"Adit wants my child" I say looking at Aja.
"She doesn't WANT your child." she answers. "She just needs her to live. Adit needed a reason to survive. And MayilArasi is that reason."
"Mary who?" I say looking at her. My agitation is growing . Its as if the more I learn, the more confused I get. "Lady, ma'am I'm sorry but I'm not any closer to understanding jack all right now."
Standing up, I walk around a little bit. All this is is a clusterfuck in my brain. I just need my wife. I don't know how long I can last here wherever the fuck here is and not see her. Not touch her or feel here. She is out there traveling with Adit. Out there living with Adit. And I'm stuck in a snowy dream.
"How long am I supposed to stay here?" I ask her.
"Adit will wake you," she says. "Kiara is fine. I can promise you nothing will happen to her or your child. I know all this is confusing to you, I just don't have the answers to give you."
"You don't have the answers or you can't give them to me?" I ask.
Silence falls between us. A look of sorrow passes in her eyes.
"Will you tell me more about you?"
"What would you like to know?" she asks. Her eyes are starting to take on that glow again.
"Anything that you can tell me," I shrug. "I mean you said you aren't a god, so what are you?"
"I am love," she simply states.
"I don't understand that. How are you love?" Running a hand through my dreads, I see her smiling. "Love is a feeling isn't it? How can you be a feeling?"
"It's not just a feeling," she answers. "Its being able to feel. When I got with Adit's father, love wasn't even a notion. It had no aspect or grounds in life. But I fell for him and he for me. I was transitioned out of my physical form when Adit was born. Giving my world, the one that I came from, the ability to love."
"Your world? Isn't this your world?" I ask gesturing around.
"Yes, is it now. Before, I lived on a world named Mecca. This place here is a corporeal plane. Think of here as a gateway for the mind and spirit," she says.
"Heaven?"
"I don't operate in the terms of heaven or hell," she states. "The afterlife is not something I know about."
"Is there others here? Other beings with us right now or only you and I?"
"Oh my yes. There are tons of beings here. You are just at what I consider my personal space," she says looking around. "Adit delivered you here personally."
I turn to look at her. What does that mean? There are so many questions but no answers. She is staring back at me. Looking so deep in my eyes, I feel that she is willing me to understand. She is trying to gift me with all the answers that I seek.
"I know you don't see it and maybe will never believe it," she says licking her lips, "but Adit is a good being. I am not just saying that as her mother. For years, I can admit, I thought I had lost my child. She did seem to have lost her way for some time. Pain is pain no matter what your form is."
"I just want my wife." I whisper to her.
"How long have you and Kiara been together?" she asks me.
"Around 81 years."
"Are you hurting right now being away from her?"
"Fuck yes," I quickly say forgetting myself. "Sorry. But to answer your question. Yes I miss her dearly. It feels as if my heart is going to cease beating at any given moment. She is my world. And her not being here beside me right now is killing me."
What did you feel when you thought Adit took her?" she asks.
Looking at her, I wonder where she is going with these questions. I do not like these questions. They are forcing me to admit that Kiara isn't with me here. I can't help but to feel that I have let her down. I have failed to protect her and our child. I feel the sting in my eyes along with the hole starting to burn in my chest.
"I wanted to kill your child," I say looking into her eyes. "I felt as if she took my world and my reason to live away from me. And I wanted her to hurt as bad as I was hurting in that moment."
"That feeling of loss that is coursing through you. The thought of not knowing when you will see Kiara again. And you have only been apart from her for a few hours imagine that being days, years, many lifetimes. Only you know you will never see her again. You will never hold her or my be able to tell her that you love her. Never be able to gaze into her eyes. Can you picture that?" she asks. She looks down as I grab my chest. The pain of that thought is too real. "Now you have a notion of the pain my daughter has forever felt. "
I can still feel her eyes on me. But I can't acknowledge her right now. I want to shed tears at just thinking about not having Kiara with me. Ever again. If this is the pain that Adit is feeling from losing her wife, how is she surviving? I am afraid to think of how I would be if Kiara wasn't in my life to ground me. If one day I had her in my arms and the next she was gone. And she is right, this short time away from her, is nothing compared to what Adit has probably been going through but it feels like absolute torture.
I feel the hot tears pooling in my eyes. Getting ready to overflow. the knowing that my world would be dark and dismal without Kiara. Knowing I wouldn't see her ever again. The tears start to fall.
"That is who I am," she says before getting up and walking away.
I sit there a second thinking about what she has told me. Thinking about the feeling that is beating within my heart and weighing on my soul. Everything is so profound. All extremely prolific. Something clicks, making my jump up and chase after Aja. She is waiting by the door, like she knew I was coming.
"The deal between you and Adit, what exactly does it have to do with my child?" I ask.
"Come," she smiles and inclines her head. Following her into a kind of solarium. "Sit."
Taking a seat across from her, I watch as she stares off in space again. Her simple mannerisms remind me of Kiara. She is a queen here as Kiara is queen of my heart. Makes me think about Adit's queen. I look at Aja and I wonder if she was anyone's queen. She has only mentioned Adit's father once.
"Please tell me how does this plan involve my child?" I ask softly.
"I will answer your question after I tell you a story," she starts. "but I want no interruptions until I am finished. ok?
I nod my head at her.
"Adit has no regard for mankind. No thoughts towards human life," she begins. "I am not saying that she will go out and harm someone. She just prefers to sit back and let you harm yourselves. A lot of things that mankind has endured and suffered could have been stopped. It can still all be stopped. But as I said, my child prefers to sit back and let you all destroy yourselves." she stops and looks at me.
The look of sadness in her eyes is breaking my heart. She takes a slow breath in and you can hear the tremors of unshed tears.
"I need you to understand my child in all her billions on billions years of life, has only had one true love. And that is to be expected from our kind. After love was introduced to our world, when we mated, we mated for life. And we expect to be together forever. And because of greed and hatred, my child, lost not only her love but her children. Her life was cut short. So in her eyes, she has nothing to live for. She sees humans constantly taking things for granted, so she chooses not to intervene," she continues, blinking away her tears. "But I see the good in you. I see great potential. I also know that reasons behind some human actions are not justifiably their own." She pauses be staring me down with those odd colored eyes.
"I begged and pleaded with her to step in and take control. To guide you all to a better way. 'They have everything to live for, I have nothing Mother. Why should I care?' It was like talking to a brick wall. I realized then and there that she needed a reason to live again. I needed to get my child back."
"I came up with a plan. I could give her a reason to live. I would allow MayilArasi to be born. And no before you ask, I'm not your human god. I can do what I can do because you all come from my child, meaning you come from me. Truly evil people I cannot do anything with. I deal with the factions of love and love alone."
"But for my child I will step out of my norm. So I brought my idea to Adit. If I can allow MayilArasi's spirit to be reborn on Earth, she would help your world. Not be your savior mind you, but give you all a fighting chance."
She begins to stare at me again. Conveying her message to me. She is etching it onto my very being.
"There is very cruel people in this world, Imani. People whose main goal is to cause destruction and suffering. And Adit is the only one that can fight them. They came from our world to be reborn on Earth and they are causing the same havoc that they caused there. I know you want to believe that Adit is the bad but I can promise you that she isn't."
"The love that you and Kiara share reminded me so much of the love between Mayi and Adi. When I saw you two together, I knew you were perfect. Your love is so pure. Adit doesn't want to be in a relationship with your child. She isn't harbouring some perverse desire. She just needs a reason to live. She needs a reason to be tied to Earth to give her something to fight for."
She stops and looks me. Quirking an eyebrow at me. She seems to be waiting for something.
"You may now ask me questions," she says. "But please understand somethings I will not be able to answer."
"Just how powerful is Adit?" I don't know why but this is the first question that comes to my mind.
Her eyes snap up in my direction, widening dramatically. She looks like she has swallowed her tongue and is possibly choking on it.
"Um well, she is the most powerful being in the known and unknown galaxy." she says.
"Not to come across as rude or condescending but.."
"You want to know why she wasn't able to save her wife and kids?" I nod. She takes in a breath, "She was betrayed. You have to understand that Adit powers back home was nothing compared to what they are on Earth."
"What do you mean?"
"She created everything that lives and breathes on Earth. Everything there comes from her so therefore she is a part of everything. The winds that blow, the rain that falls, from the ants to the elephants to humans. You all come from her." she says.
"How is that even possible?" I ask incredulously.
"Her father is life." A part of me thinks she is going 'well au duh' in her head. Like this is common knowledge.
"Wait wait you are telling me that Adit is the product, the child, the offspring of Life and Love?"
"Yes."
How the hell is that even a thing?
"Can she start life on Mars?" I ask. "Or make babies on Venus?"
"Are those legitimate questions?"
"No, no I'm sorry." I say shaking my head. Running my hands down my face. "This, all this, everything is a lot to take in right now. And my wife and my child are in the middle of this. And I have a fu-messed up defense mechanism according to Kiara."
I continue to ramble and she just sits there letting me. Every now and then she even says "Oh" and "Wow" she even hit me with "really" a few times. I thought Kiara coming up pregnant was a whole lot to take in. But this is on a completely different level of what the fuckary. A fucking ancient god is being bribed with my child to protect the world from some kind of evil that I can't bring myself to ask about. I'm currently being held hostage by said ancient god's mother while again said ancient god has my pregnant wife doing who knows what. And to think I don't even believe that is Tuesday.