James watched as another incoming call from Ivan came through.
And like the prior calls, he refused to answer and allowed it to go straight to voicemail.
Bringing his phone closer to his eyes, he took a look at the amount of missed calls and texts he accumulated.
"What else can I do now..." James said to himself.
He spent the night in his car as he had no energy to confront Lauren anymore.
Upon leaving, he found himself immediately regretting admitting how he felt about Nadine.
But at that point, he didn't know what else he could do or say. And given that he got into an argument with Ron--the status of his mission was unclear.
He could very well be fired and if X found out, he'd be taken out immediately. He wasn't sure which would come first at that point, but he found himself lost in what to do next.
All he knew was he couldn't go back and given what happened with Ron, he needed to stay away from the mansion and consequently Nadine.
He opened his conversation with her as he began to read through their last messages.
After she asked him to leave, they haven't spoken since. James felt tempted to text and call her as he worried what transpired after he left, especially in seeing how angry Ron was, but a part of me held him back from doing so as he wondered if Nadine was mad over what he did.
Deep down, he had a feeling he probably made the whole thing worst and she did not want him involved at all with the issues between her and her father.
For the sake of his mission, it was best he stayed away as well. But he couldn't handle it anymore. He loved her too much to keep seeing her get hurt - albeit he felt hypocritical in that sense as he knew that not backing away and arguably getting even closer to her was going to hurt her more at the end.
"I just hope she's okay," James said to himself as he placed his feet up.
Taking a deep breath, he was about to dial her phone number when another number called in.
Ron Lustre
"Of all the fucking people," he muttered as he read the contact name.
He moved his thumb over the call button, fully prepared for whatever he was about to hear. It was going to happen one day and rather than prolong the uncertainties, he preferred to just hear the truth.
"What is it now?" James snarled. "Wait--what?"
His eyes widened as the reply he got was not at all what he expected.
--
"Wala pang signal, wala pa ako sa destination ko. Talagang namalas ako, no?" Nadine muttered as she walked through a long, winding road under the scorching heat.
To her side were farmlands with various animals roaming around. Not many cars passed by except a few busses--including the one she had went on when she decided to run off.
After such an exhausting fight with her father, Nadine fell into a deep sleep and ended up missing her stop to get to Marlo's family resort.
She woke up at the end of the bus's route in a place she was not at all familiar with and, to add to her misfortunes, no signal.
Nadine let out a sigh as she placed her bag down for a moment to catch her breath.
"Ang hirap pala lumayas," she complained.
--
Of all the people he wanted to see and of all the calls James was waiting to receive, Ron was last on his list.
"Nadine's missing," Ron said.
"Wait--what?" James replied.
"So you don't know where she is?" Ron asked.
"If I did there's no way I would've answered your call," James sneered.
"As I figured within seconds of you answering," Ron replied.
James pressed his hand over his face. "God, Nadine, nasaan ka ba," he mumbled as he climbed the staircase to get to Ron's office.
Had it not been for the fact Nadine was missing, he wouldn't have wanted to step foot in the mansion at all or talk to him.
Balling his fist, he knocked on the door roughly.
"Enter," Ron ordered.
James let out a breath as he prepared to compose himself for when they had to talk. He didn't want to make the situation even worse than he already had by yelling at him - even though he was so tempted to given all he did and has done.
James twisted open the knob and began to walk in. As usual, Ron was sitting at his desk with a scowl on his face. His eyes were as cold as usual with no other trace of emotion.
Even the way he delivered the news lacked any sort of concern, which made him question why he wanted to talk to James in person over the fact she was missing.
And though James hated him, he had to see what plans Ron had in trying to find her. Though given that she ran off, James had a feeling she didn't want to be found for a reason.
And given that his call went to voicemail, he wondered if she didn't answer due to wanting space.
Though I wish she at least told me, or am I being too demanding by wishing that, James thought to himself.
At the least, he just wanted to know if she was safe--wherever she was. But because he had no idea, he was worried and if safety was a concern, he figured it would be smart to see what Ron was thinking as he had resources and money to help find her.
But if she is okay, I'll have to warn her that he's trying to find her. Though if she isn't answering me, would that do any good? James wondered to himself as he took a seat across Ron.
"So," James began. "I hope you have a good intention in asking me to come back and talk about this."
"I'm inclined to believe that you really don't know where she is, but I'm sure you must have an idea where she may be, right? She's missing so much work right now," Ron replied.
James gritted his teeth together. "Of course, that's still your concern with her missing," he muttered. "She could be in danger right now, I don't think worrying about her missing work is the priority."
"Well, knowing her, she's probably fine. She just choose to run off and avoid her responsibilities. Had danger been a possibility, you would not be here right now," Ron replied.
"She hasn't told me anything. My call went straight to voicemail. And I really don't know where else she'd want to go. Considering she isn't answering me, I'm sure she wouldn't pick a place she'd easily be found," James replied. "But I have to ask, if her running off didn't affect your business and her work, would you even care?" he asked, raising a brow as he awaited Ron's response.
Ron rolled his eyes. "You really must not care about your job."
"I thought I was pretty much fired yesterday," James reminded.
"Well, not yet. I'm delaying such a decision until Nadine is located," Ron replied. "As a reminder, I'm your boss, not her. She venomously was against you being hired and attempted to make you quit, remember?"
"You're still stuck on that?" James asked, a dry chuckle escaping his throat. "That was so long ago, a lot has happened since then. If you paid attention, you'd know we overcame our differences and are friends. She had her reasons for how she acted then. I've gotten to know her more since then and let go of what happened. She never gave me any more issues work-wise after that."
It took every amount of strength to hold back from saying more.
A pause fell over them until James decided to break the silence.
"So, if that's all you wanted to discuss. I'll get going," James said as he got up.
"If you hear anything," Ron began. "Just let Maya know, at least."
He brought up a cup to his lips and took a sip of his coffee before returning his attention to his laptop.
James furrowed a brow at the sudden comment. "And vice versa," he responded before getting up and walking out.
He wasn't sure what to make of what he said.
As he prepared to walk out, Tita Maya suddenly tapped on his shoulder.
"James," she whispered as she handed him a bag of his belongings that he had left in Nadine's room the other night.
"Tita...what happened exactly?" James asked. "I tried calling her and she did't reply. Do you know what happened? How did she even escape?" he asked in a low voice.
Tita Maya looked around the mansion to ensure no one was close by. "We all helped her," she revealed, causing James' eyes to widen.
"Wait you all--do you know where she went?" he asked.
Tita Maya nodded. "She doesn't want you to know where, though. Natakot siya na madamay ka pa dito. But she said that if I saw you, to tell you she's okay."
James nodded as he felt his muscles relax at hearing that she was okay and someone at least knew where she went, even if he didnt.
"That's good to know, at least," James said. "But if Ron knew you knew. He might--"
"Well, he can't fire all of us," Tita Maya said with a chuckle. "It's been so hard to bear, watching this go on...I don't know where you got the bravery to confront him in such a way. But it meant a lot to see for me. Parang anak rin ang tingin ko kay Nadine and I realized I needed to do more than just comfort her when she cries."
"He's, I guess an easy guy to be scared of. You all did what you can for her," James assured. "But do you know when she'll come back by chance? Or if she plans to?"
"She will, just not now. She needs some time to think," Tita Maya replied. "You probably should get some rest as well for now. But rest assured, she's fine."
"That's all I need to know," James replied, a smile spreading across his face.
Given what happened, he knew he couldn't go back to the apartment. And with Nadine out for now, he had no reason to stay at the mansion.
There was one place he could go though, albeit he wasn't sure what emotions would await him in going back.
--
"May bahay pala dito?" Nadine said to herself as she came across a small, wooden house located within the woods.
After wandering around, she attempted to go a different direction and ended up going into the forest and, to her misfortune, found herself unable to get back out.
Large trees surrounded her as she began to walk in, eyeing each part of the house. If there was one good thing about ending up in the woods, it was the amount of shade from the trees that gave her a break from the rays of the sun.
It seemed quite abandoned as no one else seemed to be present. Curious about what was inside, she opened the door--which, to her surprise was unlocked--and walked in.
She could almost hear James' voice telling her walking in to an unknown area was a bad idea.
A smile spread across her face as she thought of him.
She was so tempted to call him and ask him to come with, but given what happened with her father, she didn't want him to get more involved and have more lined against him.
But she also missed him already.
She wondered if he knew she had ran off yet. It was to her hope that he at least knew she was okay--or well, thought she was okay as the reality was she ended up getting lost and far from her intended destination.
Taking a deep breath, she walked inside to see what laid within.
--
"It's been a while," James said as he placed his hands over a tree, eyeing the markings.
He then turned his attention towards a very familiar house that, at one point, was his home while he trained with JustX.
Memories flashed through his mind as he recalled the first time he held a gun. He was so hesitant at first to use it, even if all he had to shoot was just a bullseye board hung up somewhere in the middle.
This was the place he first began to train. It was where his sadness over his parents' death turned to anger and where he vowed to seek justice for what happened to them.
He left the woods feeling rejuvenated, which was a far cry from how he came in. It was then that he felt confident in the role X had given him and how he found himself embracing the assassin kind of life.
But nearly 13 years later, he came back, but not as the emotionless, headstrong assassin he had pictured himself growing to become. Not at all was he close to looking like the future leader of JustX.
He was back as that same boy who entered the woods and hid a part of himself off for self protection. Who, after thirteen years of being loyal to JustX and vowing to never let his heart get the better of him, found himself at a crossroads of what to do now.
"13 years...13 years I waited for when I would get this mission, but now that I have it, I fucked it up...and I don't feel that bad about it," James admitted aloud.
It hadn't really hit him till now why love was always against the rules of being an assassin. As Lauren probably would say, he lost sight of his mission and in a way, himself..or the version of himself he had known prior to the mission and getting to know Nadine.
He had expected the mission to be life changing, but he hadn't expected it to make him question what he now wanted. He didn't expect it to make him choose her even if it meant losing the chance for renvenge.
But it did, and he would be lying if he said he regretted putting her over everything else.
Because he didn't.
He traced his fingers over the house's wooden exterior before enclasping his hand over the doorknob to get another look for old time's sake.
--
Nadine raised a brow as she began to look inside. Except for a low table, the house was empty except for mats that seemed to fill ever corner.
While not big, there was another door that led to what seemed like another room.
"What kind of house is this..." Nadine said as she looked at the walls to see a few old posters with targets that had holes all over.
The image caused her to shudder as she then averted her attention to the next room.
"Hunting house ba 'to?" she asked herself as she turned the knob to see what the other room had.
It was then her ears perked up as she heard the sound of footsteps drawing closer.
"Oh my god..." she mumbled to herself as she quickly opened the door and went to the next room.
--
It felt like just yesterday that James learned how to fight over one of the various mats inside. Given how much attention they had, JustX refused to use the area as a means of permanent training. But they hadn't fully gotten rid of the house just yet.
James tilted his head up as he looked at the various targets.
He still recalled which ones were his doing.
Walking around, more memories flashed through his mind.
He had always thought that coming back would be the day he finally achieved X's dream for him to take over. To when Ron was successfully dead and when his family's death had been avenged.
Quite ironic, I suppose, James said to himself.
Just as he was about to walk off, the sound of a vase falling caused him to freeze in his tracks.
Someone else is here, he thought to himself, his eyes widening.
--
Like the room outside, the second room consisted of more mats and a few worn out targets.
As the footsteps grew louder, Nadine placed a hand over her mouth, her bag in her hand, as she backed away as slowly and as far as possible.
God, ang malas talaga ako, she thought to herself, her heart starting to race fast as she kept walking back.
She wasn't looking carefully behind her, though. Taking a step back, she found herself accidentally knocking over a decorative vase.
Nadine let out a gasp as she watched it fall to the ground and shatter.
"Oh my god, patay na patay ako..." she whispered as she then began to look for somewhere she could hide in the meantime.
To her luck, there was a closet present. Unsure of where else to go, she ran into it and closed it off.
--
James began to look around as he tried to see where the noise came from. Opening the door to the next room, he raised an eyebrow as he saw one of the vases knocked down.
Someone is here, he thought as he looked around.
He checked around some other furniture before his eyes went to the closet. Seeing as that was the only place someone could hide, he slowly crept up as he placed his fingers on the sides.
--
Nadine felt her heart start to race as the footsteps grew louder.
Anong dapat kong gawin? she thought to herself as she felt the closet door begin to slide open.
She did her best to hide in the corner best as she could. Closing her eyes instinctively as she prepared for the worst.
It was at that moment that she felt someone grab her arm and whisk her out, pinning her against the wall.
She heard a gasp as the person loosened his grip over her shoulders.
It was only then she opened her eyes to see a very familiar face with her.
And while she was relieved it wasn't anyone else and secretly happy to see him, she immediately began to worry as to why he was there.
As the location she gave Tita Maya was different, she knew he couldn't have found her from there, which left one other possible option.
"James...sinundan mo ba ako?" Nadine asked immediately. "Hindi ka dapat nandito--if Ron knew na magkasama tayo lagot--"
"Hindi lang ikaw ang lumayas," James revealed, a chuckle escaping his throat.
"Huh?"
"I'm guessing this wasn't where you intended to go, no?" James teased.
--
"Kung saan ako napupunta kapag nawawala ako," Nadine grumbled as she and James began to walk through the woods.
"The complete opposite direction, wow," James teased, causing Nadine to roll her eyes.
"I'm sorry nakatulog ako. And before you say anything, nacurious ako kung anong nasa loob ng house kaya akong pumasok," Nadine grumbled. "I know it was risky, pero nacurious talaga ako."
"That's what's they all say in horror movies," James joked. "But you're lucky na ako lang ang nakita mo. What were the chances...for someone who can badly get lost, you're actually lucky."
Nadine stopped in her tracks, her head bent down.
James, upon noticing she stopped walking, pressed a hand on her shoulder. "Sorry," he apologized. "I'm just playing around."
Nadine shook her head. "Hindi ka dapat nandito...well I guess ako dapat ang hindi nandito pero James, yung trabaho mo..."
"My job depends on you being there anyways. But he did call me earlier to ask where you were. Tita Maya told me after, though, what happened," James revealed. "It was enough for me to know you were okay--well, at that time at least."
"Anong meron dito?" Nadine asked. "Tsaka bakit lumayas ka rin?"
"I used to come here before and wanted to look around a bit," James revealed, as he held himself back from saying the truth. "And well, like you, I kinda can't go back home at the moment."
Nadine raised an eyebrow. "Huh? Why?"
"Fight with a friend. Since we're roommates, I didn't feel like staying there. There's a lot more to it, but nothing to worry about...it'll be okay, but I needed time to think," James replied.
"I'm sorry," Nadine replied. "Kung gusto mong pagusapan, I'm here."
"Same for you," James replied. "Though actually, I was gonna say, I do have the car with me. It's a long walk away, but I can take you to the resort."
Nadine's eyes widened.
"Huh? Bakit?" Nadine expressed.
James' raised an eyebrow. "What? Akala ko ayaw mo akong makasama-"
"Well, nabago ang isip ko. It'll be risky if you bring me there, kasi at least dito, wala tayong ibang kasama," Nadine explained.
"Have you ever gone camping?" James asked.
"Hindi pa pero...open naman ako to try it," Nadine replied. "Pero wait, sa labas ba tayong matutulog? Why not the house we were at?"
Because being there reminds me of my own conflict, James thought to himself.
"It's not ours, so it's best to not. I've seen it around before and walked in at times, but staying there isn't a good idea. May multo daw diyan," James revealed.
The last statement wasn't a complete lie as it was a popular rumor amongst them that a ghost occupied the training house.
"What?!" Nadine exclaimed.
"Are you afraid of ghosts?" James asked.
Nadine rolled her eyes. "Hindi, nagulat lang ako," she said before crossing her arms and walking away at a faster speed.
James could only chuckle as he caught up to her.
Loving her was so conflicting and the source of so many of his issues.
But there was no way he could get rid of his feelings at that point. Nor did he feel like doing so.
--
"So wait, paano ba 'to?" asked Nadine as she tried to assemble the tent.
"You need this piece to connect," James said as he lifted another pole up and promptly connected those two.
"Ahh, ganon pala," Nadine said as she began to do the same with the next sides. "Wala ka bang instruction guide?"
"They usually come with it but since I've done this so often, di ko na kailangan," James replied.
Some missions involved having to camp out, which made him comfortable doing so apart from their training when he was a child.
He gritted his teeth as the memory of the word missions brought back more thoughts that he just wished he could silence.
Nadine, noticing his chance of expression, placed down part of the tent before walking up and wrapping her arms around him.
"Okay ka lang?" she asked.
"Yeah, meron lang akong naalala," James thought.
"Alam mo...meron din akong naisip," Nadine said. "Parehas tayong may pinagdaanan. I'm sure you have a lot on your mind too at ang gulo rin ng isip mo..." she trailed off as she placed a hand over his cheek. "We'll have to deal with it eventually. Pero sa ngayon, we should try and forget it and enjoy being here, away from all of the chaos."
The touch of her hand brought him an overwhelming sense of comfort as he gazed into her eyes.
And for a moment, all the raging thoughts in his head calmed down as he found himself less tense.
"You're...right," James said. "For as long as we're here, wag na lang natin muna pagusapan ang nangyayari."
--
Nadine smiled as she looked at the assembled tent. Though it took longer than expected, she felt proud of being able to put it up (with James' help of course).
"Good job," he said, placing a hand around her as he eyed the tent. "Later, I'll show you how to start a fire."
"Ah...ano?" Nadine expressed, feeling slightly intimidated at the next task.
"Don't worry, it's not that hard," James assured. "Pero sa ngayon, akong ipapakita sayo. It's not that far from here, actually."
"What is it?" Nadine asked.
"Secret," James replied as he then placed his hand over her eyes, covering it. "Basta, just follow my lead. Don't worry, I won't let you fall or step on anything." he assured as the other hand went across her shoulder as he began to guide her a certain direction.
Nadine felt her heart race once again, not of fear, but just from his touch as he helped her walk through the woods to get to what he wanted to show her.
Though she couldn't see a thing, she trusted him wholeheartedly to walk her through, knowing he'd keep her safe.
It was a feeling she hadn't felt with anyone before, which was why it had scared her for so long.
"We're here," James suddenly said as he slowly brought his hand down to her other shoulder.
Nadine's mouth fell agape as her eyes widened in amazement over where they were.
The sound of the waterfall trickling down fascinated her as her eyes were drawn to the clear water that laid at the end of it. All over them were various plants and to her surprise, not a single piece of litter in sight.
"It's not a five start resort, but I suppose this can manage, right?" James teased. "I discovered this a while on accident, it's kind of hidden, but I guess it's better that way..." he revealed as he then took off his shirt.
Nadine couldn't stop herself from staring, her eyes suddenly feeling warm as forced herself to look away as she didn't want him to notice.
She looked down at her own outfit.
Pwede naman 'to, since it's just shorts and a tank top, she thought as she then turned her gaze back to the waterfall.
"Are you gonna jump in?" Nadine asked.
James nodded.
"Sabay tayo, then," Nadine said, as she reached out to hold his hand.
They looked into each other's eyes before taking a deep breath. Bringing their gazes back to the water, they both then jumped in.
And as synchronized as they were when they entered, they both bobbed their heads above surface at the same time, letting out an amused chuckle as James then playfully splashed her with water.
"Medyo malamig lang," Nadine said as she wrapped her arms around herself.
"You'll get used to it," James assured, as he wrapped an arm around her as well, kicking his legs out to stay afloat.
Nadine chuckled as she then went on his back, teasingly trying to interrupt him as he threaded in the water.
"Lagot ka," James replied as he wrapped his arms tighter and swam her towards right under the waterfall.
Nadine let out a yell that turned into a giggle as the water felt cold against her skin. "Hoy, di pa ako nasanay," she said as she splashed him with water.
James laughed before diving deeper to evade her.
"I may not know how to set up a tent but I can swim," Nadine said teasingly as she followed his direction.
She let out another laugh as James immediately swam back in her direction and surprised her by bringing her back up to the surface.
"Ano ba," she chuckled, an arm around each other as they floated in the middle of the water.
Just like that, the water suddenly felt warmer as she felt herself getting adjusted to its temperature.
It was also then that she noticed their current position.
Their bodies were pressed against each other with one arm around the other while the other helped keep them afloat. Their faces were only inches apart as they both found themselves gazing into each other's eyes in sheer silence.
The sun shone over them and caused the surrounding water to glisten as only the slight breeze and sound of water filled the air.
Nadine bit down on her lip as she felt it curve into a small smile, her eyes suddenly feeling a bit heavy.
She had kept such a feeling in for so long, though she was quite aware what exactly it was. Given all she went through, she hesitated to accept it and think of it as, even though she trusted him with everything, her heart was another matter.
But in that moment, as they took that jump together, she found the last of her hesitations leaving her.
Mahal kita, Nadine thought as chills went up her spine.
It was the first time she could even think of those two words together, though she knew she had fallen long before.
She couldn't deny it anymore, though, not after all they've been through and not when he looked at at such a loving way and, amidst all the chaos in her life, provided so much clarity.
--
Nadine wrapped a towel over James' head as the two were drying themselves off after the swim.
After coming to terms with her own feelings, she found herself looking at him in a slightly different way and cravings the closeness, which he, unbeknownst to how she felt, reciprocated.
"Thanks for showing me that," Nadine said as James fixed her towel so it didn't slide off her shoulder.
"I'm glad you liked it," James replied. "Though panalo pa rin ako," he joked.
Nadine could only smile. "Fine," she replied, which caught James' by surprise.
"Wow, akala ko aawayin mo ako," he teased.
"Mamaya siguro, masyado akong masaya para makipagaway," Nadine mumbled, elicting a chuckle from James, who then walked over to his bag and pulled out a few cans of food.
"I didn't bring anything we would need to cook, unfortunately," he said as he handed her one of the cans. "Sayang, it would've been a good cooking lesson," he said with a sigh. "But you'll get to learn how start a fire, at least," he added, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear.
"You better not leave, baka kung anong mangyari," Nadine warned. "I've never done this before, I'm scared I'll burn this whole forrest down."
"At the worst, I doubt that'll happen," James assured as he hung his arm around her shoulder, which caused Nadine's skin to tingle even more than it usually did. "Tutulongan kita, promise," he assured before walking off to grab the supplies needed.
Nadine pouted as she felt herself missing his touch a little more than she ever had.
--
James smiled as he walked out from their tent and back to where Nadine was sitting.
After a few tries and under his guidance, she was able to start a fire to keep them warm - though he figured they probably could've lived without it as it was a fairly warm night with the exception of a cooling breeze tickling their faces.
With all the commotion going on in their lives, being away out in nature ended up being the best remedy.
"See, buhay pa ang fire," Nadine said as she pointed towards the flame.
James let out a chuckle as he joined on the log she was resting on. "You learned a lot today," he said proudly as he placed an arm around her shoulder.
"This wasn't how I imagined today would be," Nadine said as she continued to look into the fire, a smile spreading across her face. "It was better than I would've hoped dahil sayo."
"Just don't make it a habit to keep getting lost," James teased.
"Though to think, kahit saan ako pumunta, hinahanap mo pa rin ako, even without trying," Nadine replied back half-jokingly.
James chuckled.
A pause fell over them as they looked into the fire, the night breeze sweeping through their skin.
It was Nadine who first broke the silence.
"Kailangan pa ba tayo bumalik?" asked Nadine.
The embers of the fire illuminated her warm eyes as she gazed into his, her hand going over his kneecap.
They both knew the answer to that question, unfortunately.
"We can't run forever," James replied. "Though we still have time before we need to face everything," he reminded.
Nadine nodded, a smile forming across her face as she recalled their prior agreement to just forget all their issues and enjoy their time in nature.
She maneuvered closer to James and rested her head against his shoulder as they both look towards the moon, which, on that particular night was full and as bright as ever.
"I'm sorry, by the way," James suddenly said, causing Nadine to raise a brow.
"Para saan?" she asked.
"I know we agreed to just not mention anything, but I just had to say that since I feel like it was my fault the situation with your father escalated," he explained. "I know you were trying to stop me, but I couldn't hold back seeing him treat you like that."
"Ano ka ba, James," Nadine said with a light chuckle as she gently punched his arm. "Hindi mo kasalanan na demonyo ang dad ko. Regardless of what happened, he was gonna be mad at me anyways. The only reason I wanted you to stop was because nagaalala ako para sayo. I didn't want you to be dragged into it and lose your job dahil lang sakin."
"So I felt bad because I was thinking of you and you felt bad because you were thinking of me," James summarized as he then began to comb his fingers through her hair. "Just so you know, though, if I had to choose between pretending to be okay with that to keep my job and standing up for you, I would've picked the latter in the heartbeat."
Nadine bit down on her lip just a tad.
"If anything, ako ang dapat magsorry sayo," she blurted out. "Kasi hindi ako ganyan ka-selfless tulad mo," she admitted.
"What do you mean?" James asked.
"Deep down, seeing someone stand up for me against him made me happy," she revealed. "I know it's wrong to feel that given the consequences, but it did mean a lot to know that hindi ka takot sa kanya. Because that's not something anyone has done for me before. It's always been me standing up for myself. I understood why others couldn't and nasanay naman ako na kakampi ko ang sarili ko but the fact you did that...I didn't do anything to deserve it," Nadine explained. "Kaya sorry, the real reason I didn't tell you I wanted to run off and why I told you to go was because narealize ko na sobrang bigat pala ako sayo. Ginulo ko ang buhay mo and nakakapagod akong makasama given all the baggage I have."
Her eyes glistened due to few teardrops that formed as she admitted how much it had meant to her.
James could only slowly shake his head as he gazed into her eyes.
"Don't say that," James assured, his hand going over her cheek. "Kahit medyo magulo na ang lahat, I don't regret what I did or getting so close to you. At kahit kailan, hindi ka magiging mabigat sakin."
"James..." Nadine trailed off as her hands went over his shoulders.
"And don't feel bad for being happy that I stood up for you," he whispered. "Because you're someone worth fighting for," he added, leaning his forehead against her.
"I don't know what I did to deserve having someone like you on my side," Nadine admitted in a low voice. "The only thing I'll ever be thankful my father did was creating a means for me to meet you. Kaya kahit sobrang gulo ang lahat, I wouldn't take all of it back either," she admitted, her voice growing shaky.
James' lips curved into a small, somewhat melancholic smile as he caressed her face, his eyes locked with hers.
Their eyes said so much more. Speaking silently of emotions that words failed to describe.
The flame from the fire caused their eyes to glisten underneath the moonlight.
James felt a tear form as they looked at each other, her grip on his shoulders only getting tighter while he continued to draw circles with his fingers against her cheeks.
He never would have thought that something so good could've came out of what happened to him twelve - nearly thirteen years ago.
It hurt him to hear her think she didn't deserve his attention given all her issues knowing that between the both of them, he carried the largest burden.
If anything, I don't deserve her, he thought to himself. I really don't. I never will.
His fingers traced his way closer to her chin. Nadine looked at him with a sense of confusion, her mouth slightly agape as he averted his gaze towards her lips.
There were so many sounds going off on his head telling him to pull back and stop. They reminded him of how complicated things were and how they both were, at the end of the day, of two different worlds.
This is all so wrong, he thought to himself as he eyed her more intensely.
And as loud as all the noises in his head were, he forcibly shut them off as he swallowed a lump in his throat.
James was someone who was always in his own thoughts. He never acted without going through everything and weighing each possibility.
But in that moment, he found himself not bothering to think of anything else.
He cupped her face and very quickly leaned in to kiss her as a tear fell down his cheek.
It was a move so sudden that Nadine had no time to even react as James' lips fell on hers, causing her to slightly bend back as he kissed her.
It was against all of his judgment to do so, but at that moment, it felt like the only thing he could do. Logic, reason, and future repirations be damned.
Nadine wrapped her arms around his upper body. After a few seconds of initial shock over what had happened, she began to kiss back as she pulled him closer, her hands looping around his head as she dug her fingers in his hair.
Nadine quickly took over the lead as she then moved her fingers over by his cheek, caressing it in a circular motion.
She opened her mouth just a tad and James, sensing what she was trying to tell him, did the same.
He felt her slightly smile against his lips before angling her head the the other way and slowly moving her tongue into his mouth.
James hand moved to the back of her head while he moved the other down her neck before setting it behind her back.
He could feel her tongue start to wander around as their kiss deepened. He then felt her pull back and kiss his top lip as her hands then made their way over his chest.
It was a vastly different experience from their prior kisses, which always tended to be gentle and sweet. It was also the first time they kissed on the lips as before, it was either on the forehead, cheeks, or top of one (usually Nadine's) head.
Truth be told, he didn't know much of what else to do or where this would take them. But Nadine did and he allowed himself to follow along as she set the tempo.
She lightly grazed her tongue against his teeth before moving her attention to his bottom lip.
James hesitantly opened his mouth a little more and did the same as she had earlier.
Nadine cupped the side of his face, encouraging him to keep going.
He caressed his hands up and down her bare arms before bringing his tongue in and parroting her actions from earlier.
Nadine let out a small, pleased sound as she then moved her hands back to his hair and gave it a a playful tug.
James began to find himself more comfortable each second as he then moved his hands back to her head, curling a few strands of hair as she then took the lead.
Their movements became more hurried and intense as they grew more in-sync. There was so much that had yet to be said, but in this moment, all their emotions went loose as they showed each out just how they felt.
Everything that had been bottled was on full display.
Nadine's hands tugged at the edges of his shirt as she pulled it upward and over his head, breaking the kiss only then before quickly going back to her prior position.
Her hands began to explore down his bare chest. James found himself pulling her closer as the warmth from her skin radiated over his.
She caressed whatever she could touch, but took special attention in going over each fading scar and bruise he'd obtained as she began to kiss him more passionately.
It was at that moment that James' thoughts, which he pushed back so he could bask in the moment, began to rush back into his mind.
What the hell are you doing, James? A voice in his head said.
He tried to shrug it off as he also began to move quicker and slightly more aggressively, which slightly surprised Nadine who nonetheless welcomed it as she then let out a blissful moan before she slowly pulled away and began to leave butterfly kisses on the side of his chin. She then began to kiss down his neck, her hands wrapping around him even tighter as his head fell back.
You don't deserve this, the voice reminded James.
He found himself clutching her tighter as all of his fears and doubts began to grow louder.
Nadine continued to caress his back as she then began to suck on one spot of his neck, eliciting a moan from James.
Do you think Nadine deserves to be with someone like you? A murder?
James tried to push back the thoughts as he he then caressed the side of her face as she began to nibble over a new spot on his neck
--
It all felt so good and dare she say, right.
After many hours spent wondering what this would be like and what to do about their undeniable attraction--which she could now admit had always been there, even when they hated each other-- being in such a position felt like such a relief for her as she found herself showing him just how much she loved him with every kiss and touch.
She was delightful surprised in how quickly everything suddenly went. From coming to terms with her own feelings to this, it seemed everything during their adventure was falling into place. And she couldn't help but wonder if it that was the reason that, without intending to, they still found a way back to each other.
She knew he was far more inexperienced than her and felt giddy in being able to guide him while he steadily became more comfortable in what they were doing.
Knowing him, she had a feeling he didn't want to go too far unless he was sure she was okay with it, which, along with general inexperience, made him act more reserved with regards to how far he was going.
She didn't mind, though. Being an expert in physical intimacy wasn't what she was after. That could certainly be worked on through time and she had found that he was a fairly fast learner anyways.
It was the emotional intimacy that filled her up and made everything feel better. Though she's had countless other hook-ups with people, she never felt anything beyond physical gratification.
With him, she felt both. Of everyone she's been with, she never felt as deeply connected as she did with him. He'd been the only one to see how vulnerable she can be and embraced her amidst her darkest shadows.
It was why even before, the slightest touch of his hand against hers always left such a lingering feeling.
And it took her a while to admit to herself just how she felt out of a fear of getting hurt, but with all that's happened, she found the fear fully lifted as she allowed herself to put down her walls and allow him in both emotionally and now physically.
God, I love you, she thought to herself as she continued to suck at a piece of skin on his neck. She felt a lot of satisfaction seeing him in pleasure over what she was doing knowing it was her doing.
Someone like him deserved it and she wanted to make him extremely loved. She wanted him to feel the depths of her feelings with every single motion.
Whatever her dad may do and whatever may happen next when they go back to Manila be damned. As long as he was on her side, she felt secure in being able to overcome anything.
Mahal na mahal kita, James, she thought to herself as she kissed down his neck again.
He was going to have quite a few spots on him the next morning at this rate. But at the least they were out in the woods with no one else close by to see it.
--
James twitched a bit as the thoughts continued to grow louder.
You've killed so many people with your hands that you've lost count.
You can't touch someone so lovingly with how dirty your hands are
It was then that Nadine lightly bit him as one of her hands went over his, interlocking their fingers together as she nipped a new part of skin.
He was fully leaning back now while she hovered over him, her other hand continuing to explore, roaming down the middle of his chest, over his umbilicus, before going back up as she began to trail her mouth down his chest, leaving behind more kisses in her tracks as she then began to hug him, her hands drawing circles on his back.
A tear once more fell down James' cheek.
Bringing her head up, she then stroked his forehead as a grin appeared on her face. She planted kissed on forehead and then his nose before returning her attention back to his lips.
He loved her so much it hurt knowing their situation.
A few more tears fell as he began to kiss her harder, his hands caressing over her collarbones as he felt his tongue land against hers.
"And I wonder how that girl will react if she knew the truth," Kevin mocked. "Of all the masks in this entire building, yours hides one of the ugliest of faces."
"I'm not like them or you," James argued as he landed a hit on Kevin.
"Say that as many times as you wish, but we're all one and the same here," Kevin replied as he dodged one of his punches and retaliated by kicking him in the chest.
"How many lives you taken with your bare hands? Quite a lot, right?" Kevin reminded. "You hate all the people here for trying to take children's lives, but what have you done?"
"I had a different reason," James responded back as he began to pin him to the wall.
"But you're still an assassin," Kevin reminded. "Or, as a more fitting word, a serial killer."
She was such a beautiful person both inside and out. And with all she went through in life, she deserved someone who could make her happy.
And though she had become a light in his life and as much as he wished it wasn't complicated, he knew that, deep down, he would bring in more pain than joy.
He had feared letting their bond grow deeper because he knew how hard it will be at the end to let go and just how much worse she'd feel when she does find out the truth. And amidst all his inner turmoil with what will happen next and what he wanted, there was one unavoidable truth:
No matter what I do, there's no escaping my past and who I am
For as good as she was for him, he wasn't as good of a thing nor could he ever be.
And he wasn't what she deserved at all.
More tears fell as their kiss became more passionate. She was now practically on top of him as they continued to make out.
She guided him towards a sitting up position without breaking the kiss and placed his hands on the edges of her shirt, signaling for him that he could take it off.
It was at that moment that guilt completely washed him, prompting him to abruptly pull away from her.
Nadine's eyes fluttered open as she immediately felt his absence.
They both were gasping for breath as they gazed into each other's eyes with only the moonlight and flame as a source of light.
Nadine was out of words as her chest rose and fell, her eyes displaying a mix of emotions such as confusion, shock, and nervousness over what was going to happen next. Her hair was now tangled and parted over various directions
James picked up his shirt and put it back on, which caused Nadine to quirk an eyebrow as him pulling away left her in a daze.
"Sorry," he apologized before standing up and walking back into their tent.
Nadine's mouth fell open as she found herself confused over what had just happened. So many thoughts entered her mind and she found herself frozen in place, unable to respond upon hearing him apologize and walk off.
"Did I...do something wrong?" she mumbled to herself.
Why did he say sorry? Nagsisisi ba siya sa nangyari? she thought as she wrapped her arms around herself.
Like always, his touch had a way of lingering over her skin. But given what happened, it enveloped her in a somewhat haunting as she wondered what to make of his reaction.
Biting her lip, she stared into the fire as what had happened replayed through her mind. It all seemed so well and he was clearly just as into it as she was, causing her to wonder what suddenly changed.
Kung kailan hindi na ako takot, parang may naghahadalang pa
--
A/N: So 22 chapters later...I'm not quite sure what reactions this will draw but 😅 Thus far this is my favorite chapter personally and I've been waiting for this scene.
Thank you again for all the support with this ♥︎ I'm not sure how many consecutive weeks I've been updating, but probably my longest stretch with anything. The amount of feedback I've been getting has really amazed me and all I can say with what's to come next is...it'll be something.