CAROLINE'S POINT OF VIEW
So I sat on my mattress thinking about the lady in the masjid. Was I really a Muslim now? I had no idea that it was going to be so quick, I felt amazing although I kept crying without reason. I had this book in my hand that I no more needed as I was already a Muslim. It was dark in my room. I was crying with hiccups. I kept thanking Allah for giving me the opportunity to become a part of those whom He calls the believers in His Book.
I opened the Quran that I had got a day before. I had not started reading it yet but I knew that it will leave me in amazement. I read a few Ayahs'
"Certainly, we have brought to them a Book (the Quran) which We have explained in detail with knowledge, - guidance and a mercy to the people who believe."
52:7
Mercy of Allah; was what I needed the most as I had read before that the one who gets it does not need anything of the world.
I wanted to learn to read the Quran so much. I wanted to read it in Arabic and feel the words the way they were sent by Allah.
Yesterday when I was at the mosque before leaving, the lady had told me that if I wanted to learn the Quran I can come to the mosque daily at that time and learn it from her.
I got up and began dressing up. I wore loose trousers and a black scarf. I reached the mosque.
It was dark and that lady was not there. I saw a man standing next to the door. I hesitated at first and then decided to ask him. He had a beard and it seemed that he was waiting for someone. I went to him and asked,
"Assalam u Alaikum. Do you know where Miss Amna is?" she had told me her name that day.
"She has already gone home," he said without looking up.
"Okay. Thank you." I said started walking out.
"She is here from 3pm to 6pm," he said from behind.
"Oh! Ok." I left the mosque.
I sat on my mattress thinking about life. I thought what I had gained in life till now?
The answer to it was very simple.
FAME!
I had not known the real meaning of life before. That woman had told me some simple things about Islam. Things that she thought I must know as a Muslim.
She had told me the 5 things that Islam asks you to believe in as a compulsion.
She told me that a woman is asked to cover herself, so that she does not attract men.
This man that I saw in the mosque didn't even look at me although I was not covered the way I had seen most Muslim women cover. That man made me feel so relaxed. I didn't have to care how I looked neither did I have to face the irritating eyes that make you think that you are a source of pleasure for them.
That day when the woman had told me about covering up, I had felt embarrassed and ashamed. I was a journalist and my job was my passion. I had never thought of it like this before. But now it was like a seed of guilt has been sown into my heart and I wanted to get rid of it now.
I was in deep thoughts when my phone rang. It was Umar. He wanted to invite me to a party that he had in his house. It was his engagement. I told him that I would come and then hung up.
I thought that I might get to make some Muslim friends there.
The next day I woke up, and headed to my office. I had not gone there since I had converted. I met Umar on the way to my cabin. I congratulated him for his engagement. He told me that I had a show today with a writer. I had no idea about it or I might have forgotten.
As soon as I was alone I felt like not doing it. I wanted to run away from this place. It started to haunt me. I don't know what had happened in these few days that my passion was now converted into a heavy burden on my heart.