The scalpel is cold against my skin. I feel the razor sharp blade as it slices into my neck. I can't see, but I can hear my mother whimpering as my father comforts her and says, "it's for her own protection." I'm screaming internally, but my mouth does not open. They can't hear me. They can't hear me! I try to pry my eyes open, but my eyelids are like heavy weights. Slowly, I manage to get one lid open, ever so slightly, and then the other, as light floods my vision. It's blinding, like staring directly at the sun. The sun. It warms my back as I walk slowly amongst the cornstalks, which once towered over me, but not anymore. I'm taller, older. The early morning light dances in between the tall green stems. It flickers on my fingertips as I tickle the stalks, now blood drenched in the shimmering sun. That's when I see them walking amongst the crimson plants, ghosts of my past, haunting me. I can't look at their faces. They are the faces of those I love the most. The faces of those I couldn't save. Make it stop. I want it to stop! I bring my hands up to my face to cover my eyes, to block out their faces, but when I pull my hands away, they are covered in blood. Thick red blood, which drips from my fingers onto the earth. Their blood is on my hands. It's my fault. Mine! I scream at the top of my lungs and it echoes, reverberating off of the walls of an endless pit. Downward I spiral, into the deep cavernous dark. Running. Running. Little now, younger. Chasing the girl that I can't ever reach. She laughs at my struggle, but not in a malicious way. She's enjoying it and so am I. We're having fun. Then why does it feel so scary, so ominous? A pungent odor, like that of rotten eggs, wafts through the air as snowflakes lightly fall from the sky, but it doesn't feel like snow. I rub it between my fingertips. The texture is grainier, like salt. A dense fog rolls in and blocks my view of the girl. I push at it with my hands, willing it to move out of the way, but the fog is much too thick, not like fog at all. It fills my lungs, making it hard to breathe. I gasp for air, but my breathing becomes labored and wheezy. I can't breathe. I can't breathe. I can't breathe!
***
I awake to darkness. My eyes blink rapidly, trying to make sense of my surroundings. It takes me a minute to realize where I am. I try to slow my breathing. I should be sweaty. I'm usually sweaty after these nightmares, but instead, my breath floats on the frigid air like a leaf blowing in a gentle breeze. For the first time ever, I long to go back to my terrible nightmare, at least there I was warm.
"Wyler?" I whisper into the darkness, but there's no response. "Wyler?" I repeat again, but again I'm met with nothing except stillness and the soft hum of the wind whipping across the roof of the vehicle. My heart races. Panic rises within me. I know he's here because I can feel the heat radiating from his body, unless....no, he can't be...
How long have I been out? Has he frozen to death already? Is what I'm feeling the residual heat of his lifeless body? I try to adjust myself, but I have little strength. It's all I can do to push myself up slightly and turn towards where I expect his body to be, wrapped around mine. I inhale sharply as I turn to find him gone.
"Wyler?" I say again, louder this time, but my cries go unheard. The truck is empty and a blanket of thick snow wraps around it, obstructing my view of what lies outside. Did he leave me? How could he leave me here? Did he go for help? What was he thinking? He'll never make it back. He'll freeze to death out there and I'll be left here to die, both of us alone in our final moments. My pulse quickens. I try to make sense of what's happening. Am I still trapped in my nightmare? Wake up. Wake up! It's useless. This is real. I can tell by the throbbing pain radiating from my abdomen, which I refuse to look at because it will only worsen the panic that is consuming me. I have to keep my head on straight. This isn't the time to freak out. My eyes scan the vehicle looking for some sort of note or something he may have left to let me know where he's gone. How could he leave without telling me? Unless he did tell me and I was too out of it to remember.
I'm startled by a loud clanging from outside the vehicle. I jolt upright. The congealed blood tears on my stomach and I wince at the pain. I want to shout out and ask who's there, but I don't know whether it is a friend or foe, so I sit as still as humanly possible, which isn't too hard to do since any movement too big could cause me to start bleeding again.
More sounds follow, but they are muffled by the snow which encompasses the vehicle. The sound of footsteps trudging through the storm becomes louder, as the person approaches the opposite side of the car. I look around frantically for something to use to defend myself, should it come to that, but there's nothing within my reach that I could use to put up a fight. I'm helpless and at the mercy of whoever lies on the other side of the door. The footsteps pause. I brace myself for who or what might open it. It can't be Kelly or Lex. They would surely say something to let me know it's them. The handle moves as the mystery person pulls with tremendous strength to dislodge the door from the ice that surrounds it. The door flies open as it's caught in a giant gust of wind.
The person before me is unrecognizable, completely covered from head to toe in white, like some sort of abominable snowman. He or she or it, pulls up their goggles, revealing their face.
"Ever, you're awake!" Wyler shouts as his eyes meet mine. An enormous sense of relief washes over his face. Immediately, my whole body relaxes at the sight of him standing there. He brushes himself off and crawls inside quickly, trying to stop the snow from entering the truck. He slams the door shut and wraps his arms around me as I lean into his embrace.
"I thought you left me," I say. I can feel my emotions taking over. It's only now that I allow myself to give in to the fear that enveloped me when I thought he had left and I would die alone. My eyes begin to water.
"Never," he replies, pulling away from our hug and looking into my eyes. "You were asleep for a long time, so I thought you wouldn't notice if I left for a bit. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to scare you."
"But if you weren't here, then why did it feel like you were next to me? I could feel the heat from your body."
"The insulated thermal underwear. I activated yours several hours ago. Your body temp was dropping too much. I couldn't wait any longer."
I had almost forgotten that Kelly had told us about activating the thermal underwear. That conversation feels like it was ages ago.
"Plus, I needed you to stay warm while I went outside."
"Where did you go?"
"I couldn't just sit here and wait to die. There's no way Lex and Kelly are..." but he doesn't finish his sentence. He can't say it aloud and I don't want him to. I can't face it just yet.
"So I dug us a snow cave."
"How is that going to help? We won't last any longer in that than in here."
"We will with a fire."
"And just how are you planning to build one of those in the middle of ice-mageddon?"
"We're sitting in a pool of gasoline and I've got a book of matches."
I forgot about the gasoline. Just another conversation that feels like it was long ago.
"Get ready for the biggest bon fire of your life."
"Going out in a blaze of glory?" I quip.
"We're not going out. I'm getting us rescued."
"How?" And then it hits me. "No Wyler. Unh uh. You can't do this."
"Ever, it's the only way. If you want to live, then we need to let Environettix find us and a giant fire is the best way for them to locate us quickly."
"We can wait, at least a little bit longer. How long was I out? Our suits must have enough power to get us through the night and my bleeding seems to have stopped."
"That's not what I'm worried about, I mean, it is, but we have bigger problems."
"Like what?"
"While you were unconscious, I went looking through some of the dead bodies out there for items that might help us."
"Wyler, you didn't."
"I had to. I thought that maybe one of them might have some sort of phone or device I could use to get a message to Ivanov, but while I was searching the third body, I noticed something. The man's skin on his arm. It was bubbly and pussy. It looked just like your aunt's. And he wasn't the only one."
"What are you saying?" I ask, even though I'm pretty sure I know the answer.
"Ivanov warned us of what was to come. He talked about a pandemic, one so great that very few would survive."
"You don't think...?"
"Why would these people venture out in this storm unless they were totally desperate? You said it yourself. They must have been going somewhere. They were either trying to run from the disease or they were looking for help. It's spreading Ever, and we're right in the heart of it."