Chapter 9
Nell
The sound of shattering glass made me wince but I forced myself to ignore it as I went over my Spanish homework.
Someone yelled “Opa!” just before more glass broke and I gripped the arms of the chair I was sitting on to keep from going down there.
My parents were out of town. Naturally to Paige, that translated to party.
Even though they were only gone for one night, considering how many people had piled in the front door in the past few hours, the clean up was going to be atrocious.
Shaking my head, I forced myself to concentrate on the notebook in front of me. I was finally able to drown out the sound of whatever top forty hit that was playing when there was a knock on my door.
I squeezed my eyes shut in irritation and pushed myself up from my desk, fully expecting to find a horny couple looking for a bed on the other side of my door.
What I wasn’t expecting to find was my sister, alone aside from a bottle of tequila and two red solo cups.
“You coming to party, Nellie?” she asked, pushing past me without waiting for my answer.
I winced as she flopped onto my bed.
Her brow quirked as she bent her elbow and propped her head on her hand. “Oh, I’m sorry, did I wrinkle the sheets?” she asked, her words a little slurred.
I didn’t reply because that was exactly why I’d winced and she really didn’t need more ammunition against me.
She laughed, swinging her legs over the side of the bed and planting the bottle on my nightstand before separating the two cups and placing them in front of the bottle. “Want a drink?” she asked, already adding tequila to both glasses.
“I think you’ve had enough,” I said, noting that she’d doled out the liquor with a heavy hand.
She snorted, leaning back against the headboard. “You’re such a party pooper, Nell.” She took a swig from her cup, smacking her lips together when she was done. “C’mon,” she said, reaching for the other cup and holding it out to me.
I took it, holding it with both hands to make sure it didn’t spill. When she looked at me expectantly, I sent a frown towards the golden liquid before bringing it to my lips and taking a tiny sip.
“That’s disgusting,” I gasped when the liquor hit my tongue and burned its way down my throat.
“Yup,” she said in reply, taking another swig, her eyes shifting back to my nightstand, coming to rest on the framed picture I had there.
Her mouth pinched tighter and her eyes narrowed as she reached towards it and picked the frame up, examining the picture like she’d never seen it before.
It was the two of us a few years ago. I was fourteen and she was thirteen when it was taken. We’d spent the day at an amusement park, just the two of us and had asked someone to take a photo of us. Both of our noses were a little burnt from the sun but our smiles were wide and genuine. Our arms were linked and we were leaning towards each other, almost against each other like the one couldn’t stand without the other.
It was my favourite picture of the two of us.
“When did everything get so fucked up?” Paige said in a quiet voice laced with pain.
My eyes widened and I took a step towards her. “Paige―”
She shook her head, slamming the picture onto the nightstand, facedown. “Drink with me, Nell,” she said, any emotion in her voice gone now.
“We should talk,” I rasped, my heart aching with the need to talk to her, to get back to where we were in that picture.
“No, we should drink. Just have a drink with me,” she said, her blue eyes bright and a little bit bloodshot as they connected with mine.
It was the hint of desperation in her voice that had me tilting the cup towards my lip again, taking a deep swallow.
She shot me a grin as a reward, lifting her cup in my direction before finishing off her own.
Leaning over, she grabbed the bottle to refill before getting off the bed and walking around the room.
Her fingers trailed across my things, leaving her touch on everything, her sharp eyes missing nothing as she passed by my dresser, noting the lack of dust, eyeing the symmetrical placement of my bobby pins and necklaces. When she reached my desk, she looked down at my notes with a speculative eye, her fingers reaching towards my pens, counting the three blue, two black and one red before shifting to the highlighters.
I looked away as she inspected my things, finding it hard to just sit there while she judged me.
“It was never this bad before,” she said, moving to my closet and opening the doors, seeing the way I’d organized my clothes first by colour, then by style. “You’ve gotten worse.”
I shrugged, standing and moving towards her, reaching around her to close my closet, embarrassment and tequila making my cheeks red.
“Mom did that to you,” she said, her words making me freeze, my eyes latching onto her.
She didn’t seem to notice my intense regard as she moved back to my bed and sat down. “She was always so hard on you, demanding perfection. Remember when you were taking piano?” My spine stiffened and I moved towards the chair as the memory of my mother and piano lessons flashed through my consciousness.
“She hated when you got it wrong but I think she hated it even more when you got it right,” Paige continued softly, her eyes on the carpet in front of her.
I gritted my teeth against the wave of remembered panic that threatened to overtake me. Shaking my head, I tipped the cup towards my mouth, eager to get rid of that memory.
“I wanted to protect you, did you know that?” Paige asked, a wry smile curling her lips as she looked over at me. She rolled her eyes as she took another swig, wiping the excess moisture from her lips with the back of her hand as she lowered the cup. Her features turned hard for a second as she stared at me before rolling her eyes. “There I was thinking we were a team while you turned around and betrayed me.”
I cringed. “It wasn’t like that―”
“Brian’s been acting weird lately,” she interjected, her eyes on the wall now, no longer focused on me, on us. “He hasn’t been returning my calls and he didn’t even show up tonight.”
“Maybe that’s a good thing,” I said hesitantly. “Maybe it wouldn’t hurt if things between you and Brian cooled off.”
Paige’s gaze landed on me and sharpened. “You think we should break up, is that it?”
I shrugged, knowing from the way her eyes were narrowed and her shoulders were squared that there was no right answer at this point.
“You never did understand why I love him,” she snarled, lurching to her feet.
“Paige, that’s not―”
“Oh, just fuck off, will you? You’re just jealous because we’re great together and you have no one.”
I opened my mouth to deny it but she was already out of my room, the door slamming hard in her wake.
Frustrated, I stood, tipping the last of the contents in my cup down my throat, enjoying the burn as I paced around my room, absentmindedly reaching out to push things that Paige had moved back into their positions.
Moving back to the bed, I sat down, reaching towards the picture of the two of us. Longing rushed through me as I looked at the girls in the picture, wishing I could go back to being that girl.
When was the last time I’d felt that carefree? When was the last time I’d been able to let go like that? To smile like that?
With a sigh, I put the picture back in its place, pushing on the frame slightly to make sure it was at a forty five degree angle from the edge of the table.
You’ve gotten worse.
She was right. Even if I couldn’t see it, even if she hadn’t laid it out for me, I could feel it. The tension that lived in my bones never seemed to ease anymore. The desperate need for everything to be just so was constant.
I stood up, pacing the foot of my bed as I thought about my piano lessons, about the way my hands would shake whenever my mother was watching, the way she’d yell whenever I messed up. The day she’d finally given in and declared me hopeless was one of the happier memories of my life.
I hadn’t touched a piano since.
But that didn’t mean I wasn’t still trying, and failing, to earn my parent’s approval. What was it going to take?
Nothing. There is nothing I can do to change it.
I cringed at the thought, my eyes catching on my reflection in the mirror above my dresser and holding. The tension around my eyes was obvious, the stiff set of my shoulders and steel in my spine made me look like I was ready to go into battle, not settling down for a night of Spanish verb conjugations.
Closing my eyes, I turned away from my reflection, pulling at the elastic holding my hair in place. I needed a break. I needed a moment or two to just be Nell, to not worry about what other people might think, what my parents might read into my behaviour, what my shrink might see when she looks at me.
I used to get that when I was around Paige. I used to be able to let go when it was just the two of us but I screwed that up. I hurt her and I was starting to think forgiveness wasn’t forthcoming.
With a sigh, I walked towards the bed, brushing the wrinkles out of the comforter and readjusting the pillows until they were right.
I was contemplating my work when my phone buzzed in my pocket and I absentmindedly pulled it out.
Grayson: Remember what I said, Cupcake. If you pick up your sister, I’m going with you.
I narrowed my eyes at the message, ignoring the way my lips were sort of twitching, like I wanted to smile.
Me: Don’t call me Cupcake.
I pressed send, letting my smile spread for a moment, some of the tension easing out of my shoulders.
Grayson: I swear to god, Nell, if you went to a party without calling me...
I swallowed hard, thinking about the last party I’d stepped into because of my sister, thinking about the guy who I wasn’t so sure would’ve let me go if it hadn’t been for Grayson.
Me: Relax, I’m doing Spanish homework. The party’s at my house tonight so no rescue mission necessary.
I was about to put my phone down when something made me freeze, some stupid, insane urge overcame me to the point where I was typing a new message, barely even considering what I was doing before I pressed send.
Me: You can come over if you want.
“Idiot,” I mumbled, smacking myself in the forehead before throwing the phone onto my bed. “What the hell is wrong with me?” I’d just invited Grayson to my house. As in the den of the beast, as in, if my parents ever found out, I’d have a one way ticket to an institution of their choosing before you could say the word, tequila.
Which was the only explanation for why I’d invited Grayson West to my house. Tequila. There was no way I’d have done it if I were sober. Not a chance.
...I’m pretty sure.
I cringed slightly at the thought before brushing it off. What did it matter anyway? It’s not like he would say yes. It was Friday night. He was probably at a party with his own fr―
My phone beeped.
I blinked at the offending device, cursing myself even as I reached for it.
Grayson: Be there in ten minutes.
My fingers hovered over the screen long after it went black, trying to convince myself that I needed to text him back, to call him off, to tell him it was a mistake.
But I couldn’t.
Instead, I just sat there, staring at the device until about ten minutes later, I heard the telltale sound of a motorcycle roaring down the street.
Flinging my phone onto the bed, I moved to my window and pushed it open, leaning my head out just as he pulled into the driveway.
He cut the engine and pulled his helmet off, his eyes shifting unerringly up until they landed on me.
“Hey Cupcake,” he said, his lips tipping up in one corner.
I attempted to scowl but it was hard to do with the smile trying to force its way onto my mouth. “Don’t call me that,” I said, my reprimand lacking heat.
He shrugged, swinging his leg off the bike and gesturing to the door. “Should I let myself in?”
“Yeah,” I said without hesitation, my plan to tell him to leave evaporating in an instant. “I’ll meet you downstairs.”
Turning my back on the window, I walked out of my room and down the stairs, spotting Grayson as he came into the foyer, his eyes scanning the people milling about for a second before landing on me.
I stopped fighting the grin, letting it bloom across my lips as I made it to the bottom of the stairs, pushing past a few people to reach him.
I should’ve probably said something but my brain was too busy trying to figure out how to operate. My gaze ran over his tousled hair, his five o’clock shadow and his black t-shirt that clung to his chest in a way that had my throat going dry.
Mentally shaking my head, I tried to focus and was about to say something when someone bumped into me from behind, forcing me to take a step closer to Grayson. His hands came up, resting lightly on my biceps while his lips tipped into a crooked grin. “Have you been drinking, Nell?” he asked, raising one hand to trail his fingers across my cheek. “You’re flushed.”
I shrugged, not bothering to answer him. Or maybe I wasn’t able to with the way my throat had closed when his fingers had touched my skin.
I cleared my throat and took a step back from him, jerking my head in the direction of the kitchen. “Want a drink?” I asked.
His shoulders lifted and he followed me as I wound my way through the people crowded into the hallway.
My breath started coming a little faster as I brushed up against sweaty bodies.
Chill, Nell. You’re fine.
I took a deep breath, the scent of spilled beer and something minty climbing up my nose, making me cringe but for some reason it made the panic recede enough for me to forge ahead, finally making my way into the crowded kitchen.
“Where are the glasses?” Grayson asked, leaning closer to me so he could be heard above the hum of drunken conversation.
I pointed at the counter where the plastic cups were and he nodded, people automatically moving out of his way as he moved in that direction.
“Oh my god,” Paige said, suddenly directly in front of me, her eyes dancing with mirth, her lips twisted in a grin. “Did you seriously invite Grayson West to my party?”
I shrugged. “Yes,” I said, daring her to argue with me.
She shook her head, giving a light chuckle before leaning closer. “If Mom finds out, you’re out of here, you know that right?”
“Then don’t tell her,” I said, feigning a calm I wasn’t exactly feeling.
She looked at me steadily for a minute before shrugging her shoulders. “Fine. Just tell him to keep his hands to himself. If anything gets stolen, I’ll know who to blame it on.”
“He’s not like that,” I snapped through gritted teeth, anger pooling in my belly.
She rolled her eyes, turning slightly so she could look him up and down as he walked towards us. “Don’t delude yourself, Nell. He might look good in a pair of jeans but he doesn’t belong within ten feet of this zip code. He’s got ‘future criminal’ written all over him. He’s not one of us.”
She turned up her nose, obviously judging him beneath her.
“I’m not one of you,” I said when he was just a couple feet away, making Paige swing her gaze over to me once more. “In this house, if anyone doesn’t belong, it’s me.”
Something flashed in her eyes, sorrow maybe? But it was gone before I could get a good grip on it and without another word, she turned her back on me, walked out of the kitchen and disappeared into the crowd.
Grayson’s eyes had followed her retreat before they slowly swung back to me. A line appeared on his brow as he looked down at me, two red solo cups in either hand. He jerked his head towards the balcony and leaned a little closer. “Want to get some air, Cupcake?” he asked after a second.
I breathed out a sigh and nodded, some of the tension leaving my shoulders as soon as we were headed away from the crowd.
I stepped out onto the patio and immediately felt like I could breathe again.
That is, until a sound drew my attention to the group of five people standing off to the side, their eyes on me, identical condescending grins on their lips as they whispered to one another. I heard the word loser a few times and when they threw the word ‘crazy’ into the mix, I scowled.
Then everything changed.
The vibe on the deck went from patronizing to terrified in a second and their smirks disappeared as their eyes shifted to something behind me.
Or rather, someone.
I jumped slightly when Grayson planted his hand on my shoulder, his arm circling around my back protectively as he stared down the people standing across from us.
“I think you guys will like it better inside, don’t you agree?” Grayson asked with a clear undertone of menace.
It was almost comical the way they rushed to put out their cigarettes, their eyes cast downwards as they shuffled past us and snuck into the house.
When the door was closed and we were alone on the patio, I turned to face Grayson, his hand sliding along my shoulder and across my spine before falling to his side. “People are kind of scared of you, huh?”
His dark eyes locked on mine and he was silent for a long beat before saying, “Not everyone.”
I shrugged, reaching out to take one of the two cups he’d manage to carry in his free hand. “What is this?” I asked, bringing it to my nose to smell it.
“Water.”
I frowned, leaning forward to look into his, seeing that it was also filled with a clear liquid.
“Both of them,” he said, bringing the cup to his lips and taking a sip.
“You could’ve had a beer or something.”
He shrugged, walking towards the railing, leaning a hip against it before turning his gaze back to me. “I’m good.”
I nodded just as a loud, tinkling laugh reached my ears and I couldn’t help but look behind me into the house. Paige was sitting on the kitchen counter with people surrounding her. I watched as she took a shot someone handed to her then held the empty glass up triumphantly, her grin wide as the crowd cheered.
If that were me, I’d be on the floor having a panic attack.
Just then her eyes shifted and connected with mine through the glass, her lips twisting into a sardonic smile as her chin lifted slightly.
Gritting my teeth I turned away from the window, anger trickling down my spine.
She’s already wasted, I thought, hating that she had to put on a show for these people, hating that they loved her for it. They didn’t even know her.
Or maybe it was me who didn’t know her...
“What’s the deal with the two of you?”
I blinked, realizing that Grayson had been watching the whole exchange silently. I shrugged. “Sibling rivalry?”
His brow quirked and he gave me a disbelieving look while I plucked at the hem of my shirt, searching for loose threads. “Is it really that simple, Nell?”
I shrugged, having no intention of telling him anything. I mean, c’mon, I’d embarrassed myself in front of Grayson West enough times already. I really didn’t need to add my family drama to―
“She hates me,” I blurted before staring blankly at him, disbelief making my eyes wide.
What the fuck, Nell? The plan was to not say anything.
“Why?” Grayson asked, his attention focused entirely on me.
With a sigh, I walked towards him, leaning forward to rest my elbows on the rail next to him, letting my hands dangle over the edge of the porch. “I screwed up. She told me a secret, asked for my help and I...” I winced at the memory. “I fed her to the wolves.” With a short laugh, I straightened, shifting to face him. “I don’t know why I’m telling you this,” I blurted.
He gave me a funny look, his expression unreadable as he tilted his head to the side. “Me neither,” he said softly.
A smile slipped onto my lips before I gave my head a slight shake. “What about you? You and Pierce didn’t exactly seem like buddies. What’s the story?”
His features turned to granite and his spine went ramrod straight. Water sloshed over the edge of his cup as he put it down a little too hard, the bottom crumpling slightly against the railing. His gaze shot to the cup and stayed there as he ran a hand through his hair, making the already messy strands even more so.
“I don’t really want to get into that, Nell,” he said stiffly, still not looking at me.
“Okay.”
His gaze shot to me and he gave me a puzzled look, like he was expecting me to push.
Suddenly, he squared his body to me, his dark eyes completely black. The lines of his face were accented, the shadows from the light at the porch making his cheekbones stand out in relief. He looked like he was about to walk in front of a firing squad.
“Might as well know,” he mumbled before swallowing hard and continuing in a flat voice, “My dad was a construction worker. We weren’t rich, but there was always food on the table and a roof over our heads. A few years back, he got hurt. Fell off a ladder and broke his back.” His forehead wrinkled in remembered worry and I had the insane urge to reach out to him, to grab his hand in mine and offer him comfort.
I put my cup on the railing and shoved my hands into my pockets instead.
“After that, the money stopped coming in and we were going to lose the house. Pierce started selling drugs to help keep us afloat. It worked. But then my dad got better and he went back to work and Pierce didn’t stop. He kept getting in deeper and deeper and I didn’t stop him.”
“Grayson,” I said, taking a half step closer to him, not sure what else to say.
Which was right about the time I realized that my hands hadn’t stayed in my pockets, that I’d actually reached out and placed my hand on his where it lay on the railing, his fingers clutching the wood until his knuckles had whitened.
He stared down at my hand on his and his lips tightened into a thin line before he shifted away, turning his back on me to pace towards the other side of the deck. “Don’t get the wrong idea, Nell. I’m not exactly an innocent in this story.” He gave a light chuckle, turning back to me with a blank look on his face and a humourless grin on his lips. “I may not have been the one dealing drugs but when someone had issues paying the money, I was the one they answered to. That’s why people are afraid of me, Cupcake. That’s why the hallway clears when I walk by.”
His gaze shifted to his hands, staring down at the white scars across his knuckles as shadows crossed his eyes. “I used to beat the shit out of people for drug money,” he said, his voice flat and when he looked up at me, his features were cut in granite, the smile on his lips stiff and unnatural. “Most people already know. I don’t know why you never heard the rumours but I get it if you walk back inside and never speak to me again. I’m not the kind of guy girls like you hang out with.”
I frowned, giving my head a slight shake. “I’ve pissed you off a few times, haven’t I?”
He gave me a puzzled look and frowned. “What does that have to do with anything?”
“I’ve made you mad and you’ve never laid a finger on me. That―”
“That’s not what I’m saying,” he said, suddenly right in front of me, his face close to mine. “I would never hurt you, Nell. Ever.”
“Then why do you think I’m going to walk away?” I asked, my voice a bit breathy from his proximity.
“Because you should,” he replied, his gaze dipping to take in my features, his eyes going a shade darker. “Because if you don’t do it now, I’m not giving you another chance.”
My lips parted and for one crazy, insane second, I thought he was moving closer to me.
Then the patio door slid open, the sound making me jump back slightly. Craig walked out of the house, his eyes immediately latching onto Grayson and narrowing. “You’ve been out here a while, Nell. Why don’t you come back inside and have a drink with me.”
Grayson snorted and crossed his arms over his chest as he took a step to the side, turning so he was facing Craig.
“I don’t want to go in there, Craig,” I said, glancing over his shoulder at the party going on behind him.
“C’mon, Nell. It’s getting cold and your...friend’s probably ready to head out.” Craig’s bloodshot eyes shifted, landing on Grayson. Craig shot him a mocking smile and stepped slightly closer to me, reaching out to wrap his hand around my forearm, giving a light tug. “This isn’t exactly your kind of party anyway, right?”
“Craig, stop it,” I snapped, wincing when he turned to me, the scent of beer practically escaping his pores. “You’re drunk.”
He shrugged. “So what? Brian’s at home, Paige is in her own house and under control. Don’t you think we deserve to have a little fun?” He reached out with his other hand so that he could turn me towards him. “Have a drink with me, Nell,” he said softly, his eyes running over my features, a crooked smile on his lips. “I’ve wanted to talk to you about something.”
My forehead wrinkled as I looked up at him, trying to read the intensity in his eyes but I couldn’t figure him out. “About what?”
Craig took a deep breath and parted his lips but just then, the patio door slid open and people began to pour out, shoving us to the side until my hip hit the railing and I would’ve stumbled if someone hadn’t wrapped their arm around my waist, keeping me steady.
“You good, Cupcake?” Grayson asked, his mouth close to my ear as people ran towards the steps, shouting at each other and stumbling towards the side of the house.
“I’m good,” I mumbled, trying to ignore the shivers going up and down my spine. “What’s going on?” I asked, frowning as the crowd thinned leaving only a few stragglers to casually walk out of the house.
“We’re busted,” a very drunk girl giggled, stumbling towards me and latching onto my arm for support. “The parents came home early. Paige is going to be in so much trouble,” she tittered, lurching away from me to walk down the steps.
I blinked a few times, for a long, blissful minute, her words not penetrating.
But then they did.
And I nearly keeled over in panic.
“My parents are home,” I wheezed, my vision going grey at the edges as I forgot how to breathe. “Oh my god, it’s a mess. I need time. I have to clean this up. I can’t―”
“Nell,” Grayson said, gripping my shoulders and turning me towards him, his dark eyes locked on mine, his face so close to mine that it was the only thing I could see. “This isn’t your party. Paige is the one who’s in trouble here. Paige is the one who has to clean this up. If your parents know you at all, they’ll know you didn’t invite these people here.”
I bit my lip and shook my head, my throat closing over any words I may have been trying to form. My mind was racing, images crowding my head of the living room covered in tipped beer cans and garbage that I needed to clean up right now.
Maybe they hadn’t seen? Maybe I still had time before―
“Come on, Nell,” Craig said, lightly gripping my arm and giving a tug. “I’ll go explain to them that this wasn’t your party. They’ll understand.”
“No,” I wheezed pathetically, pulling my arm away from him.
I seriously needed my lungs to start working.
“I have to go...in there...I have to...fix this. They’re going to―”
I was cut off when a pair of arms suddenly wrapped around my waist and lifted, leaving my feet to dangle off the ground as we moved down the steps to the side of the house.
I blinked when Grayson set me down with my back to the house, my eyes wide as I looked up at his face so close to mine. “Grayson, wha―”
“This. Is not. Your problem, Cupcake. Are you hearing me?”
I flinched, turning my gaze to the side. “You don’t understand.”
He was silent for a second, his breathing picking up for some reason. When he lifted his hand and touched my chin, guiding it until I was looking at him again, I didn’t resist. “I understand that if you go in there and they’re yelling at your sister, you’ll step in and take the blame. I understand that if I walk away and leave you here, you’re going to end up cleaning that entire house by yourself.” My heart stuttered when his lips tilted into a crooked grin and his fingers shifted from my chin to my cheek, brushing lightly over the skin there. “So I’m thinking you should come with me.”
“What?” I croaked, telling my lips not to smile back at him, that there was nothing about this situation that warranted a goddamn smile.
But when his grin got a little wider, I couldn’t help it and I felt my traitorous lips tilting upward.
“We’re going to get on my bike and drive around for as long as we feel like it and then we’re going to get pancakes. What do you say, Nell Watson? You with me?”
No. I was so not with him. I had to go inside. I had to face the music, talk to my parents, clean the stupid house. There was no way in hell that I was―
“French toast,” I heard myself say, my stupid lips already tipping into an even bigger grin. “I want French toast.”
His smile widened and he gave a low laugh that had my stomach dipping in that way it does when you go down a drop on a roller coaster and I stopped fighting it.
I wasn’t going into that house. I was going to climb on the back of Grayson West’s motorcycle and go wherever he’d take me.
And even though I’d expected to be panicked at the thought of leaving Paige in there alone, I wasn’t.
In fact, I felt...light. Like there was no coil in my chest, no pressure on my shoulders, no weight sitting on my lungs keeping me from breathing properly.
“C’mon Cupcake,” Grayson said, his smile wide as he took a step back and held his hand out for me.
“She’s not going with you,” Craig said, suddenly appearing next to me, glaring at Grayson.
I blinked, having forgotten that he was nearby.
“That’s really not up to you,” Grayson said, his smile disappearing as his gaze shifted away from me.
“She barely even knows you. We’ve been friends for a long time now, I’ll take care of her,” Craig said, wrapping his fingers around my wrist and giving a light tug.
“Craig, wait,” I mumbled, about to pull my wrist out of his hold when someone came around the side of the house.
“There you are,” the girl said, her long blonde hair falling in loose waves around her shoulders. I recognized her as one of Paige’s friends but I couldn’t think of her name. “C’mon Craig, let’s get out of here before Paige’s parents call the cops on us. We waited for you.”
“Nell’s coming with us,” Craig said, tugging my wrist until I was forced to take a step around Grayson, the moonlight illuminating my features.
I watched as the blonde girl’s eyes lit with recognition. “You’re joking, right?” she said, laughing.
“No,” Craig replied, irritation in his voice.
“I’m going with Grayson,” I said before the girl could say anything else.
“Perfect. See Craig, she’s got a ride.”
“What? You can’t be serious, Nell,” Craig said, frowning down at me.
“I’ll be fine,” I replied, forcing a smile onto my lips as I pulled his hand off my wrist. “Go.”
“C’mon,” the blonde said, reaching for Craig’s hand and tugging him along with her. As they neared the front of the house, I heard her say, “What’s with you and Paige’s crazy sister, anyway?”
I cringed and examined the grass at my feet, hoping Grayson hadn’t heard her.
“Cupcake?”
“Yeah?” I responded, still staring at the ground.
“Let’s get out of here, okay?”
A smile curved my lips upward and my eyes lifted to his. “Yeah.”
“Here,” he said, shrugging his jacket off his shoulders before draping it over mine.
“I’m not cold.”
“Just in case your parents spot you. This way, they won’t recognize you,” he said, leaving his arm around my shoulders as he steered me towards the front of the house. “Lean into me, Cupcake. If anyone’s looking, we’ll look like any other couple. No one will think it’s you.”
I did as he asked, my side coming into full contact with his as my arm slipped around his waist.
Whoa, was it healthy for my heart to be beating this fast?
I took a deep breath, trying to tell myself that it was no big deal, that I was completely unaffected by the feel of Grayson’s body pressed against mine.
“Here,” Grayson said when we stopped in front of his bike, shifting so that his back was to the house, his body blocking anyone’s view of me if they happened to be looking. He gripped the spare helmet and plopped it on my head, his fingers brushing my chin as he did up the strap.
He made quick work of his own helmet and in seconds, we were both on his bike, my arms wrapped around his waist as the engine roared to life beneath us. I felt a smile stretch across my lips as we lurched forward, my house fading into the darkness behind us. It shouldn’t feel like this. It shouldn’t feel this...right to be getting away from that place, from my family.
But it did. I couldn’t deny the lightness settling into my bones or the way my breathing came more easily now that we were further from my house.
This was probably a mistake. If I couldn’t come up with a good reason for my absence from the house tonight, I had no doubt they’d send me away again.
But I couldn’t seem to muster the energy to care at the moment. I was wrapped up in the feeling of being on the back of Grayson’s bike with the world whipping past, my arms looped around him tightly. Other than the promise of French toast, there was no plan, no colour coded itinerary, no organized schedule of events to follow and at the moment, I couldn’t see a single thing wrong with that.
Grayson
“Are you sure about this?” Nell asked as I stashed the helmets back in their compartment, her forehead wrinkled as she examined the hole-in-the-wall diner in front of her.
“Positive,” I responded, my lips twitching as I turned towards her, placing my hand at the small of her back and giving a gentle shove to get her moving. “There’s nowhere else I’d go for breakfast at four in the morning.”
“Is it because this is the only place open at four in the morning?” she mumbled, raising a brow at the flickering sign that had once said Earl’s but now only the s was still lit.
“Yup,” I replied, grinning down at her as we stood in front of the door. “You backing out, Cupcake?”
“Not a chance. You promised me French toast. I expect you to deliver,” she said, stepping away from me and pulling the door open before stepping inside.
My grin widened as I followed her, noting the peeling paint and the faded booths. My gaze slid back to Nell as she sat down, her hand reaching up to smooth out her hair only to find it a tangled mess thanks to the helmet she’d been wearing. After a brief hesitation, she lowered her hand again, giving up.
A sense of satisfaction welled in my gut. There was something great about seeing Nell with her guard down, with her hair messy and her clothes a little wrinkled. It felt like, even though I’d screwed up more times than I could count with this girl, for whatever reason, she seemed to be...comfortable around me.
“Okay, milkshakes first,” she said, her lips curling into a grin as I sank into the booth across from her.
“Okay,” I replied, helpless against the answering smile that curled my lips. What was it about this girl that got to me?
I was still on the fence, trying to figure out if it had been a good idea or not to go to the Watson mansion. She really did live in the lap of luxury but for all the gilded wallpaper and fancy artwork on the walls, Nell didn’t seem changed by it.
She doesn’t belong there.
I almost snorted out loud at the thought. Of course she belonged there. I was the one who didn’t belong within a hundred yards of a place like that. Hell, I didn’t belong within a hundred yards of a girl like Nell.
The thought didn’t sit well with me.
“What can I get you?” the waitress asked without preamble, her expression one of abject boredom.
“I’ll have a strawberry milkshake and French toast, please.”
“I’ll get the same,” I grunted, my eyes shifting back to Nell, tracking her dimple as she smiled politely at the waitress and handed her our menus.
Nell watched her retreating form for a while, her smile slowly fading until her lips were turned down slightly in the corners, her forehead wrinkled into a frown. Her hands swept over the table, grabbing a roll-up and neatly undoing it, smoothing the napkin out until it was flat, positioning her knife and fork flush with the edge of the table.
Suddenly, she stilled, her shoulders going stiff as her gaze lifted to mine. “I don’t get you, Grayson West,” she said softly.
“Not much to get, Cupcake,” I responded, my voice hoarse in my own ears.
“Why are we here?” she whispered, as if afraid of my answer.
I lifted a brow. “French toast and strawberry shakes?”
She gave one, slow shake of her head. “Not what I meant.”
“You’re gonna have to catch me up,” I replied.
Her gaze raked over my features. “I never expected you to tell me about your past. I wouldn’t have pried.”
“I know,” I rasped through gritted teeth, regretting telling her the truth. Did she see me differently now? Had come with me because it hadn’t fully sunk in yet? Was she going to tell me that this was it, that she couldn’t stand being near someone like me?
“You deserve the same from me,” she croaked, sitting up straighter in her seat, her smile a mere memory now. Her silver eyes had gone flat, her features completely expressionless. “I’m sure you’ve noticed, but just in case you missed it, people call me crazy.”
“They’re idiots,” I growled, the intensity in my voice catching me off guard just as much as it did her. Her eyes widened and latched onto mine.
Slowly, she shook her head. “They’re not entirely wrong.” Her shoulders squared and I couldn’t help but admire the determination in her gaze. “I’m obsessive compulsive. There are certain things I do that make no sense. I get that they make no sense but I do them anyway because I can’t not.”
“Okay,” I responded, not surprised by her statement. I’d already figured that she had something like OCD. The way she constantly checked her hair, the way she organized her pens...it was obvious.
Her lips parted slightly in shock. “Okay?”
I shrugged but didn’t get a chance to say more because the waitress planted our milkshakes and French toast down at that moment.
“Thank you,” I said, grabbing my knife and fork and getting ready to dig in. “Eat, Cupcake,” I ordered when she still hadn’t moved.
Slowly, as if in a daze, she lifted her fork and let the tines land on her toast, puncturing the bread slightly. “I just told you that I’m sick and your response is, ‘okay’,?”
I shrugged, taking a big bite of the French toast. “What did you think I would say? ‘Well, that does it, I can’t ever see you again, ever’?” I shook my head and frowned, noticing how pale her face had gone. “Wait, is that what you thought I’d say, Nell?”
Her eyes shifted to the breakfast in front of her. “Mine’s a pretty mild case. Stress makes it worse.” She took a bite and chewed slowly, her expression distant, thoughtful before she gave her head a light shake. “It’s more than that, though. I’ve got other...issues. I’ve seen a therapist...a lot.” Her teeth pressed into her lower lip as she faced me once again, her eyes locking on mine. “You gave me an out so I’m giving you the same. If you want to turn around and walk out the door right now, I―”
“No,” I deadpanned, putting my fork down so I could properly glare at her.
She shook her head. “Let me finish. I’m not normal, Grayson. My own family hates me. My friends are nonexistent. If I get anything less than an A in school, I lose it. I have panic attacks and I can’t handle crowded places. If you don’t want to―”
“Shut up, Cupcake. I’m not going anywhere,” I said through gritted teeth, picking up my fork and taking a bite. “Eat your French toast,” I said, my tone low and barely controlled.
Did she seriously think I’d walk out of here because she liked to keep her things organized? Because she had a few issues?
It would take a whole lot more to scare me off of Nell Watson.
“Oh,” she mumbled, focusing once more on the plate in front of her. “Okay.”
She chewed a piece of French toast, her eyes still downcast as a slow smile spread across her lips, dimpling her cheek. “Can I ask you something?” she said.
The anger I’d felt at hearing her giving me an ‘out’ evaporated as soon as her dimple appeared and I felt my own lips stretch into a matching grin. My heart rate kicked up a couple notches and my throat went dry. “Yeah,” I rasped.
She bit her lip, her throat working as she swallowed a laugh. “How in the hell did they screw up French toast?” Her eyes were liquid with laughter as she looked from her plate to me and back again, stabbing the limp piece of toast with her fork and raising it upwards to inspect. “Look at it,” she said, stifling a giggle. “It doesn’t even look like bread.”
I coughed over the chuckle working its way up my throat. “It’s really bad, isn’t it?”
“So bad,” she said, her shoulders shaking as she stopped trying to hold back her laughter. “I think,” she swallowed hard, choking on the words, “I think there’s something wrong with that milkshake. How is not even pink? It looks nothing like a strawberry milkshake.”
“I dare you, Cupcake. I dare you to drink it,” I said, laughing lightly as I pushed her milkshake closer to her.
“I’m not sure I’m ready to put my life on the line, Grayson. What do I get if I do it?”
Anything.
“I’ll give you another lesson,” I said, clearing my throat.
She frowned. “What kind of lesson?”
“Driving my bike.”
Her expression cleared and excitement flashed in her eyes. “Deal,” she mumbled, swallowing hard and pulling her shake closer to her. “It can’t be that bad, right?”
“You tell me,” I said, crossing my arms over my chest and watching as her lips came into contact with the straw.
Screwing her eyes shut, she took a drink. “Oh my god,” she croaked, her eyes watering as her features twisted with disgust. “Oh my god,” she repeated, staring at the shake in front of her in horror. “What is wrong with it?” She gave a helpless chuckle. “It’s almost worth it to try it just to see how little it tastes like a strawberry milkshake.”
“Yeah, I’m not drinking that,” I said, pushing my shake further away when she nudged it closer to me.
“But seriously, you’re missing out. You like science. Think of it as a science experiment.”
I quirked a brow in her direction, deflecting the drink again. “What makes you think I like science?”
She shrugged. “Don’t you?”
“Yeah,” I replied, wrapping my hand around the base of the glass she was still trying to push in my direction. “I’m still not drinking this poison.”
“Fine,” she said, sinking back into her seat and grinning over at me. “But I upheld my end of the bargain and if I live through the night, I fully intend on claiming my winnings.”
“I’m not going back on my word, Cupcake,” I said, slipping out of the booth and leaving some money on the table. “Let’s get out of here.” I stuck my hand out to her, palm up, and attempted to ignore the way my heart hammered when she reached out to me and slipped her hand into mine without hesitation.
“Hey!” the waitress said, just as I reached out to grab the door. We both turned around to look at her, and I wondered if I hadn’t left enough money. “Do you guys want any of that to-go?”
Nell made an odd choking noise as she shook her head and I bit down on the inside of my cheek hard to keep from laughing. “No, we’re good,” I managed to say before we bolted out of there.
As soon as the door closed behind us, Nell started laughing and I couldn’t stop myself from laughing with her. “Do you think she’s ever actually eaten there?”
“Maybe she has no taste buds?” Nell suggested through her laughter.
I pretended to consider it, my mock serious expression ruined by the chuckles that kept escaping. “It’s the only reasonable explanation. She seemed genuinely shocked that we didn’t eat more.”
She laughed again, shaking her head in disbelief. Abruptly, her laughter cut off and her eyes widened as she took in her surroundings. “What time is it?” she asked, tension in her voice.
I shrugged, my humour fading as fast as hers. “Late,” I mumbled, wanted to postpone the inevitable, to hold onto the carefree Nell she’d been a second ago, laughter in her eyes and a wide smile on her lips.
“The sun’s starting to come up,” she said, her white teeth sinking into the soft flesh of her lower lip. “I need to go home.”
“Okay. You gonna be in trouble, Cupcake?”
She shrugged, giving me a weak smile. “Probably. I’ve never done anything like this before. I’m not exactly a rule breaker.”
I frowned. “Paige stays out all the time. Why would they care?”
She sighed. “It’s different.”
“Yeah, she’s younger, less trustworthy and a hundred times more likely to end up in jail than you. Are they seriously going to give you a hard time?”
She let out a breath and ran a hand through her tangled hair. “I don’t know, Grayson. Let’s just go, okay?”
“Fine,” I said, grabbing our helmets from the bike’s compartment. I handed Nell hers and she strapped it on without a word, her eyes unfocused, her forehead wrinkled.
I couldn’t shake the feeling that she was scared, really scared of what she faced when she went back home.
My gaze roved over her features, remembering the bruises that Brian asshole had put on her skin. Were her parents like that? Would they hurt her for going against them?
“Your parents...” I began, my hands clenched into fists at my sides. “Do they...do they hurt you, Nell? If you come home late, are they going to―”
“No!” she said, shaking her head hard and taking a step closer to me. “No, it’s not like that.” She sighed, her shoulders slumping forward. “They just expect a lot from me, that’s all.”
The shadows in her eyes told me that wasn’t all. That it wasn’t even close.
I opened my mouth to argue with her, to get her to explain why it suddenly seemed like the weight of the world was sitting on her shoulders but before I could get a word out, she said, “Please, Grayson. I’m tired. Can we just go?”
I snapped my mouth shut and after a long beat, I turned away from her to swing my leg over the bike. I felt her settle in behind me, her arms wrapping around my waist without hesitation, her front flush with my back. I swallowed hard and took a deep breath, trying to slow my heart rate as I started the motorcycle.
I didn’t take the long way to her house and in too short a time, we were there. I stopped at the end of the block, knowing and hating that she wouldn’t be asking me to bring her to her driveway this time.
I cut the engine and gritted my teeth when she pulled away from me and dismounted. Blanking my expression, I followed suit and turned to face her, taking my helmet off with one hand while accepting the spare she handed me before hanging them on the handlebars.
“Your jacket,” she mumbled, shrugging the leather off before handing it to me.
I nodded, taking it from her and tossing it over the seat of my bike before crossing my arms over my chest, ready for her to walk away without looking back.
Instead, she cocked her head to the side and surprised me. “You’re mad at me.”
My jaw clenched. “No, I’m not.”
Her lips twisted in a wry smile. “Yeah, that was believable.”
I let out a short breath, running a hand through my hair in exasperation. “I’m not mad, Nell. I’m just...I’m worried about you. I get that you’re nervous about confronting your parents after being out for most of the night but by the way you’re acting, I get the feeling that it’s more than just nerves. What am I missing here?”
She swallowed hard and looked towards her house. “It’s complicated,” she said after a moment.
“Yeah, I’m getting that. Why do they treat you so differently than Paige?”
She winced. “Because I have a history of screwing up.”
I frowned. “What are you talking about?”
She shook her head slightly, her eyes locking onto mine for a moment before she shot me a smile that didn’t reach her eyes. “Nothing.”
“It’s not nothing,” I said through gritted teeth.
She shrugged, her smile fading as she took a step closer to me. “Grayson?”
I blinked down at her, my frustration evaporating as she came even closer, her toes touching mine, her hand reaching out to lay flat on my chest. “Yeah?” I rasped.
“I’m really tired,” she replied, her gaze going unfocused as she looked at her hand on my chest, her fingers moving slightly against the fabric of my shirt.
I cleared my throat. “Okay.”
“And I think because of that, my impulse control is out the window.”
I blinked, not really following. “What?”
She mumbled something that sounded kind of like, “Screw it,” and then her arms were wrapped around me, her cheek fitting perfectly where my neck and shoulder meet. “Thank you,” she whispered, her voice so soft that if she hadn’t been so close to me, I wouldn’t have heard it.
By the time my brain managed to function enough to consider hugging her back, I realized that my arms were already around her, holding her securely against me. One of my hands had worked its way up towards her neck, my fingers splayed across the impossibly soft skin exposed at her nape.
I’d never been much for hugging. Maybe it was because my mom hadn’t been around when I was growing up, but my dad rarely hugged us and my brother and I had never been the kind of siblings that showed affection like that.
I could probably count the number of genuine hugs I’d given and received in my life and it likely wouldn’t take up all my fingers and toes.
This one blew all the other ones out of the water.
I could’ve stood there all night hugging Nell Watson, feeling her breath rhythmically shift across the skin on my neck, her fingers splayed across my back as if to keep me there.
“I’m glad you came tonight,” she whispered and when she pulled back, I had to forcibly stop myself from tightening my grip on her.
“Me too,” I rasped.
“See you on Monday,” she said before stepping away from me and turning her back.
I watched her walk the block to her house. It wasn’t until she’d disappeared inside that my brain started to function properly again.
Once it did, I let out a groan and tilted my head back to look up at the stars. “I’m losing it.” I shook my head and stowed the spare helmet in its compartment before putting mine on and climbing onto the bike. “It was just a hug,” I mumbled as I started the motorcycle and put it into gear, wondering when it was that Nell Watson had gotten so firmly under my skin.
a/n Blah. This chapter.................I don't like it. That being said, it needed to be posted. haha. Next chapter will be better :)
Thanks for sticking with me! You guys are great!