Marshall walks into the backroom, with Denaun in tow, laughing. I stand, unable to sit while I waited, arms crossed and glaring. I've been working myself up alone for awhile now- and Marshall is about to get an earful.
When Denaun sees my face, he glances between Marshall and I, "Ah, shit dawg. I'm gonna...I'mma uh, uh...I'm gonna be anywhere but here right now." and makes a quick exit, closing the door behind him. I can hear him through the door, telling someone not to go in 'cause shit's goin' down.'
Unfazed, Marshall walks pass me to the small fridge, wiping away the sweat on his face with a towel and still breathing heavy from his time on stage.
"You wanna drink or somethin'?"Marshall asks, rummaging through all the beers to grab himself a water bottle.
"What was that?" I ask, ignoring his question to ask my own, "Why did you kiss me? What were you thinking?"
"I was thinkin'-" he pauses, taking a sip of his drink like he has all the time in the world to answer me, "you look hot and...I dunno, I just felt like it."
"'You just felt like it.'" I repeat, in disbelief. In annoyance even. I wish I could do whatever reckless thing I wanted, just because I 'felt like it'. But I can't.
"What're you so mad for? Would you rather me of kissed someone else?" he smirks, knowing the answer.
"No!" I shake my head, distressed, "I mean, I don't...I- ugh, that's not the point Marshall. You kissed me. On stage! And now people are gonna think things about us now. That we're together or something, or that I'm-"
"Why the fuck do you care so much 'bout what other people think?" he questions, walking towards me.
I suddenly can hear knocking at the door, but I ignore it.
"I don't." And it's true. While I'm not looking forward to dealing with the repercussions of his recklessness from the media- it will be insane- I don't actually care what they have to say. And while I did like the kiss- a lot- it shouldn't have happened that way. At all, I correct myself. "We just...we can't do that."
"Fine, I won't kiss you on stage no more." Closing the distance between us, his voice low as he teases with a smile, "Behind closed doors only. Promise."
How does he do this? I was mad at him, had a whole argument ready to go. And now I've lost my train of thought as his eyes move down to my lips, the same ones that are still tingling from our kiss minutes prior. My eyes flicker to his own- parted, his warm breath against my cheek. If he leans down slightly- or I up- they'd reconnect.
Three more knocks come from the door, this time louder, clearing my head. Marshall responds this time, distracted, "Hold up!"
"I- we..." I attempt. Why can't we again? Oh yeah. "We're friends Marshall- just friends.
"We can kiss and still be friends, right?" He smirks.
I don't find it funny though. I don't want friends with benefits. That's not me.
I cross my arms, "No. We can't."
"Come on baby, I'm joking." He smiles, slipping a hand around my waist as he pulls me close. I don't resist, "Look...I kissed you on stage 'cause I've been wantin' to all fuckin' day and couldn't wait another second, a'ight?...I wanna be with you. And you do too, I know it."
Is this really happening?
His declaration catches me off guard, leaving me speechless. But before he can make the next move I place my hand on his chest to stop him. I can feel Marshall's heart racing under my hand, the same as my own.
Though I've always consider Marshall my friend- one of my best friends even- he's always been more. We both know that.
I want Marshall. More than I've wanted anything in my entire life. And here he is, so close and ready to be with me. And I'm hesitating. Always hesitating.
More knocking, this time even louder and persistent, interrupts us again.
"Hold on a fuckin' minute!" Marshall yells irritated.
But the door opens anyways and on reflex I take a step away from Marshall, dropping my hand from his chest, feeling caught in our private moment. But it's only Proof, popping his head in to tell him, "Yo, uh...sorry dawg but you gotta get back on stage."
I forgot there's still a concert going on and he's performing another set with Dre and Snoop next.
"Fuck..A'ight, yeah. I'm comin'." Marshall says. Proof nods, closing the door and leaving us alone again. He looks to me, hopeful, waiting for my reply.
But I don't know what to say.
My indecisiveness isn't because I doubt my feelings for him- no I know how I feel. And that's what terrifies me the most.
I fell for Marshall a long time ago and those feelings never went away. They've only grown stronger. I've been in complete denial about us for so long, thinking we could ever just be friends.
If we both wanted to, we could have something real together.
And if we didn't have such a shitty track record, and Marshall on and off again with Kim constantly, and my own fucked up past relationship issues- maybe I wouldn't be so wary about all this.
I'm afraid to be in love. Afraid to just be friends. Afraid to be nothing at all. Just fucking afraid.
I can feel tears forming in my eyes as I ask, "Can we talk about this when the concert is over? Please?"
A flash of disappointment and hurt crosses his face before it hardens. Like a switch is flicked, he goes from warm and affectionate to cold and distant.
He moves away from me, "Nothin' more to talk about. I got my answer."
I want to explain that I'm not saying no. That I just need time. That it's not him, it's me. God, I wish that wasn't such a cliche. I want to get out of my own head, figure this out together.
But then he laughs bitterly, "Yeah, you know. Could never work between us anyways. Don't know why I ever thought it would."
I watch helplessly as he walks pass me, heading towards the door.
"Marshall wait." I stop him as he's halfway out the door. My throat constricts from the building emotions inside me. There's so many things I want to say. And yet no words come out of me.
Marshall looks down the hallway, as one of Dre's songs nears it's end, then back at me, "Nah. I'm done waitin'."
And then he leaves, not looking back.
I tried to avoid my heart getting broken, and yet it still shatters as I watch him walk away.
But I don't go after him. And I don't stay.
The right person, never the right time.
<><><><><><><><><>
Angie is in New York to model as one of Victoria Secret's newest Angels. Just where I need her to be. It's like the universe knew I'd need my best friend right now. Though it's two in the morning when my flight lands in the city- having flown directly home after leaving the concert venue- the night is still young for Angie and her model friends who are out celebrating her new contract. When I called, she gave me her whereabouts to meet up at a club not far from my apartment.
I walk in, dressed so casually still from the concert. My hair is thrown into a messy bun, makeup wiped away from crying. I'm surprised I was even allowed in the club, but the name Katherine Arden opens many doors.
The second I see her, I throw myself in her arms. They're not the arms I desire to be wrapped around me right now, but Angie's embrace is always comforting and welcome.
"Hey, what's wrong?" she asks, rubbing my back, sounding worried.
"Everything." I sigh.
She leans back so I can see her face- eye's glassy from her night of partying as she smiles at me, "Well, I know how to fix that." and reaches behind her, handing me her drink from the table.
The first drink takes the edge off a bit. By the third, I'm relaxed and smiling again. The fifth I'm laughing and dancing with everyone else. And after that, when I've lost count, I've completely forgotten what I'm suppose to be upset about in the first place.
<><><><><><><><><><>
A/N
Hope you're enjoying the rollercoaster that is Marshall & Katie's relationship lol.
I'm sure at this point many thoroughly hate Katie. I'm sorry if you do. You probably hate me too. I hope you don't lol.
I'll be updating soon so you can finally see how it all goes lol. (I'm going to attempt to update a lot this week actually.)
Vote & Comment please <3