TW: mention of rape.
Alyssa
Waking up felt heavy, like the entire world was crashing down on top of me but I had to take it. There was no escape. The events of the past week finally catching up on me, making my head spin even more. I didn't want to deal with it but here I am, an adult with real life adult problems to face. Why did I kiss Matty? I don't feel anything towards him. It was the alcohol and desperation taking control. That's it right?
We didn't speak about the kiss past the initial blow, thankfully. The night continued on as though we were just two friends having drinks. He offered me to stay over at his but I had to decline, I didn't want to blur the lines further and opted for an Uber home. It was for the best in the end.
But it left me with many unanswered questions, what now? What do I say now? Do I let him talk to Jamie about Lax? Do I bring up the fact we kissed? Do I pretend it didn't happen? Should I be bothered about the fact he seemed uneasy when I asked if all he wanted was to fuck me? Where do we go from here?
My brain was screaming at me to stop the chaos but I couldn't help it. I spent many years living a boring life without drama or suspense that the tiniest little spark was causing my brain to go into overdrive trying to work out what the fuck was going on. My phone buzzed on the bedside table, indicating that I had received a notification. I picked it up and squinted my eyes at the brightness of the screen that had suddenly came into contact with my vision. I was mentioned in a new tweet, from Matty. I furrowed my brows and opened it.
I just wanna say a huge welcome to a new member of the Dirty Hit family, @Alyssatalks. It's been fun working with you so far.
There was a picture of us from the other night he'd taken on his phone when I was victorious from beating him in the video game. I smiled at the tweet, it was a cute gesture. The downfall though was the amount of attention it was receiving now, meaning I was gaining followers like mad. I wasn't used to attention like this online, it was slightly overwhelming.
I somehow managed to drag myself out of bed and get ready for the day. Working for Dirty Hit gave me so much more freedom with what I can wear to work but also the fact that I don't start super early. The early morning rise was always something I hated but it didn't feel so forced anymore, I guess where you work really does matter when it comes to your attitude.
Once I got to the office I saw Lax sitting at his desk, not really doing anything. I sat down at my desk and begun preparing myself to begin working on some paperwork. I felt someone standing beside me and looked up, seeing Jamie standing with a small smile on his lips. "Good morning, can I talk to you for a minute?" He asked. Oh shit, did Matty say something to him? I nodded and stood up, following him into his office.
"Everything okay?" I asked as I sat down across from him. His lips were pursed together and he clasped his hands in front of him.
"I spoke to Matthew this morning..." He begun. I closed my eyes and sighed. "Look I don't tolerate that behaviour in my workplace. I want you to know that whatever you want to do with this situation, I will back you up." He told me.
"I don't wanna make things difficult, I didn't want Matty to say anything." I said softly, unsure where to really look. I didn't want pity but I also hate the idea that I've come in here and within 2 weeks there's already some drama in the office.
"No you should speak up about this. We have a tight knit family here and you're just as a part of it as everyone else is. If this is how Lax can act with you then who is to say he's not done this with anyone else and they just haven't had someone like Matty to talk to about it." He looked at me, his features were soft and comforting. "It got to the point where you had to leave your home last night Alyssa, that's not right."
"I know." I looked at my hands in my lap and sighed. "I felt bad but I didn't really know what else to do and Matty has been so welcoming to me."
"I'm grateful he has because like I said, you never would've spoke up otherwise." He nodded. "So the only option I really have to go forward is to fire him, that's the bottom line. We can take it further if you would like, getting the police involved but that's totally down to you." I looked up at him with wide eyes.
"No, that's not necessary." I said quickly. "I don't think it's bad enough for that."
"I understand, just know that you will have many people on your side should you change your mind." He smiled reassuringly. There was a knock at the door making us both look towards it. "Come in." He said, his voice a little louder by this point. The door opened and Matty walked in, a look of rage covering his features. They softened as soon as he saw me sitting there though.
"Sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt anything." He said with a sheepish look on his face.
"It's fine, not like you haven't heard it all before." I shrugged. Jamie nodded and motioned for Matty to come in, seeing as though I didn't seem bothered by his sudden appearance.
"I just wanted to come and see if everything was okay." He said as he sat down in the seat beside me.
"Well you went ahead and told Jamie anyway." I looked at him, his eyes diverted to Jamie and he sighed.
"Sorry. It didn't sit well with me and I know you were unsure but that prick needs to be dealt with." I rolled my eyes at him and smiled.
"It's done now I guess." I shrugged. He held back a smile but I could still see the corners of his lips turn up.
"Anyway, I want you to know that you can come to me if you need anything. I've been really happy with everything you've been doing so far and you're probably one of the best members of staff we've got now. I wouldn't want to lose you over someone like Lax being less than decent." Jamie told me. I couldn't help but break out into a smile.
"Thank you Jamie, just trying to make sure I do my bit." I nodded.
"You've helped me a lot." Matty chimed in.
"Good to know." I chuckled.
"Well you can get back to your work now. I'll speak to Lax and let him know he's out. If he gives you anymore bother then let us know." Jamie warned me. He sounded like such a dad.
"I shall do." I said getting up and leaving the office. I glanced over at Lax, he looked up and gave me a smile. It sent shivers down my spine, he still didn't seem to get it did he. He'll be gone now anyway.
I was about to head to my desk when I heard my name being called out, I turned to see Matty walking over to me. "Sorry I told him, I know you said it's fine but I do feel bad for doing it when you told me not to yet." He mumbled.
"It's fine Matty. You did something I was clearly too much of a pussy to do." I shrugged. He smiled slightly and dipped his head.
"I just didn't feel right knowing how creepy he's been to you and the fact he would be in the same room as you every day without you being able to do much." He said, lowering his voice so no one could really hear him.
"I can handle myself, don't get me wrong." I smirked at him.
"I don't doubt that, just trying to avoid you having to get to that point." I stared at him for a second.
"Since when did you become my protector?" I grinned.
"Don't flatter yourself, I'd do it for anyone." He smirked back, I could feel the heat in my cheeks rising slightly. Jamie exited his office and walked over to where Lax was, they spoke for a second and then both walked back over to Jamie's office. I could feel Lax staring at me as he walked. I didn't like the look he had on his face though and from the looks of it, Matty didn't either.
"He really is a creep." I mumbled once he was out of earshot, Matty looked at me and nodded.
"I always thought there was something a bit off about him." He said.
"So you only came here to see if I was okay then?" I asked him, beginning to walk towards my desk. He followed me.
"Well, you could say that but I also wanted to ask you something." He said as he pulled a seat over to my desk.
"Ask away." I shot back, sitting down and turning to face him.
"Well me and the guys are thinking of going to the Bring Me the Horizon album release show tonight, you wanna come?" I raised an eyebrow at him.
"First of all, how does someone like you listen to a band like that? And what makes you think I would listen to them either?" I asked, his face broke out into a smirk.
"Well I'm full of surprises but I saw your tattoo the other day and when it came up in conversation this morning I thought I would ask." I looked at him, completely dumbfounded at the fact he saw my tattoo. It was on my collar bone and couldn't think of when he might've seen it but apparently he did.
"I don't have a ticket though." I sighed. He rolled his eyes and let out a chuckle.
"You don't need a ticket if you're coming with us." He sounded so fucking cocky when he said that. "Is that a yes?"
"I guess I could make some time to come along." I shrugged, acting as though it wasn't a big deal. Truthfully though, they're one of my favourite bands and it was kind of a big deal to me actually.
"I guess I'll see you tonight then." He said with a wink. I looked over and noticed Lax leaving Jamie's office, a look of defeat covering his face. Matty followed my gaze and it only made Lax look more annoyed. "He looks raging." Matty laughed.
"Good, he deserves it." I shrugged.
-
Matty
It felt like the night was dragging in, I just wanted to get into the venue but Alyssa was running slightly late. The only issue was trying to hide myself enough to stop anyone recognizing me. Sounds a bit big headed of myself but you never know, people get weird sometimes and I just wanted to come and enjoy myself with some mates.
The guys were already inside so I didn't have to worry about when they would turn up. "Matty." I heard Alyssa's voice call out, I looked up from my phone that had been previously distracting me. She looked really nice, wearing a black dress that showed off her legs with black docs on her feet. Her hair was more wavy than usual though, it was a good look for her.
"I've been waiting forever for you." I said with a cheeky grin, she rolled her eyes.
"So what now?" She asked. It was cute, she had clearly never been to a show with anyone that was slightly famous or had connections.
"We go in, get drunk and have a laugh." I told her. She nodded and followed behind me. I showed my pass to the security and they let us in. Her face was in amazement, it was really adorable actually. I couldn't stop glancing at her as she had a complete look of awe on her face.
We walked down the corridor and passed the greenroom, I stopped for a second and thought about whether she would actually want to meet them. "What's wrong?" She asked me.
"Just wanna say hi to the guys, you want to meet them?" Her eyes widened and she nodded slowly.
"I've never met anyone famous before." She said softly. I raised an eyebrow at her, did she seem to forget that I was slightly well known. "You don't count, I had no idea who you were when I met you." She rolled her eyes at me.
"I'll pretend like that didn't cut me real deep." I smirked at her. I turned back to the door and knocked, the door swung open and Oli Sykes stood on the other side, a welcoming smile on his face.
"Alright mate, I had no idea you were coming tonight." He said with a huge grin. "Who's the lovely lady?" He turned his gaze to Alyssa.
"I'm Alyssa, nice to meet you." She held her hand out for him to shake but he just pulled her in for a hug instead, her face broke out into an even bigger smile.
"Nice to meet you too, excited for the show I hope?" He asked her, she nodded enthusiastically and I couldn't help but smile even more. God she really is cute.
"I've not seen you guys live since like 2013 so it's gonna be great." She beamed. He stood aside to let us walk into the room, warm welcomes from the rest of the band as Oli introduced her to everyone. She looked like a kid in a candy shop, she just couldn't stop smiling.
"Where's the rest of The 1975?" Lee asked me.
"Ah, they're here somewhere. Likely at the bar at this point, I'll tell them to swing by and say hi." I told him, he nodded and continued drinking his beer. Oli offered us some drinks and we chatted for a bit but decided to let them get on with their preshow warm ups.
We made our way out into the floor of the venue. "Thank you for inviting me." Alyssa spoke up, breaking the comfortable silence. I looked at her and smiled, a genuine one.
"It's my pleasure, I thought you would like it." She dripped her head to hide the fact she was blushing.
"I hope I didn't come off as weird, it's so intimidating meeting a band you like." She laughed.
"I'm used to it by now, I've seen much, much worse." I reassured her, she looked at me and grinned.
"I need alcohol." She announced. I spotted Ross, Adam and George at the bar. It was perfect timing.
"I'll have two shots of Tequila, double Vodka and coke..." I looked at Alyssa to see what she wanted.
"Vodka and orange." She told me.
"A double Vodka and orange, please." I finished the order.
"Are you trying to get me drunk Mr Healy?" She smirked at me.
"Of course." I winked at her. The guy behind the bar lined up the drinks and I paid, she tried to offer me money but I refused. I brought her here so it was my responsibility to make sure she had a good time. She picked up a shot and I followed her actions, clinking them together and throwing it back quickly.
"Damn, Tequila really hits doesn't it." She laughed, scrunching up her face at the alcohol she'd just consumed.
"It's the best way to get fucked up, I think." I told her.
"I'm all for it." She grinned at me and sipped on her Vodka.
The support band came on and we all made our way down into the crowd slightly, holding back enough so we could still see the stage without being dragged into any pits. They were alright, not exactly what I usually would pick to listen to but it was good enough for the opener. I couldn't help but watch Alyssa, dancing away as she got more and more drunk.
George kept looking at me with suggestive eyes, I didn't like it. Sure we kissed last night but it didn't mean anything, did it? I don't think so. I don't like her in that way, it was just the alcohol doing what it does best. "You having fun?" I shouted over the music, Alyssa looked at me with glossy eyes. She was definitely drunk by this point.
"It's been great so far." She leaned in to say, I could feel her breath on my cheek.
The support band finished and we all looked at each other, thinking the exact same thing. "Fag?" George asked. We all nodded and headed out to the smoking area. I pulled my pack out and offered one to Alyssa, which she took with an unsteady hand. I laughed at her.
"You're fucked already." She gave me a glare and took my lighter out of my hand, lighting up her fag and putting the lighter into my jacket pocket. She really is something, huh?
"I'm having fun, that's all." She said breathing out the smoke in front of her.
"Well who am I to question that." I said with a sly wink.
"How was it meeting the lads?" George asked Alyssa, she grinned from ear to ear.
"My 17 year old self is so happy right now. I appreciate you guys for letting me tag along." She beamed.
"It's no problem, you're not a tag along though. You're a cool girl to hang out with." Adam threw in.
"Aw, thank you." She said leaning into Adam and wrapping her arm around his shoulder. A pang of jealously shot through me but I shook it off. Why would I be jealous of her being friendly with Adam?
"I say we finish our fags and get more drinks." Ross said, nodding at his own idea.
"I second that." Alyssa cheered, finishing up and stomping out the remains. It looked kinda hot to be honest.
We all followed suit and went back into the venue and to the bar, doing shots and ordering more drinks. She looked at me with a giddy smile covering her face. "What's got you so smiley?" I asked her.
"I'm just really happy to be here, thank you Matty." She leaned in and wrapped her arms around my neck and hugged me. I was taken aback at the sudden contact but hugged her back.
"You don't need to keep thanking me, I wanted you to come." I said into her hair, she pulled back and smiled at me. Her smile was so nice to look at, I hope that she keeps smiling like that because it could light up a whole room.
We made our way back into the crowd just in time for the show to start, the lights went down and Happy Song begun playing. Alyssa's eyes lit up and she sung along, dancing to the music. As the set went on I could tell just how drunk she was getting, I wasn't quite the same level but she was half gone. When Chelsea Smile begun she looked at me and squealed.
"I love this song." She told me and begun jumping. "I've got a secret, it's on the tip of my tongue, it's at the back of my lungs." She sung along. I couldn't wipe the grin off my face, watching her get excited over the song.
"You're crazy." I laughed at her, she grabbed my hand and made me dance along with her. It's kinda hard to dance to a song like this but she made it work somehow.
"REPENT REPENT THE END IS NEIGH. REPENT REPENT WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE. REPENT REPENT THESE SECRETS WILL KILL US." She screamed along, a massive smile on her face. "SO GET ON YOUR KNEES AND PRAY FOR FORGIVENESS." She got down on one knee and held her arms out in the air. It was kinda hot to be honest.
"Fuck sake." I chuckled, she looked up at me and grinned at me, rising to her feet slowly.
"We all carry these things inside that no one else can see, they hold us down like anchors. They drown us out at sea." She grabbed my hands and sung loudly, at me. "I look up to the sky, there may be nothing there to see. But If I don't believe in him, why would he believe in me?"
"Why would he believe in me?" I sung along with her, making her eyes widen. She got more excited as we both sung along to the song. Adam shot us a look with a raised eyebrow, making me laugh.
When the song ended she just stood there in awe, looking at the stage. It restored some form of appreciation for live music for me. She seemed so happy, like the music really meant something to her and that made me feel excited about finishing the album. Music really meant a lot to some people, me included but it's always good to see the other side of it. There was just a feeling in the pit of my stomach, she really is going to be a good influence in my life.
"I need to go to the bathroom, I'll be back in a bit." She told me. I nodded and watched her walk off. George moved over so he was standing next to me.
"You sure there's nothing going on there mate?" He asked. I looked at him and rolled my eyes.
"She's just having a nice time George, it's all in good fun." I tried to convince him but he just nodded, smiling and then looked back at the stage.
"Sure." He said loud enough for me to hear. Whatever George, not everything is about sex.
After about 10 minutes I realised that Alyssa hadn't returned, I looked around to see if I could see her but she was nowhere to be seen. I didn't want to be annoying but I got a bit worried, maybe she went to the bar. "I'm gonna go see if Alyssa is okay." I told Adam, not wanting to make George think there was something going on even more.
"Sounds good mate, see you in a bit." He returned, not taking his eyes off the front.
I searched around the floor and even around the bathrooms but I couldn't find her anywhere. She wasn't at the bar either so I decided to head out into the smoking area but she wasn't there either. I begun to get more worried because this didn't seem like her.
-
Alyssa
I didn't like this feeling, I wanted to run away now but I couldn't... could I? How did he know I was going to be here? I didn't tell anyone and I sure as fuck didn't let him know I was coming. I looked at the ground beside me and tried to wipe away the tears that had been cascading down my face for the past 10 minutes. Matty is probably wondering where I am but I can't go back in there.
My phone begun ringing and I pulled it out of my pocket, looking at the screen. Matty's name came up. I took a deep breath and answered it. "Hey, are you okay?" His voice boomed through the speaker.
"Yeah, I'm fine." I tried to steady my breathing.
"Where are you?" He sounded more serious now, he could probably tell I'd been crying from the cracking in my voice.
"I'm out the back of the venue." I said softly. "I need to go home now Matty, sorry for ruining the night but I really need to leave."
"What's happened? Stay there, I'll be round in a minute." He said frantically.
"It's okay, don't leave the venue for me. Have fun with your friends and I'll see you later." I tried to push myself up off the ground but failed.
"No, I'm not letting you leave like that." He said quickly.
"Don't worry about me, I'll be okay." I tried to reassure him but it clearly was a waste of time.
He hung up the call and I frowned a little but it was wiped away when he walked up and stood in front of me. I looked up at him and he knelt down in front of me, concern covering his features. "What's wrong?" He asked. I looked away, avoiding his questioning gaze.
"I just need to leave now." I mumbled, wiping more of my tears away. He nodded and pulled his phone out quickly.
"I'm ordering an Uber, what's your address?" He asked. I reached out and took his phone, typing it in then handed it back.
"I'm sorry." I said as more tears begun to well up in my eyes. He looked at me softly and reached out to give me a hug. I flinched a little and he pulled back.
"Sorry, I didn't mean to startle you." He looked a little defeated. It's not his fault, it was just a reflex. I leaned forward and fell into his arms, hugging him tightly. "It's okay, we're gonna get you home now." He said soothingly. His phone beeped to indicate the Uber's arrival. He helped me to my feet and led me to the car.
The drive to my flat was completely silent. I don't think he knew what to say or how to even approach speaking to me. Once we approached my building I looked at him and frowned. "My flatmate isn't home tonight." I told him.
"Do you want me to stick around for a bit?" He offered. I just nodded, not wanting to sound too needy. I wanted to be alone but at the same time, he did make me feel slightly more safe.
We got out of the car and I led the way up to my flat, unlocking the door and stepping inside. Matty followed my actions of taking my shoes off and throwing my coat up on the hook. I walked past the mirror in the hallway and noticed the mascara stains down my cheeks. "God, that's a sight." I laughed bitterly, he just looked at me with concern though.
We walked down towards the kitchen, I grabbed a bottle of water and offered him a drink but he declined. "If you want to talk about it then you can at your own pace, I'm here for you." He told me. I looked at him and nodded slowly.
"I need to get the fuck out of these clothes first and then we can talk or something." I announced. He just nodded and took a seat at the table. I went off to my room and put on my pj shorts and a baggy t-shirt then removed my make-up. I wanted to try and feel a little more human.
Once I was changed I motioned for him to follow me to my bedroom, I just wanted to get into bed and not feel so shitty about everything. I climbed into bed and wrapped the covers around my body, taking in the heat. He sat near the end of the bed with his legs crossed in front of him. "Are you okay now?" He asked, clearly unsure how to speak to me at this point. I frowned and shook my head. I wasn't okay at all.
"Lax was there tonight." I told him, his head shot up from staring at his hands on his lap.
"Did he say something to you?" He looked annoyed.
"Not so much what he said, it's more... what he did." I mumbled, avoiding his eyes.
"What did he do?" I took a deep breath and tried to swallow down the lump in my throat.
"He followed me into the bathroom, there wasn't like stalls or anything. I've never been to a venue like that but it was weird. I didn't notice him at first but when I turned around he was locking the door." I started, frowning even more now. "I told him he has to back off now or I'd have to get the police involved but he just shrugged."
"Did he hurt you?" Matty asked seriously.
"He tried to..." I choked out, Matty scooted closer to me to try and comfort me. He opened his arms to let me know I could hug him, which I did. I rested my head on his shoulder and tried so hard not to cry but it was nearly impossible. "He just wouldn't let go of me and it was so scary. I kept trying to push me off me but he wouldn't move." I choked out. His hands were running through my hair, trying to comfort me.
"I'm sorry." He whispered.
"I just couldn't stop him Matty, I just couldn't." I sobbed more and more. My entire body was shaking by this point. I couldn't hold it back anymore.
"I'm gonna fucking kill him." I heard Matty mutter bitterly. I pulled back and looked at him. "He's not getting away with this."
"I can't do anything about this... no one will believe me." I whispered. His eyes softened, the realisation setting in. "How many girls get raped daily, nothing gets done about it. No one ever believes the victim and even if they do, not enough happens." I could see the rage in his eyes build the second I said out loud.
"That's not going to happen, I swear to God Lys, I'm not letting him get away with that." His voice was laced with so much anger. "I took you there tonight to have a good night, you were so happy and now this? He isn't getting away with that. He doesn't get to."
"I just want to sleep now, I just want to get away from it." I told him, wiping my eyes. He nodded and pulled back, letting me lie down in my bed. He got up to leave and I turned to look at him. "Can you please stay?" I asked, feeling so helpless in the moment. His eyes softened and he nodded. "You can sleep in here if you want to, I don't mind."
He took off his jeans and slipped into the bed next to me but kept his distance so not to make me feel uncomfortable. It didn't though, the closeness was something that kind of made me feel a little better. There was no doubt in my mind that he would do anything to hurt me, not like that. "Let me know if you need anything, I'll be here." He whispered. I nodded and turned off the bedside table lamp. The darkness filled the room and I begun to cry again. His hand reached out from the other side of the bed and grabbed mine, lacing our fingers together. The small gesture made me feel less alone in the dark. Things were never going to be the same again.