- mature content (like... extremely mature) -
I've always needed to have a large amount of trust with a person before I allow them to break down the walls I have built around myself for seventeen years. Maybe it's the fact that I've always been afraid of letting anyone see me in a raw and natural light. Maybe it's simply the fact that I've never let anyone touch me before and I genuinely thought it would be years before I let anyone that close. But now Matt has come in and literally changed everything.
I allow his hands to help guide me toward the bed as they find their way up my shirt. It's pulled over my head in a matter of seconds, only slightly ruffling my short curls. This leaves me in a black lace bra that I'd put on earlier that night, secretly hoping that Matt would be seeing it at some point. His toothy grin is infectious and I find myself giggling at the way he looks at me through his long eyelashes.
How is it possible that he is attracted to me? I do my best to push this and many other insecure thoughts from my head as my body is exposed to the boy that I am indeed falling for. Don't ruin the moment. Don't ruin the moment.
In an attempt to get out of my head, I look directly at him again. "Stop looking at me like that, Champion," I whisper, afraid of disrupting the tension that lingers in the air. My cheeks heat up from embarrassment and I no longer want to be observed by him so intently.
"Like what?" he inquires as his eyebrows slightly furrow at my comment.
"Like I'm sexy or something," I groan. I take another step back and my bare calves hit his wooden bed frame. A wisp of breath leaves my lips from the sudden contact.
"You are sexy though," he smirks, his eyes practically glistening. "I'm pushing you now."
His warning comes seconds before my back hits the mattress. I shriek playfully as he drags his fingers up my newly shaven legs, stopping at the hem of my skirt.
"Is this okay?" he asks me. His hazel eyes meet mine once again and I nod. My hand goes to the zipper on the side of my skirt and I slide it down until it stops. I scoot my body upwards while Matt pulls the skirt down, letting it drop to the hardwood floor.
"Fuck Isa. You are just gorgeous," he compliments. He's standing now, his normally short body now hovering over mine. I blush from his statements, not being able to develop the words needed to dig my way out of them this time. I groan in response and reach up to grasp his hand, pulling him down next to me with one successful tug. I'm straddling his waist before either of us can comprehend the next few moments.
"I don't think it's fair that I'm the only one vulnerable here," I whisper into his ear, planting kisses down his jaw that forms a perfect angle and structures his face so well. My fingers creep below his blue and white striped shirt that I've been wanting to take off of him for hours. I make contact with his skin just below his belly button, causing him to shiver beneath me. I smirk, before catching his eyes and removing my hand. I then unbutton each button extremely slow while moving my hips in circular motions, in an attempt to tease him. His patience vanishes by the time I get to the third button.
He grabs my wrist to stop me and growls in protest. "Don't start something you can't finish, Martin. I'm warning you." I take note of the seriousness in his tone and gasp, giving him the perfect opportunity to flip us over due to my lapse in control. He returns to a standing position, unbuttons the rest of his shirt, and throws it across the room. I giggle while he does this and then bring myself up toward the headboard, giving him more space on the bed. While Matt unbuttons his pants, I shiver at the air around us, now realizing that it is quite chilly. I suddenly feel too shy and my arms wrap around my exposed stomach, seeking comfort. The mattress sags, signaling that Matt has now joined me back on the bed.
"No." This is his simple response to the change in my behavior. He shakes his head and approaches me on all fours. He grabs my wrists in each of his hands and places them on either side of my body. "You are gorgeous, Isa. I wish you could see the way that I see you because all I can see is your inner and outer beauty. You don't need to cover up around me. I want to see all of you." His head is tilted as he hovers over me, allowing the light from his bedside table to crawl over the stubble on the left side of his face.
I am left speechless by his words and now only long for his lips on mine again. I wiggle my wrist out of his grip and smile fondly at him, while my left hand laces itself in the hair on the back of his neck. I pull him toward me and whisper just before our lips connect: "shut up and kiss me."
Things begin to happen quickly and the moments blur together out of sheer bliss. Our tongues seem to "clash" together, as all of the fanfiction that I've read over the years would say. It wasn't rough. It was simple and pure and somehow elegant. These were words that I never thought I could categorize a makeout session as being. I found myself never wanting to part from his lips, which I knew was literally impossible. But I just didn't want the moments to end. I have never been so happy. This thought terrifies me. I can't rely solely on another person to make me happy. But I can't help myself. Our bodies begin to mold together and he pulls me somehow closer to him with each opening of our mouths. As his left arm props himself up on the bed, his right hand hooks itself beneath my left ear. His fingers splay out on the side of my neck and for some reason that feeling makes me moan into his mouth. My fingers grip at the ends of his hair and I soon realize that this is what turns him on, as he is now moaning into my mouth.
They never tell you how incredible it feels to figure out the things that turn your partner on. I know my thoughts sound like a self-help book right now, but that feeling is unmatched. Being so vulnerable with each other that you're able to make them just as excited as they make you feel. And it's this little secret that only the two of you know and can share together.
His hand unclasps my bra and he pulls it through my arms, leaning back only slightly to take in the sight of my bare chest. I instinctively cover my chest with my arms, pinching at the skin under my armpit nervously.
This is the farthest I've gone with someone, Matt. Don't make me regret this. I'm scared. I'm scared. I'm scared. These thoughts flash through my mind as he looks into my eyes.
"Do you want me to turn the light off? It might make you feel more comfortable," he asks. Is he in my head?!
I swallow, afraid of what he might think if I say yes. "Are you okay with that? I'm just not comfortable with you seeing me completely yet." He reaches over and tugs on the string that hangs from the inside of his bedside table lamp. The room falls into complete darkness, but I can sense that Matt is back to the kneeling position that he was in before.
"I am completely okay with that. Whatever will make you more comfortable." I can tell he's smiling in the dark and I reach my hands out to grab what I think is his face. I pull him to me and kiss his perfect lips, allowing him to then trail down my neck and further down toward my chest. His lips leave my skin when he reaches my collarbones. "Are you okay?"
"Yes. Please continue," I shamelessly beg. I gasp as he kisses down and around my left nipple. I have to control myself from not bursting out in a screech or some other inhuman sound that may leave my lips. His mouth makes contact with my nipple, sucking on it briefly before pulling away from it with a pop! sound. His lips then reciprocate the same feeling but on my right nipple and I can feel my excitement begin to pool in the seat of my lace black panties. "Matt..."
"Yes?" his voice sounds innocent in the dark and my heart starts beating so incredibly fast that I have to take a few extra shaky breathes to try and get it to slow down.
"Can you...?" I can't finish my sentence but I start to feel Matt's fingers tiptoe down my abdomen.
"Can I...?" he repeats his statements from earlier, as he reaches the hem of my panties. His middle finger is the first to explore, dipping into me slowly. I moan at the contact and I have to stuff a corner of his pillow into my mouth to quiet myself down. "Is this okay?"
"Mm-hm," is all I can say as his finger rubs circles around my clit. I can feel myself getting unbearably wet. I haven't touched myself in so long. I whimper when he stops making contact to remove my panties and then again when his finger returns before pushing into my vagina. His name tumbles from my lips around the pillow and he presses his face into the skin between my ribs, just above my belly button. He breathes in my scent before lifting his head slightly. His left hand grips my boob as his tongue dances over my nipple once again, all the while his finger is being pushed in and pulled out of me. When he adds another finger, I feel the need to scream and I don't think I can hold on any longer. My mouth pulls away from the pillow and I grip Matt's sheets in my fists, my knuckles probably turning white. "Oh my god, Matt. Matt. Matt..." My back arches and my walls clench around his fingers as I reach euphoria. My body shudders and I whimper slightly. Matt's fingers leave me and my body collapses on the bed. Matt places a few kisses on my ribs before he gets up and walks into the bathroom. I hear the sink run and I blink away white spots as I stare up at the dark ceiling, my eyes not truly seeing anything at all.
Oh. My. God.
My breathing reaches normal when Matt returns to me. He plops down on the bed next to me and pulls me into a hug, my bare chest pressed against his bare chest. He giggles like a schoolboy before holding me tightly and rolling us over. I almost squeal but his hand covers my mouth to muffle the sound. We end up on the other side of the bed, me on top of him. My lips find his and we don't pull away for a good minute.
"Are you okay?" he asks, when I finally pull away and tuck my nose into the dip in his collarbones. He chuckles at the first contact but then relaxes.
"I am perfect," I reply, my voice muffled a bit from my current position.
"Yeah you are!" he replies. I slap his chest and roll over him a bit more so that my chin rests against his chest.
A few moments pass and the silence feels nice as it settles around us. I didn't realize until now but Matt opened a window in his room, allowing a stream of fresh air into the room. The silence allows me to hear some birds that refuse to go to sleep, tweet outside. His fingers tuck strands of hair behind my ear and then he runs through them. "Can I just say thank you?" I whisper into the darkness.
"What for, Isa?" he replies, his voice rumbling in his chest.
"For making me feel safe. For making me feel wanted and special and pretty. For making me feel like the luckiest girl in the entire world that I was able to spend such a special moment with you just now. This is our first moment of many and you just made it so wonderful," I state. He sighs in response to my words.
"You are the most special girl in the entire world. I'm the lucky one," he replies, leaning down to plant a kiss on my forehead. We allow a few more moments to pass before deciding to get up. He crosses the room and pulls one of his shirts out of his drawer. He walks back to me and helps me put the shirt on as he stands in between my legs that dangle off the side of his bed. He places both hands on either side of my neck, his thumbs rubbing against my cheeks. He bends down to place a tender kiss on my lips before moving toward the light switch. I stand and smile, giving him a goofy grin when the lights are flipped on. He smiles at me and sticks out his tongue, before moving to the bathroom.
"Do you need a toothbrush?" he asks, rummaging through some things. I walk to the bag that I had placed on the ground earlier and slip a pair of comfy black shorts on, before grabbing the toiletry bag that I brought from home.
"No. I brought mine," I reply, joining him in the bathroom.
"Wow. My girl thinks ahead!" he jokes, making me smile. He kisses my right temple before moving to sit on the toilet. I take the opportunity to take my makeup off and wash my face. He watches me intently, a smile plastered on his face the entire time.
"You know, if you're not careful, your smile might be stuck like that for the rest of your life," I state as I dry my face before rubbing my moisturizer on my skin.
"And what would be so bad about that?" he asks.
"Touché," I reply, giving him a cheeky look. He stands and wraps his arms around my waist, looking at our reflections in the mirror over my shoulder. I smile at him and turn to kiss his forehead. He then grabs his own toothbrush and toothpaste, applying a generous dollop to the bristles on each of our toothbrushes. We make silly faces at each other the entire time and before he has the chance to rinse his mouth out, I smear some toothpaste on his nose. He retaliates by nearly dunking my head under the faucet while I'm rinsing my mouth of the minty bubbles. The look I gave him was enough for him to know that he should never do that again. If only looks could kill! He would for sure be dead right now.
When we wind back up in bed, under the covers this time, I mold my body into his left side and kiss his cheek several times before laying my head in the crook of his arm. Silence creeps in and blankets us for a few moments.
"Can I ask you something?" I ask him.
"Mm-hm," he replies, sleepiness evident in his tone.
"Do you need me to do anything? I know I didn't touch you tonight and I don't want you going to bed unsatisfied or something." I can tell that he's surprised that I brought this up by how fast his head turns in my direction. Honestly, I'm surprised that I've said something as well.
"No, no, no," he insists. "I am perfectly satisfied. Plus, you are not ready and that's okay. I am happy to wait." I smile, turning my head to plant a kiss on his shoulder. "Were you satisfied?"
"Very," I reply with a smirk on my face that he can't see. He squeezes me into him and chuckles a bit. I readjust myself into a more comfortable position and the silence begins to settle again when Matt speaks.
"Isa?"
"Matt?"
"I love you."
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A/N: well... he damn well said that shit!!!
y'all asked so i ~attempted~ to deliver...
hope y'all don't hate it!!! i'm super nervous about posting this ahhh
hope everyone is doing well! love y'all to pieces! thank you for reading :)
~ j