"You can't just give up on life," Susan said as I shrugged in disbelief. "You are living your life as if you want to die already."
Susan was my best friend. Her long hair flowed down to her waist. She was one of the most beautiful girls I had ever come across. Small eyes and a mesmerizing smile accompanied her beautiful face, which would fill you with optimism as soon as you would look at her, but I developed an immunity as we spent time together. There was a tint of innocence on her face and she had been my friend since we were eight. An optimist.
"I don't want anyone to have pity on me, I have told you so many times," I replied.
"Damn it, no one cares about your wheel chair, Jane."
She was kind of right, but I didn't really care, I was a stubborn person myself. It sometimes felt like it would take the sun to rise from the west for me to actually start living my life. It wasn't that I wasn't happy with my life, I had my small world, but I could have lived it better. Well, if it wasn't for my fears.
My mom came in, accompanied by Oscar, my dog, and thus putting the 'philosophical Susan' on a halt. "Do you girls need anything?" She asked.
Oscar wasn't just a pet to me. I loved him as much as my family if not more. He had always occupied the same spot Susan occupied in my life.
Family.
Oscar and Susan.
No one.
In that order.
Oscar was a golden colored Labrador who had been a part of my life since five years. He loved me and so did I. In a way, he resembled me. His spirits weren't always kissing the sky and like me, he behaved as if he had an irreplaceable void within himself. When my solitude grew into loneliness and when I felt like I grew out of love for myself, I would call him to be my companion and kept cherishing his athletic body and silky fur along with getting his unconditional love in return. Sometimes, his love saved my sinking ship.
We all knew the answer before the question was asked. "Coffee, maybe?" Susan said running her hands through Oscar's hair.
Susan stood up from the bed, stared outside the window for a minute and then brought the chess board from the closet.
"So you want to lose again, huh?" I laughed and watched Oscar coming close to me and I slowly stroked my hands on his head.
"Let's see," Susan said, "who has the last laugh."
I loved playing Chess for two reasons. Firstly, it had many metaphorical implications and secondly, it was an escape from the awkward silence which prevailed after Suzy and I had ran out of topics to talk. The game started and mom brought the coffee meanwhile.
"CHECKMATE, Clown" I shouted as I watched her cover her face in embarrassment.
"I let you win so that I could see you happy," Suzy said as if she meant it.
"If that makes you sleep at night," I said as we both laughed it off.
Susan then began talking about how her day went at school. I was always interested in talking to the talkative version of her and more interestingly when she talked about school because I had opted for the home schooling since my debacle happened. Well, she was always the center of attraction in the school, but today, she didn't like the limelight. She was accused of checking out on Kate's boyfriend. Susan never had a boyfriend before, even though she was asked out by numerous boys in the school. She would always say that she was still searching for her 'type' and a new topic was never distant when the talk about her love sparked.
"Ugh, I would have punched that bitch if I were you," I expressed my discontentment. Kate was my friend back in the School days, but like my other friends, Kate drifted apart from me. Susan was the one who remained. The only one. Kate used to be a kind person back in the days, but everyone loses some good part of them in the course of their life like a flower which loses its beautiful petals in the course of becoming a fruit. It is inevitable. Susan was there with me through my thick and thin. I felt rather happy when I heard Susan's stories about her school, it saved me from wondering how life would be if I gave up home schooling.
"Well 18 year old like us have to go through it a lot, I guess," I told her.
"I wish you were there with me, we would totally rock the school," Suzy said, staring in the middle of nowhere as if she was lost in her thoughts.
"As if you don't already," I said, gazing at the intense look on her face, "Still not checking on someone?"
She behaved as if she didn't hear the question, but she couldn't control how her face lit up with her bright smirk and that was enough for me. So, finally Susan liked someone and what I knew was no one could deny letting her in when she came knocking at the door.
"So... Whose pleasure is it to be your first love?" I said, holding her hand, looking at her while she stared away. Excitement was the ingredient of my voice as I said that.
"Uhm.." she murmured, "A guy has caught my attention since months. Well, he is hot, even you would fall for him if you look at him."
A person who catches Susan's attention has got to be more than 'just hot.' I felt so happy for her. "Do you guys talk..?"
"Not yet, but I think I will go and talk to him myself if he doesn't come up to me soon."
"Is he Kate's boyfriend?"
"How can you even think of it?" She laughed first and then just kept on smiling as if she was lost in her own world.
What followed her was my inquisitive self asking her in-numerous question as if I was interested in him myself. Well, both of them studied in the Lansville High School and in her knowledge, he was.. single. Ironically, I didn't ask his name because I knew I would spend so much time in collecting information about my best friend's crush. I somehow swallowed the urge in me to see him.
She got up after that, stared out of the window for a minute and said, "I think I should get going."
"Take care of yourself," I said and waved at her.
"You too," She said as she went past the door in a little hurry.
I looked around myself and just observed for some time. My room shouted aestheticism. My parents had spent so much of their savings in building a beautiful room for me, sometimes I felt like I was a burden for them and hated myself for allowing them to spend so much on a room, but they knew me, I spent almost all of my time in the room since I got paralysed. The ceiling was painted with stars so beautifully that sometimes when I was new to the room and woke up, I thought I was under the night sky. Behind my bed, the wall was painted with cyan blue and the others were perfectly white. One of the wall was decorated with my pictures along with our family picture placed thoughtfully in a pattern and another one had a pleasing painting. The window beside my bed allowed me to enjoy the nature whenever I pleased. It was way better than I had ever imagined my room to be.
I now had to choose between reading, watching TV, telling my mom to take me for a walk in our garden or just staring out of the window. Our garden was pretty much the only place I went since the debacle which happened five years ago. I decided to sit there for a while looking out of the window before I started studying. My bed was right beside the window, there was just enough space for my legs to be placed in between.
I picked up my legs from my hands and placed it in the space between the wall and my bed which was just enough for it and leaned towards the window. The view from my window was pleasing at times. The sunset, the wind blowing my hair, the greenery surrounding my house and the chirping of birds was more than enough for me to be spellbound by it. There was a playground too on the other side of the road where football was worshiped as a religion like everywhere in England. They probably never realised how lucky they were playing football, but someone who couldn't use her legs anymore knew better.
Susan was there too, as always. She would always be there watching the guys from the bench beside the entrance of the ground. I teased her at times saying she liked someone from the lot, but she would always deny it by saying that she liked football.
After looking there for a while, I almost proceeded to study before the ball almost came through my window. It hit the wall just a meter away from me and fell down on the street. I looked outside and a guy came running out to take it from the street. He was wearing a red-blue T-shirt and shorts. He looked a bit sweaty, his hair coming down to his face as they were a little long. From what I noticed, his jawline was extremely appealing and so were his eyes. From top to bottom his body was in the perfect shape. He must have spent hours working on it. He wasn't much tall, but he was.. hot..
Susan stood up. I glanced at her. I wasn't really sure if she was looking at me, but I waved at her. In the next moment when I looked down what I saw surprised me.
"Fuck," I said as I watched the guy standing down waving at me. He probably thought I was waving at him. DAMN.
In no time, I laid down on my bed to hide myself. I decided I would make sure that he doesn't see me again. It was so awkward and embarrassing. It was also demeaning for a girl's self esteem to wave at nobodies on the street. So awkward.
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