As we rolled, very cautiously, into the Gainsville Cemetery, the mood in the car was grim. Or, at least it would have been had Asmodeus not been merrily humming "What's Up" by Four Non Blondes. Forty minutes had passed, several of them spent at Dollar General getting supplies, since I had told Bishop what I'd learned from the Holy High, and I had agreed to go on this road trip because I "had nothing better to do."
Bishop requested the demon and I stay in the car while he visited his mother's grave one last time before we left. I had nothing to say to the creature, so continued to stare around me in awe.
The car sat in the shade of an old maple tree. Its leaves just starting to change from green, to yellow, and orange. The tree would have been perfect for a tire swing with its heavy, low branches reaching out from a thick trunk. The bark clung tightly, cracked and seeping sap. A cool breeze drifted through the open windows, smelling faintly of burning leaves. Two white butterflies chased each other through the air.
Asmodeus turned in his seat to watch me, and my gaze shifted to him. One could not help but be drawn to his dark eyes, which were lined with long feathery lashes. HIs nose was of the variety humans could only achieve through the most fortunate genetics or surgery with a perfectly sculpted bridge and slight upturn at the end.
"Like what you see," he asked.
"What?! I'm not staring at you, asshole," I said, despite the fact I was staring directly at him. "I... I suppose I am just shocked by how detailed and colorful things are. Humans having so few senses, they are able to focus on things like tree bark or the fuzz on the back of this chair."
I ran my hand along the velvety seat. It left a light red stripe where it had traveled. I drew a heart.
"Yes, I suppose Earth is quite bland when you are immortal," he said.
I noticed that while my vision and general sensory intake seemed heightened, some of my senses didn't come through as strongly. My hearing was terrible. I no longer had any connection to the Waning, and I couldn't smell the stink of Hell wafting off Asmodeus. Though that last one was nothing to cry about.
Wondering what my sense of taste was like, I wrangled a bag of skittles out of the plastic grocery bag on the floor, opened it, and placed a green one on my tongue.
"Oh God," I cried. I emptied the bag into my hand, spilled skittles everywhere, and dumped as many as would fit into my mouth.
Being human was still the worst thing that had ever happened to me, besides this road trip, but that first burst of artificial flavor on my tongue made it seem just a little more bearable.
The crunching of gravel heralded Bishop's return. He silently climbed back into the car, and turned the key in the ignition. The old car puttered to life, and we fell back into that glum quiet.
"Cheer up, everybody," said Asmodeus happily.
Bishop and I sighed.
"Let's get going," said Bishop. "And you know what? We will cheer up. We are going to make sure you get your wings back too, Koke."
I had not forgotten my mission but I was at a loss at how to accomplish it. When I had asked Bishop if he'd any hate I could vanquish he had said, "No way, Man."
I nodded at him through the rearview mirror.
"You could kill them. That would make them less hateful," Asmodeus offered.
"Maybe try talking first," Bishop said, shifting gears.
......
We weren't on the road ten minutes before Bishop said, "Aw Howl Manor is right around here. It's one of the most haunted places in Michigan. I have been wanting to see it, just never got around to it."
"Haunted?" I laughed.
"It is! They used to do tours for paranormal investigators but now it's, like, someone's house. I would love to see inside that place though."
"Why don't we break in," said Asmodeus. I firmly objected.
"Well, let's just look at it. Maybe we will see a ghost in the yard," Bishop said.
It was easy to find, on our direct route, next to a gas station. We pulled into one of the parking spots on the side of the building nearest the house and Bishop and the demon got out.
"Here, Koke," Bishop said, handing me a credit card. "Go get some more Skittles. We are just going to poke around a little."
I couldn't say no to Skittles. Walking into the gas station, I saw my reflection in the sliding glass door for a second before it slid open. I thought I probably should have made myself look presentable before joining the public. My hair still had leaves in it.
When I'd been turned mortal, the body I'd been given was the human form I had worn most often since my genesis a fathomless time ago. I looked vaguely middle eastern, with long dark hair and brown eyes. I wasn't unnaturally handsome, but I wasn't horrible to look at either. The clothes were also of my creation, skinny jeans and a pink, long sleeved, button down shirt. Bishop had called me a 'hipster yuppie'. I tended to model my style after what I saw in sales ads Bishop got in the mail.
Too late to fix myself up, I went into the store and started shopping. By the time I was done I had five candy bars, three bags of chips, a pop, a pickle, and my Skittles: One bag of each three varieties available. I paid for them, having the very suspicious cashier talk me through it, and went outside into the fleeting day.
Back at the car, I looked over at the mansion to see if I could spot Bishop and hoped I didn't see him breaking and entering. There was a tall square tower looming up from the center of the three-story Victorian home. Its white, painted exterior seemed to glow against the dark trees beyond as the sun began its decent. Large bay windows lit up the front of the mansion, the ones fitted within the roof were dark and eerie. I didn't see a soul.
"Excuse me," said a polite voice from behind me.
I turned, finding an elegantly dressed gentleman of about thirty. He wore tan slacks, shining shoes, and a blue smoking jacket over a silken cream-colored shirt. He was nearly as pretty as Asmodeus and asked me for directions to the nearest "drinking establishment,' as he called it.
"Sorry," I said. "I am not from here."
"Traveling?" he asked.
"Yes."
"Alone?"
I wondered if I imagined that glitter in his eye...
"Um, no. My... friends are just on a walk," I said.
Then he looked very intent, as he asked, "When will they be returning?"
While I struggled for an answer that didn't leave me open to a kidnapping or murder, I spotted movement, over the man's shoulder, from near a green Honda parked at the pumps. It was Bishop, and he was waving his hands at me. When he saw me glance his way, he put on finger to his lips and with the other hand made a slashing motion across his throat.
"What are you doing to my car?" said the driver of the Honda, as he came out of the store's double doors.
The man looked behind him at the sound and before I knew it, I was caught in a headlock. The car was racing away, leaving Bishop and the demon exposed. I fought my captor but his unnatural strength threatened to strangle the life out of me. And I badly wanted that life to stay in me.
"Come over here, Asmodeus!" demanded the man. "If you don't, I will squeeze your friends head off."
"Alright!" said Bishop. "We'll come over there. Just don't hurt him."
Bishop motioned Asmodeus forward, but he merely laughed and began running in the opposite direction.
"Son of a bitch," said the man with his arms around my throat. He tossed me roughly to the ground and started off, at an inhuman pace, after Asmodeus.
"Jackass," I coughed.
Bishop, probably realizing that he couldn't catch up with his demon chum, helped me to my feet. I scrubbed my hands together, dislodging the small stones that had become imbedded in my palm.
"We need to find them," said Bishop. He held open the door to the back seat for me.
"Why?" I asked, getting in. "Just leave him here. He's awful. He would have let that guy rip off my head."
"He isn't a bad guy," said Bishop. "Maybe a little selfish."
"He is a demon, draining you of your soul," I pointed out.
"Is it so hard to believe that maybe he likes me and not just my soul?"
"Yes!" I cried.
"Whatever."
We drove in silence for a minute, destination unknown. Then Bishop asked, "Say he does get my soul, does that mean I go to Hell?"
"Definitely."
He brightened. "But I am going to Hell anyway, aren't I."
Humans!
"No," I said. I knew I should not reveal what I was about to, but what would the Holy High do? Strip me of my wings and kill Bishop?
"Hell is for demons. Heaven is for angels and holy hosts. Humans just go to... well, it's like what you might call the underworld. Since you watch so many movies," I explained.
"Underworld?" he asked.
"Right. Sort of a waiting room until your spirit is ready to revisit Earth in a new body."
"Holy shit," said Bishop. "Reincarnation, then."
"Well, for people with whole souls. Now, if you lose half a soul, that's different, then..."
We heard an explosion in the distance, and Bishop hastily turned his car around and began to drive towards the noise.
"So," he said. "Why are there even angels and demons, if not to punish humans?"
"Pft! You humans really think it is all about you, don't you? You think we don't have lives?" I said.
"Sorry, I just..." Bishop slammed on the brakes and I collided with the back of the driver's seat. My Skittles skittered across the floor. I dragged myself up and looked out the windshield to see what had stopped him so suddenly. In front of us was a giant crater in the center of the road. He backed up and just barely managed to squeeze the Roadmaster around it without falling into the ditch at the side of the street.
There was a plume of smoke rising from the yard of a house a block away. When we made it to the long driveway, Bishop threw the car into park and leapt out. It was a country house, two stories, set far enough from the road for privacy but not far enough from the road as to not provide a suitable place for a demon fight.
The grass was dry and brittle beneath my feet. It crunched as I ran towards another crater. This one was larger and still smoking, but the flames had gone out by the time we arrived.
Asmodeus stood within the pit, back to his gray skinned look, opposite another slightly darker gray demon with an icy blue mane of hair surrounding its face and two sets of eyes. Its most striking feature though was its long whip like tail with a hook on the end, which it was using to slash at the incubus's upraised arms.
Suddenly, Asmodeus threw his hands up. Tiny bolts of lightning licked the sky. When he brought them down, a blue snapping circle formed at his feet and lashed at the other demon's offending tail.
Thwarted, Asmodeus's foe bit down on its own finger and wrote a symbol in the air in blood, which hung suspended there. Then it shoved the sigil with his hands, sending it spiraling towards Asmodeus, growing bigger as it gained momentum. The spell missed, and crashed against the side of the crater, exploding in a shower of fire and dirt.
I leapt on top of Bishop and pinned him to the ground as soil pounded my back.
"You are coming back with me," said the demon.
"I'd rather fly to Heaven on the back of a dove while playing the harp," said Asmodeus.
This seemed to greatly offend the stranger.
Bishop wiggled free from under me, and with no sense of self preservation, slid to the side of the hole. This distracted Asmodeus long enough for the other demon whip out its tail and sweep Asmodeus's legs out from beneath him.
When he'd fallen back into the dirt, the stranger pounced on top of him and pulled a sword out of the Waning, lifting it high.
"Go to Hell, Lover," it said, bringing it down.
Though I was completely content to let the dice fall where they may, Bishop was not.
He hopped down into the hole landing on the other demon's tail, yelling, "The Hell he is."
The demon both threw a curse and jerked its tail away at the same time, causing Bishop to tumble to the ground before the spell could strike him. It did, however, fly directly at me being that I was standing behind him and slightly elevated by the side of the hole. I tossed up my hands and cast a warding spell as quickly as possible and, to my astonishment, it worked.
The curse struck against the shield of light surrounding me with a shower of sparks, and without hesitation I wrote the sign for the holy rites in the empty space in front of me. I cast my spell and it struck the equally shocked demon in the chest vanquishing it straight back to Hell. I wondered if, while I was at it, I ought to try to banish Asmodeus again.
Seeing the look in my eyes, Bishop ran to him and said, "Don't you dare."
I tried to contact the Waning but found nothing there. I wondered how I still had my magic. Perhaps the Holy High did not want to leave me utterly defenseless.
"So... who was that?" asked Bishop.
"Orpheus. My baby daddy," said Asmodeus. He started to climb out of the hole, changing shape as he did so. "And it will be back. It's is not as strong as I am but has the power to travel between realms. It'll be weakened now and have to be summoned."
"You have a baby?" asked Bishop.
"Almost two hundred of them."
We could hear sirens coming closer. Without a word between us, we started to run to the car. A family of four stood at a large picture window of the house, eyes wide in shock. A woman was on her phone.
"So, you are a mother?" Bishop said.
He couldn't let it go. We piled into the car.
"Mother. Father. So, I lay eggs. Who cares?" Asmodeus said, with an annoyed shrug, as he made for the driver's seat.
"You can drive?" asked Bishop.
"I can and have no moral objections to getting into a police chase. Give me the keys."
"No," I told Bishop, who readily tossed the keys over.
I stopped before the back, passenger side door. Asmodeus was already behind the wheel and Bishop was standing with one hand on the door latch, eyeing me.
"I won't get in," I said.
"Come on, Koke," Bishop said.
The sirens were getting louder.
"Get in!" yelled the demon.
"Not with him driving," I told Bishop. "He probably doesn't even know how to drive. Where would he have learned?"
He opened his door and climbed halfway into the seat. Blue lights were flashing between the trees along the street running along the house's left side.
"Get in, Bishop. We'll leave him behind," Asmodeus growled.
"Please get in," Bishop pleaded.
Two police cars burst into view, moving to block the driveway.
Asmodeus threw the car into reverse and Bishop buckled, threw me one last sad-eyed look, and I felt myself caving in. As the car started to roll backwards, I flung it open and leapt in.
The Roadmaster flew back in a wide arc and plowed toward the police cars at the end of the driveway. Asmodeus yanked the wheel left and steered the car into the lawn. We struggled through the grass and up over a curb into the street.
"You're killing the car!" said Bishop.
The demon laughed.
Looking in the rear window, I saw the police quickly moving in behind us, with lights and sirens blaring. The trees whipped by as we sped through evening traffic, dodging other vehicles as we went. After cutting off one last honking truck, the street was clear and we began to pick up speed, moving dangerously fast across the pavement, the smell of oil was thick in the air.
"They're getting close," said Bishop looking out the side mirror.
"Not on your life," Asmodeus rumbled, coming to a four way stop.
Slowing down only a little, the car turned to the right down an empty road leading away from the city. One of the patrol cars behind us started to fall back, while one stayed just feet from our bumper.
The smothering smell of cow dung filled the cab as we passed a farm. The barn was a red blur in the corner of my eye, the cows just sprinkles in the field. The Roadmaster hurtled down a street where a white fence ran down its length along the farm's west end.
"What the Hell?" said Asmodeus.
I looked out the windshield and saw a brown line stretching across the road ahead, and growing closer.
"Shit," said Bishop. "It's chickens!"
We didn't slow.
"Stop. Don't hit them." He said digging his toes into the floor in front of him, as if stomping on an invisible break.
"Why? They are just chickens. Think of them as nuggets." said Asmodeus.
"Please, no."
Though wearing a mask of disgusted bewilderment, Asmodeus began to slow. Then he braked hard with a smile and Bishop and I screamed as the car lunged to a stop. We heard a loud screech as the nearest police car narrowly skid past, spinning into the furiously squawking chickens. The second car managed to stop inches before colliding with the Roadmaster. For a tense moment, the scene was silent as everyone checked to be sure they were still alive. Then the officers were leaping out of their vehicles, guns drawn, and ducking behind their car doors.
"Get your hands up where we can see them!" they both shouted.
Bishop and I quickly put our palms to the roof and after a few more minutes of yelling so did the demon.
"So, Is it true that demons eat their young?" I asked.
"Jesus, Koke," said our human whose eyes were glued to the rearview mirror. "Is this the time?"
"No. It's fine," said Asmodeus. "He's right. We do."