding the soft pink cardigan balled up behind his computer desk. My fingers dug deep into the palm of my hand as she interrogated the new girl next to me. I wasn't surprised that someone as pretty as she was, had already made her way into the it crowd, but hearing Allison tell her that she just wanted to sit back and observe before she made any moves to mingle made me chuckle.
"Well, I would suggest mingling with other people." Lydia's venomous voice was masked with a bit of sweet mint and I took it as my quick cue to leave. "Leaving so soon?"
Lydia finally turned towards me, a grin on her face.
"It was nice to meet you, Allison," I said, ignoring the strawberry bombshell. I pulled my bag over my shoulder as she glanced back and forth between us, curious as to why the air turned toxic. "I'll see you around."
I didn't wait for a response, but as I turned around I caught Lydia mumbling to herself. "Let's hope not."
I cringed but did nothing. I missed the days I was able to speak my mind. I used to be able to tell Lydia what a trash ball I thought she was without hesitation. Especially when I caught her sneaking out of my house in the middle of the night when she was supposed to be with her boyfriend instead of his best friend. I knew I still had it in me, but I wasn't ready to cause a scene. I wasn't prepared to be that girl again because that girl drew attention and that was exactly what I wanted to avoid.
The door into the back quad wouldn't budge as I pushed on it. I just wanted a quick escape. I could already feel the eyes burning hot on my back, but as I gave the door one last push, the fire alarms began to echo and I jumped, dropping my tray of untouched food to the ground and gripped at my ears.
I couldn't hear anything over my muffled hands. The sound shorting straight into the back of my head, pecking away at my skull. It took everything in me not to crumble as I tried to find the alarm and thankfully, there were still half-decent people in the world as a curly, blond-haired boy rushed over and latched the door shut behind me. He was familiar, but before I could think of his name, a hand gripped my shoulder tightly and jerked me around.
"Miss. Sommers, what the hell do you think you're doing?"
I opened my mouth to speak, but nothing came out as I noticed everyone who hadn't given me a second glance, was now staring as well. I knew I had only seconds to explain, but before I could, an all too familiar voice broke the dead silence.
"Holy shit! Scott! It's Sid! They let her out."
My gaze fell beyond Mr. Harris and landed on Stiles Stilinski, who all but gawked at me like I was some sort of two-headed troll that escaped one of his video games. Standing beside him was none other than Scott McCall, the only boy who had ever asked me on a date. Scott elbowed Stiles roughly in the ribs, but even then, the boy with honey glazed eyes stared.
The burn behind my eyes broke our gaze, but as Mr. Harris began snapping his fingers in front of my face I felt the gates falling.
"Your first day back and you're already causing problems?"
"No." I shook my head fiercely. "I just - I - I didn't know that the door didn't open anymore."
I followed his unimpressed gaze to the sign on the door and clenched my fists at my side. I had walked through those double-paned doors almost every day of my freshman year. Eating in the back quad was one of my favorite things about the beginning of the school year, but I had somehow missed the big red sign forbidding the practice anymore and found myself in a world of trouble with the only person I despised as much as Lydia martin.
"If you're going to continue to cause issues here Miss. Sommers, I will be forced to -"
"I'm not causing -"
"Don't interrupt me," he snapped, causing the nosy onlookers to snicker. "Pick up your mess and then go to the office."
I knew I should have done what he said. It was the only way this would be over quickly, but for some reason I stood there, staring at him dumbly as my brain tried to catch up to the quickness in my chest. The urge to vomit was the only thing on my mind and it took everything in me not to make a mess of his scuffed leather shoes.
"Did I stutter?"
"No, sir." I managed to mutter.
"Do I need to call the warden then?" He threatened, stepping closer. "I'm starting to think your return was a little too - premature."
My eyes widened at the vicious words he spoke. It was one thing to scold me for breaking rules I honestly wasn't aware of, but to purposely pick at my mentality in front of the whole sophomore class was another. He had done it though. I had told myself a hundred times that I wouldn't cry today, but as the laughter echoed in my head, I found myself trembling as the water pushed past my long lashes.
"Miss. Sommers?"
His voice followed me, growing louder and angrier with every step I took, but then it was drowned out yet again by the fire alarms as I managed to slam open the back doors and rush out into the quad.
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QUICK AUTHORS NOTE
Due to the massive confusion of Aliya Parrish's name (who was named prior to the deputy coming to the show) I have decided to change her name to Sidney Sommers. So, all of you rereaders who loved Aliya, or loved to hate her, I hope you enjoy rereading a similar, yet vastly different story!
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I JUST WANT TO SAY THANK YOU FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY LITTLE BLACK HEART FOR HELPING THIS MONSTROSITY OF A BOOK HIT OVER HALF A MILLION READS!
It's so weird to dive back into this book, but you all deserve the best of my writing which is not the 2014 me.
Xoxo,
Nich