"Daddy!" Madi screams before my feet have even reached the bottom of the stairs.
"Told you he was here!" Dani bumps her shoulder almost knocking her off balance.
"Where are the rest of my bambinos?" I yell while hugging Dani with one arm and scooping up Princess Madi with the other.
"Morning Dad, do you think you could tweet something mushy about Mum or somethin'? I'm seriously gonna punch the next person who asks me if you're getting a divorce?" My teenager asks while not even looking up from her phone.
"Wait! Who says we're getting a divorce?" I yell after her.
"Everyone." My son groans as he walks out of the kitchen with a bowl of cereal.
"Who's everyone?" This is news to me, apart from that stupid news article at Christmas I have heard nothing like that. "And slow down with that cereal bud, I'm gonna make pancakes," I grin, my banana and white choc chip pancakes are all four of my kids favourite.
"Mmm..." Madi hums in my ear but my son doesn't stop moving.
"Cereal's fine." He shrugs his shoulder and joins his sister in the living room. Since when doesn't he want my breakfast? I spin to look at Jess questioningly but she shrugs too.
"I'll go talk to him, he was quiet all last night. I think something's bothering him." And with that she's gone too. So much for everyone having missed me.
"Dad, can I have extra choc chips in mine?" Dani tugs on my t-shirt.
"Course you can pumpkin," I wink and my pout turns into a massive grin as she slides her hand into mine as we walk to the kitchen.
"Work finished?" My youngest enquires and the look on her face as I shake my head shatters my heart into a million pieces.
"I'm sorry angel. It'll be over soon." I hug her as tight as I dare.
"One mo' sweep?"
"Seven, maybe eight!"
"SEVEN?" She screams in my ear as she wriggles like a little snake trying to get out of my arms.
"That's ages!" Dani adds her disgust, leaving me feeling like the shittiest father possible.
-----
"Mac? Sweetheart? Is everything okay?" I ask. I sit down on the sofa beside him.
"S'pose." He shrugs.
"What's that supposed to mean? Either it is, or it isn't?" I smile as I bump my shoulder with his. "Look, I know I've been a little busy this last week or so but I'm always here if you need to talk."
"Mum, it's fine. It's not you - it's - Coach Williams said I'm gonna start the game on Saturday-"
"MAC! That is awesome!" I pull him into a massive hug and almost spill his cereal all over him. "Sorry," I mumble. "Are you nervous? Is that what's wrong?"
"No. Well, okay a little nervous but it's Dad, he's not gonna be there-"
"Don't be silly, sweetheart. Your Dad wouldn't miss it for the world." I smile, I know Harry will be just as excited as our son is when he finds out.
"Mum!" He yells, making me jump. "You're not listening. He won't be there. He told me he's working so just leave it!" He slams his bowl down on the coffee table so hard I'm worried the china might actually shatter but I know that would be nothing compared to the way my son's heart feels right now. What the hell is my husband thinking?
My feet thud against the floor as I march into the kitchen to find our two youngest daughters yelling at him.
"Hey, what's going on in here?"
"Dad will be gone for another seven days!" Daniella's words hit me right in the chest one after the other and I simply stand there as they walk out the room. There has to be some mistake... I get my husband back in three days. I'm positive about that and I'm positive he wouldn't change that without talking to me first.
"Don't look at me like that," he mumbles. His knuckles have turned white from the death grip he has on the kitchen counter. I want to yell and scream but my voice is stuck in my throat and I can feel my tears fill my eyes. "Seriously Jess, you're going to have to stop doing this." His hand slaps against the worktop.
"Stop doing what?" I shake my head.
"Making me feel guilty for doing my job," his mean stare just pisses me off.
"Hey, if you're feeling guilty then look in the mirror to find the blame," I hiss.
"And what's that supposed to mean?"
"Since when did work become more important than us?" I yell the words and the look of surprise on his face hurts, surely he can see that is what's happening here?
"Bullshit! I'm just busy. There's a lot going on at work. I-"
"Yeah? I have a tonne of shit going on at work too. I'm so behind with this bloody book. And then I come home and have to be cook, teacher, maid, taxi and referee. Oh yeah, and I have to lug around two babies in the process." I hold up my hand to stop him interrupting. "But, do you know where I'll be on Saturday morning? With our son and our girls as we cheer on our little superstar as loud as we fucking can. You might be able to hear us from rehearsals!"
"Do you really think I wouldn't love to be there? He'll be fine. I'll see his next game."
"When? We all leave for tour in a week and a half."
"Oh yeah, so again it's all my fault, right?" Harry throws his hands up in the air and I snap. I spin on my heels and march out the kitchen door. This isn't about him! I snatch up my car keys and head towards the front door.
"Jessi?" I can hear him follow behind me. "Jessi! Where are you going? We're not done here!"
"JESSI! I HAVE TO GO TO WORK SOON!" he yells as I slam the front door closed. I don't even know where I will go as I climb into the car. Hell, I don't even know what my plan is here. I just know that I have to get out of here before I say something I'll really regret.
-----
"Where's Mum going?" Mac's voice questions as he suddenly appears from nowhere.
"Mum left?" Dani says also appearing as if by magic.
"Dad! What have you done?" Robi adds as she holds Madi's hand tightly. I can tell my youngest has been crying and is clutching her favourite bear to her chest. I glance from her to her sisters and then my son and I realise I don't have answers for any of them. What have I done? Shit! Jess left and I have no idea where she's going or when she'll be back.
"Mum had to pop into work for something. She'll be back soon." I force a smile to try to reassure myself rather than the kids.
"You know we're not deaf, right?" Dani sasses.
"Well, what are you asking me for then, Dani?" I sigh.
"Whatever, " she mumbles.
"But where has she gone?" Mac asks.
"Mummy leafed? Like Daddy?" Madi turns to Robi and I feel like I could burst into tears and punch a hole in the wall all at the same time. What the fuck is happening?
"Hey, angel. I'm right here. And your Mummy will be back. I promise." I hold my arms out for her but she just stares at me.
"Macroni, you pay pincess wiv me?"
"I'll play princesses with you." I'm aware that I sound whiney but I can't handle everyone being mad at me.
"No, fanks!" Her words sting like a hot poker and I just want to press rewind and start the day over. In fact, I'd like to rewind the last week and a half and find some sort of work/life balance where my entire family doesn't hate me.
"Dad, I need my tap shoes for drama club, do you know where they are?" Dani asks as she stares up at me. Yet another question I don't have the answer to.
"You had them at dance class so did you put them away or did Mum?" Robin asks and I finally know the answer to a question.
"Mum."
"Cubby hole!" They both yell at the same time and head to the area where they're all supposed to store their shoes and backpacks. Of course, nine times out of ten my wife has to pick up behind them and make sure things actually get there.
Once I'm left alone, I root around in my pocket for my phone and let out a frustrated sigh when I don't find it there. I rush towards the stairs and run up them two at a time.
My need to talk to Jess has me stumbling in the bedroom door and in my hurry I knock my phone to the floor. When I eventually have it in my hand, my fingers clumsily press on her contact information and I hold my breath as it rings. And it rings. And rings. And rings until eventually her voicemail kicks in. Her voice sounds so happy and breezy, not like the woman who left a few moments ago.
"Baby!" I breathe as I hear the beep. "I'm sorry. I fucked up. Call me, please? I love you."
I hang up and flick to our messages. Her last few messages make me smile, one about moving her office to the bathroom since the twins had her peeing so often and the other simply says, "I miss you."
I miss you too. So much. I'm sorry I got so caught up in work that I didn't realise how much you were all struggling. It's been shit for me too and now you all hate me. Come back? Or at least let me know you're somewhere safe? Please, baby?
I hit send and stuff my phone in my pocket before realising I'm wearing my shorts. I quickly change into yesterday's trousers, they're still clean enough and I grin at the t-shirt I'd grabbed from the wardrobe this morning. It's one of Jessi's. Well, technically she gave it to me because it was too big for her when she bought it a few years ago. It has a picture of a camera and the phrase "When life gets blurry, adjust your focus."
"I'm trying," I sigh into the empty room before heading to get the kids ready. I guess I'm doing the school run this morning. Christ, I'll do it every morning if it means she'll talk to me!
-----
I knock on the door to my friend's house and then let myself in.
"Jessi! Thank god! Harry has been going cra-"
"Don't you dare tell him I'm here!" I scowl at Jeffrey.
"Jess, he's worried about you?" Glenne adds.
I roll my eyes, "is he now?"
"Hey! You know he is. He loves you and you're pregnant and out of his sight, you know he hates that," Jeffrey raises his voice slightly and I feel my fists balling at my sides.
"Do you know what, Jeffrey? I love you so I'm going to keep quiet but I knew I shouldn't have come here." I turn on my heels and grab for the door handle.
"Jess, stop! Please? We won't tell Harry you're here, right?" Glenne's wrist wraps around mine as she pulls my hand away from the door handle. I can see her glare at her husband over my shoulder.
"Fine. Can I at least let him know you're not lying in a ditch somewhere?" He huffs.
I nod my head and then drift into my own little world as they say goodbye to each other. Jeff heading off to rehearsals. I pull my phone from my pocket and open up the message from my husband that I'd read at least twenty times by now.
I'm okay, I type the words out before deleting them.
I'm safe.
I love you.
I send the messages one after the other before shoving my phone back in my pocket. It was selfish of me to leave in the middle of an argument but I just felt so angry. No angry is the wrong word. I'm disappointed in him.
-----
I slump down in my desk chair and it slides back and bumps against the wall. I pull my phone from my pocket and something else drops to the floor. I curse as I bend down to pick it up and as my fingers wrap around the small stick my heart rate quickens. I snatch up the flash drive, and my eyes flick towards my office door. I breathe a sigh of relief when I see it's closed.
Jess still hasn't replied to me and it feels like forever since I've heard her voice so I quickly stand up and hurry to the door, flicking the lock closed before sitting back down again. My palms begin to sweat as I plug the device in and wait for it to load.
I grin at each of the thumbnails in turn, there's one of Jess in some tiny lace underwear. The one that has the most views is the one where I'm wearing my packers shirt with the shoulder padding underneath, something about that look drives my wife banana's but she's never been able to explain to me exactly what it is, maybe it's because it makes me look bigger? Stronger?
My eyes are drawn to the thumbnail which is just a black square, she's named it 'one' which isn't much of a hint either so my eyes flick back to the door again before I nervously click play on the video. Jess would kill me if she knew I was about to watch one of our naughty adventures at work. Hell, she'll kill me if she finds out I even the drive in this building.
There's nothing but silence and darkness. I begin to wonder if the video is broken, maybe Jess can remember what's on it and we can recreate it? I'm about to turn it off when I hear my voice, "Jessi? Where'd you go?" And then there're footsteps.
"Is this present for me?" my voice calls and my heart flips as I hear the tiniest giggle coming from my wife.
"There's a tag," she whispers.
"My dearest Harry, I hope you enjoy your gift of paper?" The screen is still blank but I remember exactly when this is now, it's our first wedding anniversary where the traditional gift is paper. I glue my eyes on the screen as I hear paper tearing and then the whole screen lights up with my face. I wish the camera was facing the other way because the view I have in this video is something else. I remember tearing open the paper to find my stunning wife inside the box, sitting cross-legged absolutely stark naked.
"Hi sweetie," she says softly, and the camera moves closer to my face until I hear the sound of her lips smacking against my cheek, I remember she left a red stain from her lipstick and my fingers press to the spot on my skin. My mind continues to wander as I remember how she looked. Her brown wavey hair cascading over her shoulders, leading my gaze to her pert nipples and the 'me' on screen licks his lips.
Her stomach was still a little rounder than normal because Mac was only a few weeks old but she still looks like a goddess.
"Shit!" I gasp as somebody knocks on my office door. I yank the device from my laptop and shove it back in my pocket, a quiet moan escapes my lips as I brush against my hardening dick.
"Yeah?" I cough.
"Harry, you okay?" My friend's voice yells through the door and I find myself standing up and grabbing my keys.
"No, I'm going home to wait for Jess. She'll be back at some point," I ramble. My hand pulls open the door. "I can't concentrate. I need to fix things Jeffrey. I want to be there when she comes back, the sooner I sort this whole mess out the better."
"Okay, Harry. Call if you need me." He pats my shoulder as I make my way around him and head out to my car.
-----
I close the front door behind me and yell out into the house. I let out a sigh when I realise nobody is here. Part of me hoped Harry would decide to wait around here so we could talk but that wasn't fair of me. I know he's busy. No, more than that, he has stuff that depends on him, stuff that's awaiting his approval and without things can quickly grind to a halt. He leaves his fingerprints in every part of the process and I love that he gets just as excited about choosing his backstage crew as he does about choosing his outfits. Every single detail matters to him, it's why he can get so consumed by it all.
He's never shut me out quite this much before though and he certainly has never made such a big decision like extending rehearsal time, a decision which impacts our family, without asking my opinion.
"Baby?" My husband's voice shatters my thoughts as I hear the front door.
"H?" I yell back as I rush to meet him, my body collides with his before the door has securely closed.
"I'm sorry," we both say while our arms envelope each other.
"Baby..." he draws out the word into a little groan and I'm reminded of my need for him that's just been growing and growing these past few days and nights but we need to sort things out.
"I know we need to talk but I need you. Been hard as a fucking rock for the whole drive over here." To confirm his point, he presses himself into my hip and I let out a little groan. His voice is soft and his fingers pull softly through my hair.
"Please, baby?"