Se Ri looked at the letter again. The simmering frustration rose inside her and a hot flush of anger renewed the color of her ears to a darker pink.
One week ago...
Se Ri was not the one to fall sick often, however, when the flu got to her mid-winter, she fell apart. She continually reminisced the time, from about two years ago, when Ri Jyeong Hyuk had stayed by her side at the hospital. The memory felt distant, unreachable to scoop the warmth out of the montage that played in her mind's eye. When both her physical and mental strength faded, she crumbled to repeat a mindless murmur. "Ri Jyeong Hyuk'sshi-"
Her Omma couldn't place if Se Ri had taken his name only caught in the fever's delirium. Otherwise, her mother had nothing to go by when she'd never nursed her daughter back to health before. Trapped in the hell of maternal guilt that she'd not been a constant figure in her daughter's life, she turned to the letter hoping it would offer solace to her daughter's ailing heart.
Although Se Ri's reaction later that day had been far from what her Omma had expected. Stony silence had prevailed when she asked her mother to leave her alone. "I can take care of myself," she'd said then, which her mother understood was, in truth, a veiled admonition.
Today, she sat with her arms folded over the desk, avoiding the text inquiries from her mom. In addition, she'd curbed all urges to write him.
Not that he awaited her notes, she reminded herself. However, for the same reason, she decided to write away her displeasures.
Logging in, she sighed when the jangle from her bracelet caught her attention. This time she couldn't ignore admiring the thoughtfulness he'd showed towards picking the charms.
"Get a hold of yourself, Se Ri," she said aloud for good measure. Her eyes narrowed with practiced anger and she got to typing out her gripes.
Ms.Edelweiss: Omma gave me the letter that you'd left for me. Next time... if there is a next time, you better hand it to me while I'm awake and conscious enough to tell you that I can manage goodbyes.
Don't decide for me when you don't know what I can and cannot handle, Ri Jyeong Hyuk'sshi.
I'm a grown woman for godssake! Treat me like one. Both you and Omma too. I don't need you to protect me like I'm made of glass.
Know this... I'm a rock. But when I drop into deep waters, I also make a splash and sink... that makes me more of a rock than anything else.
So, what if I sink a little... what's the big deal if I cry for a bit when I miss you? That's who I am, at that moment. Can you take that?
Tears streamed down her cheek, as she wrote. For a wink, her eyes closed on its own accord, as the painful realization that they had breathed the same air and yet, she hadn't gotten to see his face hit her.
I'm beginning to forget the details of your face... I don't remember how deep your dimples go when you smile. We don't even have a picture of us together in the same frame.
Face me next time, will you? If there is a next time...
She turned the charms in the bracelet attempting to find any memory of him from the night he'd come and left like a ghost. When nothing came to her, she sat unseeing at the screen. A chime went off, drawing her back to reality.
"Mr.Incognito has invited you to a duel," the notification read.
Without another thought, she declined the invite like the others that had come her way.
About to log out, she reached for the mouse, when a Live chat window opened with another chime.
Mr.Incognito: Hi! I respect that you declined my invite to a duel. No hard feelings. I wanted to let you know that this morning I went on a hike looking for Edelweiss flowers but to no avail. I logged in here to drown out my blues and found you online... with the same profile ID. Life is just funny like that eh?
Funny, she scoffed. In an odd pull to respond, she drew the keyboard closer.
Ms.Edelweiss: Funny? I say life is anything but that. Strange at times. Mostly unpredictable. Anyway, good luck with your search.
Mr.Incognito: Because something is strange and unpredictable, doesn't mean it can't be funny. I suppose that depends on one's vantage, don't you think? Like this moment... To me, it feels surreal to have found you here, while it could be annoying to you for I'm likely keeping you from doing something else.
Thank you! I'm sure I'll find them. After all, I plan to keep going back until I find them.
PS Sensing you had a dour day. Hope you feel better!
Tilting her head, she tried to see reason in his words. Beyond meaning, it was comforting.
Ms.Edelweiss: The flowers - are they for your girlfriend? I hear that men used to undertake daring adventures to harvest the flowers in order to prove their love for the woman they love - is that right?
She shook her head reckoning it was a personal question and quickly followed up with another note to rectify the ill attempt.
Ms.Edelweiss: Actually, ignore. I didn't mean to pry.
Mr. Incognito: I doubt I can call her my girlfriend.
The conversation was unexpected, but it was a welcome distraction and she gave in.
Ms.Edelweiss: I suppose it's for your wife then. Either way, she is one lucky woman.
Mr.Incognito: I don't know if its a good or a bad thing, but it appears we don't fit into those neat labels of boyfriend/girlfriend, husband/wife. I would like to think we are beyond the conventions of a relationship.
I'm not sure she believes she's lucky. As we speak, she is fuming with anger and the flowers are for the day she just might be ready to forgive me.
Leaning back, she pondered his words that strangely fit her situation. Their relationship too was undefined at best. Ri Jyeong Hyuk was not the boyfriend who took her out to Michelin Star restaurants or fly her to exotic destinations for a holiday. His grand flourishes came from simple gestures, that accorded the small pleasures of life. In indulging her every ask and whim, he had been more than a friend. By crossing enemy lines to protect her, he'd been more than a lover. In the time he'd stayed in her house and turned it into a home, he'd been more than a husband.
He would always be everything and nothing to her.
As her gray mood lightened with that realization, her lips twisted upward into a smile.
Ms.Edelweiss: Sounds like you are neck-deep in trouble. I won't ask about your tensions, but here's me wishing it'll be a fair fight.
Mr.Incognito: Well, she'll make sure it's one.
Ms.Edelweiss: You sound like you are looking forward to it. Certainly an outlier in the species of men?
Mr.Incognito: Haha. We haven't been under the same roof in a while, so I'll take anything - be that a shouting match to prove we are both right and wrong, or a quiet dinner and a movie.
She was fully smiling now. Mr.Incognito was one prepared man, she thought to herself.
Ms.Edelweiss: I'm impressed.
Ms.Incognito: Now that made my day.
Ms.Edelweiss: Are you sure that Edelweiss will be enough to soothe things over?
Mr.Incognito: I'll have to wait with hope that she'll someday understand that the things that make her mad are the only ways I know to love her. At other times, my actions which she interprets as measures to protect her, could perhaps just be those meant to guard myself.
The flowers won't solve things between us but it may serve to keep us walking together until we can offer to understand each other's fears, madness and the little quirks that make us who we are.
She wasn't prepared for his heartfelt response that somehow appeared to douse the last remnants of sullenness stuck to her.
In reality, she didn't know Ri Jyeong Hyuk's side of the story that could perhaps explain why he'd decided to keep his presence in Swiss a secret. There was always more than what met the eye with Ri Jyeong Hyuk. The many instances, he'd acknowledged he was well, to allay her fears were countless after all.
She could wait too until he fathoms her fears, madness and the little quirks that made her who she was. Perhaps, then he would let her in to share his own fears, madness and show his little quirks as the man he really was, she convinced herself. There was no promise of a future with him and yet, she wanted to believe such a day would come.
Ms.Edelweiss: You were right to guess that I was having a bad day. However, your words offer a perspective that I was entirely missing.
Mr.Incognito: Mr.E is a lucky man. I can tell...
Mr.Edelweiss: Pro-tip - When all else fails, turn to Hot Chocolate. It can warm even the coldest of hearts.
Mr.Incognito: That sounds like a good plan B.
It was good chatting with you. Tc!
Ms.Edelweiss: Likewise! Good luck!
Closing the window, she stepped out of the apartment for a walk. Ambling aimlessly down the streets, she was reminded of the time he'd shown up as a miracle amidst the crowds. Her eyes wavered caught in a frenzy of searching, wishing she'll find him in the vicinity. It was a while before she stopped seeking his face in all those who passed by and returned home, exhausted on all fronts.
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Ever since she learned of his presence in Swiss during her birthday trip, she couldn't bring herself to write him anymore, save the last one she'd sent to pen down her dismay.
Yet, when February arrived, she was unable to hold back from leaving to Swiss again. Her Omma and her assistants had been of the opinion, she would be spending her birthday in Seoul. The arrangements for a small surprise party were in full swing when she sprung the news of her impromptu vacation upon them.
"Oh, you'll figure it out," she snapped in response to the grumbles and murmurs of her office staff, who had lined up a full schedule of openings and events for her to attend.
"I'll be back once I'm done figuring out what I want for a future," she told her Omma before hanging up. The short notice kept her Omma from joining her on the trip. However, in spite of her assurances, she didn't believe her Omma would stay behind in Seoul when she couldn't give her a return date.
With a latent fight in her heart to both seek him and not to seek him, she wandered the streets of Sigriswil. At the Panorama bridge, the sun swept over her head, to land by the horizon. Standing by the rails, the beauty of the evanescent dusk, supplanted her fear of heights. Memories from the day her will to live on had broken, pierced her. He'd showed up then as a distraction, asking that she take a picture of him and Seo Dan. A red streak lined the edge of the sky and it reminded her that they were bound by a similar red thread of fate that ran from her little finger to his.
Being miffed was another expression of missing him, she discerned. She saw now that the doubts to let go were part of the process of choosing him again with a finality that would stand the test of time.
Taking out her phone, she captured the sunset with parts of the bridge in view to post on her Instagram account. The caption read, "If this dusk is indeed a promise of another dawn, then I just might persist through the darkness of the nights."
The next afternoon, she decided to paraglide from Grindelwald's First Flieger. The cold winds numbed her face, but flying around the towering mountains, showed her place in nature. "How misplaced her scruples were? How insignificant her worries?" she found herself pondering.
When the sun came down fast, she decided to land. As she hit soft grass, she let go of her balance and tumbled forward. For a while, she lay there tangled with the ropes. Although when her stomach grumbled, she got out from under the gear to unpack the snack bag she'd left by the bench.
It wasn't too long before she felt the day was a repeat of the day before her last birthday, from a year ago. The wait seemed endless. She grasped that wanting a future with him meant embracing the unknown that came with it. There was no logic or rationale behind the choice, but she didn't see an alternative when her love for him had seeped into the crevices of her being. Letting go of him meant leaving something of herself behind too.
Yielding to the admission, she logged into her account to leave him a note.
Once done, she chose to stay for a few hours to witness the beginning of another sunset. Inertia set in, despite the cold that reached past the layers she wore. Her feet refused to move, though the colors of twilight would soon dissolve into the night sky.
The aching in her chest spread through her body and she sought the only panacea she had at hand.
Ms.Edelweiss: Another sunset that pronounces for your absence, Ri Jyeong Hyuk'sshi, as I desperately pray and wait for you. Won't you give me a sign that you'll find me... in this lifetime...
Just as she clicked on send, a notification popped up within the same window.
Tomato.Cultivator is now online.
She blinked. A chime went off delivering a response to the note she'd just sent.
Tomato.Cultivator: If only you would turn around...
For a wink, she froze disbelieving her eyes. Flipping around, she staggered when the numbness in her legs, didn't allow for movement. Despite the dimming light, she spotted him walking down the slope towards her.
As she broke into a run unawares if her feet could carry her through the stretch, the stillness in her was profound. Everything fell away from her line of sight, except the image of him approaching her. Her eyes welled, as she fought to believe the certainty of the present that he was really here.
"For once, we both landed at the right spot," she heard him call out with a laugh in his voice. "Let me correct myself. You descended, while I landed."
He stopped when they were still a few yards away from the other and she paused to catch her breath. His eyes showed relief, taking in her presence.
"I missed you." He spoke softly in measure with the longing that matched hers. Her tears continued to fall, as the aching from the days she'd counted down to this second waned.
She read the wait his eyes and ran to him, with an urgent need to close the distance between them. Throwing her arms over his shoulders, she held onto him with abandon. The awareness of her cheek pressing against his coarse stubble sealed the misgivings she was only dreaming.
His arms took her into an unrelenting hug, all the while placating her.
Finally, she found her voice, as the sobs gave way to the words that urged to be heard. "I knew you would find me -" she spoke half-smiling, as she settled her face against his. "But I still can't believe you've come all the way here."
Closing her eyes, her hand raised to curve over his neck, remembering the nights she'd worried not knowing how he'll find a way past the boundaries that would keep them apart. "It must've been difficult. It must've been dangerous. How did you make it here?"
"I got on the wrong train." He tried to make light of her question and pulled away to gaze at her face. Tucking away a wayward strand, he continued to indulge her. "And that very train brought me here."
He spoke in earnest. "It brought me to the place I've yearned to come every morning and night." Surrendering to the gentle push of his hands resting in the small of her back, she leaned against his torso, as he paused for emphasis. "It brought me to my destination."
Her face softened, while her hands bunched his coat in a tenacious hold. In the here and now, she was for his keeping and in that knowing, her smile reached her eyes.
Placing a hand over her cheek, he bent forward to kiss her. In the eagerness of the moment, she relinquished to his entreating lips.
Her unceasing wait folded into his abiding kiss.
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Earlier that evening...
The lumberyard was empty, with the exception of a few customers. Ri Jyeong Hyuk, walked up to the counter to place an order for the wooden planks needed to finish the deck.
Just as he pressed the bell to get someone to the register, his phone beeped. The distinct ringtone revealed it was either Ju Mok or Eun dong who were attempting to reach him.
As he pressed the phone to his ear, Ju Mok spoke in a hurry without greeting him. "Ri Jyeong Hyuk Dongmu, I just noticed a post from Se Ri Dongmu's Instagram account. Looks like she is in Swiss too."
"When did she post?" He turned about to exit the yard. "Didn't you tell me that she was most likely spending her birthday in Seoul? That she will be attending events there?"
"The picture is from yesterday evening." He heard Ju Mok clack at his keyboard with a frenzy. "I matched the bridge to the Panorama bridge in Sigriswil."
"Anything on the gaming ID?" he prompted, trying to think on his feet.
"That's where I was getting to," Ju Mok said, continuing to type. "We were a bit lax given that she stopped writing to you a few months ago."
He heard Ju Mok cry out in frustration. "Argh! this is going to take a bit. I'll send you the message once I have it."
Ri Jyeong Hyuk ended the call and rushed to his jeep. His forehead began to crease with worry, as he held onto the wheel. He wasn't prepared to meet her when he still didn't know if the threats in his life were at bay.
His phone chimed to announce the arrival of a text, which he presumed to be from Ju Mok again.
Bracing for the onslaught of her words, he opened the message.
Ms.Edelweiss: Somehow I had doubted the power of memories, Ri Jyeong Hyuk'sshi. I believed they'll fade and wither with the flow of time. Today, I realized that all memories live woven into the fabric of our beings. They show up as tears that we hide in secret or wear them as smiles that we share with others. Our time together brings tears as I yearn for more of you... and smiles as I relive the days spent with you...
You are both the truth of my past and the illusion of a future that I await...
You are both the hope that I hold onto and the despair that makes me fall...
You are my strength and my undoing... Forever, you will always be my everything and nothing.
If this is the only life we'll know each other, then even if caught in a loop of finding you, loving you, letting you go and searching for you... I'll live it for an eternity.
If you feel the same... If the same madness drives you, then come find me...
I'll wait for you until dusk by the overlook bench at First Flieger, this year... and the next year... and the year after too.
Tears brimmed over when his eyes closed. His mind made up an image of her seated by the bench, her face glistening with tears of melancholy. Enough, he muttered dispersing the disquiet that had held him back from reaching her for months.
He lowered his head to catch the position of the sun in the sky and gleaned he hardly had an hour before dusk. Pressed for time, he keyed in First Flieger into maps, only to learn that it was an hour and a half away from where he was located.
Today, he would have to speed through the bends and curves to reach her, he concluded.
Forever, you will always be my everything and nothing, the agony of her words echoed inside him.
Today, he wanted her to know that she was his everything and nothing too.
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Author's note: I love the First Flieger reunion to the point I feel it's sacred. So, there is no other way I would have them meet. But there were parts of it that had to shift given that I had to marry my own narrative into it. I hope you didn't mind the changes to the scene. If you did like it, vote up and leave me a comment. To be continued... ;)