A massive, huge, gigantic THANK YOU to everyone that has been reading and commenting and voting. It honestly makes the writing process feel so much fun and less solitary.
There's a trigger warning for this chapter; suicide and mild suicide ideation about three quarters of the way down.
"Bitch, I don't talk to you for a couple of days and you got yourself into a relationship?" Lima squealed when she finally appeared on the radar. "That's so on-brand for you, Natty."
Natalia sighed. "It's not a relationship, it's more like a...situationship," She sighed, massaging her forehead. "I dunno, I need to figure it out."
"Nat, God love you, but you overthink things. Just go with the flow." Lima advised.
"Okay. I will. He's just so vague and mysterious. I hate that!"
"Yes, you're a scientist, you like things to be black and white blah blah blah..." Lima chortled at her own pun. "We know, okay? But like, chill. Can you do that?"
"I guess. Anyway, 'nuff about me. What's happening with you?"
"You remember, Wadha right?"
"Yes, I do. Go on." Lima was referring to their Emirati friend, a kooky girl they had met in the toilets of the W hotel on a random night out and she had become a transient member of their friendship circle for a while.
"I designed a dress for her, which she wore to her family's Eid majlis, and now her cousin - who happens to be marrying a prince from Ras Al Khaimah, wants me to design her wedding dress. Me."
"Wow, Lima!" Natalia exclaimed, excitement making her voice loud and rushed. "That's major. This could be it."
"I know, this could be my big break, you know?"
"Hey, Lima. Don't do that. You got this."
"Thanks," She said, her confidence returning. "Hey, I was thinking that I need some inspiration and I thought I might need a change of scenery. Do you think I can visit for winter break?"
"Are you shitting me? As if you ever have to ask! Of course, you can."
"Cool, I'll let you know when I book my ticket. Also, I broke up with Mo."
"What? Lima..."
"Sorry, I have to dash. I've got my class coming in now." She disappeared with an abrupt dash, frustrating Natalia to no end.
She must be okay and dealing with it, Natalia rationalised, otherwise she would have called her earlier to talk through it. Natalia felt a little bit guilty, she had been so absorbed in her own life she hadn't checked in with Lima as much as she could have. Natalia made a note to be more present and to find ways to connect with Lima outside of phone calls.
She was so bad with social media apps, she hadn't even logged on to her Instagram since she had been in Texas. Snapchat? Forget it. She had deleted her LinkedIn and Facebook after an ex had stalked her to the school she was working at and refused to leave until they got back together.
Natalia changed into her pyjamas, her thoughts whirling with the events of the last couple of days. She groaned when she remembered to flick the light off before she took her top off. She didn't want to be giving out anymore unwitting shows. She had been absolutely horrified when Gabe had casually informed her, as if he was commenting on the weather that he'd seen her un-dress.
She was self-conscious about her body and underdressing in front of others, especially men. It had always given her anxiety, unfounded or not. The fact that he had stuck around after seeing her gave her an odd sense of comfort, that she could not unpack right now, not without the aid of a therapist and copious amounts of wine.
Natalia tried to avoid Ella religiously for much of the day, her plan had been working until she had finally come up with an excuse to see Gabe in his office. She missed him on the lowest of keys. She was going to talk to him about the presentation; she had collated all of their ideas into a PowerPoint and she just needed him to take a final look before she sent it to Ella.
Ella appeared like an apparition in front of her in the corridor.
"Nat, just the person I was hoping to see."
"Hey, Ella," She said nervously, her eyes darting around. There was no escape.
"How's that presentation coming along?"
"Really well. We're almost finished and can send you our first draft by mid-week."
"Excellent, you and Gabe seem to be getting along well."
"Yeah, we've gotten over our initial misunderstanding. It's all cool," Natalia smiled awkwardly at the end. She was actually sweating, she couldn't lie if her life depended on it.
"Mhm." Ella said with a secretive smile. "I'll look forward to seeing that presentation."
"Sure, see you boss," Natalia scurried away. She slowed down her steps and waited until Ella had gone round the corner, till she approached Gabe's door.
She knocked lightly and entered not waiting for his answer.
"Hey, are you free for a chat?" She asked when she was inside.
Gabe swivelled his chair around, looking up from his computer screen. "For you? Always." His smile was big and welcoming.
Natalia's stomach did a flip. She might have discovered a new love language on her burgeoning list of discoveries about herself since moving to Texas. Making spontaneous and unlimited time for her might be the missing link to her gaining her affections.
"Just wondered if you can have a quick look at our presentation before I send it to Ella. She's pressing a bit."
"Sure, we can do it together now."
"Okay." Natalia sat at the vacant chair facing him on his desk.
Gabe stared amusedly at her, before turning his computer screen all the way around so she could see, but it got stuck in a 90 degree angle, where she couldn't view it at all. "Looks like you'll have to come closer," he smirked.
Natalia got up and made her way to his side of the desk, perching on the end of it, trapped between his body and the edge of the L shaped desk. His elbows were touching her thighs, and she wanted to pass out from being so close to him. Why was she reacting this way?
She mentally calculated her ovulation window, getting lost multiple times because her mental arithmetic skills were dismal and because she couldn't concentrate with him so close. She was definitely ovulating now, if she hadn't been already.
"I've just emailed the file to you," Natalia explained when she caught Gabe staring at her expectantly again.
He opened up his Outlook programme on the computer and scrolled through his inbox. Natalia did not mean to pry but there were a couple of unread emails from Agnes. Also Gabe's inbox was an unorganised mess. She wondered why Agnes was emailing him and why he hadn't read them, but it was also, again none of her business.
They worked through the presentation, fixing any glaring flaws and omissions and making sure it was representative of the plan they had put together. Once the PowerPoint file was saved, Gabe emailed it to Ella.
"Great, now she can stop using it as an excuse to talk to me about you," Natalia said relieved.
"How do you mean?" Gabe asked puzzled.
"Well, she just seems very interested in the fact that we're getting along now."
"I'm so sorry," Gabe groaned, rubbing his hands over his face and hair, leaving it deliciously dishevelled. He straightened up pulling himself together. "I'm gonna to talk to her, don't worry."
"Oh no, don't do that on my behalf. I can handle it," Natalia said apprehensively. She wasn't complaining, she was a big girl and could handle a bit of awkwardness.
"I know, it's just that Ella can be..." He made a face, "...A lot. Leave it with me, she won't bother you again," Gabe said, rubbing the outside of her thighs. Natalia stared down at his big hands touching her and drew in a whistle of air through slightly parted lips. Gabe caught himself at her guarded reaction and withdrew his hands.
"Sorry, it's just that we're at work and..."
"Hey, it's okay. You don't have to explain it to me." Gabe reassured her.
"Is there a rule where, you know..." She motioned to the two of them.
"No, Ella is just nosy and overprotective."
Natalia cocked her head to the side. "Why is that?"
Gabe studied her. His eyes roving over her face. He blew out a puff of air and gnawed at his full lower lip briefly before answering. "She's my sister-in-law."
"Oh? You and her husband are brothers?" Natalia asked, her mind considering the easiest and most plausible explanation.
"No, Ella was my late wife's sister."
Natalia gaped at him in shock before she collected herself. "Oh Gabe, I'm sorry for your loss."
She sat up and took his hands in hers in comfort. "You know if you ever need to talk, I'm here," She said sincerely.
Grief was a stubborn beast that never left, it only hibernated and woke up without a schedule, rhyme or reason, she knew that well.
"Thank you." He squeezed her hands in acceptance. "Who did you lose?" He asked, observing the far away look in her face and guessing correctly.
"My twin brother." It still hurt to say those words aloud. It brought the memories rushing back.
Of finding his suicide note in her bedroom, addressed solely to her. She had always been his advocate and caretaker growing up. She was older by five minutes and what seemed like five years.
She had become his voice when he was painfully shy and subdued. Natalia had always taken charge and he expected her, even in death to explain his choices. How could she have explained this choice when she didn't even understand it herself?
For a long time, she had been resentful, angry and guilty - had she not been so wrapped up in her university life, if she had not been so focused on her PhD, she would have noticed her twin spiralling into a pit of depression. She didn't notice, maybe because she didn't want to. She took his reassurances that he was okay at face value, but when she looked back at the hazy vignettes of her memory, how could she have not noticed the lifelessness in his eyes?
Gabe's warm touch on her arm brought her out of her trance into the past. Natalia wiped an errant tear from the corner of her eye, laughing tightly as she did so. "I'm sorry, I did not mean to bring the mood down."
He rubbed her arm comfortingly, humming soothingly. "It can't always be sunny, right?"
"No, you're right." She leaned towards him, wrapping her arms around his chest. She wanted to be held by him, and she wasn't going to deny herself simple pleasures anymore.
The surprise on Gabe's face was plain to see. Natalia knew why, she never usually initiated contact. It was always him. He wrapped his sturdy embrace around her. Natalia closed her eyes and inhaled his scent. It calmed her breathing, and the mild panic forming in her gut.
The bell rang. They pulled apart an unspoken revelation between them. Something had changed here, neither knew what.
He cleared his throat. "I'll...see you later?"
"Sure." Natalia smiled shakily as she left the office. Whatever that was, it was too damn much for a Monday afternoon.
Natalia went to her last lesson of the day before a free period. She met Agnes, the other exchange teacher from Scotland on the way out. That was weird she decided, why would she need to meet with the football coach?