Author's Note:
Surprise! I figured since we're getting close to the end and I don't want to wait an entire month before starting to post book two I thought I'd get an extra chapter out a week! It'll still take a couple weeks to finish up book one but I am just super excited to begin book two I thought it'd be nice to do this :)
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Friday was a brilliant, beautiful warm, sunshine-y day. After Defense Remus went outside with Lily, planning on studying by the lake however they didn't really do much studying. Lily ended up making a flower crown while Remus took his socks and shoes off, wriggling his toes in the cool mud.
"Only three weeks till the exams," she said, carefully weaving white flowers together. "Six till we go home."
Remus flopped onto his back, looking up at the blaze of blue above. "I can't imagine being home for so long. Two weeks feels like too long for me now."
"I know what you mean. I loved being home for the holidays but it felt so... weird."
"Empty."
"Precisely. None of your friends live near you, do they?"
Remus closed his eyes, not wanting to talk about his home. "No."
"Oh. I'll write you loads of letters. Maybe we can get together! At least when we go into Diagon Alley, we'll have to go on the same day." She adjusted her legs, bringing the crown closer to her face as she began adding in tiny little purple flowers.
"You'll have Snape though, at least. Right?" He had fully expected things to be tense between the two of them, but she didn't even mention what happened in Potions. He wondered if she knew what happened after... that Snape made James's glasses explode.
Lily smiled. "Yeah he lives nearby. I am looking forward to that. I feel like him being in Slytherin and me being in Gryffindor makes it so difficult for us to spend much time together. So hopefully we'll be able to do more over the summer. Wish you could come over too. Isn't there some sort of... instant travel?"
"There's Apparition," Remus replied, "which is kinda like... one second you're in one spot the next you're somewhere else. But only adults can do that. They can bring kids along but they need to be licensed for slide-along Apparition, which my father doesn't have. There's the Floo network. Fireplaces. But... my family's not connected up."
"I see. Sev's talked about the fireplace thing. Sounds really scary to me. Walking into a fireplace." She shook her head. "I still get surprised by magic. Is that weird?"
"Of course not." He sat back up, using some sticks to scrape the mud off his feet which had gotten cold. "You spent eleven years--well, I s'pose less than that since you met Snape a while ago, but most your life the Muggle way. You'll probably still be surprised by magic when you're twenty-two."
He felt something on his head and he jumped a little, glancing up. Lily was kneeling next to him, adjusting the flower crown that she draped on him. "Looks good on you." She sat back against her heels, tucking some of her hair behind her ear. Remus reached up, touching the flower crown gingerly, not wanting to break it. "You look cute."
He wondered if guys were supposed to be 'cute'. "Thank you," he replied, not sure what else to respond with.
Lily began working on another flower crown while Remus got his socks back on, continually reaching to touch the flowers, wondering what it looked like. Probably dumb. He casually went over to the edge of the lake and peered in. All right, maybe not so dumb. He gave his sickly reflection a smile then went back to sit next to Lily. She finished her second crown--white with lots of greenery--and put it on herself.
"You look really pretty," he said, not sure if he should say that or cute.
But Lily beamed. "Thank you! I figure there's probably some magic way to make these but I prefer the Muggle way."
"I prefer food when it's done the Muggle way," Remus admitted.
"I miss my mother's home cooked meals!" Lily fell back onto the grass, her hair everywhere, the flowers still on her.
Remus lay down next to her. "Me too. Thank Merlin Mum sends me some cookies or something every week, otherwise I think I'd go crazy." He said that sentence without really thinking it through and felt Lily flinching next to him when he said 'crazy'. That word still clung to him. He knew plenty of people still referred to him as Loopy, whispered that he was crazy. It wasn't something that had gone away.
"What do you look forward to the most, going home?" she asked. "And the least?"
His first thought was Gwyllgi--something he'd never in a million years admit to anyone. Then he felt guilty that his first thought had been his stuffed animal. "Seeing my parents again," he said even though that wasn't entirely true. It sounded like the right thing to say. "I miss them."
"Me too. But besides that. I mean..." She rolled over, propping her chin up on one hand as she gazed down into his face. The sun was shining off her hair and with the flowers he thought she looked like some sort of spring goddess. "Besides my family I really look forward to having a TV again."
"Yeah they're pretty nifty," Remus mused. "We have an old one but we don't really use it much. We mostly listen to radio programs."
"I love TV. I miss it. I have so much to catch up on! I've missed all of Dr. Who's new season except one episode during the Easter holidays but it was a finale of the serial anyway so I don't think that counts, though it was neat to see the Master again. You know, I think Jon Pertwee's Doctor looks a lot like a wizard. I bet he'd fit right in." Remus nodded, only barely following what she was saying. She plucked some grass and let it drift out of her fingers, some if it onto his face. "You have no idea what I'm talking about do you?"
He grinned up. "Nope."
"I'll show you sometime. You can come visit, and I'll show you Dr. Who."
Visit, again. "Sounds like a great idea," he said, having zero intentions of following through. He wished he could. He wished that he could go visit Lily's house, meet her parents (maybe meet the awful-sounding Petunia?), watch TV with her. Wished he could go visit all his friends (maybe not Sirius's house, course he never extended an invitation to anyone anyway so). "I bet they study TV in Muggle Studies."
Lily giggled. "I'll take the class, just to watch programs again! It'd be weird to hear about Muggles from a magical viewpoint though." She folded her arms, resting her head down against them, her face just inches from him. He could smell the lemon candy she had eaten earlier still on her breath. "I wonder if any Muggleborns actually take the class. I think a Muggleborn should teach it. Or at least someone who's lived as a Muggle for a while. Think that's the sort of person they got?"
"Probably not," he replied. He took one of the blades of grass still tickling his face and held it up against the sky. "Did Snape ever come round to your house?"
"A couple times. Not often. He used to say he didn't feel right coming over when I couldn't come to his house... I believed him at the time but..." She gave a sigh. "Now I wonder if it's the Muggle part of it that made him not want to come over."
That sounds rather likely, he thought, keeping that to himself.
"You never said what you're least looking forward to, about summer," she pointed out.
He rolled his eyes towards her. "Not having my friends. I'm going to really miss all of you."
"I can't imagine missing them buuuut I suppose you would," she said, pretending to look disgusted. He laughed. "I'm sure you've made plans to visit them at least, haven't you?" She kept saying 'them' in the same tone he imagined she'd refer to a pile of poo.
"I--I can't," he said. Her eyes got wide. "I mean, with my illness. I don't know when it will happen and I don't want to make plans then have to cancel them."
"Surely they'd understand."
"I guess but it still feels... like I'd be disappointing them."
"Mmm." She began peeling apart a flower, carefully pulling off the petals. "You don't get sick that often, really. It's almost like--" She stopped and Remus held his breath, waiting for her to say something that would mean he'd have to end their friendship, push her away. "--it's what, every couple months?" She put the petals in her cupped hand and then blew, watching them drift off.
Remus rolled onto his stomach now, poking his finger into the dirt. "I get sick on and off. No telling when it will happen." He kept his voice as steady as possible, worried she'd start noticing he disappeared like clockwork. He'd have to fake an illness again before the next full moon.
Her hand slipped into his, taking him by surprise. "I'd really like it if you could visit. I know my parents would love to meet you. I've talked about you a lot. Alice and Cassie are going to come over at some point. Alice especially wants to see what it's like at a Muggle house! Or maybe I could come see you? Would that be easier?"
No, no, no! He wanted to dig a hole in the ground to bury himself, to get away from all of this. "Maybe that would work!" he said, voice falsely cheerful. "It all depends on my mother of course."
"Of course," she agreed.
"She gets sick more than me, it's more intense for her. Further along. I really don't know when--" He knew he was babbling and then broke off when Lily put her other hand over his, so both of her were encapsulating one of his.
"Remus," she said, "I understand. If you can't, you can't. It's okay." She squeezed his hand then let go, standing up completely, brushing the grass off her uniform. Remus followed suit, not sure if she wanted to go back into the school or not but she just grabbed her bag of books to go closer to the lake, sitting on a big rock. Remus climbed up next to her, their legs dangling down, shoes just a couple inches above the water. They talked for a long time, occasionally dropping things down into the lake. Pebbles, bits of dirt, leaves. The giant squid was nearby, one of its tentacled slithering beneath their feet. At one point it flicked its tentacle, splashing some water against their. Lily laughed and got out some more of her lemon candy, tossing one in.
"Do you think it can actually eat it?" she asked as the tentacle pulled the tiny bit of candy down under the water.
"Probably not. It probably just accepts it as a gift or something," he said, leaning forward to try and see but the squid's mouth was a long distance away so he couldn't tell.
Lily tossed another piece of candy. "I haven't found anything about it in any book except some Hogwarts stuff. Are all giant squids magical?"
"Maybe." The squid took the second piece away. "There's really not a lot of information about deep sea creatures."
"The lake isn't deep sea." Lily scooted down the rock, taking one of her shoes and socks off so she could tip her toe in the water. "Ooh, it's cold! I wonder how the squid got there."
Remus grinned at her. "Magic."
She shoved him so hard he fell backwards off the rock and she shrieked with apologies but he just laughed, laying on his back on the ground. She scrambled down the rock to help him up, apologizing over and over until he accepted it, not at all bothered. Unfortunately when she went to help him she kicked her shoe off the rock and into the lake so Remus got it for her, using the locomotor spell to move it along the water until it bumped up against the shore.
"Maybe we could do a study of the giant squid for a class. I'd like to do that," she said, shaking the water off her shoe. "I know we get more classes in a couple years but I really feel like we're lacking in subjects."
"At Beauxbatons--in France--they have a few more classes. Like Healing. I think we'll learn healing stuff in Charms after we take our O.W.Ls, though it's not its own class."
"It should be." She put her sock and wet shoe on, then adjusted her flower crown. "We should have loads of options."
"Like what?" he asked, curious.
Lily frowned, bringing up her necklace so she could run the chain across her bottom lip. "One for Muggleborns about what wizarding society is like, how to be a member of wizarding society. That would be nice. I feel like a bungle up things all the time, I say things I shouldn't, or don't understand."
"If you have any questions I'd be glad to help," he said then realized he probably couldn't help her at all. He definitely wasn't a regular member of wizarding society; he didn't know very much at all. "As much I could," he added, a wee bit embarrassed.
She tilted her head, eyes sparkling with amusement. "All right. Can you tell me a good fingernail polish spell?"
"A--what?"
"Fingernail polish spell." She raised her hand, wriggling her fingers.
"Um." Remus just stared dumbfounded. "Um. I d.... don't... know?"
"I'm teasing," she giggled. "I'm sorry though, yeah, I was teasing. Alice and Cassie have taught me some but they're a little advanced, it's not as simple as color changing fabric or anything." She looked down at her fingernails with a sigh. "They have some potion that--you put a drop on your nail and it covers the whole thing and you can use a word to change its color. I'm going to try to buy some next time I go to Diagon."
"I hope you--err--find some?" He really had no idea how to respond to that, hoping she wouldn't start talking about makeup.
She didn't, instead talking about other things she'd like to look for in Diagon Alley. They sat back down on the rock, talking about the various shops a Diagon Alley... mostly Flourish and Blotts. Remus's favorite store. He had only been there once, for school, but wanted to go back. Not that he could afford much there... all his books had been bought secondhand except for one (A Beginner's Guide to Transfiguration) since it had been sold out at the used bookstore they had gone to. He remembered his father's pinched face when they went into Flourish and Blotts, the tense muscles in his jaw when he forked over the coins for the new book. He knew all his friends all had brand new books. He wished he could have another new book. When he got his Transfiguration book home and opened it... breathing in its scent... all books smelled amazing to Remus but a brand new book smelled a little different. It smelled... wonderful.
Then the conversation swung back to Beauxbatons; Lily was very curious about other magic schools. "My grandmother--my father's mother--is from France. She moved over here when she and my grandfather got married but was adamant about her children going to Beauxbatons."
"Did she want you to go?"
Remus shrugged. "I never really knew her. We're not very close with my father's family. Or my mother's family."
"How come?" Lily sounded rather upset about that fact. He kinda regretted saying it already.
"I dunno," he mumbled, trying to figure out how to explain. "I think my father's family was angry because of my mother's illness. That I have it. This was all ages ago, so I really don't know. And I guess my mum's family didn't understand and so we just sort've... drifted off on our own. I don't know my extended family that much." That all sounded feasible, didn't it?
"That must suck," she said softly, her hand resting on top of his. "I don't have much extended family. Both my parents were only children, and my mother's father passed away when I was very little. I have a couple cousins but I don't see them often. None of them know about me though. Just my parents and--Petunia. My parents weren't sure what to say to my grandparents so... we just haven't, yet. I'm a little afraid of what might happen. Like, what you said about your mother's family not understanding. What if they don't? I mean, Petunia doesn't really."
Remus twisted his hand so he could squeeze hers. "I'm sure she'll come around. It's a really big thing to adjust to. Plus it must be hard like--you being singled out, while she doesn't have any magic."
Lily nodded slowly then said softly, "She wrote a letter to Dumbledore, begging him to accept her."
He couldn't help but wince at that. "Oh. That's probably a lot of it."
"Yeah," she sighed. "I just wish... things could be easier. I love her so much. We used to be so close. I want to talk to her about so much, stuff that only sisters can really talk about. Except she doesn't respond to my letters. Anything said is through my parents so I can't say anything really private. At least I have Alice and Cassie. Except, it's really not the same, is it?"
"I don't imagine it would be," he said. "I--really don't know."
Lily put her head on his shoulder. "Course I have you but you don't want to hear about my girl problems."
"You can tell me anything," he said, though wondered what 'girl problems' would entail. Probably embarrassing stuff. "If you're comfortable telling me. I won't tell anyone anything. I--just don't know how helpful I could be."
"I doubt you'd be comfortable. But thank you."
"What kind of problems would girls have that boys wouldn't?" he asked, really curious.
She stared at him now. "I thought you read a lot," she said which made him blush. "You know. Girl stuff. Boy issues--like, cute guys--and... body issues. Like... boobs."
Remus began coughing so hard it hurt. "Ah. Er. Um. Y--yes. W-w-well. Um. I d-d-don't... I don't... tha--that's not something I c-can... really... I d-don't know... about th--that." He thought of what the Marauders said, about what James said about boobs.
She was laughing so hard tears poured down her cheeks. "That was the best thing ever. I'm sorry. That was hilarious, your face!! I'm sorrryyy!" But she just laughed even harder, unable to breathe. After she finally managed to calm down (wiping her face on her sleeves) she then asked, "All right, I've got a question. Do you guys talk about... guy stuff? Like. Cute girls?"
"Ermm..." Remus blinked a few times, trying to think. "N... not really. I don't think any of them has talked about girls. Except, I guess, this one Quidditch player the three of them seem to like? I dunno who she is though. That was only once."
What did the Marauders talk about? Pranks. School stuff. Just--general stuff. Quidditch, for them. Not girls though. Were they supposed to be talking about girls? He didn't even really know anything about cute girls. He thought Lily was probably cute but he really thought her more along the lines of pretty, and not in that way, the way everyone said he liked her. Even though she called him cute earlier he doubted she meant it in the same way that she said 'cute boys'. When were boys and girls supposed to start noticing each other like that? Sirius and Peter already did, he knew that. He told Lily about the splinter in Peter's finger and the second year girl kissing it, which made Lily go 'oooooooh' then asked who the girl was. He didn't know and did the best he could describing her.
"Curly blonde?" she asked, crinkling her nose up. "Really long hair? Blue eyes? She's very pretty. Very, very pretty. No wonder Pettigrew got all flustered about it. I don't think anyone could get their finger kissed by someone who looks like that and not get flustered." Would he have gotten flustered? He didn't think so. He thought it was gross, and said so. That just made Lily start laughing again.
"Sorry but I don't understand the whole spit thing!" he admitted. "I've never understood when my parents kissed. Swapping spit sounds gross." Besides, he had werewolf spit which was probably very dangerous, so kissing was definitely out of the question for him. "Didn't you say that once? About spit swap promises?"
"It's different though!" Lily protested. "Spitting in your hand and shaking hands is one thing--very gross--but kissing..." She gave a dreamy sort of sigh. "I wonder what that'd be like. I can't wait to have my first kiss. I'm probably going to be rubbish though."
"I'm never going to kiss anyone," he said stubbornly.
"Mmmmhm."
"It's disgusting."
She leaned in and kissed his cheek.
Just kissed his cheek.
Her lips just--on his cheek. On his skin. (on his werewolf skin)
He just stared at her in absolute shock, unable to even move (kissed him! on his cheek! her lips! werewolf!). Lily raised her eyebrows, blushing a little bit as she waited a response which didn't come because he couldn't talk. It felt like he had been given the langlock curse again or something. All he managed to get out was a 'duhhhh' sort of sound.
"Was that disgusting?" she asked, tired of waiting.
He raised his hand, fingers brushing against the spot. The thought of lying didn't even cross his mind. "Actually... k--kinda. Yeah." He began wiping it off on his sleeve while Lily rolled her eyes. He hoped he didn't sound too panicked. If she knew, if she knew, oh Merlin, her lips were on my skin, on my WEREWOLF skin, what if she knew, what if she finds out, oh Merlin, she kissed a monster, what if something happens, what if it DOES something to her?! He half expected just to transform, like some sort of anti-fairy tale. Kiss the boy, he turns back into a monster. He wanted to run away, to hide, to go under his bed for the next twenty years.
"That's the first kiss I've ever given anyone and you go and say it was disgusting." He hoped she was teasing however her tone was definitely put out.
"Lily--no. No. I didn't mean it l--like that. Just... really..." Now he panicked even more, for hurting her. "I just--wasn't expecting it. And-and-and really, okay, it just... I don't know! I'm--I'm sure if I was--" normal, he wanted to say, "--like most boys I'd--I'd--I'd be fainted right now."
"Fainted."
"Uh-huh." He crossed his hands then jerked them outwards. "Completely passed out from bliss."
"Good God, Remus! It wasn't that good!" But she looked pleased. "Are you going to go brag to your friends now?"
"No!" he half-shrieked which seemed to upset her again. "Th--they think we're... you know... and if I tell them that then I'd never convince them we're just friends."
"Alice and Cassie think we are too. It's really annoying."
He didn't want to say it was a relief to hear her say that it annoyed her, cause after that kiss he had been vaguely worried she thought he was cute-cute. He didn't want to deal with that (ever). He just wanted to be friends, so he was glad that it seemed like that's all Lily wanted to.
"One day when they're all crushing on you I'll brag to them," he teased.
Lily giggled, smacking his arm. "They won't be. When the girls are after you I'll be the one bragging."
"Oh! Right, because scrawny little sickly bookworms is what all the girls want," he snickered. She flashed him a grin, bumping her shoulder against his. Then they realized it was a little after five and if they wanted supper before study group they'd need to go. They both removed their flower crowns, tossing them into the water, then walked back into the school shoulder-to-shoulder.