Time felt like it was standing still, his hand gripped hard onto my jaw as he gave me a deadly glare. I know I am not ready for what could happen next not physically nor mentally, all of a sudden he grips harder and throws me up against the wall my body hit the wall hard and I can't focus.
" You will do as I say"
He grinds his teeth face red in anger; my heart is beating fast my jaw is killing me and i'm so scared my body is shaking.
" You don't own me, you will never own me"
" This house is under my name, the paychecks to pay the bills are under my name, the bills are under my name, without me you wouldn't be able to go on your little precious shopping sprees you bitch!"
" Don't you dare talk to me like that you piece of shit"
He runs up to me and slaps me, the stinging pain on my face feels like never ending pain.
You'd think after three years it wouldn't be so bad anymore since it's such a reoccurring event, but no I just feel more and more weak if only it was numbness. He gets closer to me; I have no where to move. I can feel my lip bleeding and his heaving breathing on my face
" Don't you ever talk to a man like that"
" Jokes on you asshole"
" Oh yeah?"
"Yeah, you'll never amount to a man"
I spit in his face, I could see him clench his jaw as the blood from my bleeding lip was running down his cheek. He took his hand as fast as he could and choked me.
" Get the fuck out of my house you no good lazy wife"
I push him out of my way; grab my keys and left but I have no place to go.
I can't go to anyone's house, they'll know what's going on and how the fuck am I going to cover this scratch on my lip? I get to my car finally, everything feels like its going into slow motion.
Everything feels distorted, my heart racing, my mind going crazy, just recapping everything in a Panic. Why does this have to happen to me? I wish I could just leave but I can't, I'm financially dependent on this loser of a man.
Where the hell am I supposed to go
I just start to drive, my mind is blank, I don't know where I'm going but I guess I'll just keep driving. Cars passing by me living their normal lives going places or going to work or going to spend time with their family or kids. Must be nice to have some sort of freedom while I feel like I have chains around my ankles drowning in the ocean with no way to escape just slowly dying each day, each hour, each minute. At this point I have no idea where I am It only feels like I've been driving for thirty minutes but it's been hours.
Do I check into a hotel?
How do I tell someone this?
Where do I go?
What should I do?
I take the next exit and pull into a diner, I'm too depressed to eat and I can't go out in public with a bleeding lip; people would get suspicious it would cause too much attention.
" How am I supposed to get out"
I start crying in my car even though it won't help at all, it just makes me feel even more worse.
"I can't just leave, I'd be homeless and I can't afford to take care of myself"
" How can people do this?"
" How could people just survive after this, after all the pain how am I supposed to move on from this?"
I sit there in silence staring at my steering wheel, trying to find a way, trying to see if there is hope.
" I can't possibly figure out a solution, no one would take me in"
I mumble to myself. looking around hopping no one notices me in the parking lot but
I spoke to soon. I see a man slowly coming up to me. he looks homeless but then again i'm in the bad part of town.
I'm not dealing with this today
I back out and leave before he could get any further, who the hell knows what that man was going to do or ask. As I make my way to the highway I hear my phone vibrate from my purse.
"Please don't be him, please don't be him"
"Oh thank god"
I exhaled and grabbed my phone from my purse; looking at the text from jennah i had totally forgotten tonight was her birthday party.
"How the hell am i supposed to go now?!"
With only a few hours to spare and i can't go home i start to drive to the mall.
I'll just stop at Sephora and "test" products then buy a cheap dress n shoes
Shit maybe some alcohol will do me better ooohh maybe there will be mozzarella sticks
⨳⨳⨳
Weaving through the cars i make my way to the doors and to the nearest shop to buy a dress I'll never wear again.
"Now to find the most obnoxious sparkly dress they have"
Skimming through dresses only to find sizes that where meant for sixteen year old me. One thing about marriage and what it's done to me is gain a lot of weight. Even though I've always thought i was a chubby girl; looking back damn i wish i had that body again. Looking for dresses or skirts has always been hard for me considering i hate skin tight. I need some movement some flare something that doesn't make it obvious that I'm fat. Dress after dress after dress....nothing. I decide to ditch the store and move onto the next seeing a bunch of sparkly dresses at a store probably for people younger than me i finally get a dress.
"Now time for Sephora ugggh"
Trying not to look suspicious i slowly do my makeup in the isles. I notice a woman across from me giving me a strange look.
"Hey i know you're doing the same lady, you say nothing i say nothing"
And i tell you after saying that she gave me the dirtiest look. I couldn't help but laugh, at least i wasn't doing my eyeliner. But then i see an employee headed my way so close to finishing my highlight and then i can run out of here and never come back.
⨳⨳⨳
I head to my car and drive toward Jennah's house. I finally pull up to her driveway with a few cars already there. I knew i was early so i wasn't really expecting anyone to be here yet. I always loved seeing jennah because she put a smile on my face i always knew she would be there for me. We have been friends since 8th grade but she was always the pretty one. The one who got the guys as i stood in the background. Some say she just used me in high school cause she looked prettier next to me. But that wasn't the case, we spent every waking minute together. She practically lived with me only because her parents were never home. But now we've all grown up. But i must say; tonight will either go extremely well or extremely terrible.