Normally Julien hated sunny days, but this was the one day he would allow it.
The last few weeks, after all, had been suffused with rain. More than once Beck and Iman spent the afternoon at Julien's townhouse, Beck giving copious head pats to a sleepy Ringo—returned safely from the dungeon that was Fritz's Baltimore residence—while Iman paced at the living room window. "I hope it doesn't rain like this all month," she kept saying, impervious to the efforts Beck and Julien took to calm her down. "It can't rain like this all month. If we have to move the wedding date—"
But Beck had only grinned. "So what. We can elope, for God's sake."
Iman shuddered as if he'd suggested murder. "Never."
Now, Iman was down the hallway somewhere, shut behind another door of this quaint bed-and-breakfast in Virginia Beach. Julien had tried to sneak a peek, but Hana and Cam and the others had all shoved him out of the room with a gasp, ordering him to make himself busy elsewhere. Julien didn't quite understand the upheaval, especially as he was the one walking her down the aisle in the first place, but an old oak door slammed shut in his face was all the explanation he got.
Julien lounged now on the window seat, watching the waves roll in and out, cerulean blue against pure white, the beach speckled with the colorful hats and dresses of the wedding attendees. The gazebo was strewn with rose petals, gentle red ribbons floating on the wind. In less than an hour, he would be down there, watching Iman and Beck move on without him. He had always known it would happen—it always did—but for whatever reason, it still hurt like a tiny paper cut in his chest.
Sighing, Julien straightened his tie and turned to grab the glass of water on the nightstand beside him. As the ocean whooshed in the background, the voices of Lemmy and Beck grew nearer and nearer; soon, they stepped from out of the dressing room and into the main suite.
"He should be good," said Lemmy, giving his son a playful punch in the shoulder, "but then again, I am terrible at tying bowties. Can you double check that? I'm gonna go make sure Wendy's okay."
"Good luck with that," said Julien as Lemmy made for the door. "The girls wouldn't even let me get a foot in the door."
Lemmy laughed, waving a genial hand above his head before he vanished out into the hall.
When the door had clicked shut, Beck spread his arms wide, doing a small twirl. "Well?" he said, expectant. "How do I look?"
Julien finished his water, then got to his feet, eyeing Beck critically. "Pretty as a princess," he said, ignoring Beck's scoff, "but your dad's right. He's shit at tying bowties."
"Hey, now. Leave my dad out of this."
"Let me fix it," Julien said, as if Beck had any other choice. Julien stepped forward, yanking the shirt sleeves straight, pressing any wrinkles out of the coat with his hands. It was a neat tuxedo, a cool blue against Beck's dark skin. It was a group effort; Lemmy, Fritz, and Julien had all picked it out for him, despite Beck's vocal concern that they could dress him up like a clown and he wouldn't know.
"But that," Julien had told him then, "would be a terribly petty thing to do, don't you think? I'm astonished you'd think I'd stoop so low."
"Jules, you're the most petty person I know," had been Fritz's very unhelpful reply.
With deft fingers, Julien undid the bowtie entirely—he would work better from scratch—and began to tie it again, the silk gliding underneath his hands. Somewhere down the hall there was a chorus of laughter; from outside came the persistent merriment of several mingling voices. Yes, normally Julien hated sunny days. But so far he loved everything about this one.
He was nearly done with the bowtie when he noticed that Beck was shaking. Julien paused, unsure whether this was the sort of shaking that should be addressed or ignored.
Finally, after warring with himself enough, he said, "Caulfield?"
With a jolt, he realized that in another hour, Iman would respond to that name, too. The thought settled like a weird-tasting fruit in the bottom of his stomach.
Beck took in a shuddering breath. "I'm...I'm really marrying her."
Julien let out a chuckle, finishing off the bowtie. "You're just realizing that now?"
Beck tried to laugh, but when he took a step forward, he nearly staggered. Concern surging through Julien so suddenly that it hurt, he caught him, guiding him towards the window seat. "Jesus, you're burning up. Beck, sit down. Sit down, okay? Let's take a minute. Let's just—just breathe, okay?"
Beck was breathing, however shallowly. Julien just stood there, watching him, until he was breathing at a usual pace again, until his chest wasn't rising and falling at a frightening speed. "You okay?" Julien asked.
"Sorry," Beck said, hanging his head. "I must look so pathetic right now; I know."
"No!" Julien exclaimed, and lowered his voice when he noticed Beck jump. Sighing, he sank down to a seat beside Beck, wishing just this once that Beck could see again, that he could see Julien's face. That was the thing about having a blind friend. Everything that left Julien's mouth meant twice as much now. "No, Beck, you're not pathetic. It makes sense. It's a big thing you're doing, you know? As long as I've been alive, I've never been brave enough to do it myself. It's okay to be nervous. I'm sure Immy's nervous, too."
Beck hesitated a moment, then bit his lip. "You know something?"
Julien didn't know if he wanted to know something. "What?"
"Even after I put the ring on her finger, I was worried she'd choose you instead."
A dart shot through Julien's chest. Half because of the words Beck said, half because of the dejected look on his face as he said them. "Beck, you're kidding," Julien managed. "She loves you like crazy. Trust me. I know—"
"I know she does," said Beck. "But even that's not enough to stop me from being jealous sometimes."
Julien sputtered, trying to find the right words to say in this situation, if such words existed. Beck lifted his head, his voice more firm than it was before: "I know I'm a massive idiot. It's cool. You can say it."
Another burst of laughter, another wave crashing against the sand.
Julien interlaced his fingers in his lap, staring down at where they rested rather than up at Beck's face. "What do you have to be jealous of?" he said. He thought of that one night, that one night neither he nor Iman spoke of. So what if he had discovered that night just how Iman's body fit against his, how her mouth tasted, what her hair felt like between his fingers. It was nothing. All of it: nothing. "You know what Iman wants even before she does, and vice versa. One touch from you calms her down like a snap. Any time she comes back from traveling, you know, you're the one she wants to see first. Even when you lost your vision, she didn't think for a second about leaving you behind. I can't even imagine having what you guys have, but you don't have to, because you just—you have it."
Beck was staring at him. Sightless as Beck was, Julien could still feel his gaze burning against his skin. "Sera and I never came close to that, even before everything, when we first met and all. You have nothing to be jealous of, Beck. You and Iman have that one thing people spend their whole lives searching for. Of course she would choose you. She already has, over and over again."
A breath of silenced passed; Julien listened, listened to Beck breathe, listened to the seagulls cawing ahead, listened to the vague footfalls of someone out in the hall. Even inside, away from the beach, the air still stung with sea salt and baked sand, both scents Julien had grown used to forgetting.
A hand on his leg. "Jules."
"J-Jules—?"
"I'm very glad you exist," said Beck. "Thank you."
Julien's mind was still very much short-circuiting from the sound of his nickname from Beck's mouth, but he didn't have much time to consider it before there was a heavy knock on the hotel room door.
Fritz did not wait for a reply, simply shouldered the door open, gave Beck and Julien a risen eyebrow, and cleared his throat. "Jules?" he said. "Iman needs her escort."
Julien swallowed.
"Get up, both of you," said Fritz with a lofty grin. "It's finally time."