(Flashback to my last night in Italy and with JS)
Vinny and Nicole had been acting weird around me for a couple days now. Vinny had been especially distant and if he wasnt being distant he was kissing my ass and I didn't understand why. All the roomies around me were acting weird if I Thought about it. They looked at me like I was a ticking time bomb but why?
“Idk Pauly something seems off...like he’s hiding something from me and I know you know...please I just wanna know. If he wants to be single and screw around I mean...it’s gonna hurt like hell because I hate wasting my time...and I..I love him.. but I can’t be lied to anymore”
I said hugging my pillow. Pauly sighed and rubbed my back.
“Look, Vinny is my husband, so I’m obligated to keep the bro code but you’re my best friend, so..all I’m gonna say is Nicole is downstairs in the livingroom. I think you need to go talk to her...trust me”
Pauly said. Anxiety shot though my chest like a harpoon. It was dread. Something was wrong. I sighed sitting up and nodded, standing.
“Okay Pauly. Im going”
I said and walked out. Vinny said he needed some air and left an hour prior... Mike and Jenni were working at the pizza place but they should be home any minute, it was going on 10 now and Ron and Sam went on a date hours ago so they should be home soon too. Snooks was in the living room... as I got closer I stopped hearing Snooki talk
“Jionni I’m so sorry I was really drunk and I didn't mean to sleep with Vinny!God I'm such a whore! Jess is with Vinny! Jionni Im so sorry please don't do this” Snooki was sobbing. My stomach was doing flips, my head was spinning at the words that just flew through my ears.
'I slept with Vinny!'
I had to lean on the wall just outside the livingroom to catch my breath.
“Jionni? Jionni don’t hang up please I love you! Jionni!”
Nicole cried and hung up. I walked out of the living room...tears falling
“Youre right...you are a whore. And a fake friend at that..how could you snooks?”
I said as my voice gradually got louder
“I didn’t mean to! I get horny when I drink and-“
“That makes it okay?! Why couldn’t you fuck Pauly?! You know, the SINGLE ONE?!”
I screamed as I turned and punched the wall. Nicole jumped, only seeing my ever hit people and not objects. I didnt want to hurt Nicole. As much as my head was telling me to fuck her up, she was still my best friend and I just couldn't hurt her..even though she deserves it right now..
Deena came running in, hearing the crash.
“What’s going on?”
Deena asked but she stopped seeing my glassy eyes and red face and Nicole's tesr stained face.
"Oh no...you finally told her?"
Deanna asked sadly. My eyes widened as Mike and Jenni came walking in
"We're to-oh no"
Mike turned on his heel seeing us and walked to the kitchen.
"Jess, I know you're mad and hurt but-"
"Did EVERYONE but me know about this?!"
I yelled angrily.
Not any of the 3 could look me in the eyes. They kept their heads down.
"So the whole house knows?"
I asked through gritted teeth but nobody said anything
"HELLO?!"
I yelled angrily
"Nobody knew how to tell you! Not even Vinny! We all wanted to but we didnt want to hurt you!"
Jenni finally spoke up
"Oh so sad Sammi can get a note just for making out with a bitch but I get NOTHING when these two fuck?!"
I yelled looking at Nicole as she put her head in her hands and cried.
"You mean more to us than some anonymous note! We were still trying to figure out how to tell you"
Deena said trying to touch my shoulder but i backed away
"Great. Thats fucking great. You spared me my feelings and now I dont trust any of you. You guys are supposed to be my friends! But you're lying behind my back and screwing the ONLY guy ive ever loved! What the fuck is wrong with you?! Why- why even be my friend? Why pretend you actually like me just to stab me in the back?"
My angry voice cracked and I
I dropped to my knees holding my stomach and cried, finally breaking down. This was a cry from my soul, deep in my gut that I couldn't hold in anymore.
“Jess I’m so sorry I didn’t mean it! I was so trashed I didn’t know what I was doing!”
Snooki cried
“Then you didn’t give a single shred of a fuck about our friendship because trashed or not I would of been in your head as you were fucking him and you either didn’t care or you’re just a fake friend!”
Pauly,Ron,Sammi and Mike had walked in and sighed
"Im so sorry Jess-"
"You knew too! All of you!"
I said slapping Paulys hand away
"If it makes you feel better, I didn't know. Nobody tells me anything"
Mike said shrugging
"Yeah we didnt know either. Really Jess"
Sammi spoke up.
"Yeah cuz you guys live for drama"
Jenni said rolling her eyes
"Evidentally so do you guys. Thank you Sammi. It actually does make me feel better"
I said walking over to the 3 of them. Feeling like they were the only ones I could trust at that moment. Which was sad cuz it was the 3 usually causing problems..which makes sense as to why they werent told.
“Guys we can work this out right? I mean we’ve all done stupid shit-“
“No! No okay?! I’ve dealt with this bullshit for years now of vinny and her flirting! I already had to get iver him and Angelina! I’m done! Done! I’m not gonna be be like Sammi and forgive over and over when borh of them CLEARLY DONT CARE ABOUT ME god damn it!”
I said but heard a door open and close. Vinny came in. I turned and saw him. Deena saw my face as we all looked over seeing Vinny with shades on and he was snuffling.
“Pauly stop her!”
Deena yelled
“You piece of shit!”
I yelled and I ran at him but Pauly grabbed me just as I landed a hit on Vinnys chin. It wasnt as strong of a blow as I coild usually throw but that was because Pauly had grabbed me but He still fell on his ass and held his chin
“I deserved that”
vinny said softly keeping his head down
“Yeah you fucking think?! Fuck you! Fuck you Vinny! I hate you! I fucking hate you!”
I yelled as I sobbed trying to break free from Pauly but shit, his arms were like tree trunks.
“I’m so sorry babe I didn’t mean for any of this..I was so fucked up. I dont even remember doing it"
Vinny said, slowly standing up and taking his shades off. His eyes were red and puffy.
“Fuck that! Fuck you! Fuck Nicole! Fuck this show,this cast, this trip! Fuck it all! I’m going home! I’m done with all of you! Pauly let me go! I wanna go pack my shit so I can get the fuck out of here!”
I yelled as tears flowed
“I’ll take you up. I know he deserves it right now but you can’t keep beating on him because you know he ain’t gonna hit back”
Pauly said and carried me up stairs.
I sat on my bed and sobbed. This is exactly why I didn’t want to give my heart to anyone...and now I paid the price...once I was able to stop crying I began to pack
As I zipped my bag I heard a knock
“Please have, don’t go”
I saw vinny...he looked so...pathetic
“You made your bed now sleep in it. I’m sure Jionni is gonna magically forgive her but I won’t. I’m not gonna keep getting cheated on! This is the 3rd time you’ve cheated and now it’s with my best friend. I’m done Vin. I’m going home”
I said and ripped my mic off my back and grabbed my suit case, purse and book bag and went to walk out but Vinny blocked me
“Move”
I said bitterly
“Can I...have one more kiss good bye? I know I don’t deserve it..I just wanna be reminded for the rest of my life of how badly I fucked up”
Vinny said sadly. He let a tear fall and I began to cry again. He pulled me in a hug as i cried on his chest. Why did it have to be like this? After a minute i calmed down and took a deep breath looking up at him sadly.
I kissed him deeply and we made out for a minute before I quickly pulled back and ran to the stairs. Vinny slid down the door and put his head in his knees. As I was walking to the door I heard foot steps. I looked back and saw all the roomies.
“You’re really leaving mamas?”
Mike asked sadly
“I can’t stay here...it hurts too much”
I said sadly
“Jess we are so sorry..All of us..we should have told from the start.” Jenni said as I hugged her
"I cant trust any of you right now.. But in time im sure once ive healed ill be reach out"
I said bitterly as Jenni nodded with glassy eyes then hugged Jenni then Deena.
“I'm so fucking sorry..but I’ll miss you so much”
she said and I cried
“I'm so fucking mad at all of you...but I’ll miss you too”
I said then hugged Ron.
“Be safe out there Jess. Take care of yourself”
Ron said hugging me. I hugged back
“I wish you and Sam the best of luck”
I said and then hugged Sam
“We’ve had our differences but I will miss you Sammi”
I said and she hugged me again
“I’m gonna miss you too. Im so sorry you're going through this. If you need me call me anytime”
She said sniffling.
I looked at Snooki who was in tears the whole time
She looked up at me and shook her head
"I know you hate me..I hate me.. I know I'll never make this up to you and Im so sorry I put you through this.. For what its worth I really was your best friend and I still love you so much"
Nicole said sobbing. I started to sob too as i hugged her and we just sunk tobthe floor crying together.
“I’ll get over this snooks...and when I do.. I’ll call you. We have too much history to end it like this”
I said in a cracked voice.
“I’m so sorry I love you”
She said sobbing.
“I know boo...I know...I’ll give you a call when I’m ready and my heart has healed”
I said and she nodded. I helped her up and looked at Pauly
“Bye big bro”
I said smiling through tears
“I’ll see you soon shawty. Gotta check up on my mini me. I'll be hitting you up to see if you wanna do some shows and tour”
he said smirking and hugged me, lifting me up and spinning me.
"Sounds great"
I hugged back tightly and then he set me down. I looked up at the balcony from the second floor and saw Vinny watching with the most dead expression I've ever seen. I didn't even give him a second glance.
“Bye guys”
I said sadly and with that I left. Went back to my lonely home..
After a month of crying, I got motivation back and began to write music again I moved to Cali for business reasons and things got much better.........