Kharen Blue's POV
"What does it feel?" someone asked me out of nowhere
Napangiti ako pagkalingon ko sa kanya
"Ewan ko kung bakit ang gaan ng pakiramdam ko" I smiled then I offer my coffee to her
"Thanks, but Sigurado ka ba sa desisyon mo?" she asked again
"Oo naman sobra. Nakita ko kung gaano sila kasayang dalawa at gagawin ko ang lahat wag lang masira yung mga ngiti at saya sa mga mata at labi nila" I answered
"Alam mo Blue hindi ko akalain na makaka move on ka talaga kay Irene" tawang sabi niya
"Hahahaha ako din actually akala ko habang buhay akong makukulong sa nararamdaman ko. I mean grabe yung nangyari sakin this past few years" Sabi ko tsaka ako tumingin sa gulat niyang mukha then she asked
"Ha? What do you mean? Wait naaalala mo na?" Takang tanong niya
"Actually sa first few weeks akong gising wala as in wala pero ayun temporary amnesia lang ang nangyari and I'm thankful tho ayaw ko malimutan yung mga bagay na nagturo sakin para maging malakas ako ngayon" Sagot ko
"So?? Ano yung mga nakaraang weeks?? What does that mean? Shit you tricked us?" Gulat at kunot noo niyang sabi
"Sab I know I lied about my amnesia and I'm sorry about that but it was actually my Mom's decision and plan. At first ayaw ko kase alam kong magagalit si Khara of course kayo din pero sabi ni Mom gawin ko for Khara para magbago naman siya pero naniniwala naman ako na nagbago na sya when she met Irene"
"So paano na gagawin mo? Pano mo sasabihin sa kakambal mo yan?" She asked
"I don't know? Pero I will talk to Mom first before I confess to Kha. Let them enjoy their night" I answed and looked at the moon
"Do you still love her? Or kahit onti may nararamdaman ka?" Tanong niya ulit kaya napangisi ako
"Sa araw araw kong pagbabantay sa kanila hahaha I know everything. I know the way Grace told me about how Irene was madly inlove with Kha I know I need to let her go. She always has a place, here" Sabi ko tsaka tinuro yung puso ko
"Kahit na naoperahan na to it still functioning well hahahaha and gusto ko muna ngayon ipahinga to. Hindi lang dahil sa nasaktan ako at naoperahan ako pero siguro dahil wala pa kong nakitang higit sa kanya. I mean Irene is Irene everyone loves her she's too perfect but I know kahit na minahal niya ko we will never work siguro kami yung pinagtapo lang kaso bawal eh kaya hanggang tagpo lang kami hanggang dito lang kami. Pero I accepted it and I respect their relationship now" Nasa puso kong sinabi kase kahit na nalaman ko na minahal ako ni Irene parang pakiramdam ko minahal niya ko dahil hinahanap hanap niya yung presence ko yung mga bagay na iniwan ko dati na tumatak sa kanya
"I don't love her now the way I love her before but I know I finally have this peace of mind and peace in my heart" Then I smiled remembering the memories I had with Irene
"Thank you Blue" Niyakap ako bigla ni Sab
"Ha? For?" I asked
"For being strong. Thank you kase lumaban ka at buhay ka tapos wala ang matured mo lang ngayon and Im proud having a c-cousin like you" Sagot niya kaya napangiti ako
"No Sab ako dapat mag thank you. For visiting me sa ibang bansa just to make sure im okay sa pagbantay sakin minsan sa hospital nung mga sembreaks mo. Ang layo layo natin pero bumabyahe ka ng napakalayo just for me" I said
"You know how much special you are to me Blue. You know it" She answered to me
"Do you mean "that" special noong mga bata pa tayo?" Biro ko tapos hinampas niya ko
"Baliw off limits yun hahaha gusto mo pagalitan ako nila Mommy" Sagot niya tapos umirap
"Im just kidding relax" Sagot ko then I sipped of my coffee
"Ahmm I need to go ayusin ko lang gamit ko" pagpapaalam niya then I nodded
"Thank you Lord, for the second life and second chance" I smiled to myself thinking what should I do next?
-----
Morning came at nagising ako sa liwanag ng araw na galing sa bintana ko. Agad akong tumayo at tinignan ang oras sa phone ko
[07:28am]
"knock knock" rinig ko sa tapat ng pinto kaya ngumiti ako at binati siya
"Good morning" I said
"Indeed it's a good morning" She said and smiled to me kaya ngumiti din ako
"Where's Kha?" Ngiting tanong ko
"Still sleeping"
Lumapit siya sakin and she hugged me
"Thank you Blue for everything. I know this is not enough to thank you pero I will do my best para makabawi sayo" Irene said and I saw and feel how happy she is
"Ano ka ba Irene okay na. You don't need to pay back" I answered at pumuntang cr para mag toothbrush pero sinundan niya ko
"And also Im sorry" Dagdag niya kaya napatigil ako
"sorry? Saan?? And why?" Takang tanong ko
"Sa ano.. Hmm sa nagawa ko sayo dati" sabi niya papatigilin ko na sana siya kaso nagdere deretso na siya ng salita
"Blue sobrang sama ng nagawa ko sayo. Napaka selfish ko. I did that to prove to myself and everyone in school that I am not what they think and you have no place in my life. Blue sobrang nagsisisi ako sa nagawa ko, i don't even know how to start, kung saan ako magsisimulang magsorry kung saan doon sa sobrang dami Blue sobrang sorry. Sobrang burden at ang shit ng mga nagawa ko sayo sana mapatawad mo ko blue" Then she started to cry so I hugged her after my routine
"Before you say sorry, I already forgave you. Irene please don't blame yourself too much okay? Siguro may mga nagawa ka nga noon pero noon na yun Irene and ilang years na ang nakalipas para di maghilom yung mga sakit dati. I am glad that you already decided what your decisions is. I am gladly respecting your relationship with my twin. Kung alam mo lang kung gaano siya kagago dati. We almost gave up na magbabago siya pero look at her now. Drinking jut because she thought she lost you. Irene I just want the best for you and for Kha" I said then I quickly kiss her forehead
"You're the best lesson that I've learned Rene. I had through much challenges in life on this age. Who would thought that I can survived this, right?" I smiled to her and tried to stop herself from crying again
"I'm sorry Blue... For not choosing you" She said then begin to cry again
"No. Don't be sorry Irene. You chose me but I am nowhere to be found that's why there's Khara. I know may mga loko loko syang nagawa sayo pero I know her better than anyone. She will not be that miserable if she's not truly inlove with you. Kahit na ilang minuto lang agwat namin, everyone knows how baby she actually is. Irene please take care of her" I smiled then I excuse myself to her, I leave before she even talk again
Pagkalabas ko ng kwarto ko hinablot ako papasok ni Sab sa kwarto niya
"Where are you going?" Sab asked
"I know and I am prepared that this is gonna hurt a little" I answered and then out of nowhere bigla akong naiyak
"I told you! Kagabi pa yan eh alam ko yang ganyan mo Blue!" Then she hugged me
I know this pain will completely vanish soon.
"Tanggap ko naman sila Sab pero bakit may kirot pa din. Bakit ang sakit sa part ko kahit na, kahit na I decided to let go" I asked
"Kase minahal mo. Kase mahal mo pa din. Kahit naman ilang layer ng bakal ipukpok ko sayo manhid ka! Lahat na lang ba ilelet go mo for Khara?" Napatingin ako sa kanya
"Sab you know how much I love Khara! Lahat kaya kong ibigay just for her"
"Even Irene? Sabagay binigay mo na nga eh. Pero Khar---" pinutol ko siya sa pagsasalita
"Sobrang mahal ko si Khara, Sab. It hurts me more seeing her in pain. Alam mo ba nung mga bata pa tayo everyone likes me. Alam kong alam mo yun. Everyone praises me because I am smart, good at everything pero napansin niyo ba si Khara dati? Napansin ba siya nila Mommy? No, napapansin lang siya because she did something wrong and as an older twin sister I stand by her side kahit na kami pang dalawa paluin or masaktan, I stayed on her side for how many years because no one stands and stays for her. But now, andyan na si Irene I will be more scared if walang matitirang tao na magsstay sa tabi ni Khara kaysa sa takot na mawala si Irene sakin. I moved on, I know what I feel, but it stills haunting me and I hope someday I can fully close the book of Irene in my heart with happiness and acceptance" I smiled with a tears in my eyes
"No, you will not close it" I am shocked to saw Khara standing and crying in front of me
"Khara what are you do---"
"Blue ano bang iniisip mo?! Hindi ako papayag!" She shouted and i can't even open my mouth to say something
"You already sacrifice your life for me and you think na papayag ako na---"
"Khara please kahit ito lang makinig ka sakin" I hugged her I hate seeing her crying
"Sab kausapin mo muna si Irene siguro. We will just talk" Sabi ko kay Sab then she nodded and walk away
"Blue please no" She cried and begged
"Kha look at me" Pagpigil ko sa kanya tsaka ko siya hinawakan sa pisngi
"No Blue no please" Umiiyak na sabi niya
"You deserve to be loved" Sabi ko at ngumiti sa kanya
"Blue you deserve Irene ano ba nalilimutan mo na ba kung gaano mo siya kamahal? Do you even think what does she feel? You will not fucking give her up Blue!" Sigaw niya habang umiiyak
It breaks me. Seeing her giving up. Khara never give up. She's a strong woman that can do anything.
"Y-You knew?" Naiiyak na tanong ko
Thinking if she knows na I don't have temporary amnesia anymore
"Yes. I heard our parents" Maikling sagot niya habang patuloy sa pag-iyak
"I-Im sorry Kha" I said then my tears started to fall again
"No Blue I don't care kung nagsinungaling ka or what. I-I understand kung bakit niyo ginawa. Sa sobrang gago ko, sa sobrang laki ng kasalanan ko sa inyo lahat. I deserved it" Napaluhod siya bigla kaya umupo ako sa harap niya
Pinunasan ko ang mga luha niya tsaka siya niyakap
"I'm sorry Khara, no! you don't deserved it please don't give up" Pagpilit ko
"Blue hindi ako papayag! Ayaw kong... Ayaw kong mapunta si Irene sa katulad ko! Hindi mo ba nakita kung gaano ako ka--"
"No! Khara! Listen to me!" Sigaw ko at napatigil siya
"You'll fight for her. And I know how much you love her. Naka move on na ko Khara. Sa ilang taon ko siyang minahal, this is the end. Don't say na you don't deserve her,okay? Walang masamang magmahal at magbago for love. Please don't hurt her again" Seryosong sabi ko habang tinititigan siya sa mata
"Blue hindi ko kaya. Hindi ko kayang maging masaya kung siya yung mahal mo. Hindi ko kayang piliin ang sarili ko"
"Please Khara makinig ka sakin. Ngayon mo lang ako papakinggan so listen to me. Hindi lang ako nasasaktan, I don't want to be selfish. Irene... She loved me, but our love story is not just about us. Hindi lahat ng maganda sa simula ay hanggang dulo maganda, at hindi lahat ng pangit sa simula ay pangit hanggang dulo. I am happy for you my little Khara, and now you need to be happy because she's willing to love you again" She looked at me straight in the eye
Umiiyak ang kapatid ko, she rarely cry. I mean umiiyak siya about my parents and other people pero this time it's different. Never kong nakitang naging ganto si Khara. Begging, she never begged. Crying her heart out, she never cried for a girl.
Ang tingin ng tao sa kanya ay iba sa kung ano talaga siya. Ibang iba siya kapag kaming dalawa lang. Sa harap ko lang yan umiiyak, sa harap ko lang siya nagiging baby. Lagi niyang sinasabi kung gaano siya ka proud sa akin, sa mga achievements ko. Never ko nakitang nainggit siya sakin kahit nasa akin attention ng parents ko, relatives and other people. Ang dami, sobrang daming nagdown sa kanya just because of me. We mostly got compared to each other and it hurts me seeing people who don't actually know her, judged her. Pero I love her spirit animal, she doesn't care of them at mas lalong gagawin ang kinakainisan ng tao. Yep siguro babaero ang kapatid ko pero she's just being herself, herself na hindi naniniwala sa love until Irene came.
Hindi alam ng iba kung gaano kasaya makitang masaya ang kapatid mo. Hindi nila nakikita ang nakikita kong ngiti sa tuwing pinipicturan sila ni Grace at kasama niya si Irene. She always wear her mask to hide what she truly feel but she can't hide it to me. I remember how she told her date to Grace sabi ni Grace sakin pinipilit daw pigilan ni Khara na mapangiti habang nagkukwento.
"Blue hindi ko kaya..." Sagot niya habang patuloy na umiiyak
"Mas hindi ko kayang makita kang hindi masaya. Khara pano kung wala ako? Paano kung hindi ako nag survive? Do you think may katulad pa ni Irene na kaya kang tanggapin ng paulit ulit, na katulad ko na nakikita kung ano ang totoo mong nararamdaman. Khara I'm letting Irene go because I know you my sister. May ginawa kang kalokohan sa kanya and I think it's time na bumawi ka sa'kin at sa kanya"
"Fuck Blue naman huwag naman ganto please. Blue ginawa ko to para sa inyo. Kayo dapat yung m--"
"We already talked" Pagputol ko sa kanya
"No. No! No Blue ka kausapin ko siya sasabihin ko na mahal na m--"
"Stop please Khara don't be stubborn. Irene loves you and I am truly happy for that. I don't care kung anong sasabibin ng ibang tao. Diba sabi mo sakin before, fuck people and their opinion? Khara you have such a good heart, siguro hindi nila nakikita pero ako, andito ako kami nila Irene, Grace your Ate Sab and sila Mom. Don't disappoint me again. Don't hurt Irene again. Please Khara this time. It's your time now"
"Choose your fate"