A thick tension rested upon the carriage when the wheels began to rolling over the muddy road. This time of year it was not uncommon for the carriages to get stuck in the dirt, Beckett prayed theirs would not. He would not at all enjoy to walk in the stormy night to his mansion. Just the thought of his coat ruined by rain and soil made him wrinkle his nose. He much more preferred, perhaps not the warmth, but at least the shelter from the rain inside the carriage. However, this was not to much concern of the Lord on this occasion, for his thoughts were occupied by Miss Lockhart's health, or more correctly, her lack of health.
Beside him sat the housemaid, Miss Goodwright. Who at this moment was just as impatient as Beckett, she nervously fidgeted with her apron. The result of the Lord's unease was visible in the manner that he could not stop his leg from trembling. Regardless of how much he attempted to keep it still by pressing it to the floor.
"What exactly happened, Miss Goodwright?" he could not stop himself from asking. He locked his hands in his lap, mostly because he could not figure what else he would do with them at this particular moment.
"I found her in the corridor about half past eleven, sir" gulped the housemaid. "She was calling out for you, heavens, she sounded so frightened, that poor thing" she shook her head with a frown on her thin lips. "Her nightgown was soaked with blood, you see. The girl was out of her wits"
Miss Goodwright broke Beckett's distant gaze out in the air when she suddenly turned her face towards him. "You have to be gentle to her, sir, she kept on begging me not to send for you" The Lord flinched slightly when he felt Miss Goodwright's warm hand over his own. "You should not worry, sir, miscarriages are not so uncommon as they might seem," she smiled thinly as she petted the back of his hand. "I'm convinced Miss Lockhart is going to be just fine, now"
Beckett nodded stiffly while he pulled back his hand. "Why?" he cleared his throat. "Did she say why she didn't wish me to attend to her?"
"She just told me you would be cross with her for disturbing you when you were working, sir" Miss Goodwright saw the expression on the Lord's face and quickly added, "Don't get the wrong idea, she does want you there, sir, I'm certain of that, m'lord, it's just" the housemaid inhaled and ran her concerned eyes over the seats.
"It's just what, Miss Goodwright?" Beckett allowed his eyes linger on the woman beside him. She shifted gingerly in her seat as she seemed to consider whether it was wise or unwise to tell him.
"She's frightened you will discard her, sir, now when she is not carrying your child anymore" she finally burst out. It seemed some higher power saved him, for when the housemaid fell silent and watched him with puzzled eyes, as if she somehow had sinned, the carriage slowed down and stopped. All Beckett had time to answer was a rigid nod before he climbed down to the soaked lawn.
Most of the windows of the mansion were dark, except for one on the second floor, where the faint flickering from a lonely candle cast its light out in the evening. Beckett was aware of to whom that chamber belonged to, and hurried as quickly as he could over the lawn and up to the porch. When he entered, he cared not to wait for either Miss Goodwright nor the chauffeur. The dark red stains on the wall, which the Lord recognized as the marks from fingers, led him up the staircase and into Miss Lockhart's bedchamber. Although, it was not without hesitation he observed the figure in the bed.
He allowed himself to finally catch his breath, when he gingerly took a step inside the room. The sharp smell of iron stung in his nose. Miss Lockhart seemed terribly fragile in the bed, the ember cast a glow over her pale face. She was still with her eyes closed, and when Beckett realized she was sleeping he dared to approach the bedside. Ever so slowly, the Lord held out his hand and gently stroke it over her cheek. How her skin felt swollen and sticky beneath his fingers, revealing that she had been crying. As an attempt to somehow ease the thick lump in his throat, he placed a finger just beneath her nose. He let himself breath out in relief when he felt warm air on his skin. Behind his back, he sensed how someone else had joined them in the chamber, and quickly withdrew his hand from her face.
Dr. Madgam cleared his throat to make his appearance known. "Lord Beckett" he began in a grave voice. The Lord gave the tall man a quick nod as he turned away from the bed. "She has lost a lot of blood, I will not lie about that, but not such amounts which would mean a risk for her life. She fell asleep out of pure exhaustion, and I very much recommend that she remain in bed for the following days" the doctor closed his medical bag, then patiently waited a few moments for Beckett to speak, which he had no intentions to do. For the Lord distantly stared out into the air before him.
"If there are anymore complications, send for me" Madgam took a step closer to the door, then something appeared to have crossed his mind for he stopped and cast a glare over his shoulder. "She might have lost this child, my Lord, but it does not necessarily mean that Lady Beckett is incapable to breed" With that said, he eyed Miss Lockhart for an instant before he left the room.
Lord Beckett remained there long after the Doctor had left. His gaze was glued to the candle, until the brightness caused tears to form in his eyes. He could not get himself to move, or even to do the simplest gesture such as blinking. If any of the servants, such as Miss Goodwright, was to enter the chamber and find the Lord in his current condition, he most certainly would not have noticed them at all. If they determinedly had called for him, he would not have answered, or even have heard them. Most servants would then have been wise enough to simply give up and close the door once more, for the Lord was beyond reach.
For him, it was enough to see Miss Lockhart in the corners of his eyes, as he listened to her faint breaths. Then after some time, Beckett woke up from his numbness and closed his eyes. The gesture caused the wetness in his eyes to float over his eyelids and tears fell over his cheeks.
"Lord Beckett?" A faint voice came from the bed. The sudden sound made Beckett flinch slightly as he shifted his position. Jade was now sitting up in the bed. Her eyes were sleep drunken, but they were opened and they were studying him, Beckett realized in fright while he quickly wiped away the tears with the back of his hand. Without a notion of what he ought to say, he returned her glance.
With one hand on the mattress, she unsteadily attempted to rise from the bed. However she did not get very far before she was stopped by Beckett who approached the bed and placed a hand on her shoulder, gently he led her back down. "You ought to rest" he told her. Beneath his palm, he sensed how the muscle of her shoulder stiffened from his touch and he quickly removed his hand. What Miss Goodwright had told him in the carriage flashed before his eyes and he took a few steps away from her. She did not want him there, he reminded himself.
The Lord might have prevented her from rising, but still Jade was determined not to lie down in the bed. Instead she struggled to sit up comfortably while she pulled the sheets closer to her body. "I'm sorry" she burst out. "I ruined the wall, there is blood on it, and I...I didn't mean to disrupt you from your work"
Beckett inhaled as he paced through the chamber. It was obvious that his current behavior caused Jade to believe he was cross with her. She dropped her eyes to the mattress. However, this was not the case. The Lord so very dearly wanted to tell her that he was not at all cross with her, quite the contrary actually. He wanted her to be aware of that she need not apologize. All these words remained as a lump in his throat. "The evening is late, I had in mind to return home anyhow" he managed to tell her. In the corners of his eyes, he saw how she nodded shortly. The Lord cursed himself for being so very reticent. "It's not your fault, Jade"
She looked up at him with large eyes, which immediately were filled with tears once more. She made no effort to wipe them away or to hide her wet face. After a time of silence, when only her sobs filled the chamber, the Lord realized he either had to leave, very soon, or actually speak. He was not quite certain of for how long he could endure this undeniable awkwardness.
"Miss Goodwright informed me that when she found you, earlier this evening" he spoke, with his eyes glued against the ground. "That you did not wish her to send for me, is that correct?" The words hung in the air for long before Jade dared to reply.
"Cutler, I did want you to be with me" she told him. "I just figured that after the luncheon with Lord Penwallow, that..." she did not finish the sentence, instead she locked her arms around her torso.
"I see" he nodded. "I have been unjust towards you and for that I apologize" Stiffly he walked over to the desk, only to turn back around to the bed. He sensed her wary eyes on him. "I reckon that's the reason why you didn't wish me here, because of our dispute earlier today, and the previous ones" he swallowed, while Jade remained speechless in the bed. "Furthermore, if one were to have a miscarriage, and is too frightened to send upon the father, for the reason that they believe he will be cross, implies that something, quite urgently, needs to change. Therefore," Beckett made his way to the window, carefully separated the linen curtains and viewed out over the ocean. The water appeared to be almost black in the lack of sun, or moon, light. "I have come to the conclusion that we travel to London, when you have fully recovered, of course" he let the curtains fall back and inhaled sharply. "Where you will be introduced to my family and we will decide a date for the wedding, if you would still have me"
His words were followed by a long silence. The Lord's face became more and more anxious for each passing second, as it seemed he dared not to look upon her. "You will marry me now because you pity me?" she managed to say between sobs.
"No," he shook his head, as he finally cast a glance at her. "because I will lose you otherwise" Once Beckett had collected enough courage to look upon her, it was impossible for his eyes to leave her. He was not certain which one of them seemed most startled, although he could tell that Jade had not expected him to say what he had. Still, he could not blame her, not even the Lord himself had expected him to. Jade did her best to wipe away the tears from her face, which now was deformed with grief.
"I've always believed you didn't have a family"
Her statement had not been as he had expected, and therefore took him a bit by surprise. Yet, it was not unreasonable for her to assume that he did not have a family, for he rarely spoke of them. Beckett imagined they rarely spoke of him as well. To claim that he was not overwhelmed by the notion of returning to the mansion in Somersetshire, was an understatement. At least, it would be with a title he'd be addressed before is father and two elder brothers. That gave the Lord some manner of console. "Well, I do" he cleared his throat.
"Before you tell me about them, which you seem so very eager to do" she managed a smile through the sobs, the rather playful tone in her voice was not something Beckett had missed. "Could you get me another nightgown, I keep them in the third drawer" she gestured at the bureau by the desk. Without a protest, Beckett followed her instructions. As she had told him, he found the white nightgowns in the third drawer and carefully separated one from the others.
Jade smiled warmly at him when she was given the nightgown. Without indication she casually pulled the gown she was currently wearing over her torso, leaving her chest bare for a moment before she had managed to take on the clean one. Beckett's eyes instantly found the carpet, while he turned his face away from her. "So" she spoke when she was finished. "About your family?"
The Lord prayed his cheeks were not still red when he finally stood faced toward her again. "Yes, about my family" he began with an inhale, as his hands found his waist. In the bed, Jade patted the mattress besides her. When the Lord sat down on the side of the bed, she slowly cuddled up beside him. "So, I'm from Somersetshire, a county in South West England. My father was the Director of the Beckett Trading Company, you see, which I now imagine by eldest brother has taken over"
Curiosity glimpsed in Jade's eyes. "So you have a brother?"
"Yes, two of them in fact" Beckett replied, he had never gotten along well with his brothers, they were far too similar to their father, who the Lord did not have much in common with. "Jonathan Jr. and Bartholomew, and a sister as well" he added.
"What is her name?"
Her head rested gently against his shoulder, the Lord was not able see her face, but could hear that she was no longer sobbing. Hesitantly he allowed himself to recline slightly and dared to place his hand behind her back. "Her name was Jane" he smiled thinly. "I'm afraid she passed away a few years ago"
Jade lifted her head up and studied him with distressed eyes, "Forgive me, I did not know"
"It was such a long time ago" he waved her words away, as he clapped his palms against his thighs. "You ought to try to sleep, Jade" he rose from the bed.
"Please, Cutler, don't go" he heard from behind his back when he headed towards the door. As the fine Lord he was, Beckett turned around. The time must be past midnight, he reflected. Still all the tiredness he had experienced in the office before, was now gone. Someone who appeared tired, on the other hand, was Jade. She tilted her head to the side, as if the weight of keeping it up was too much effort. With a yawn, which she did her best to prevent, she rubbed her eye.
"I believe, with a thought on your condition, that it in fact would be unwise for you to sleep without attendance" he took a step closer to her, and saw how her face shone up. Suddenly frisky, she tossed the sheets aside and sat her feet down on the carpet. "Let's not be imprudent" he hurried to her before she had managed to rise. He heard how she sighed as she sank down in the bed, although Beckett had something else in mind. "Put your arms around my neck" he advised her, while he locked his arm around her legs. Slightly doubtful, Jade did as he had told her. Slowly, she leaned her forehead against his cheek while he carried her out of her chamber. Jade sensed how he began loosing the grip and kept a tight hold around his neck.
As Dr. Madgam had advised them, Lord Beckett had made sure that Jade remained in bed for the following days. While Miss Goodwright, along with other servants, had done their outmost best to clean the blood off her bed, Jade had spent the night, and days, in the Lord's bed chamber. When she was restless, which she commonly was, Beckett provided her with books he believed she would enjoy. When he was busy with work, Miss Goodwright kept Jade company. It had not taken long before Jade had recovered, well according to her anyways, for she had soon learnt Beckett had quite another definition of recovered. A fortnight after the incident Jade felt as healthy as ever, but no matter how much she insisted she was alright the Lord wouldn't let her travel longer than down to the dining room. The housemaid often sewed and considered it proper to do in the armchair next to the bed, in that way, she could both work and chat with Jade in the meantime. One time, when she had grown tired to Jade's complaints
and boredom, she had simply put the unfinished gown from her lap to the table and inhaled sharply. Which had caused Jade to fall silent.
"The only reason why he won't let you leave the bed is because Lord Beckett is frightened something else would happen to you, dear" the old woman began with her sincere eyes glued to Jade's. "He is only concerned, you see, and even though he won't say it I know he blames himself for what happened. So you keep reading those books the Lord so kindly gives you each day, and I'm sure that you soon will be strong enough"
In lack of a proper answer to Miss Goodwright's words, Jade simply remained speechless, lifted her book and continued to read. She sensed how the housemaid observed her for some moments, to see if she truly was reading, before she returned to her work in determined silence. However, to her great joy the Lord had noticed her boredom and soon allowed her to return to the library, although not without some unease from his side. Yet, she had proven that she was healthy enough, for she gladly helped Miss Goodwright with simpler tasks and smiled brightly when she was asked to join the servants to town. That it was merely for the usual purpose to buy goods, such as fish and other nourishments, had not brought her spirit down. The weight she had lost, during her silent protest against the Lord some time earlier, had been regained and colour had returned to her cheeks.
After weeks the rain had finally stopped pouring down and a late sun greeted them low upon the sky, which made the dining room bath in amber light. The beams reflected against the great crystal chandelier and caused the light to shatter and dance in a million pieces over the room. With eyes large of admiration, Jade followed the small reflections which aimlessly fell over the table. This was to far more interest to her than the elegantly served meal before her. One glimpse of the sun fell upon Beckett's face, he raised one hand to shield his eyes and cleared his throat. When he finally had gotten her attention, he was determined not to lose it.
"It appears it has finally stopped raining" he spoke as he cast a glance at the windows. Carefully he placed his cutlery on the table. "We ought not to waste this opportunity, once it begins again it might not stop until late may" he lifted his glass of wine to his mouth.
"For the journey to London?" she asked before she took a bite of the fish dish on her platter. She wondered if it was one of the fishes they had bought the time she had joined them down to the docks. Jade had, during that brief visit, grown quite fond of one of the maids named Samira. Jade assumed they were quite the same age and Samira was cheerful and kind towards her. Unlike most of the elder maids with stern faces, who looked at her as if she was unholy and iniquitous. One of the maids, with grey hair who was a widow from England, had even claimed she was a siren, when Jade had stared at the ocean for longer than the maid considered was common.
"Precisely" nodded the Lord. "HMS Felicity is sailing in two days, if you consider it appropriate for us to travel so soon, considering everything which has occurred" You could tell from Beckett's expression, that he clearly did not consider it appropriate for them to leave so soon. Yet he waited patiently for her answer, while he patted his mouth with the napkin.
"Cutler, I'm alright" she placed her hand over his, while he swallowed without meeting her eyes. "I actually look forward to meet your brothers, and your father of course"
"Oh, well don't gets your hopes up" The Lord sighed as he returned his hands to his lap. His eyes followed Miss Goodwright, who just had entered the room, while she made her way to the long table, with a bottle in her hands.
"I'm glad you two are finally talking to each other again" she smiled, as she breathed out in relief with one hand on her chest. Carefully, she poured more claret into the Lord's glass, until he raised her hand, as a signal for her to stop. "I think you both will have a lovely trip" she continued, as she refilled Jade's glass as well.
Beckett answered with a half hearted "Hm" as he lifted the glass to take another sip. "There is nothing more I look forward to than months of rolling waves and sea sickness" he snorted and cast a lackadaisical glance to his side.
"You ought not to be gloomy, sir" spoke the housemaid. "Think about how long ago you visited your family. I'm certain your father will be very pleased to meet you, and I've been told one can cure sea sickness if you dab cold water behind your ears" To that remark, the Lord only nodded shortly, although it was clear on his face that he wished for no more advises, still wasn't Miss Goodwright finished just yet. "And pumpkins seeds, sir, roasted" she bellowed, with one hand in the air. "And copper they say will cure it, still I believe that is more superstitious than truth"
"Thank you, Miss Goodwright" Beckett raised her voice slightly, but it was enough to make the older woman fall quiet, bow shortly then leave them.
"Reckon it's best we bring roasted pumpkin seeds, then" Jade broke the silence which had entered the dining room along with the housemaid's depart.