Chester stood up from the couch. He waited a minute watching as Mike sat, his hands gripped tightly around the controller like he was hanging onto it for dear life as he moved left, then right, his whole body moving with his controls to steer his race car on screen around the track. "I'm going to make coffee, Mike. You want some?"
"Sure," Mike muttered, his voice colored with frustration as he drove his car right into a wall and it burst into flames. "I don't understand why I can't do this. You make it look so easy." He didn't look away from the screen as his car reappeared - at the starting line.
Chester stepped over Mike's legs, and headed for the kitchen. "It just takes practice, Sexy Boy. I've been playing video games forever." He stepped into the kitchen, keeping one eye on the television and Mike's sad attempts at keeping up with the other drivers, and making coffee. "Just remember to use your brakes!"
"Which button is the brakes?" Mike shouted back. "There's too many buttons on this, I can't remember which one does what!" He was ready to chuck the controller at the wall, but it was hard to find a clear shot. Boxes and piles of Jason and Ryan's stuff were everywhere.
"It's the top left, but don't use it too much or you'll never keep up," Chester advised as he pulled down two coffee mugs from the cabinets. "You have to drift, that's even more important than the brakes." He quickly filled the reservoir with water, turned the machine on, and scooped out enough coffee to make two cups, before he headed back across the room. He stopped at the edge of the couch, right next to his boyfriend.
"I'm frustrated," Mike admitted as he crashed again. He didn't want to tell Chester that nothing about video games was fun for him, but he was losing patience with the process of learning to play. "I don't know how you can do this for hours. You'll never want to play anything with me where we're on the same team. I'd just hold you back."
Chester looked down at his lover, and the downhearted expression on his face. "Aw, don't say that." He leaned over the arm of the couch and nuzzled his nose to Mike's ear. "I'll always take you on my team."
Mike sighed, dropping his hands into his lap. "Thanks, Ches. I'm just not good at this. I wanted to have fun with you tonight. This is really making me mad, though. Maybe when the coffee is done you can show me what you're talking about with the drifting and the buttons." He leaned his head closer to Chester's touch. "I'll try again, but you'll have to help me win. I don't think I can take losing any more."
"Coffee's got a few minutes," Chester answered before he sat down on the arm of the couch, one leg dangling, while the other was tucked up under him. "And it's really just about learning how your car works. I'll show you how to drift, and that's half the battle." He pulled his cell phone from the pocket of his jeans, but it was still blank and quiet. He leaned forward, tossing it to the bed in the corner, figuring he wasn't going to need it for awhile.
Mike looked over, ready to complain more about his lack of skill, and his eyes caught the red belt he'd bought Chester earlier. There was just a peek of it from under Chester's shirt when he leaned forward, but it was enough for all of Mike's thoughts to go straight from the game to the new accessory. He reached out and slid his fingers along the outside, feeling the small beveled stars. "This looks really good on you," he said. "I'm glad we decided to get it. And I had a great time with you at dinner." He wanted to put the game controller down and take advantage of having the loft to themselves. The idea of getting Chester upstairs and out of his clothes was far more appealing than learning to drive a fake car.
"Dinner was excellent," Chester agreed thoughtfully. He could feel Mike's hand on his belt, and he leaned a little forward, showing it off a bit more. "I'm glad we did that...dinner and shopping. It's been fun."
"Come here." Mike tossed the controller aside and let his fingers curl around the red belt. He tugged on it gently, being mindful to not pull too hard but trying to coax Chester down next to him. "We're alone, you know. It's been a long, long time since that happened."
Chester let himself be pulled, and a second later he was on the couch, pressed close to Mike's side. It would only take him tossing a leg over Mike's, and he'd be on his lap, but he refrained for the moment. "It has been awhile since we've been here alone. It's crazy how quiet it is right now." He shut his eyes as he brought their lips together for a short, succulent kiss. The light of the silent game screen flickering out in front of them.
They were so close, and Mike wanted more. His fingers were still hooked around the belt, and he pulled on it again while they kissed. He wanted the feeling of Chester's weight on his lap, pressing him down. There was no way to know how much longer they would be alone, if it would be an hour, or only minutes. He was ready to forget the coffee and haul Chester on top of him, but he remembered. He wasn't supposed to be the one in control. He needed to let his boyfriend decide what he wanted.
Mike kissed the corner of Chester's mouth before he leaned back a little, trying to read where things were headed. "Ches," he murmured, his voice almost a whisper, "maybe we should forget the coffee. You know? What do you think?"
Chester really wanted to say yes. He was in a good mood, and the day had been light and romantic. But he also really wanted coffee. "Tell you what," he said, straightening himself up a little, one hand on Mike's shoulder, "let's have coffee and then we can head upstairs...or stay down here, if no one's home yet."
It took every ounce of Mike's willpower to nod his head and let Chester go. "Sounds like a plan," he agreed, fighting to keep the tone of disappointment from his voice. He's gotten better at telling me what he wants. That's what I wanted, what we needed. I need to be better at accepting it and not getting frustrated. Mike stood up from the couch and followed Chester into the kitchen, and his eyes kept coming back to the red belt.
The coffee pot light went off and Chester poured their cups. "Grab the milk, would you."
"Already on it, babe," Mike replied, setting the carton on the counter. "If there's one thing I know, it's that you'll never drink your coffee black." His hand drifted over Chester's belt again before he reached for his own cup and leaned against the counter to watch as milk and sugar ended up in the other cup. I don't know how he drinks it like that. It ruins the taste.
"I can't take it with nothing in it. It's too bitter." Chester blew over the top of his cup before he took a sip. "Soooo good," he whispered in a silly voice, just to get Mike to smile at him. He was about to say something else, when he heard the front door, and the familiar sound of keys. "I think they're back," he absently pointed out as he turned, leaning against the counter so he could see whoever was going to come in first.
Mike looked toward the door, trying to hide his frustration as Ryan stepped in, followed by Jason. They were both in dark suits, which was unusual for Ryan, and Mike cocked his head to the side. His eyes slid down the front of Jason's suit, noting how well it fit and how expensive it probably was. Where have they been keeping suits in this place? I have no idea how they find anything. "Hey," he called, "where have you two been? You're all dressed up."
Jason walked straight in and dropped his wallet, keys, and phone on the bar, and looked at Mike while he loosened his tie. "We went to the symphony. It was excellent." He pulled on the knot until it came undone, then slid the tie off his neck and placed it on the counter. He was unbuttoning his collar as he glanced toward the bed and his eyes caught the frozen television screen. Huh. They really are playing a game. That's so weird.
Ryan was already half undressed when he got to the bed in the corner. His tie had come off in the car, and now his jacket, shirt, and shoes were off, too. He didn't have to look to know Chester had followed him, coffee in hand. "I've gotta put something more comfortable on," he said, keeping his voice low. He knew the suits and ties were okay for Jason, and he didn't want his boyfriend to think he totally hated getting dressed up. It was okay. Occasionally. For short periods of time. "The symphony was okay," he stated, kicking his dress shoes under the bed into the empty spot he'd taken them from. "Not enough food there though."
"It's not catered or whatever?" Chester asked, sitting down on the bottom of the bed. "Did they play anything you know at least?"
Ryan shook his head as he undid his belt. "No catering. They had a coffee place and a bar, which was all good. Just not enough. And we only had fifteen minutes to eat," he stated, trying to keep the panic out of his tone.
"Bet you're starving now," Chester chuckled as Ryan drop his dark pants and then tossed them to the corner before shuffling around in his sky blue underwear. "We've got coffee if you want some," Chester offered as Ryan pulled a gray t-shirt from seemingly nowhere. "Or I can make you something to eat if you're still hungry after your snack at the place."
Ryan looked up; Jason and Mike were still across the apartment, standing in the kitchen. He climbed halfway on the bed, his t-shirt in hand. "I'm starving," he whispered. "We went to this place before the symphony. Jay hyped it up like it was the best, but, Chazzy, they only brought us out this much." He held his hands up in a little circle. "It was nothing. I ate it in one bite and then Jay said that was the meal. Like, what the hell?" His eyes flashed up again, but Jason wasn't close enough to hear him. "Please...anything. I'm not picky."
That was it. Chester was on a mission. "I got you. How about cheeseburgers?"
"I love you," Ryan said, backing off the bed. "Yes, please." He tugged his t-shirt over his head and set about finding a pair of joggers to put on to get comfortable.
"You went to 71Above?!" Mike exclaimed, a hand going up in disbelief. He set his coffee cup on the counter and then crossed his arms in a huff. "I'm so jealous. They have the most incredible dishes. I've always thought their chefs were amazing. I had an entree there once that I swear was too beautiful to eat. Like artwork. Man, I'd have liked to go there. It's been a long time." He stopped, the thought of his parents and the anniversary they last celebrated there coming to mind. "I think it was my parents anniversary. Or maybe a promotion," he decided. "They probably wouldn't have taken me on an anniversary. Anyway, doesn't matter. I love that place."
"It was very good," Jason enthused. "I completely agree about their dishes being artistic. I always make fun of those people who take pictures of everything they eat, but in a place like that, it feels like you should appreciate the aesthetics more." He glanced over at Ryan and Chester. He wasn't sure his boyfriend had appreciated the restaurant on the same level he had. "I don't think Ry was impressed. He was wanting food at the symphony."
Mike looked scandalized. "Food? There's no food at the symphony."
"That's what I said." Jason shrugged. "He got some dessert at intermission, it seemed to help." He thought about telling Mike how Ryan dozed off in the first half, but he didn't want to make his boyfriend feel bad. It's not his fault, really. He just doesn't love it the way I do. The way Mike does. At least he was trying.
"Dessert," Mike scoffed softly. "There's barely enough time to go to the bathroom during intermission, how was there time to eat anything?"
"Don't worry, Sexy Boy," Chester assured the room. "I'm making cheeseburgers." He stopped when he got to the bar, setting his half empty coffee cup down. "Who wants? Jason? I'm offering."
"I'm good." Jason waved him off. He looked around. Chester was going to be taking over the kitchen and Ryan would probably be hovering, and the space was too small for all four of them. "I think I'll go take a shower while you guys are in here." He knew his conversation with Mike was over, at least for the time being. There would be cheeseburger discussions and things that Jason wasn't really interested in.
"Okay," Ryan answered, even though the comment hadn't been fully directed to him. "You sure you don't want something to eat? We can put extra onions and pickles on yours."
Jason was already across the loft. "No, thanks. I know you're probably starving, though. You can have my extra pickles and onions." He stood next to the bed and got rid of his suit, one piece at a time. I guess I should probably take my clothes into the bathroom with me. It wouldn't be right to walk around naked while they're eating. I hate doing that. They get all damp from the steam in the shower. Jason let out a sigh as he dug around for clean underwear and pajamas.
Mike picked his coffee cup back up and got out of the way of Chester's preparations. "I'll take one," he said, even though they had eaten dinner earlier. He always had room for Chester's cooking, and cheeseburgers sounded delicious.
"You got it," Chester stated, just before he remembered. He spun around. "Before I forget, check out my new belt!" He pulled his shirt up, showing off his flat stomach and the red starry belt looped around his jeans.
Ryan nodded in approval. "That's kickass. Is that from Mohawk General?" He took a step closer, his hand already on it as he felt over the stars. "They're beveled."
"I bought it," Mike interjected as Ryan touched the belt. He couldn't say what he wanted to say, which was look but don't touch. "Ches wanted it, so I indulged his habit."
"Yeah you did," Chester grinned at his boyfriend.
Ryan stood back, trying to mentally measure. "Is it big enough for me to borrow?" He looked down at his own waist. Chester was smaller than him, so sharing things like belts and jeans usually didn't happen.
Chester was already unbuckling the starry belt. "I don't know. You can try it. I gotta get these cheeseburgers going. My stomach is yelling at me." He pulled the red belt from his jeans and handed it over before his attention flashed to Mike. "You want one or two?"
"Just one." Mike pressed his lips together as Ryan looped the belt around his waist. That looks ridiculous. I bought it for Ches, not for them to share.His eyes narrowed and he looked back at his boyfriend, who was nonchalantly working on their second dinner. He wouldn't be cooking if it weren't for Ryan. We'd be over there crashing cars still. Or I would be. Before he said something snotty to Ryan about the belt, or Chester's attention being taken away, he pulled his emotions back in. He's just doing what he does. He loves to cook. We'll finish our game after. Or maybe not. Jay and Ryan might want to go to sleep. Maybe we'll just go upstairs. Mike walked over to the table and sat down, keeping a watchful eye on the activities in the kitchen.
Chester was in the zone. He had the meat out, seasoning it with just the right amount of spices for a great cheeseburger experience. Ryan had stayed in the kitchen with him, fetching things as Chester requested. "You want french fries to go with this?" he asked over his shoulder. "Or we have chips. We have BBQ chips." He looked over the bar at the table. "Sexy Boy? You got an opinion on any of this?"
"BBQ chips," Mike answered. He was flipping through a magazine on the table, one that had been purchased solely because another of Chester's ads was in it. Mike had no issue with this one. It didn't get any of Mike's defenses up when he flipped by, the Score advertisement for men's shirts not causing him to linger on the page. He appreciated how hot his boyfriend looked, and that was all.
"I'm okay with chips," Ryan chimed in. "I wanted chips before. Chaz," he said in a sudden huff, "did you know that they don't have any chips at the symphony? Like, nothing even close. Not even at the little coffee bar. All they had were these little, itty-bitty bites of cheesecake and custard tarts. I'm not even sure what those are, so I didn't try them."
"Custard is like pudding, kinda," Chester answered. "And that's weird a coffee bar wouldn't have chips. Everyone has chips."
Mike ignored all of the chip and symphony talk. It was clear that neither Ryan nor Chester had any concept of what going to the symphony was really like, and he decided to just stay out of it. He didn't want to come across as a know it all. He tried to tune out the back and forth in the kitchen. The only thing that pulled his attention away from the magazine was Jason appearing from the bathroom, fully dressed in pajamas. Hmm. I see how he's dressed now. No problems getting dressed out here in the open when it's just us.
His attention was divided between watching Jason cross the room and get comfortable on the bed, and monitoring what Chester and Ryan were doing in the kitchen - all while looking as though he was paying attention to nothing but the magazine. He could hear the sizzle of the hamburgers in the skillet, and bits and pieces of the conversation in the kitchen. Jason had already pulled back the blanket and was propping up his pillow to get ready to read.
"These are just about done," Chester stated. "Ry, get the plates." He took his spatula and lifted one of the patties, his nose telling him more than his eyes. He pulled them off the heat, before scooting around Ryan to get to the refrigerator. He pulled out the cheese, ketchup, mustard, and pickles. He sat the last three on the counter before unwrapping pieces of sliced cheese, putting one each on the patties. He popped the lid back on the skillet, knowing the cheese would melt in just a minute or two. "I didn't even know I was hungry till you said something."
"They smell so good," Ryan offered from the opposite counter where he was doling out chips on the three plates. He glanced up. "Mike, how many chips do you want?"
Mike looked away from Jason and back down at his magazine. "Um, whatever is fine."
Jason glanced over. He couldn't believe they were all eating again. The meal at the restaurant had been enough for him, but Ryan and Mike both could put away a ton of food. They both have such healthy appetites. He opened his book and stretched out his legs. It felt good to be home.
Ryan spilled a handful of chips on Mike's plate, just as Chester came along behind him, dishing out the hot patties onto the buns. "I love your hamburgers, Chazzy," Ryan praised, before he picked up Mike's plate and walked it over to him. "Are we eating at the table, or do you want to show me this racing game you guys have been playing?" he asked as he headed back into the kitchen.
"Oh I can show you," Chester was quick to say before he looked out over the apartment. Mike was at the table, where they usually ate, but Jason was already in bed. "Um, Jay, are you okay with us playing the game a little bit or will that bother you?" Chester pointed to the television hanging on the wall on the other side of the bed.
"I'm just over here reading, it's fine." Internally, Jason cringed a little, but a glance at Ryan's eager face made him agree. "I know Ry wants to try out the new game."
Chester and Ryan took their plates and headed for the couch. It was cheeseburgers and chips - two things they could eat while they raced. "Come on, Mike," Chester called as he passed the table. "You can race with us. We've got a third controller around here somewhere."
"There's nowhere to sit," Mike protested, though the real reason he didn't want to move was that he'd be asked again to play the game, and he was terrible at it. Ryan will probably pick up the controller and win the damn game. And Ches will just see how much I can't do it. He always plays with Ryan. "I think I've played enough today anyway."
Ryan was already on the couch, messing with the controller to get a new race started, but Chester stopped. "You sure?" he asked Mike. "We can all race together, and we can squeeze onto the couch."
Ryan twisted around so he could see them both. "Or you can sit on the bed with Jay, if you don't mind being that close to the screen."
Jason looked up at Ryan, then over at Mike. Their eyes connected for a moment, and Jason nodded. "It's fine. I don't mind."
"Well, okay." Mike picked up his plate and came around the couch to sit on the corner of the bed, right next to Jason's blanket covered feet. "I'll just watch you guys, I'm not coordinated enough to eat and play."
Chester sat down on the couch, satisfied with that. With Mike settled on the end of the bed, the battle was on. Chester and Ryan had their plates on their laps, controllers in their hands as they raced, and laughed, and egged each other on. Ryan got up after the first race, bringing beers back to the couch, after both Mike and Jason declined.
"I'm so beating your ass this round," Ryan declared as he handed Chester a beer and then sat down.
"Whatever. I was first last time, and you were third."
Ryan shot Chester a look. "That was my first race!"
"Excuses," Chester laughed as they both took a drink, and then sat their beers on the floor at their feet. The coffee table was long gone, moved out of the way, with stuff piled onto it, leaving only four feet or so between the bed and the couch.
The next race started, and in between laps they guzzled their drinks and stuffed their faces with food. Time flew by as they advanced through the first two levels in record time. Chester stood up, taking both their empty plates as they paused the game. "Mike, you done?" he asked, offering to take his plate to the kitchen for him.
"Yeah, thanks. I think I'm going to head up and grab my pajamas and get a shower while you guys play." He knew he sounded bored, and he was. "Think you'll be done when I get out?" he asked hopefully.
Chester was balancing all three plates. "I don't know. Shouldn't be too long after that though." He turned and headed for the kitchen, ready to rinse the dishes and quickly wipe down the kitchen before he'd grab another couple of beers for him and Ryan.
It didn't take long. Chester was an expert of his kitchen, and he was back on the couch with Ryan in just a few minutes. Jason was still on the bed, reading, as Chester heard the shower start. The game was intense, and time passed quickly as the cars raced through the laps. Before long, Mike was standing next to the couch, dressed in his pajamas, his hair still damp.
He watched the progress of the game for a few minutes. Wow. They've levelled up a few times already. I'm sure Ches is having a great time now that I'm not holding him back. Mike bit down on his bottom lip, thinking. He wanted to ask Chester to come upstairs with him, but he wasn't sure if his boyfriend would leave his game, and he didn't want to know the answer. He glanced at Jason, who was busy with his book, and decided he'd just go upstairs and wait. "Ches? I'm gonna go up and watch a movie." He reached out and feathered his fingers over Chester's neck and shoulder, hoping to at least get his attention for a moment.
"Okay, pause," Chester said, hitting the button, and the game froze. He looked up at his boyfriend. "You sure?" he asked, part of him knowing he should probably bail out of the racing to go with him, but he also wanted to get a little further along before they stopped for the night. They were on a roll.
"Yeah." He leaned down, giving Chester a quick kiss. "I know you're in the zone."
Chester smiled. "Okay, I'll be up in a little bit." His focus was right back on the television as Ryan unpaused the game and their cars took off.
Jason watched Mike climb the stairs, reading the sag in his shoulders as he went. I know how he feels. They get so wrapped up in these games, it's hard to pull them away. At least he can disappear upstairs. Oh well. By the time I get ready to go to sleep, they'll be finished. He tried to put his focus on his book, but his concentration was interrupted continuously by the shouts and cheers from the couch. For another fifteen minutes or so he gave it a good effort, then he finally gave up. Jason reached for his bookmark and slid it into place, giving Ryan and Chester a thoughtful stare.
Mike's up watching a movie. I could go up and watch it, too. Or we could finish our chat about the symphony. We didn't even get to talk about what they played. I'm sure he'd know it. That's what he wants to study. Maybe next time I should take Mike with me instead. Jason swung his legs off the bed and stood up. "Hey, Ry?" He waited and Ryan gave a sort of mumble, an affirmation that he'd heard his name. "I'm going to go up with Mike and watch the movie or read a little more. I'll come back down when you guys are done."
Ryan paused the game, and both he and Chester watched as Jason picked up his pillow from the bed. "Yeah okay...or we can turn it off for the night," he offered. He glanced at his watch. It was still kind of early, but if his boyfriend wanted some peace and quiet, he didn't want to monopolize their bedroom with the game.
"Yeah, Jay, we can be done if you want," Chester added in. Ever since Jason and Ryan had moved into the loft, he was trying to keep it at the front of his mind that the apartment really wasn't his. It was Jason's.
"You're fine. Go ahead and finish your game, Mike wanted to hear about the music we heard at the symphony, and then we all got caught up in showers and cheeseburgers." He walked around the back of the couch so he didn't get in the way of the game, even though it was paused. "Really, go ahead."
It only took a look, a few seconds of nonverbal communication before Ryan and Chester agreed. The game was back on, as they raced, sitting close together on the couch so they could throw the occasional playful elbow at each other or nudge one another with their knees and feet. It was the way video game rounds always went.
Jason climbed the stairs without looking back, his pillow in one hand and his book in the other. As soon as he stepped into the loft his eyes landed on Mike, and the television screen that was black. "Oh. I thought you were watching a movie," he said, standing just inside the landing.
Mike turned his head on his pillow and caught Jason's eyes in the dim upstairs lighting. "Hey. I was just about to give up on Ches. You know how they are when they get into the games. Seems like more and more lately they just get lost in them. I was laying here and decided I was tired." He stopped and turned on his side, a small smile touching his lips. "Looks like you got tired of listening to it, too."
"Yeah." Jason crossed the floor, his bare feet whispering over the hardwood. "I was going to ask if I could join you." He watched Mike's eyebrows shoot up. "To watch the movie. But if you're going to sleep, I'll just read until they're done." He stopped next to Chester's side of the bed, waiting. Mike's eyes were dark and unreadable with the night lamp behind him.
"You have your pillow," Mike pointed out unnecessarily. He felt a little twist in his stomach as he looked at Jason. We're friends. He can read up here, it's not a big deal. It doesn't mean anything.
"I wanted to be comfortable." Jason let the statement hang in the air, and he watched Mike debate with himself a little over whether or not he wanted company. He wanted Mike to say yes. The air held that same heavy electric feeling it always did when the two of them were alone. This is probably dangerous, getting closer to him. Making all these comparisons to Ry. They're so different. Watching Ry sleep tonight was just another point in Mark's column. Maybe he's been right all along. Maybe part of the reason we're all shoved in here together is so I could realize Mike's potential.
Without saying anything, Mike pulled Chester's pillow over close to his side and made space for Jason to join him. "Come on, then," he allowed, his breath a little short. He hadn't lay in a bed with Jason Wakefield since that fateful night at YRS, and Mike fought back the memories that were coming to him. He'd spent months trying to pretend he didn't remember what it felt like to have Jason so close to him, and now here he was.
Jason plopped his pillow down and set his book on the nightstand. "The symphony was really good," he said, starting the conversation as he climbed into Chester's space. He pulled the black and red blanket over him and turned on his side, pushing his arm up under his pillow to see Mike better. "You would have enjoyed it, I think. They did Mahler 5 and it was really beautiful."
"I love Mahler." Mike's voice was soft and sleepy. "The French horn solo is my favorite. I saw Mahler 5 live once, it was unforgettable." He smiled at Jason. "Maybe we can go next time."
"I was thinking that, actually," Jason said as a few loud shouts rose from downstairs. He rolled his eyes. "I bought those season tickets, and we were sitting in the hall, and Ryan fell asleep," he admitted. "And all I could think was - why did I buy these? I'll never get him back in here. Then I thought about you." Jason smiled softly, resisting the urge to reach across the space between them and move Mike's long hair from his eyes. His eyes are so beautiful. I'm sure he knows that. I'm sure Chester tells him that all the time.
Mike felt that same little tingle up his spine that he felt when Jason touched him so innocently, any of the small number of times his hand had found Mike's skin. "I'll definitely go, if you want someone to talk music with. I'm your guy." His eyes dropped to Jason's lips for a split second before he forced them up again.
"I bet you could tell me all about whatever we were listening to," Jason complimented, and he imagined the embarrassed tint to Mike's cheeks that he couldn't see in the shadows. He always blushes when I compliment his music or his art. He looks so sweet when he's embarrassed.
"I want to know more," Mike stated seriously. "Music history is something I've always been interested in, but that's college level stuff. And I, I'm not there yet. Now that things have calmed down and I'm back at the studio, I can practice more and get my auditions in. I really want to go to school, Jay. I could study music forever and it would still only be scratching the surface."
Jason nodded. "One day, you'll get to go. We'll make it happen." Jason stopped speaking, suddenly aware he was making plans for the future, and those plans included Mike. Mike, and not Ryan. He was almost stunned at the realization.
Mike studied Jason's face for a moment. "Ches and I are going to be on our own soon," he whispered. "I don't know if we'll ever find the money for school." That's all I ever wanted, and I don't think it's going to happen. I can't see us ever being solid enough financially for me to go to school. I'll be teaching lessons the rest of my life. How did we get here? There were so many things I thought my life would be by now that just aren't happening.
A little flutter of dismay crossed Jason's heart. He wanted Mike to have his schooling. He knew it was something the other man wished for, that he was missing, and Jason couldn't stop himself from saying, "we can look at it together, Mike. Maybe you and Chaz need to stay here so there will be money for school. I know you really want that. We can find a way, in the budget, somehow." You can stay here with me, and I'll take care of it all. The sudden thought was blinding. I could. I could do that for him. I could do that for him, where Chaz can't.
Mike's heart skipped a beat as he looked at Jason's earnest expression. We didn't even talk about school when we were budgeting this morning. I can't take any more from him than we already are right now. Mike closed his eyes. "Maybe," he whispered, blocking Jason's face from his sight.
Jason saw the glimmer of hope on Mike's face before he shut his eyes, and took the hint. The idea had been planted, it was up to Mike to realize that Jason could give him a life he might not have otherwise. A life he was meant for... like Mark said. He came from that kind of life. I'd just be giving it back to him. "We can figure it out another time. I know you're tired." He rolled over on his side, facing the stairs, his back to Mike. "Good night, Mike."
Mike cracked his eyes a bit, just to see the back of Jason's head. "Night," he mumbled, thoughts of the future, school, and Jason's role in all that on his mind. He was asleep in mere minutes, worn out from everything he and Chester had done that day.
Chester yawned just as the lap ended. "What time is it?" he asked, his eyes starting to hurt a little. He looked around. It was dark outside, and at some point, he'd gotten up and turned the kitchen light off, leaving the living room in a darker state, the light from the television a little more pronounced. "It's dark out," he mumbled.
"Oh shit," Ryan swore softly. "We've been playing for the last two hours." He glanced up toward the bedroom. "Do you think their movie is still on?"
"I guess, but we better stop for the night," Chester was quick to suggest before he yawned again. "I've gotta pee and then I'll go up and send Jay down." He handed his controller to Ryan before he stood up, stretching his arms over his head.
"That belt really does look good on you," Ryan complimented as he watched the small sliver of Chester's belly skin right above his jeans. "But then again, you could tie a rope around your waist and still pull it off as sexy."
Chester dropped his arms as he laughed. "A rope," he snorted. "That would look so awful. As a professional model, you shouldn't even be suggesting things like that."
"I'm just trying to make a point," Ryan insisted as he stood up, too. He reached for the red belt, sliding his finger over the silver buckle. "Stars, a rope, whatever. You've got this tiny little waist that pulls it off."
"Too tiny," Chester was quick to shoot back. "Wish there was more to me...like you. And dammit all to hell that I can't grow this kind of quality beard." His hand was on Ryan's face before he knew it, petting his fingers over the dark scruff before he sighed and announced that he really, really needed to pee.
Ryan watched him head toward the bathroom before he looked around. There were four beer bottles, and an empty bag of M&Ms they'd managed to polish off over the last few hours. He picked everything up, and headed for the kitchen to throw it away. He maneuvered around, knowing where everything was. There was no need to turn the kitchen lights on. He was back at the bed, pulling back the blankets and taking his shirt off when Chester stepped out of the bathroom.
"I'll send your boyfriend down," Chester said as he stepped close to the bed, scratching his fingers up and down his side with a yawn.
Ryan stepped out of his red joggers, tossing them off to the side before he slid into bed. "Okay," he said, his voice coming out in a sleepy tone. "Night, Chazzy. I'll kick your ass some more tomorrow."
"Whatever. Night," Chester responded before he headed for the stairs. The day had been long - fun, but long - and he was ready to lay down and snuggle with Mike as they both fell asleep. He was halfway up the stairs before he realized he couldn't hear anything. There was no movie playing in the bedroom. He could see only a dim light coming from the bedroom, and he instinctively moved a little slower, until he was finally at the top. He stopped.
The lamp on Mike's side of the bed was on, its dim glow leaving the space full of shadows. Chester hadn't moved as he stared at the bed. Jason was under the blanket, lying down on his side, facing the stairs. His eyes were shut, his lips barely parted. He was asleep, and so was Mike.
Chester took a step closer, scanning his boyfriend. He was facing Jason, his arm looped over Chester's pillow in the middle of the bed, separating the two of them. What on earth are they doing? Guess they just fell asleep. He looked toward the television hanging on the wall, but it was off. Should I wake Jay up and send him downstairs?
The question tumbled around in Chester's mind for a minute. It was the first time he'd ever seen Mike in bed with someone else, and it was throwing him off. And not just any bed, but his bed. In his place. The two of them looked like they'd always slept together - like they were a couple in an alternative universe - and it was almost distracting. Is that what we look like when we're in bed? He glanced toward the half-wall, the mental image of the bed downstairs and how Ryan and Jason usually looked in it coming to mind. For whatever reason, this was different. Maybe it was the expression on Jason's silent face, or maybe it was because Mike was the one laying with him instead of Ryan. Chester wasn't sure, but it nagged at him a little as he tried to put his finger on it.
He tilted his head. Mike looked peaceful, his longer hair brushed back behind his ear, the pillow cradled against him. Chester took another step toward the bed, ready to touch Jason on the shoulder and wake him up, but he stopped the moment he heard a soft snore escape from Jason's throat. Chester pulled his hand back.They're already asleep. Why wake them up? I won't. I'll just go back downstairs.
He leaned over Jason just enough to grab his pillow, carefully pulling it out from under Mike's arm. "Night, Sexy Boy," he whispered as he did, and then he turned around and headed down the stairs.
All that registered in Mike's mind as he kept sleeping was the loss of the pillow he was holding. It took a few moments, but he reached out, his arm searching until it found the warm shape of Jason's back in the bed with him. It was automatic. Unconscious. Mike's body slid across the space between them, looping his arm around Jason's waist and snuggling up close. All he felt was warmth and comfort. He didn't even register that the person in front of him, tucked up close as their legs tangled together, felt nothing like Chester. His arm laced up under Jason's, his face close on Jason's neck as they both stayed deeply asleep.
"Hey," Chester called quietly as he headed to the foot of the bed. Ryan had been lying down, his arm over his eyes, but the moment he heard Chester's voice, he was sitting up. "They're asleep, so I'm just going to let them stay that way."
Ryan looked up toward the bedroom. "Really?" He watched Chester nod. "Guess I can't blame them. We did lose track of time."
"I know. We suck," Chester half laughed before he held his pillow up. "They had my pillow between them."
"On the bed?"
"Yeah. It's like, why? Guess because my pillow is sexy," Chester teased, his tongue coming out overtop his piercing.
"Yeah, that's obviously it. And I agree, might as well leave them be if they're already asleep," Ryan stated with a long yawn. "I'm sure they'll be fine up there together. Turn the lights off and come on." He tossed back the blanket, his bare legs and sky blue underwear showing. "Get in. I'm beat."
Chester hesitated. He looked from the bed to the couch, and back again. He'd shared a bed with Ryan more than a few times. And as it stood, it was the logical choice. His space upstairs was taken, and the bed space down here was open. But he knew Mike wouldn't like it. "Actually, I think I'll sleep on the couch," he said as he headed that way with his pillow.
The corners of Ryan's mouth turned down in a surprised pout. "What? Well, why? There's plenty of room over here." He motioned to the space next to him in bed.
Chester slumped onto the couch, setting his pillow beside him. "I know...but Mike wouldn't understand."
****
The half walls of the loft didn't diffuse the morning light. It had been the bane of Mike's existence the entire time he'd lived with Chester at the loft. He was in the habit of burying his face in the back of Chester's neck and blocking out the first rays so he could keep sleeping, and this morning was no different. The action was automatic as he nuzzled his face into the space between the pillow and Chester's neck. It was comfortable and warm, and it hid his eyes from the sunlight. He was barely aware of what he was doing as he softly kissed the skin in front of him.
The gentle press of lips to his neck brought Jason out of his deep sleep. His instinct was to snuggle backwards into Ryan's arms, but something was off. He opened his eyes a crack, and when the sight of Chester's dresser came into view, his eyes popped open. I'm upstairs? Oh. I went to sleep up here last night. His eyes drifted over to the nightstand, where his book caught his attention. So that means...
He shifted slowly, feeling the weight of Mike's arm around his stomach. Jason held his breath as he turned, untangling his legs from Mike's. He's so close. Just right there. Sleeping. He doesn't even realize it's me. Jason took the opportunity to study Mike's sleeping face. The dark eyelashes against his skin. The way his full lips had just the tiniest circular space in the center where he breathed lightly. The fall of his long bangs across his forehead and over his dark eyebrows. The small hoop earring he could see in one of Mike's ears. Jason wanted to watch him sleep, but it was morning. Time to get out of the bed they shouldn't be sharing. This is crazy. It doesn't even feel wrong to be here.
Jason lifted his hand and stroked it softly over Mike's arm where it lay across his stomach. "Mike," he whispered, his touch barely there. "Mikey."
"Mmm," was Mike's low response, his voice gravelly from not being used over night. "I don't want to get up."
Jason smiled. "It's morning." His hand kept moving as he waited for Mike to shake off sleep. He was watching as Mike opened his eyes and sucked in a surprised breath.
"Jay?" Mike's eyebrows knitted together as he realized his arm was around Jason.
"Shh," Jason cautioned, his fingers tightening around Mike's arm. "Don't wake them up. It's quiet. I think they're still sleeping."
Mike pulled back a little bit, his hand trailing over Jason's stomach as he rose up on his elbow. Jason was looking up at him, and Mike couldn't look away. I kissed the back of his neck. I kissed Jason. I'm in bed with Jason. "I'm sorry," he whispered, his pulse picking up speed. "I guess I moved in the middle of the night." He looked down at the non-existent space between them. "Where's Chester's pillow?" The last thing he remembered was cuddling up to his boyfriend's pillow and falling asleep, looking at the back of Jason's head. How he'd ended up spooned against Jason was a mystery.
"I don't know," Jason admitted. It hadn't even crossed his mind once he'd realized the person next to him in bed was Mike and not Ryan. "Maybe he came up and got it. It's not in the bed."
Mike shook his head. "I'm sorry," he said again, his gaze skipping away from Jason. "I think I kissed your neck. But I was sleeping. I didn't mean to."
Jason reached up and brushed Mike's hair away from his panicked eyes. "It's okay. You were sleeping." His eyes dropped to look at Mike's lips, and Jason remembered what it felt like to kiss him. He closed his eyes, pushing that memory away. "It doesn't mean anything, right?" he whispered, using the same words they'd said to each other before. He was starting to think all of these little moments were adding up to something that didmean more.
Mike swallowed hard. He truly hadn't meant to kiss Jason, yet here they were, still lying in bed, and neither of them had moved away. "No. It doesn't mean anything." He let himself look over Jason's sleep tousled hair, his closed eyes, and his lips before he sat up, ignoring the part of him that suddenly wanted to make it meaningful. There had been so many little moments lately that he knew were coming together into something bigger, and he needed to put some space between them.
He pushed the blankets off and stood up, exhaling loudly. He could feel Jason's eyes on him and he felt hot. "I'm going to go start some coffee," he decided, even though that was typically Chester's job. Mike ran a hand up over his hair and turned around, and his eyes met Jason's. "You should come downstairs, too."
"I'll be down in a minute," Jason answered, watching Mike's face carefully. It didn't need to be said aloud. They both knew their moment in bed had to stay between them. The secrets are stacking up between us. How easy it would be for it all to turn into something more. Maybe Mark was right. Maybe we're better suited for each other. It seems to be so easy between us. "Go on," he whispered, part of him hoping Mike would stay, the other part of him knowing that Mike needed to go before something happened.
With a nod, Mike was across the room, ready to head downstairs. He felt like he needed some air. Some space. I'll open the windows. It's nice in the morning, the breeze. I'll do that, and start the coffee. His thoughts stopped abruptly as the thought of Chester and where he'd ended up sleeping came crashing into his mind. If he's in bed with Ryan, I can't even say anything. Not after what I did.
He could see the bed in the corner the moment he set foot on the stairs, and he could see Ryan on his side, his back to the rest of the loft. The space beside him where Jason usually slept was empty, and Mike felt the relief instantly. On the couch, curled up in a ball with his pillow, was Chester, asleep and alone.
Mike debated whether or not to wake him up. He stood at the foot of the stairs, watching the quiet scene in front of him, and he realized that there had been a conscious choice made for Chester to sleep alone on the couch. It made him feel incredibly small. There's hardly enough space for him to stretch out on that couch, but he stayed there when Ryan went to bed. He stayed there because Jason was upstairs with me.
Mike crossed the room and stood at the window looking out. Everything has changed so much since Jay and Ryan moved in. Since Ryan and I talked, and I've tried to be better about him and Ches. Now we're sleeping apart and I'm talking about the future with Jay more than I do with Ches. What is wrong with me? He opened up the window and took a deep breath. I'm always thinking about Chester's boundaries with Ryan, and I've gotten just as bad with Jason. Is that normal? Is Ches right? Do friends really act that way together? He opened another window before he stepped into the kitchen to get the coffee going.
Chester stirred on the couch, his nose bringing his eyes open as he smelled coffee. "Mmmm," he mumbled before he stretched his legs, but stopped, his feet hitting the arm of the couch. He lifted his head, squinting in the morning sunlight as he looked down at himself. He was on the couch, and the memory of last night flooded him as he yawned and sat up slowly, his body stiff. I swear I'm an old man sometimes. He rubbed the back of his neck as he sat hunched over, his feet on the floor. He could see that Ryan was still in bed, and so he stood up to see who was making coffee.
"It's you," he said with a smile as he rounded the couch and headed for the kitchen. "The smell of the coffee woke me up." He stopped at the bar. Usually he would go over and wrap his arms around Mike, giving him a morning kiss, but he didn't this morning. "I saw you guys last night," he admitted as he pointed up. "You were asleep, so I left you be. I slept on the couch."
Mike felt the guilt hit him full force. "Yeah, sorry about that," he apologized. He was really apologizing for the secret kiss, but he knew that Chester didn't know that. "I guess we fell asleep while you guys were playing your game."
"I figured," Chester said, dropping his eyes to the dark floor. "We kinda got carried away. Sorry we played for so long." He looked up. "If it makes you feel any better, we're about halfway through the game." He sent his boyfriend a quick smile just as the coffee pot alerted that it was done. "And I'm really ready for that, but I gotta pee first." He spun around before Mike could say anything and disappeared into the bathroom.
Mike knew it wasn't on purpose, but Chester's apology managed to make him feel even worse than he already did about the whole thing. He's got nothing to apologize for. If he knew... if he knew how we slept last night, if he knew that I kissed Jay, he'd be devastated. I was sleeping. Nobody knows what they're doing when they're sleeping. He ignored the twist in his heart as he denied having any actual feelings for Jason. It doesn't mean anything. None of it. It doesn't mean anything.
He was about to turn to the coffeemaker and pour two cups of coffee when he caught sight of Jason coming down the stairs. Mike paused for a moment and let himself really look at Jason. His entire presence, the way he carried himself, was so much different than Chester. Even in his pajamas, Jason looked confident in his own skin, and Mike realized how different that was from when they were all in the YRS house together. Jason had become his own person again, and that new person held a lot of intrigue for Mike.
Jason's gaze turned from Ryan to Mike, and their eyes met, holding steady across the room. They both looked away at the same time, Mike's eyes toward the bathroom, and Jason's back to Ryan, and neither of them said a word.