Time Heals
Chapter 2 The Meadow
Bella
As I cracked my eyes open I took in the sunlight streaming through the blinds of the window and I felt a small smile slide onto my face. I was off today and with the weather appearing to be nice I could go to the only place I'd ever been able to find peace since my world fell apart, granted it took me awhile to get to that point.
Sliding out from under the covers I made my way to the bathroom for a shower. Once I was done and dressed I grabbed my backpack that I kept all my essentials for the trip in and after finding my ipod and slipping it into the front pocket I made my way downstairs.
While I ate a poptart I gathered the rest of the things I needed, a few water bottles, an apple, and a couple granola bars.
After checking to make sure I had everything and slipping on my boots I made my way out to my truck and drove the twenty minutes it took to get to the trailhead.
Turning the ignition off I did the same thing I did every time I came here, five deep breaths and telling myself over and over I can do this.
The simple routine started after the first few times of coming here when I could barely function after finding it and only being able to stay a few minutes. Once I started the deep breaths I was able to stay a little longer, but not by much and when I had added the words the time got longer.
Oh I still cried every time for awhile, but I was able to see that I need to do that to help me move on. It's gotten to the point now that I probably don't even need my routine, but I still do it so I don't jinx myself
Once I had everything done I got out throwing my backpack over my shoulder and locked the door before making my way toward the trail I had eventually worn into the ground. The first and second time I'd come here it had taken almost five hours for me to find it and even longer to find my way out again.
On the third go around I'd been smart enough to bring brightly colored tape to mark my way. Since then some of the tape has fallen off, but I didn't need it anymore. I probably could find it without the trail to help me now.
Just before I stepped through the trees I pulled out my ipod and flipped to the playlist entitled THE MEADOW. If someone was to see it they'd probably think it contained relaxing music or the sounds of nature or some shit like that, but nothing could be further from the truth.
As Rage Against the Machine blared thru my earbuds I started my trek. Two hours later I was pushing my way through the last of the ferns and patting myself on the back. I'd beaten my time by twenty minutes today and I felt great about it
Getting to the middle of the meadow I set my bag down, pulling out the small throw blanket and spreading it out.
Sitting down I lay back and looked up at the clouds in the sky and let my mind relax.
In the beginning I only thought of them, but eventually I learned to block everything out of my head and I was able to lay there in peace never touching on the forbidden thoughts that used to plague my every waking moment.
Today though I let them come freely, but unlike yesterday I didn't think about them specifically; instead I thought about where I would be if they had stayed.
Would I be a vampire by now? Probably. If Edward wouldn't have changed me, Carlisle or Alice would have done it.
Would I be married? Maybe. I couldn't really answer that one. It wasn't something I had ever had to think about before.
I know I would have finished high school on time and maybe even tried to have gone to college. If I had dad would have been so proud
When my dad floated through my head I had another thought that was not a pleasant one. Would he still be alive now? I didn't have an answer to that. I could feel okay if I thought that it was just his time and he had had a good life, but then there was always that small part that believed it was my fault. If I hadn't been so sad and he didn't have the constant need to worry about me then the stress he was under would have been minimal and he would have been fine.
Letting out a ragged breath I wiped the tears away and flipped over on my stomach while I scolded myself. There was no point in living in the past and questioning the what could have beens. Dad was gone, had been for almost a year now, they were gone, the life I wanted was gone, and the Bella I used to be was gone. I was a shell of my former self and I had already learned to live with that. That part that broke three years ago has been locked away and if I have any chance of keeping the rest of me from breaking I needed to remember that the past was in the past and nothing I did was going to make a difference.
With a sigh I reached for my bag and pulled out my book, a water, and my apple. As I ate my lunch I read the words of Edgar Allen Poe. Yeah he's a little dark, but seriously have you seen my life
I made it through The Tell Tale Heart and The Raven before I felt my eyelids grow heavy. Setting my book to the side I rested my head on my arms and closed my eyes, drifting quickly to sleep.
Jasper
She always came here when it was nice. The first time and the couple times following was a few of those hard times where I ended up receiving a text from Alice. I don't know why she continued to come when it hurt so much and believe me she hurt a lot, but eventually she got better and found whatever she was looking for here. Now it's really the only time that I don't feel the loneliness. It's almost like she's just content and this is her safe haven from all the bad stuff that has happened.
After the first time here and I learned where she was going when she came out with that backpack I began my protective side of watching over her. As soon as she walked out of the house I would run here. Staying hidden I would follow her through the woods. Sometimes I would actually hope she would get lost or hurt, although without shedding blood, just so I could help, but to my surprise she never did.
When she finally marked her trail I quit following and just started making sweeps of the surrounding area so nothing would come up on her and once she finally made it to the meadow I would find a tree and climb up, waiting on when she would eventually head home, doing the same thing again before running to take my place back in the woods across from her house.
While I wait for her today I wondered what she was thinking when the sudden wave of sadness hit me. When the tears start I gripped the branch above me to hold myself in place. This is getting so fucking ridiculous. I could help so much better if she knew I was close. When she wiped her eyes I let out a breath, not realizing I'd even stopped breathing.
As she drifted off to sleep, after she's eaten and read a little, I close my own eyes.
I tried to think about what she would do if I just said fuck it to Alice's cryptic messages and showed myself, granted I always push those thoughts back though because there's not only the whole trying to kill you that one time, but also the I've been secretly watching you like a peeping tom for two years thing. Somehow I just can't see that going over well.
Apparently though according to what I can gather from the Alice texts she will eventually find out I'm here, so maybe it won't be as bad as I think and she will forgive me.
Of course once I start thinking about the texts then I go off on a whole tangent in my head on the Alice and Edward mystery guilt and lies and wondering once again what in the hell it's all about.
I tried to pull up things from the past they've done that may give me a clue, but either there's nothing there or I'm just not seeing everything as a big picture. Maybe when they ever get around to ever feeling the need to explain shit then I will understand, but until then I'm left to wonder how much fucking longer I have to hide.
Letting that last part form into a question I whisper it out and wait for the vibration that I hope will come and I'm not disappointed.
Pulling the phone from my pocket I see the words SOONand YOU'LL HAVE TO WAKE HER UP.
Well that was a hell of a lot of help. What kind of answer was soon to the question I asked? I mean a better one would have been next month or next week, but no she can't throw me a fucking bone or anything; I guess that would be asking too much
And what does she mean you'll have to wake her up. Bella always gets up on her own. But as I said that to myself I realized as I looked up to the sky that I would have to wake her up. Clouds were moving in and it looked like the bottom was going to fall out soon.
Sighing I slipped my phone back into my pocket and thought about how I was going to manage this without her seeing me. Glancing down at the branch I was currently sitting on and then at the two above me I had an idea. It was going to scare the hell out of her, but there was no help for that.
Standing up I gripped the two branches lifting myself up about foot off the one I'd been on. Taking one more look at Bella I lowered myself at vampire speed snapping the branch off and quickly lifting myself back out of sight.
The sound echoed around the meadow like a gunshot and I watched Bella shoot up off the ground, her heart rate skyrocketing and fear becoming the prominent emotion. She turned in a full circle her eyes darting around until they landed on the branch lying on the ground and the fear was replaced with confusion.
She stood there for a few minutes biting her lip I guess trying to figure out how it had just fallen off. For the second time today my phone vibrated. Rolling my eyes I pulled it free and looked at the message.
MOVE
Move, what the fuck does that mean. Glancing back to Bella I saw what the hell it meant. She was walking toward the tree. Fuck.
Jumping up to the next branch above me I was able to jump over to the next tree and climb higher into it hiding myself from her view.
That would have been interesting. I could just see the conversation now.
'What are you doing here Jasper?'
'Well you know just huggin a tree.'
Yeah right I'm a fucking idiot sometimes.
I shook my head and turned my attention back to Bella. She was looking back and forth between the tree and the branch; a little crease in between her eyebrows. She finally shrugged her shoulders and looked toward the sky.
I looked as well and saw that the clouds had moved in more. As she realized the same thing she hurried back to her stuff and quickly packed up. I waited until she'd gone through the ferns on the other side before silently dropping to the ground
Dashing across the meadow I took the long way around to her truck and found a place to watch for her. A few hours later she broke through the trees just as the bottom fell out and she was drenched before she even made it the few feet to her truck
As soon as she got it started I took off back to the house making it back 10 minutes before she did. When she finally stepped out into the driveway I could see her shivering from the cold. Hopefully she wouldn't get sick.
I saw the lights flick on in the living room and then the one in her bedroom. Hearing the bath water come on I once again turned into the forest this time to hunt.
I returned back to the house after taking down a few deer and found Bella in the kitchen making her own dinner. Once she'd eaten she passed the rest of the night watching TV
After that night Bella did get a small cold, but it was nothing too serious and she was better later on in the week. The rest of September and October passed quickly in much of the same fashion as all the other months did. Bella went to work and came home. I followed behind and kept watch.
The first Saturday of November came and I listened to Bella move about the house. Her emotions were already about to drop me and I knew they would only be worse tonight. I'd already felt the same thing four times before, but I knew today would be a little harder than the last ones.
As she came out of the house carrying the flowers she'd picked up last night tears were already gathering in her eyes. She swiped the ones that had spilled over before climbing into her truck and backing out of the driveway. I watched until she turned the corner and sent up a silent prayer that when she returned she would be okay.
I never followed her on these days; she and Charlie needed their privacy. Instead I usually sat and waited for her to come home, but today I decided on doing something else.
Making my way in the opposite direction as Bella had gone I started for the place I hadn't been to since I'd come back to Forks. It had never been a hard choice not to return there, but for some reason today I needed to go even if it was only to say goodbye to the life I used to know. The last place where my family was happiest and together. I had been in Forks for two years and it was finally time to go home.