time: the middle of the sixth year
A gracious golden eagle landed on my shoulder. I smiled at him.
"Hi there." He pecked my ear and I giggled. "Stop, stop. I brought your treat. Here you are."
I snatched a chicken leg out of the pocket, unwrapped it, and gave it to the eagle. He swallowed it in mere seconds and pecked me again in hope for more.
"Sorry, buddy, that's all for today." I extended my arm out and he leapt from my shoulder to my wrist. I looked deep into his eyes and stroked lightly the side of his neck. "I promise I'll bring you more tomorrow."
The eagle called weakly for me then. He spread his mighty wings and tugged me with his claws upward inviting for a flight. He seemed to be more and more at ease with every time we spent together at the lake. We flew together every other day as I turned into my animagus form of a kite, and I always brought him something to feast on.
"I'm not in the mood today. I'm sorry, Talbott."
The name slipped off my tongue and my heart throbbed with pain that I tried to hide away deep inside. It seemed I missed Talbott more than I dared to admit to myself. Disappointed the eagle flew up into the sky and I held my gaze on him until he disappeared from my view.
"You found a friend."
I jumped in fright and turned, wand already in my hand. Under the tree, there was a tall male figure obscured in shadows, but I knew the voice, so I cursed and dropped the hand down. My reflexes became razor-sharp in past years because of my involvement with the cursed vaults. Quicker than my common sense.
I sat back on the grass and stared into the distance embracing my knees.
"Don't tell me you called the bird after me. Or even worse." He cringed at the thought. "That you have mistaken it for me."
I ignored Talbott and hoped he would respect my need for privacy. Except, Talbott didn't walk away. He came close to me and sat beside. Too close for my comfort, as I was fighting conflicted desires whether to lean to or back from him.
He had something in him that made me once wish to get through his barriers, to get to know him, to befriend him, to fall for him. And I did. We went on a terrible first date which then we liked to recall and laugh at how stupid we were. With time he opened up more. He was smart, kind, caring, brave. He grounded me when I got carried away. We started to feel comfortable holding hands in public and cuddle on a sofa in the crowded common room. And then I got my first white feather.
Following row with Ben because of his obsessive over-protectiveness, Charlie accusing me of posing a threat to his younger siblings because of the statue curse, Penny's grudge for Bea's involvement in the search for the last vault, only made everything worse. I snapped. I isolated myself. If earlier I had tried to put on a mask and pretend that everything was ok, now it was an impossible task. Me breaking up with Talbott was the last straw. He was my safe haven in this whirlpool of madness that subdued nightmares. And then when I felt so happy and normal with him, for once after the incident with Rakepick, as if I was an ordinary girl with no concerns involving curse-breaking, I made him leave my life. I cared for him, and I wouldn't handle it if he had regrets about being close to me, when everything would go askew.
And here I was. Broken-hearted, lonely, desperate, speaking to birds.
"It's not safe to be alone so far from the castle at such an hour." Talbott noted.
He was right. It was pretty scary to be at the lake after the attack of the wizard in white robes, but I couldn't help myself. I was suffocating in the castle. I started to wake up screaming at night, but Rowan was always there to calm me down. I was glad I still had her by my side when other people turned their backs on me.
"I can take care of myself." I spat with all my defenses back in place. We were over. That wasn't his concern anymore.
"Yes." He muttered. "I have no doubts about that. And yet..."
"Why are you here?"
"I thought that your obsession with that eagle was not healthy. I suspect he already considers you to be his mate."
"Jealous, Winger?" I snorted.
I looked at his serious face and hesitated. He knew I'd been spending much time here with the bird, and yet I told no one I went here every day. Practically no one knew I was an animagus, and the only person that could recognize me for sure as a kite was only Talbott. So I could presume he was watching me. Probably in his eagle form as I'd never seen him around before tonight. I had pushed him away and yet he had been looking out for me. The thought made me scream inside in desperation.
"No." He said simply and met my stare. "Concerned."
We sat in silence a bit more and the more time passed the more I was losing myself in his amber eyes. I couldn't take it anymore and averted my gaze.
"If you leave, I leave." He stated bluntly.
I couldn't get how he could always see me through. All my intentions, thoughts, fears, wants. I was like an open book for him.
"No. You can't." I shook my head in refusal and disbelief at once. I would never let him or anyone else put their future at stake for me again.
"I can. And I will."
"This is insane."
"That's my point. Never consider this as an option ever again." He chastised me.
I closed my eyes afraid to spill tears welling up and sighed raggedly.
"Not for me. I always put everyone I care about under threat." I whispered.
I myself was a threat on my own. My friends were better off without me. Talbott was better off without me. I started to consider leaving Hogwarts again after the attack at the lake. Charlie was right. I had to leave and let professors and the Ministry deal with the vaults, escapees, and curses. I mustn't have been involved from the start, from the first year when I arrived at Hogwarts and started to look for clues in hope to find my brother Jacob after his mysterious disappearance. Now I went too far. There was no place to hide from what was coming after me in Hogwarts. I was another pawn in the chase and I wanted to be out. I had enough. In the new light leaving was the right decision.
"Not true." Talbott touched my hand to give me comfort and I didn't pull away. "Don't blame yourself for what you can't control, love. We all made choices. Good ones. Bad ones. With the curse, with the hunt for the last vault, no one in Hogwarts is safe. And that was inevitable. It started long before you."
I dared to look up at him again and a tear escaped tracing a wet line down my cheek.
"What did you just call me?" I whispered shaken up. The corner of his lips twitched upwards.
"Is it the only thing you grasped out of my speech?"
I didn't know where to look. I panicked. I felt too much guilt for endangering everyone who was close to me. I wanted Talbott back in my life, but that would mean putting his life at stake in a dangerous game. I couldn't allow that to happen.
"I... Well... I need to go..."
I jumped up and he raised too to take my hand and stop me. He rested his forehead on mine and closed his eyes inhaling deeply. His hands rested firmly on my back and I closed my eyes too incapable of moving away from him. I was dying the last weeks without his grounded calmness and warmth surrounding me as a protecting bubble when he was so close to me. I wanted to feel him, inhale his scent if only for the last time.
"I love you." He said. "And I'm not letting you go."
I opened my eyes and pulled back to have a full look at him. He placed a hand on the side of my face.
"You're not alone, love. You won't fight this battle on your own. And this is my choice. I choose you. With the vaults and all."
And I believed him. We would go through everything. Together. I wasn't waiting for him to say anything else. I wrapped my hands over his neck and kissed him.
"I love you too." I whispered into his lips that formed into a smile.
I had my safe haven back. I would cope with everything as long as he was by my side. As long as he believed in me I would stay and I would be brave facing all hurdles that fate would be throwing at me. At us, I reminded myself. I wasn't alone. I had him. And I had my friends. No matter what had happened, we had been all in it together and we would find the way to bring the light into the darkness looming over us.