There was a subtle wind blowing in the air...soft poetry being played on the speakers.
Inhaling the sizzling smell of chicken and beef being roasted on iron rods, I slowly took one sip from my pineapple juice.
The Barbecue function was taking place in the grand gardens of the hotel, around a huge swimming pool. While the men were supposed to stand near the barbecue stand and eat, which were placed in one far corner of the gardens, the women were ushered to square white tables.
With the beautiful poetry teasing my emotions, the cooling fans seldom blowing wind in my direction, I cupped my face, placed my elbow on the table and felt my gaze unconsciously searching the crowds roaming around. My heart still searched for him...still felt the presence. It was just a force of habit.
In front of me was Asmara sitting randomly grabbing tomato slices from the salad bowl and eating it. We both were feeling super hungry bored and couldn't really relax because Samiya Begum, Meeran, Sonia and Aliya were sitting a few tables away from me...them being directly in my line of sight.
"We will arrange barbecue for your wedding, too," Asmara announced, seemingly thoroughly impressed by the whole grand bar.b.q setup. The twinkling fairy lights hanging from the ceiling had her in a dreamy mood.
"I love simple things," I smiled.
"Oh, tell that to my brother. He is a huge fan of horse weddings." she joked. She was right. All the village men adored loud and happening functions. They celebrated joys in the loudest ways, but I really didn't want that.
Her words triggered an emotion...memories...that were best kept suppressed and forgotten. I remember the second day of my wedding. It was grand and luxurious. All the feelings were new. I was a shy and nervous bride. Since only a few relatives had been invited to my wedding, there was an air of unfamiliarity and intimidation lingering around me. Dressed up as a bride, ignoring my in-laws who were openly sulking and staying away from the stage, I sat vulnerably. Madam Geena had tried her best to feign a picture of fantasy in front of my parents.
The clock seemed to tick away that night. There were whispers and worries surrounding me. I remember feeling the shame because the main man of my wedding-Demir had decided to be absent for almost half of the wedding. Madam Geena had tried calling him...my parents asked questions, but he just didn't care.
I was made to go back to the bride's room because of the pitiful whispers surrounding me. The worry of Demir not showing up...him forever humiliating me had me feeling so dreadful. I had to constant dab my eyes to avoid having my makeup ruined. They say the water-proof makeup doesn't look good on the skin, but then, who did I want to look pretty for?
Soon, after, perhaps, the passage of hours, I was finally called outside. Apparently, Demir had finally decided to show up. Madam Geena said that he was waiting for me on the stage. I remember the eager emotions...the happiness of not being abandoned on this day. Yet, my emotions just showed how weak I had been.
Not even bothering about my heavy dress, I had turned into a coy bride and excitedly headed out of the room. All eyes were on me. Slowly, with a heart beating loudly, I had my parents and Madam Geena guide towards the stage.
Brides in my town kept their heads lowered and gaze towards the floor, but I took a peek. The thumping of my heart...seeing my brooding husband sitting on the stage, with his hair not brushed, messy...a stubble, it melted away all the complains and questions I wanted to say. I had planned to be angry...show attitude, but just the sight of him wiped away that pain.
I was awestruck.
I could feel my cousins being envious of my luck. Despite the loud poetry playing in the air, everything seemed to have blurred around me. All I saw was him. He had insulted me, shown up so late, not even bother tidying up, but at this moment; all that I cared about was the man who had stolen my heart the very day, Madam Geena decided to tell me about him. It was a strange feeling to care about someone without seeing them...hearing them. Just hearing about him had been a start for my heart.
Soon, as I reached the stage, there was an invisible shift of awkwardness lingering in the air. Apparently, Demir hadn't even bothered to get up from the couch placed on the stage and grab my hand, in order to take me to the couch. It was a tradition in so many families-a sweet and symbolic gesture.
I tried not to let that insult sour my heart. Shy and nervous, I sat beside him and folded my hands. He didn't spare me a glance, didn't even look, as he coldly stared at the crowd, not even smiling as my parents came to gift him some money. Many guests came to congratulate us on the stage. My cousins teased me. I blushed shyly but still felt so belittled by the fact that I was the only one showing these emotions. It was apparent that Demir wasn't interested...that he had only bothered to show up because of Madam Geena.
Purposely, he was making sure to show his disdain by tilting slightly away from me, the face staring out at strangers, preferring them over his own bride. We were served Bar.B.Q on the stage. My appetite was lost because of all the overwhelming feelings. Soon, after the function, he simply dropped me at the gates of his mansion and left.
I remember standing near the mansion gate, dressed up as a bride...feeling so alone and miserable. There were people outside, bystanders, giving me weird looks, my in-laws not even bothering to welcome me inside their place. I was on a crossroad with no place to go, but even at that moment, all I wanted was to change my husband's mind about me and make him adore me.
I was so pathetic.
"We will see," I finally spoke, returning back to the present...meeting Asmara's gaze. There was hidden pain that went unseen by her, agony lacing my words. Just feeling this...reminding me of these emotions reinforced my resolve of moving on. How was one to believe the words of someone who had once been so terrible?
Change...how was one to believe give another chance, when there had already been so many chances given? Demir had the power...he had my heart, but he ruined it. He tortured me, and now that I was finally moving on and healing, he was suddenly manipulating my heart by acting so different and begging for a chance.
I had once searched for hidden promises in his coldness. I had seen nonexistent signs...felt them ruin them. How could I start chasing those signs again? Caring for Demir had been my ultimate doom. How could I forget that?
Soon, as the sizzling scent of barbecue floated in the air, my gaze caught the sight of Demir walking towards my direction. His hair was flowing because of the wind, a confident smile coating his face as his gaze met mine, and he gave me a full grin.
"Is it your husband?" Asmara spoke, eyeing my distracted look.
"Yes," I turned my gaze back towards her, grabbing a tomato from the salad.
"Ask him when we will be served?" she smiled. She didn't mind that I had been distracted...didn't say anything about that.
"Sure," I sarcastically spoke, "and at my order, he will immediately have his waiters serve his food." I was taunting.
"He will." Her voice turned serious and knowing. This wasn't accusatory, more like she had figured out something I hadn't. I turned speechless.
However, instead of walking towards me, Demir headed towards his family's table first.
"He isn't coming here," I spoke. Was I disappointed, hurt...relieved? I didn't know.
Asmara took another sip from her pineapple juice.
"Well, maybe, he is preparing himself for the future," she shrugged. It felt she was probing me, purposely reminding me of my future. There seemed like a hidden motive behind her words. What was she trying to do? Yet, I decided not to take the bait.
"Maybe," I agreed, looking away.
My gaze turned back towards Demir standing beside his family, seemingly in a good mood.
"So what are you and Zaheer going to do upon returning back to the village?" I returned back to Asmara, trying to start a conversation. I wanted to know more about my future...know my future husband. Words had worked before, and I wanted to appreciate the presence of a nice guy in my life. My heart was rationalizing that it was actually pretty sweet and adorable of him to be so innocently amazed by the city side. This showed how simple-minded this man was.
I wanted to search the crowd for him too, soothe my emotions away by thinking about the next chapter of my life. There would be no assumptions, no pressures. Zaheer knew everything about my emotions, my past...there would be no need to put up a façade. Him being here was actually a positive thing...this meant there would be no secrets and heartbreaks. We would use the time to move on and live a sweet and healthy life.
"Watch our dad take our second mom on a lavish trip because Zaheer and I got to see the city side." She rolled her eyes in frustration. "Honestly, I love her, but she can't tolerate being left out of anything. The lack of age difference between us is what makes her feel this way," she confessed.
I was awed by Asmara's strength. Her dad had wronged her family, was being unfair, yet she wasn't really breaking down. I wonder how her mom must feel upon seeing her dad choose his second wife over and over again. Betrayal hurt...being the second choice hurts. I wonder why Aunt Hena was choosing to stay.
"Will your mom be okay with that?" I frowned, truly wondering about how that woman was tolerating such biasedness...such a heart-wrenching betrayal.
"My mother adores my father so she won't mind," she spoke, guarded. I was just like her mother once. I made me want to grab Aunt Hena by the arms and shake her...yell to her that it wasn't worth it. The pain wasn't worth it. She was being a fool of adoring someone who didn't bother about her feelings.
"I see. But why does Aunt Hena-" However, before I could ask the question, I watched waiters suddenly join another table with our table.
"What is going on?" My eyebrows creased in confusion.
The waiters didn't respond. They didn't need to because I saw Demir walking towards my table with his family following behind. Gold and glitter were coming to join us...it was going to be such a contrast.
"What's happening-" Asmara turned around and stiffened at the sight.
"They are coming here?" she whisper-yelled at me.
I gave her an uneasy look. "Yes, I think so."
Demir reached our table before his family.
"Mind if ma and the girls join you guys for dinner?" he smiled widely, showing me his teeth.
I shared a look with Asmara who gestured me to nod.
What? She wanted them to join us for dinner?
"Sure...it's fine." I looked away, straightening up and turning formal.
The facade was on. My pretence of not being bothered with it.
***
It was an awkward situation.
While Demir left to go to the men's side, his mom sat before me, next to her sat Meeran, Aliya, and Sonia on my right side.. Asmara was now sitting on my left side. This was such a forced arrangement.
No one really tried to start a conversation.
Bored, Meeran and Sonia started scrolling on their iPhones while Aliya sat rapidly messaging someone...looking so tense. She seemed quite ignored by her group. Samiya Begum was quietly observing. It was awkward and uncomfortable, to say the least. I took out my mobile phone, too.
Every now and then, my gaze would subtly drift towards Meeran. Her diamond rings were shining under the bright lights, iPhone seemingly new. There were such ease and confidence in her stance, and it took me down the dark road where I was starting to compare again...feel the green vice taunt me that she was still part of Demir's life...that she was still the one he refused to let go. I wonder how Aliya was putting up with this pain.
Subconsciously, I would look for Demir in the crowd. I wanted to see his reactions...wanted to what he was wishing for to happen. Yet, he seemed nowhere near. Frowning, I felt so awkward and uncomfortable by the looming silence. Asmara was constantly tugging on my arm from under the table. We both were feeling so uncomfortable.
"Is my family enjoying themselves?" Demir showed up again, walking towards us and moving to stand behind me. His presence strung my heart. The relief of him being here caught me off guard
Quickly turning around to see whether his gaze would stray towards Meeran...I felt my heart shiver at the sight of his gaze searching for mine. He had chosen to stand solely behind me, had his fists wrapped around the head of my chair. The action made me feel so vulnerable and confused. The memories were loud now.
"Yes." Samiya Begum quickly responded. His family seemed to have straightened up in my husband's presence. They wanted to please him. Warmth in their eyes...smiles on their faces as they eagerly looked up at him.
Asmara, on the other hand, had turned quiet and thoughtful. She squeezed my hand to offer comfort, shared a knowing look with me and took my mobile to play a game on it. Demir was hovering behind me, which was making me feel so worried about Asmara. Her feelings were my top priority. I didn't want her to feel awkward and stressed. She had told me that she was okay with this arrangement. In fact, she strangely wanted me to not refuse this, but I wasn't ready to hurt her feeling and was worried about her brother showing up
"Women, when I said you should all sit together, I meant you should sit and talk. Why are you girls always on your phone?" Demir scowled, his grip tightening, as he sensed how awkward and silent we were. He had decided to lean against the back of my chair...his presence was now closer to me.
Blushing, Asmara awkwardly handed me back my phone back while Meeran placed her phone on the table. Her gaze met mine for a second...and a strange gleam sparkled in her eyes...and she looked back at Demir.
"But back in the old days, you loved being on your phone all the time...only leaving it when I asked." She cupped her chin and placed her elbow on the table, showing full interest. This was her goading me...flaunting the past. I stiffened. It hurt...it pained...but then, I was already so over this...so cautious and locked up. No words were going to reach me now.
"Now, I find the world outside more beautiful and interesting," he countered, no hint of being uncomfortable or put at unease. He even slipped in a chuckle, sounding glad that people were talking. His words made me immediately turn my head towards him...try to decipher his mood.
"Good one," Sonia turned around and raised slightly to share a high five with him, earning a sharp look from Samiya Begum. I suppressed a smile.
Meeran simply rolled her eyes and touched her diamond earring. They were glistening, huge and beautiful.
"Where did you get these earrings from?" Samiya Begum now decided to join the conversation. She was doing this for the sake of her son watching and waiting for us to bond.Her tone seemed so sweet and formal. This was her facade when she dealt with people whom she considered equal. My social status always disgusted her.
"Demir gifted them to me as a wedding gift. He wanted to buy me bigger ones, but I refused," she explained with a smug tone. I couldn't help but look away at this.
The emotions and feelings hidden in my heart felt so consuming now. I lowered my eyes as the blatant boasting got loud. The message had been received.
Behind me, I could feel Demir's heated gaze now on me and his fists harshly pressing into the cloth of my seat. His pleasant mood seemed to have turned sour.
"Meeran." This was a warning from his side. I felt caught off guard by him taking care of my feelings and emotions over hers.
"What?" She feigned innocence and ignorance. This was just her fighting for her man. I held no grudges.
However, before things could accelerate, the waiters finally showed up with our food. The sizzling smell of barbeque chicken was enough to quench all emotions, with the mind only focusing on food. Demir decided to join us for this feast. He sat beside me, with Sonia on the other side; mode authoritative and serious.
Everyone started feasting on the sizzling dishes placed before us. Except Asmara and I, everyone was using forks and knives to slice the chicken leg. We preferred eating with our hands. It made the food taste more juicy and nutritious.
For some time, only the sound of silver spoons and forks echoed in the air. Everyone seemed engrossed and busy. I could see Asmara dripping food on her clothes as she ate. She was a messy eater. It made her seem the most real to me in this scenario.
"Ma, please stop it." The sudden warning from Demir made me look up curiously. What was going on?
"But, do you see how her family is eating?" Samiya Begum scowled, pointing in our direction. Disgust clear in her eyes. This was what Demir had been seeing. Instantly, my gaze turned towards Meeran who was frowning.
"This is my wife and her family you are talking about. I will not tolerate her being disrespected." He fumed, trying to keep his temper at bay for his mother's sake. He was defending me...standing up for me.
Samiya Begum seemed a bit intimidated by Demir's temper. Daring not to say anything else, she simply clenched her jaw and returned back to eating. There was awkwardness in the air. My soul was processing all that had happened.
Soon, I felt a warm hand engulf my cold one. Demir wasn't looking at me, but this was him taking care of me. It soothed me...confused my heart even more and scared me. My own emotions were scaring me.
"You have changed a lot," Meeran spoke after a full minute, her voice full of accusation while the others had already returned back to eating their food. Him defending me had obviously fuelled her.
"I have." He didn't disagree, turning his head towards me, making me look up at him. His eyes were full of adoration-fondness, smile so wide and contagiously...filled with so many promises. Suddenly, the feeling of the world blurring around us, heart-throbbing erratically, was loud. The subtle breeze was deliriously teasing my senses. I felt caught in a moment.
Yet, reminding myself of reality, I quickly snapped my head away from him and took a long sip from my pineapple juice. My emotions were spilling over...I wanted to contain them. These feelings...this confusion...I wanted to ignore it-avoid it.
***
After dining together, Demir excused himself to deal with some matters. Samiya Begum, Sonia, Aliya and Meeran immediately returned back to their table as he left. Asmara and I decided to take a walk in the gardens.
The weather was too pleasant to go back inside the hotel. We were randomly strolling past the rosy bushes, talking about the drama that had just unfolded. Asmara was impressed by the way Demir had stood up for me. Her unbiased attitude made me feel guilty. My mess was too big...and I feared it might break others.
While walking and listening to Asmara, my gaze caught the sight of Samiya Begum heading inside the hotel. Her stance was, as usual, confident and snobbish, but as she reached the doorways of the hotel, the sudden drooping of her shoulders made me feel confused.
"I will be right back, Asmara," I quickly excused myself, not really knowing where I was heading..feeling a strange emotion fuel me.
***
"Why do you hate me so much?" I followed after Samiya Begum as she stepped inside her room. She turned around with a startled look on her face. My sight made her turn cold and arrogant...guarded again.
"Excuse me?" She raised one eyebrow in a patronizing way. Like I was something so beneath her...and probably making a fool out of myself by throwing a childish tantrum.
"Your son is getting a divorce. One of the reasons I am fighting with him is because of your superior attitude, so I want to know why do you hate me so much?" I stepped inside the room, keeping my eyes steady on her.
"Get out of my room before I call security." She spoke condescendingly, paying no mind to my antics. She was clearly not taking me seriously as she moved towards the make-up table and started taking off her rings. I frowned as she eyed me and quickly placed her rings in a small safe.
"I won't leave until you tell me why do you hate me so much? Why are you so adamant in making sure your son sees me as a nobody?" I reiterated, wanting to know the exact reason. If she considered me so beneath her status, she shouldn't have bothered with hating me.
She paused for a second.
Letting go of her emotions and losing composure wasn't a trait shared by her class. Paying me a bit of attention would mean I mattered, and no way would she ever allow me to feel that sensation, but I just wanted to know. I wanted to know by she was so dead-set on making everyone feel so miserable, including her own self. It didn't make any sense. Her arrogance made no sense. Not anymore.
Seeing her not even bothering to explain or say something, I just shook my head and sighed.
"I am leaving him," I confessed. She stiffened a bit. "At the end of this month, I will be out of his life. You can get some rich wife for him, again. Let your ego win again, but I guess that is the only thing that matters to you...not even your son can come close to that."
I tried...I tried to fight, but this woman was just too consumed by her ego. Turning around, I flinched as she sneered from behind.
"Illiterate slum girl." She had spoken beneath her breath, but I still heard. It had wounded me...ached me, but I still heard her words. The anger and tension they caused...
"I may be a slum girl, but at least, I can say that I have played no part in destroying a home." I retorted, heading towards the door.
"You were never worth my son's attention. It's good that you are leaving. He deserves better. He can do so-"
"How dare you!" I immediately turned around with a scowl. Her sneer turned a bit intimidated. My temper seemed to confuse her. I had never before been this confrontational.
"The man who mentally abused me for such a long time...the man who raised his hand at me...toyed with my feelings...he is the one you think deserves better? I truly cared about your son. His every smile made my world shine, but I guess it wasn't enough for him. Nothing is enough for you guys except money and status."
She scoffed in indignation, rolling her eyes. "Get out-"
"Demir told me about your husband marrying another." I continued, not bothering to stop. "Your own husband betrayed you by choosing another over you, but that doesn't mean you should punish the world for his mistakes. Don't make the world defend his actions. Don't make me think that your husband was right to choose another." Finally, she cracked some emotions. The pained and reserved look in her eyes showed me the sight of a woman broken by her husband's betrayal, yet strongly facing the society. Instead of seeming like a cruel and arrogant woman, she now appeared as a hardened woman. Her lack of control showed it all. I felt like I had gone too far.
"I-I-"
"Don't stop, please continue..." She gestured, expressions angered and controlled.
"I am sorry...I shouldn't have said that." I quickly apologized. I had been wrong to go this far. "I will just leave." I turned around, feeling guilty for being this harsh.
She spoke again, her tone cold and angry. "You know my husband actually married one of his worker's daughters...one of my kids' nanny whom I actually raised. Women from your class have no morals to deny rich hands. My husband was a cold man...but for her...he was warm. So relaxed and happy. He claimed to have fallen in love...claimed to have changed because of her. People celebrated. The nanny was much better than his stiff and cold first wife. And now my son is doing the same...choosing a slum girl over his own family." She added a laugh, but there was no joy or humour behind that laugh. Only hidden pain. I didn't know what to say.
Sensing my silence, she simply turned towards the mirror of the make-up table and began taking off her earrings.
"Let me guess...I have just made your day by telling you this." She smiled sarcastically, wiping her face with a wet tissue.
"It's the opposite." I shook my head. She paused again. "If you want my honest opinion, then I would like to say that your husband was a selfish man who broke your heart. No matter what, he deceived you...failed you when you needed him." I confessed. She was listening, but not turning towards me.
"He was wrong to make you feel this way. He was wrong to break your heart because I know how badly betrayal hurts. I have been t-there." My voice cracked. Her head turned towards me, but this time, I was the one with a lowered gaze. "I have been abused, hurt, Ma'am, but unlike you...I would never wish for anyone else to feel the same way."
This confession was just too much for my heart.
Trying to hide the sudden flow of tears, I decided it was about time to leave.
My hand had just wrapped around the doorknob when her words pierced me again.
"My son isn't a bad guy, Maya. In fact, he is too good. Part of the reason I can never accept you is because of how easily you affect him...make him a better person. I can see that change in him...it's good. No one ever had this much control over him. Not Meeran, Not Aliya. He is just like his father. Turning warm only for you."
I left without replying.
There were tears rolling down my cheeks...soul aching for so many reasons.
***
Back in the garden, I was standing next to the swimming pool, staring at my reflection. It was late at night. While Asmara and Zaheer chose to stay near the dessert table that was placed near the bar.b.q stands and enjoy so many sweet dishes, I decided to linger near the swimming pool. There were just so many thoughts running in my mind...with the subtle blow of wind teasing my senses.
"Maya," Footsteps now echoed from behind me and came to stop next to me. "Can we talk?" Demir asked, showing me his wide smile and a hopeful look.
I nodded.
"Yes."
A/N: Thank you so much for reading this book, voting and sharing.
Your comments, vote and support mean the world to me.
Have an awesome day!
Take care, be happy, be human
Q1. What do you think of this chapter?
Next up, drama again...lol.
Q2. If you want to ask any questions, just do so in the comment sections. I will try my best to answer them in a 'maybe' Q & A chapter.
Don't forget to SMILE, be kind, comment, vote, share, follow...and add to your reading list.
#STOPWAR #STOPGENOCIDE