"So uh, what do you do for... fun?" You asked while he's drying his hair with his unique hairdryer. He has a brush in the other hand, professionally drying part by part.
"I write—" he paused. What does he do for fun? Vasilios turned the appliance off and ponder.
All he ever did was work on his erotic novels, do some 'research' and gather 'inspiration' for his books from his sensual relationships, care for Hermes, mundane chores, taxes, other paperwork such as insurance and personal investments...
Vasilios was surprised too, he doesn't seem to have a hobby. He spends most of his time bedding others or asserting 'seductive dominance' towards them.
He spends time doing physical workout at home too. He has a small, personal exercise room upstairs. But... he doesn't necessarily enjoy doing so.
You, thinking that you have struck another nerve, start to panic.
"H-hey it's cool! Just wonderin'! No pressure, no pressure!" You took a few steps away from him and put your hands in front of you.
The male widened his eyes in shock, did he scare you? Did he appear... angry?
"No, (y/n). It's alright. I was just... thinking." He mumbled.
"What do you do for fun, darling?" Vasilios asked, he tried to make it sound as friendly as possible. However, it sounded like a taunt to you.
You rubbed your nose anxiously. "Shit... most of my hobbies are pretty illegal..."
"Well uh, I like to watch TV... and s-sleep."
"Oh?" He tilted his head to the side curiously.
"Yeah. I don't have the money, energy and time to do anything... else." You gave him a tight-lipped smile. "Better not tell him 'bout my weekly one-night stands every Fridays."
"I see." He replied and continued drying his damp hair. Then suddenly he remembered something.
"Ah, I just remembered. The Smiths invited us to their eldest son's surprise birthday party." He brushed his hair downwards.
"Us?" Vasilios nodded.
"They barely know me." You responded.
"You're my woman, it's human decency to invite you too." You grimace at his first remark.
"That shit doesn't sit right with me... 'I'm his woman'? Ew."
"Right... how old is their son?" You asked. Expecting him to be a teenager.
"He's a year older than me." He scoffed. "How pathetic, he is still dependent on his poor parents for survival. He makes me sick to the core." The male spitefully spat and scrunched his nose in disgust.
"What an insolent brat, he leeches everything off his parents and younger siblings. He does nothing but play those wretched video games in his filthy bedroom. He doesn't deserve this celebration—" he continued ranting angrily about him.
"Was there a history between them or does he just hate people like that with a burning passion? Hold on... a year older than him?"
"So he's like... around twenty five?" You asked him when he's done.
"No, he's turning thirty-one today. What a disgrace, still no active income, no house and no car." Vasilios huffed. Your jaw dropped.
"You're... goddamn thirty?" Vasilios raised an eyebrow as he nods, he turned the hair dryer off and sets it down. You scratched the back of your neck and gave him a thumbs up.
"There's something in your mind. Speak." He crossed his arms on his chest.
"You're like, six years older than me."
"And?" He tapped his foot on the floor impatiently. You took a deep breath before—
"You're an old fart." —blurting out what's on your mind.
His emerald eyes widened and hurt starts to fill it up. Vasilios lips were curved downwards into an offended frown.
"—b-but you look seven years younger! H-how did you do it?" All anger washed away from his face, it was replaced with flattery. Nice save.
Vasilios chuckled, grabbed you by the collar and pulled you into a short but deep kiss on the lips. "Thank you, darling."
You wanted to release a breath of relief, but Vasilios might react violently.
"Diet and exercise play a crucial role in maintaining my youthfulness. However, no matter how 'clean' you eat or how much you move, it will be futile unless you adopt a strict skincare regime." He explained proudly as you regretted stroking his ego.
"That's probably why I see a crap load of facial bullshit products on his vanity."
"Moreover, the shimmer, texture and flexibility of your hair matters too. If it's dull, oily, dry and... tangled—" The male gently ran his fingers through your dry and slightly matted (h/c) hair.
"—they would affect how others perceive you." You nodded, hoping that he would remove his hands from your hair.
"However... no matter what you... choose to do to your outward appearance, I'll still love you as my darling (y/n)." Vasilios placed a loving kiss on your forehead.
"Maybe I should have said he looks 'kinda' young... He'd probably shut up sooner."
All of the sudden, a brilliant idea sprang to his mind. He snapped his fingers together and then tenderly held you by the shoulders.
"(Y/n), we should have a pampering session together. Just you and I, spending quality time together in the mall." A never seen before sparkle in his eyes made you internally grimace, he's genuinely excited for this.
"Like, when?" You asked.
"Today, we shall spoil ourselves with nail, hair and facial treatments." He chuckled.
"Ain't it that guy's thirty-first birthday today?"
"It'll begin at nine in the evening. Anyways, we couldn't possibly join empty handed. That would be impolite. No matter how lowly I think of him, we should still buy him a gift." He tucked a strand of your hair behind your ear.
"Furthermore, we should 'tidy' ourselves before attending the gathering. You—" he jabbed you in the chest with his finger.
"—need to buy some proper, feminine clothes." You scratched the side of your cheek and recalled the time where both of you went to the amusement park for a date.
"Err... I dunno, I mean... you're a guy— nothin' wrong with that! I don't think—" He hushed you with a finger.
—
You didn't know how to feel about it.
So far, both of you spent six hours in the mall. How?
—An hour was spent on clothes shopping, he bought you a heap of clothes that he believes suits you. All of them were... conservative yet stylish. They cover most of your skin because you told him what happened with Thomas and Tamia.
"You... told them I was some sort of toilet Santa Claus?" Vasilios widened his eyes in disbelief. His liquid eyeliner and mascara exaggerated the shape of his eyes.
"Yeah! They bought it! So ya' better give them better christmast presents this year. I also told them I was your dentist because of the bite marks you gave me!" You pointed at one on your arm. "I told Thomas that you're gettin' pink braces, he likes pink."
"How could you possibly convince them you were my dentist?"
"I told them you bit me because I needed to get the correct shape of your teeth."
"I..." he was speechless. He has to admit, you were creative in your choice of words. No wonder you managed to convince children to not be afraid of him. It's because you painted him as an absurd, humorous and foolish creature.
Vasilios sighed and returned the sleeveless dress he originally picked up for you. "Lets... find you something that will cover my markings." You grinned victoriously.
—Two hours for Vasilios's and your hair treatment. He insisted that you take the same package as his. Cut (only split ends), wash and steam. The male said he would style both, your hair and his later back home.
—An hour for both manicure and pedicure. You chose (f/c) nail polish and a/an (your own design) design to be applied on your fingernails and your toenails. Vasilios kept it simple and chose nude-coloured nail polish for himself.
—Two more hours for a facial session. Cleanse, eyebrow threading, facial steaming, exfoliation, extraction, toning, facial massage and facial mask application.
You didn't believe him when he said that it was 'relaxing'.
"They stabbed my nose multiple times with a damn needle or something! It hurts like hell!" You exclaimed.
Vasilios sipped on the complimentary tea provided and told you, "They were extracting your blackheads." He sets the cup down and caressed your (now smooth) face.
"It only hurts when they try to extract solidified blackheads. Looks like someone's not washing their face regularly." He giggled in a feminine way.
"What's with the eyebrow plucking!? I barely have any eyebrows to start with!"
"They're just shaping them, (y/n). Your eyebrows are still there." He playfully pinched your cheek. The male wanted to kiss, lick and harmlessly nibble on your cleaner, softer, smoother skin. Unfortunately for him, he made a promise not to do such things to you in the mall.
Because he was in disguise.
To everyone else in the mall, both of you looked like two 'besties' or platonic 'girlfriends' holding hands. Though, it... seems off. Vasilios is 6'7 tall while you're (your height) tall, the height difference between both of you is staggering.
"Hey uh... Vasilios?" You addressed him.
"Yes?" You flinch at the pitch of his voice.
"God DAMN! He sounds so much like that singer, Belladonna!"
"I've uh, been meaning to ask since we left home...why do you have— this?" You gestured to his body. He's wearing an army green sheath dress, hugging his figure. He wears white coloured high heels as footwear.
You deduced that it couldn't possibly be from his previous female lovers because it was simply too large and too unique in shape to be found in normal retail stores. It looks like its custom-made to fit his figure.
"Not..! There's anything wrong about it—!"
You were cut off by his feminine giggling. "I understand, (y/n). I made this sheath dress myself. I love fashion too." You raised both eyebrows in surprise.
"Wow, you're really... good at uhh... clothes." You eyed the quality of his craft. It looked like it was professionally done.
"Thank you, darling. I wish I could... kiss you now and leave a lipstick print on you." You had mixed feelings hearing him say that with such a feminine voice.
Both of you passed through a group of young men. You could tell that they were checking both of you out, Vasilios pulled you closer to him.
They lost interest in you, all of their attention is directed to Vasilios.
One of them made a mistake of... hitting Vasilios's rear. He jolted at the contact.
"Damn girl! You must be model—" Vasilios turned around and slapped him across the face. The impact of the palm of his hand against the young adult's sweaty face was strong enough to knock him out of balance.
"Oh my god, what the hell is makin' them so stupid nowadays!? What made them think slapping the ass of a six-foot-something guy... or girl is a great idea!?"
The crossdressing male frowned as some of his facial oil stuck onto his skin. "Disgusting." He remarked.
You covered your mouth with your hand as you watch his friends help him up. Two of them tried to act 'tough' although you could see them trembling.
"You t-think we're scared of you? We can easily hurt you girls—"
"You're trembling." He still maintained his high pitched voice.
"S-so!? You mess with one of us, you mess with all of us!" Vasilios rolled his eyes at them.
"Please, you're all just naive boys. Go explore your fantasies in private, not somewhere public like the mall." Vasilios flipped his hair back and led you away.
"W-whore!" Vasilios widened his eyes and froze on the spot. You whipped your head to him.
That's it. They need to be thought a lesson.
He slowly turned around and gave them a death glare.
"...what...?" They all gulped. You weren't comfortable with the crowd gathering around you, Vasilios and the young men.
Vasilios started walking towards them. You tug on his hand and informed, "Hey uh, camera's on you."
Some bystanders started filming the scene with their phones. You could tell that the group of young men are starting to become very intimidated.
Vasilios smiled at you and pulled his hand away.
"H-hey! You wanna fight, lady!?" The one that Vasilios slapped taunted.
The crossdresser just continued moving forward. The offender started moving backwards.
"S-stay away from me, bitch!" He closed his eyes and shielded himself with his arms, expecting a strike from Vasilios.
But no, he felt that his pocket became lighter. "Huh?" He opened his eyes again to see Vasilios staring at the cracked screen of his phone. It was ringing, someone was calling him.
"Give that back!" He yelled at the taller male.
"You saved your mother's contact as... mommy?" Vasilios dangled the ringing gadget above him, the young man couldn't reach it because he was too short.
His friends and the crowd chuckled at Vasilios's observation.
"Shut up!" The offender shouted.
"Slut! Give that back or I'll—
"Tanner!? Who the hell are you calling a slut!? Answer me, boy!" His face went pale as he hears his mother's voice scream from his phone. Vasilios smirked at him, he answered it and switched it to speaker mode.
"M-mom!? N-no, someone took my phone—"
"Hello, is this Tanner's mother?" Vasilios spoke into the phone. Still sounding feminine enough to pass as a girl.
"Yes! Is my son giving you a hard time? I'm so sorry."
"Mom! She took my phone!" Tanner whined.
"Um, who is this? Are you his girlfriend?"
"Fortunately for me, no. Your son, touched me inappropriately without my consent."
"Tanner!? Is that true!?"
"N-no mom! I—"
"Look up Tanner. Tell me what you see." Vasilios's voice was eerily soft and calm.
He did and saw a security camera. Tanner caught onto what Vasilios was hinting at.
"I-It's just a pat to the butt!"
"Ma'am, I assure you, it was more than just a 'pat to the butt'. It's an assult to my rear, I have proof too. Tell me, is this what you want your son to be? A sex maniac?" Vasilios gave Tanner a leering smile as he speaks into the microphone of his device.
"N-no, miss! I'm sorry about Tanner, I don't know what has gotten into him! I don't want him to grow up to be such a terrible man!"
"Then, you better start correcting him early, ma'am. Who knows how many times has he done this before."
"Y-yes! Thank you so much for telling me what Tanner did! P-please, may I talk to him?" Vasilios returned the phone to Tanner with a grin.
"It's for you, Tanner." The young adult trembled at Vasilios's mocking remark.
"M-mom—?"
"Tanner! Get your ass back home NOW! Wait till your father hear about this!"
"Mom!"
"I can't believe you would do this! Where did I go wrong!? Where did I go wrong!?" You, along with the rest of the crowd assumed that his mother broke down into tears due to the strain in her voice.
"I-I'm sorry—"
"Not to me, you stupid boy! To the girl you... you—!" You loud sobbing could be heard. Tanner also started crying.
"Mom! Please, It was just a pat—"
"Shut up! You've disappointed everyone! You disappointed me! What you did is terrible, how could you not understand!?"
Vasilios 'catwalked' away from Tanner and his shaken friends.
You stare at him with wide eyes. Wow. Just wow.
"How—what—huh?" You were utterly confused.
"I know how frightening mothers can be to a man." He smiled at you and stroked your hair.
"Come, we need to buy presents for the pathetic birthday man." He held your hand and pulled you along with him.
You smacked your mouth as it was feeling dry. Vasilios noticed it and then pulled out a water bottle from his lilac Soucchi handbag.
"Oh, thanks." You unscrewed the cap and chugged on it.
Vasilios took a deep breath and sighed.
What a wonderful day.
______________________________________________
A/n: Belladonna is microwaveean Madonna
Soucchi is microwaveean Gucci
steal his look!
This will be probably the last update until like a few months later, bc im gonna b busy :((
Also i didjt proofread over this long ass chapter, please tell me if theres any stupid mistakes tq
Thank u for reading and i hope yall continue to support my books :))
Oh and, head over to my book: 'word of god' for updates