"He's been abandoned his whole life (Woah, woah, his whole life, his whole life, yeah)
If loving me is hard, I apologize (Yeah, yeah, yeah, woah)
If I push you away, promise you'll stay by my side (Push you away, yeah, if I push you away)
He's been broken, traumatized (He's been traumatized, traumatized)."
Rod Wave "Abandon"
Dave
"Today, I thought we would talk about Geneva." I looked at Dr. Blake with a puzzled look.
"Why?"
"Well, we've talked about everyone who has had an influence on your life including your mother, your uncle, and his wife. It appears to me that she's someone special in your life."
"Yeah, she was the one that convinced me to come here."
"Is there a particular reason why you trusted her judgment?"
"When she gives me advice, she usually ends up being right. When I was in prison, the warden did suggest that I should seek therapy after my release. I thought about it since I continued to have night terrors, but they ended up going away so I didn't bother with the idea after that."
"I'm glad you listened to her. During our first session, you were reluctant in opening up about yourself. This is now our fifth session, and I feel like I've gotten to know you as you're coming out of your shell."
"I still can't believe I'm being open like this with anyone, but you create a kind of environment that allows that."
"That's the idea. I would say you're making progress."
"I would agree."
"So, back to Geneva. Are you two currently together?"
"We are, but we're taking a break."
"And why is that?"
"We had a fight."
"Who started it?"
"I did."
"What was it about?"
"She met an old college friend when we were out together and I got jealous. When we got home, I accused her of flirting with him and suggested that they were former lovers. I said things I shouldn't have said. I disrespected her and even contributed to an asthma attack she had."
"But she's fine now?"
"I would physically. I'm not sure emotionally."
"Was she actually flirting with that person?"
"No. I was blowing things out of proportion."
"Now, were you jealous because you thought he could give you a run for your money?"
"Truthfully, yes."
"Explain that to me."
"There are so many things about me that make me look bad. I'm a former inmate, I have a job that a lot people shame me for, and I didn't even finish college. It seemed like he had everything going for him. I didn't want him to whisk her away from me."
"Have you thought about why she agreed to be with you in the first place?"
"She told me she loved me for being original. I was honest about my past and my intentions with her. I didn't try to be someone I wasn't."
"Why do you find that hard to believe?"
"I've never been in love like this before. In my last relationship, I was left in the dust when I needed her the most. Eva has shown me the world in a different light where I see it's worth living and making an effort to become something. Sometimes, I can't help but think she's doing it out of pity or it's something temporary for her until she finds better. If you knew her, you would see the caliber of men she works with and wonder what she's doing with me."
"David, let me tell you something. Love makes you do things that are out of the ordinary. You can be a millionaire and fall in love with someone who works at a coffee shop. You can be a garbage truck driver and fall in love with a top company executive. People can look at you funny, shame you, and even attack you for the choice you've made but none of that matters. It's your happiness that matters."
"That's true."
"You can come up with any reason in your mind about why she chose you over the rest. If she proudly introduces you to people, brings you around her friends, and shows you affection wherever and whenever, she must have good intentions."
"I know you're right, but how do I get rid out that doubt and trust her? I don't want to lose her."
"Before I tell you the answer, I want you to do something for me."
"What is it?"
"Describe Geneva for me."
"She's the most beautiful woman inside and out. Her pretty brown eyes and radiating smile captivate your attention. She's hardworking and dedicated to her job, but still makes time for her family and friends. She rarely gets angry, but if she does you know you messed up. She wanted to be a lawyer, but lost interest in high school. She loves being in the water. She likes dancing. She enjoys trying new things. When she's stressed, she prays about it before making a move. Eva is just such an amazing person to be around."
"Wow." Dr. Blake had this weird smile.
"Why are you looking at me like that?"
"You should have seen that grin that was on your face as you spoke about her."
"She makes me happy."
"Just like you were able to paint a picture of her through your words, I want you to have a one on one conversation with her. Be open and communicate your emotions, your doubts, and what you want to do to make things work. By doing that, her response should help you trust her. You know so much about her, but how much does she know about you that makes you who you are?"
That question is still ringing through my ears as I'm driving on the highway.
I haven't really opened up to Eva about the details of my imprisonment and my childhood. I think it's time.
I saw Ferg was blowing me up. I ignored every call. I don't have time for him. I have some real business to take care of.
Things between Eva and I have become so awkward. We've only been talking on the phone and our conversations have been short. We haven't seen each other in nearly two months. I've felt too ashamed to go to her house. It's driving me crazy that I can't kiss or hold her, but this time start has allowed me to focus on myself. I've just been going from therapy to work, and then home.
I think it's time we come face to face. I'm not sure where we stand right now, but I know in my heart that she's still mine.
I found a shaded spot in the parking lot and waited for Eva to come home. I checked my watch to see it was a water to 6. Eva should be home soon unless she decides to stop somewhere before getting here. Maybe I should have called first. It doesn't matter. I'll wait all night if I have to.
After twenty minutes, I saw her car pull up. Eva exited the car and headed to the mailroom. I followed her from a distance. Just as she closed her mailbox after finding nothing, I opened the door and walked in.
"Hey Eva." She looked at me with a somewhat surprised expression.
"Hi, David. How are you?"
"I'm surviving. What about you?"
"I'm okay. What are you doing here?"
"I wanted to see if I could take you somewhere."
"David, I'm sorry but I had a long day at work and I just want to rest."
"Eva, please. I've missed you and I really want us to talk ." She sighed.
"Fine. You can wait for me in your car. Just give me a few minutes to drop my things inside and change into something more comfortable." I started to trail behind her. What if she doesn't come back out? "David, you don't need to follow me. I'm going to come back."
"Are you sure?"
"Yes, don't worry." I nodded, walking to my car. I stretched my neck out to watch her go to her place. I stood against my car, trying to calm my nerves. I closed my eyes, letting the breeze blow across my face.
"Are you ready?" I opened my eyes to see Eva wearing a sweatshirt and jeans. She tied her hair up in a high bun.
"Yeah. You look beautiful." I pulled the passenger door open for her.
"Thank you." I closed the door and jogged to my side, hopping in as well. "Where are we going?"
"A quiet place I've recently discovered. I think you'll like it."
"Hopefully." She said, looking out the window.
"How have you been since we've last seen each other?"
"Okay, I guess. I've been focused on work. I've gotten a couple of offers. I'm just trying to see which one is the best for me."
"That's good."
"What about you?"
"Occupied with work. I've been going to therapy. I went to see my Mom this morning before my session."
"How is she?"
"She was actually better today, so it gave me hope."
"That's great. I'm also happy to hear that you're taking therapy seriously."
"I think it's actually helping me. And here we are." I drove us to the park that had a trail leading to the Bay Bridge.
"I haven't been here since middle school."
"I started coming here a few weeks ago. I found this spot right by the water that I love." I pointed towards these two red chairs.
"The view is beautiful." Eva commented as we took our seats.
"It really is." We sat there in silence, stealing glances at each other once in a while before I muscled up the courage to begin speaking.
"So, I brought you here for us to talk."
"I'm all ears."
"I want to once again apologize for my behavior. You deserve better than that."
"David, you've apologized over a million times. I'm over it. We can move on."
"I was just afraid you were holding it against me because we haven't been linking up in almost two months. I know we needed space, but I don't want to do this without you."
"Things have been weird. We used to be adjoined at the hip and it's like we've become strangers again. We could get back to that place, but it's going to take time and a lot of work. You know what the main issue is. You don't trust me."
"I do."
"So why does it feel like I know nothing about you despite how long we've known each other?"
"Ask me anything."
"What was it like in prison?"
"When I was sentenced to 7 years, I felt like my life was over. I got into a couple of fights because I wouldn't give those punks the little dignity I had left. I became a regular visitor to solitary. Sometimes, I stayed in that cell for months without talking to a single soul. I could only hear voices in my head blaming me for everything that had gone wrong in my life. I had nightmares of me dying nearly every night. I was so close to putting an end to everything until we got a new warden who believed in redemption. She had faith that we could have a second chance at life. With her help, I learned how to control my anger and better diffuse situations."
"Thankfully for God and her, you made it out. You're doing greater things with your life now."
"Yeah. Anything else?"
"What makes you go on the defense whenever a guy comes around me?"
"I just–I just—."
"What?"
"I have a hard time believing that you won't leave."
"Why?"
"Every person that I ever kept close to my heart has left because of me."
"What do you mean?"
"I remember the first time you asked about my three friends who I take with me everywhere I go on these chains."
"You said you weren't ready to talk about them."
"I am now."
"Terrell and I played basketball on the weekends. He was a real lively kid who stayed a few blocks from me. He was often out from school with the excuse that he gets easily sick. I noticed when he came to class with a bruise here and there, claiming he was clumsy. I was suspicious, but I didn't know what to think of it. I went to his house one Saturday afternoon to see if he wanted to come play. When I knocked at his door, I could hear screaming and plates smashing. His stepfather answered the door and he was really angry. I asked for Terrell and he closed the door in my face. Just as I was leaving, Terrell came out visibly upset. He said he was fine. I didn't believe him, and I knew something was up when he was sitting with only his right arm. I thought his left was broken and said we should go find help but he refused. The Monday after that he came to school in a cast and a bandage under his eye. That's when I put two and two together. He was getting abused at home. I told him that we should tell our teacher, but he told me to mind my business and that he would handle it. It was a couple weeks later when I walked home from school and saw police cars lined up on his street. When I asked what happened, they said Terrell's stepfather killed Terrell and his mother before turning the gun on himself."
"Oh my God! That's awful."
"Joseph and I met when his mother would drag him to my Mom's salon for her hair appointments. I used to take quarters from my Momma's purse, so we could get candy from the gum ball machine. Over time, he looked like he was getting smaller and he couldn't play with me anymore because he either complained of something hurting or being tired. I noticed he developed these reddish spots on his fair skin. I thought maybe he had chicken pox, but I never got the same marks. After pushing for more information, he revealed to me that he had cancer, leukemia. I asked him if he was going to the doctor and he told me know. His family believed in faith and not medicine. I believed in miracles and that God could heal, but I believed that a doctor could help the situation. I wanted to tell my Mom so she could talk to his parents, but he said I couldn't tell anyone. Within six months, I found myself attending his funeral. I couldn't help but feel sick in my stomach and upset at his family for not doing anything."
"I believe in God and holistic medicine, but there are some things I can't do without trying a doctor's approach. That is so said."
"Ermias is probably the most fresh on my mind because it was on prom night. We were great friends even though he played football. His parents rented a Corvette for him that night. He went to prom alone since his girlfriend attended a different high school. After prom, a couple of us headed to this sports bar opened by a cousin of his. He wasn't supposed to serve us drinks, but he did anyway. I had a beer, but Ermias was throwing back shots all night. When he was ready to leave, we offered to drive him home but he refused. We watched him get into that car and sped off. My body froze in disbelief as he ran a red light and a truck pummeled into him. Though he didn't die at the scene, he was pronounced dead at the hospital."
"That is devastating for any parent. Imagine having a child getting ready to graduate and their life is taken away in an instant. But David, none of that is your fault. You can't control what was meant to happen."
"If I had spoken up, something could have been to save them. I let down the three people I considered to be brothers."
"David, listen to me! You are not to blame. Let that guilt go. God had a plan for them. If he said it was their time, then there's nothing you could have done about it."
"With you, I know my stupid past mistakes are going to catch up with me and drive you away. You'll find somebody better than me eventually."
"When I told you I loved you, I wasn't out of my mind and I didn't lie. I know what I was getting into. I'd rather be with someone who is dedicated to changing his life and is honest with his past than be in love with someone who is an undercover rapist or killer. I want to be with you because I love you. Neither of us know how far this will go, but we'll never know unless we try." I took her hands in mine.
"I don't ever want to belittle you or make your feel insignificant because you're everything to me. I'm working on me to trust how you feel towards me. I want you to be by my side through it all as I strive to reach my goals and be the man that you deserve. I just ask for a little patience and some reassurance once in a while that you really love you."
"I can work with that. None of us are perfect. We all have our flaws, but by working together, we can be perfect for each other. I just ask that you tell me whatever is on your mind. I'm here for you to vent to."
"Done. Sorry about the tears."
"Baby, you don't ever have to apologize for showing your emotions." She wiped my face, causing me to smile.
"I love you."
"I love you more." I kissed her, then hugged her right. "Does that mean you're mine again?"
"I never left." She whispered in my ear.
We walked along the bridge, taking in the sunset before I took her home. I spent the night with her in my arms.
I found a real one and there's no doubt about it.
*Vote and comment. Thank you 🙏 for reading 📖!*