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Chapter 6: You Were Being A shithead
It was a Saturday evening. After the incident I spent the rest of the day contemplating about the conversation I had with George. Mum had picked me up and took me home from Nan's house. I sat on the sofa in front of the TV when my brother jumped onto the seat beside me.
"How's it going cripple"
I scoffed at him, "piss off Rueben"
He laughed before continuing, "So how did this happen then?
"I fell of a ladder..." I looked at him and he burst out laughing.
After he consoled himself he began speaking again "If you can't reach, you should've just left it. Should've asked for help."
"Well, I wasn't going to ask George for help so I thought I would do it by myself."
"Wait, George was there? What was he doing there?" he looked concerned.
"Oh, well he saw Nan struggling with taking in the supply boxes into the store before I came so he decided to help..."
He stared into a space, "Did anything else happen?"
I shook my head, "besides having a go at him not really."
He laughed. Then he turned serious.
"I know that you're pissed at him and believe me I was too. Holding all this anger benefits no one. In fact it'll just turn you bitter. I was angry for so long, from everything before dads death to after. And I hated myself for feeling that way. I was just a bitter person. I uh, I actually spoke to George last summer."
When did that happen. I frowned at him and I was about to say something.
"Now dont kill me just hear me out. There is absolutely no justification for what he did. That's a fact. But the least you could do is listen to what he has to say. And trust me after you hear him out maybe some things will fall into place. Maybe you can let go of all this bitterness. But you need to give him that chance. Just speak to him ok? Lifes too short to be angry all the time."
I listened to him but it didn't necessarily meant I agree.
"Promise me you'll talk to him?"
"I make no promises."
Rueben raised his eyebrow.
"Fine. I'll try." Like I said. No promises.
I made my way up the stairs and what Rueben said loomed in my mind. What was his reason for behaving the way he did. As far as I was concerned he didn't lose the person he loved nor did he lose a friend, he just left them behind...
*Monday*
As I limped my way to the bus stop I could see Leah.
We got onto the bus I explained to her what happened over the weekend. I also mentioned what Rueben had said. She teased me over my close encounter with George before turning into an agony aunt. It was funny that both of them were asking me to give him a chance.
"Are you sure you and Rueben didn't come up with a plan to persuade me to talk to George?"
Leah laughed, "believe me Nance, pure coincidence. BTW not taking sides but Rueben has a point. 1 chance. That's all you need to give him."
I sighed. OK. Maybe they were right. But I didn't like agreeing. Not one bit.
I made my way to chemistry and I could see George was already in his seat. He had to sit next to me because he was my partner. We both wanted to avoid each other, and if we could we would've sat miles apart. I limped over to the seat beside him and looked at him expecting a reaction of some sort. After some time had passed he began the conversation, "How's your leg?"
I nodded, "it's better now... I never said thank you by the way for helping me. So thanks." I still sounded pissed off.
"No problem" and with that the conversation ended.
I was thinking about what Rueben and Leah had said. Maybe I should speak to him? I was too angry to decide. He's still friends with the same shitty people. Would he even believe me about Miles?
The class continued in silence and even when we were doing the practical's he didn't speak to me unless it was something to do with the work. The whole session went with me having conflicting thoughts in my head causing me to have a headache.
After the lesson ended he was already out that door before I could even finish packing up my stuff. As I was about sling my backpack over my shoulder I saw a note on the desk.
Meet me under the oak tree in the field after college.
G x
*After college*
In the end I decided to go to the field to meet George. Only because of what Rueben had told me. Purely out of curiosity. I told Leah that I had a meeting after college so she wouldn't wait for me. I wanted to see how this went first before I told her.
After walking to the oak tree I sat down with a book in my hand, reading for about 5 minutes or so until I heard voices in the distance. I looked up to see it was George talking to some of his friends. He glanced in my direction looked at me for a couple of seconds before looking back to his friends and telling them something. He then casually made his way towards me.
"Hey" he said.
"...hi" I looked at him with a confused expression
"Can we talk?" he prompted.
I didn't say anything but he sat down anyway.
"I just wanted to talk about Saturday-" he began.
I looked at him expressionless, waiting for what he had to say. I'll give him a chance, only because of Rueben and Leah.
"I know sorry is not enough for what I did. It doesn't erase all the pain and suffering it bought to your family and our friendship. I hurt you, and my only job as your friend was to protect you. Even if we did grow apart, I owed that to you and I failed. I was wrong. I made a stupid mistake. And what's worse is that I cant even apologise to the person I did it too because hes no longer here with us."
He paused and let out a deep sigh.
"You can call me every name under the sun and I wont stop you. I deserve that and worse. I know you're angry and you have every damn right to be. But I've changed and you're in the wrong for not letting me prove it to you."
I opened my mouth to say something but George beat me to it.
"Wait wait please let me finish."
I shut my mouth allowing him to proceed.
"I'm sorry I wasn't there for you when your dad passed...I wasn't sure what to do. I thought that if I turned up to the funeral it would've been a kick in the teeth for you, considering what had happened outside the takeaway.... *sigh* I knew-I knew that the boys planned to vanadalise a car. I didn't know it was your car till we were outside your shop. I didnt want to participate and then they started calling me names, racially abusive ones, and that's where I should've drawn the line and stopped. Instead I let them get to me. They were the only friends I had and I didn't want to be casted out. People dont take to us kindly because of our skin colour, and when I was given the opportunity to be above that I took it. Even if it meant losing my morals. I had dissascociated that part of my identity for so long that when it resurfaced I realized the calamity I had caused."
He hesitated to continue.
"I uh, I was so stressed with things going on at home but I should've prioritised you first because you lost someone who you were so close to. Probabaly didn't help I left you too...."
He paused for a while composing himself.
"Uh...My mum and dad separated and uh, my dad didn't take it too well. He was drinking a lot and got taken into rehab...I didn't really know how to cope with it in school. Things got so bad at home, it was so quiet. I didn't want to be seen as vulnerable, so I thought surrounding myself with people who weren't good at dealing with emotions would make me feel better because they would be in the same situation as I was. I didnt know what I was getting myself into but I got involved in a lot of shit that I shouldn't have. And then when I heard your dad passed away. I felt so guilty. It felt like it was my fault that he died. I was embarrassed and ashamed and I couldn't face you. I should've seen it as an opportunity to get closure, sort of. We were in a predicament surrounding people who we loved and we needed each other to get through it. I shouldve used it as an opportunity to apologise. I thought getting the attention at school by being around these people was great because it wasn't something I was getting at home. I pushed you out. And I forgot everything. I was embarrassed of him, I was ashamed and I didn't want anyone to know. I was hurt too. And I was a shit head. I'm sorry."
He looked up at me with tears in his eyes. I looked at him before agreeing with him, "Yeah, you were being a shithead."
George laughed and as did I.
"I am sorry Nancy, please forgive me?"
I sighed. He was going through things but that didn't justify the wrong decisions he made. But he's made them. And there's no turning back time. Time is a great healer but things weren't going to heal if I kept picking at the wound. Maybe I did just need to let it go. It's what my dad would've wanted after all.
I nodded, "I'm sorry too. You know, for just being a bitch. I've just been carrying that anger for a long time without release."
We sat there awkwardly not knowing what to do. It's like for a moment we forgot how to be friends. Turns out we didn't know each other as well as we thought we did. Just two strangers sharing the pain we've held onto for a long time.
"So, friends?" he asked
"We'll work on it. I don't really want to hold a grudge. It's really hard work."
He laughed.
"Do you want to walk home together? You know, like we used to..." he asked.
"Sure" I told him with a smile.
I felt a sense of relief as if the weight on my shoulders had been lifted. It felt like it was a fresh start to the rest of the year. Things were going to be different. A good different.