I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t do it.
I took another swig of the putrid alcohol, letting it burn down my throat. I couldn’t do this.
I knew the makeup was dried and cracking on my cheeks, but it was only replaced with wet, fresh ones. I finished off the bottle, opening another and letting the new taste wash down the last of the other. I think this was my third bottle of vodka. And I still knew I couldn’t do this.
The phone slips out of my hand a few times before I get a good grip on it. Even smashed, the number still is clear to me. I type it in, hoping to god that he answers. The rings slow until I’m afraid they are going to stop.
“Hello?” His groggy voice sounds distant.
“Hey, I, um, I need you.” I breathe.
“Where are you? Are you alright?” He questions. He sounds a bit more alert.
I hesitate a minute. “I’m in London, look... “ I shake my head and start to tear up. “No, I’m not alright. I just, I need you, alright?”
“Are you drunk?”
“I think so. I don’t know. I just know I need you right now. I’m at the RE in London, will you just come? Please.” I gasp, trying to hold back the violent tears.
“I’ll be on my way in a minute, Anna. Don’t worry, I’ll be there soon, alright?”
“Alright, thank you, thank you, Luke.”
***
“Hey, hey, it’s okay, I’m here.” Luke mumbles into my hair as I hug him.
“Thanks,” I cough, tightening my grip around his long torso.
“Of course, is everything alright?”
I shake my head against him. “No, it’s really not.”
He pauses for a minute. “Do you want to talk about it?”
“Not really,” I sigh. “I just want you to stay with me, okay?”
“Okay,” Luke whispers, releasing a bit. “You should get some sleep, you sound tired.”
I nod, taking a step back from him and rubbing a hand over my forehead. “Yeah, yeah I will.”
I pull Luke along behind me, leading him over to the bed. I remember the first time we were in bed together. He had been gentle, trying not to push anything too far. We had just kissed and ended up holding each other all night. That’s what I needed right now. But I really needed it with Michael.
Luke held open the blankets for me as I crawled into bed, laying my head on his chest. Luke put his arms around my shoulder, taking the hand I had placed on his chest into his own. He played with my fingers, something that reminded me of the same comfort he provided when we were together before.
I’m so tired of crying. I’d been crying so often over the past few months. Michael was the only logical reason. Ever since I met him, my entire system of emotions seemed to be racing on overdrive. With Luke it was so easy.
I let my hand wander along his chest. I gripped at his shirt, pushing back the tears that had absolutely no reason to fall.
“God I hate crying,” I attempt to chuckle and sniffle into his chest.
“It’s okay,” Luke whispered. His hand runs through my hair. “It’s okay to cry sometimes.”
The first time I had ever seen Luke cry had been heart wrenching. He had been bent over, his elbows resting on his knees. His shoulders shook. His head was bowed into his hands. He never told me what caused his pain. All I know was that he was so damn stubborn. He was so damn stubborn, just like me.
I crinkled in regret against him. I hate to ever think I had ever hurt him like that.
“I’m so sorry.” I whispered. “I’m so fucking sorry.”
“For what?” I felt his chest rise and fall under me.
“For hurting you.”
He didn’t respond. I crawled up into his side further, hoping my closeness might ebb the pain away. He might not even be hurting anymore, but I sure as hell was. I whispered apologies as I softly cried into his tee shirt. He still stayed silent. That might have been worse than him saying he was hurting.
“I’m so sorry.” Gasp. “I’m so fucking sorry.” My fist curls tighter around his shirt.
When my sobs started to soothe down to fatigue, I heard Luke finally respond. “Don’t be. Michael’s a good guy.”
We didn’t speak again as my sobs wracked savagely through my body. I don’t know if he assumed I was crying over Michael at that point, but he did hold me tighter. He held me until I fell asleep.
***
I woke to whispering voices.
“You stayed with her all night?”
“Yeah, she said she needed me…”
“That was very kind of you.” It was Emma.
“I’d like to think I’m a kind guy.” Luke chuckled, rumbling under my head.
“You’re also a cocky bastard.” She smiled.
“Right,” I couldn’t help myself from adding.
Emma smiled at me, blushing a bit. She took a step toward the table, placing down the breakfast she had brought me. “I thought you might be hungry…”
“Thank you,” I yawn, stretching a bit as I lean off of Luke.
‘The breakfast thing is still open if you wanted to get something for yourself.” She added.
Luke looks between me and her, sensing a bit of awkwardness. He could tell that Emma had something to tell me, it was evident in the way she was fidgeting and standing around as if she were waiting for him to leave. She had only shown up this morning. She was supposed to have shared a room with me last night…
“I think I’ll go and grab something. Did you want anything?” Luke shuffles off the bed, direction his question at Emma.
“Nah, I already ate, but thank you.”
“Alright, I’ll be back in a few.” Luke stretched as he sauntered out the door.
Emma and I fell upon the muscles in his back as he walked away. The curves of his shoulder blades as he reached up, the low rise of his jeans…
As soon as the door was closed Emma turned to me with wide eyes. “You fucked him?”
“NO, NO, GOD NO. I mean not last night…” I blush at the floor. I try to turn the subject on her. “Where were you last night? Meet someone? Get friskayyy?”
I raised an eyebrows as she blushed and laughed at the floor. “Nah, I mean, maybe…”
“WHAT AND YOU WEREN’T GOING TO TELL ME!” I screeched, pulling her over to the bed. “Sit sit, tell tell.” I prod. “Should we get the other girlies? Have a group meeting on your incredible sex with a stranger?”
She blushed again. “He wasn’t exactly a stranger…”
“WHAT!” I gasped. “Call in the squad. It’s time for a group meeting.”
“A group pow wow.” She tried to correct me.
“Yes, indeed.” I smile as I text the others.
I was too lazy to get up out of bed yet. As soon as they heard that there was a sex scandal involved, they were quick to the door. Emma got it and they sprinted to the beds, jumping and cuddling in for story time.
“So,” Callie laughed as she, Sophie and I huddled together.
“So,” Emma laughed, looking at her hands before beginning. “I went to check out Wembley last night, you know, ‘cause I wanted to know what it would be like to stand on that stage tonight…”
We were all on the edge of our seats.
“I thought I could just get in and out, no one would be there, I might just be able to let the security guards let me on stage and I come back. Well, there was someone else there. I didn’t recognize him at first, it was hard to in the dark.
“He had just been standing center stage, as if he owned the thing. He looked so comfortable, looking out into the empty arena. I almost didn’t want to disturb him. But, I guess he heard me walk up.” She grins. “He turned and I almost ran off stage and puked. I was so nervous.”
“Who the hell was it?” Callie was nearly bouncing on the mattress.
“It was, uh, Louis. Louis Tomlinson.” She chuckled lightly as all of our jaws dropped.
“Damn Emma,” Sophie laughed. “Getting it on with Louis Tomlinson. Dreams do come true.”
We all laughed but then pressed Emma from more information.
“Well, we just started talking. I introduced myself and he did the same.I told him how I was playing there tomorrow - I mean tonight - and he started talking about he would just come and visit when he was in London. He told me about how he first played Webley and all the rush it gave him. We were sitting on the stage at midnight just talking about music and ambitions. It was wonderful.” She blushed again.
“Then we fell silent. It was comfortable though, it wasn’t like we had run out of anything to say, we were both just thinking. I was looking off into the sea of empty chairs… and then he kissed me.” We reacted in every way you would expect. We ‘aww’d’ and cheered and sighed and gasped.
“It was just on the cheek at first. Nothing big. But it surprised me. I mean, here’s this guy, this insanely famous guy, who I’ve dreamed of since I was little in my room listening to his first album, and he was kissing my cheek. I wasn’t going to fucking pass it up. So, I kissed him. For real. It was like there was just this whole moment of serenity. We shared all these memories and I swear I could feel my heart pumping out of my chest. I felt like I was going to scream.
“There was a light on off the side of the stage so we didn’t end up tripping and falling off. I saw him leaning into me right before he kissed me again and I swear it was like he was an angel. It’s really fucking cheesy but it was. Then we just kind of kept going. We kept kissing and then we were lying across the stage and he was above me and… you know…”
Callie made a face. “I’m gonna be standing where you and Louis Tomlinson had sex. Groos.”
Sophie laughed and added, “That should be a new Webley legend.”
I laugh, tilting my head back and displaying a fake newspage across the air. “Louis Tomlinson and Emma Meigs get it on in Wembley, the area has been marked off for historic preservation.”
Emma nudges me slightly. “Stop it, you guys are awful.” She buries her face in her hands and laughs.
“You know we love you,” I smile.
“Apparently you love Tomlinson more though…” Callie sighs.
“Nah, you guys are my number one squad.” She smiles at us. “I wouldn’t give up my crew for the world.”
“Awww,” I coo.
“I can’t believe I fucked Louis Tomlinson.” She sighs again, laughing into her hands.
A knock sounded against the door. Emma’s face when pink, an even deeper shade than before. I get up this time, letting Luke in. He sits in the chair near the opposite side of the room.
“What did I miss?” He questions, pouring a tiny box of cereal into a bowl.
“Some great sex-” Callie interjects, suddenly finding comfort quickly with the stranger.
“Just some girl talk.” Emma quickly covers it up. Her face buries back behind her hands.
“Okay then.” Luke nods, obviously not having heard.
I introduce him quickly to Callie and Sophie, figuring he must not know them yet. They immediately warm up to each other, quietly laughing at some stupid joke he had made. My friends peered over at my as I announced him to be Luke; yes the Luke, the one I had fucked. Their eyes widened in surprise, I understood the feeling.
“Why don’t you stick around Luke,” Callie invited. “Ashton might want some male company tonight.” She turns to us. “I don’t know how he hasn’t gone crazy not having a guy friend around recently…”
“Ashton?” He inquires, raising an eyebrow over his cereal.
Callie looks to Emma quickly before pondering over an idea. She silently sets it in stone, then pronounces it aloud. “Lucas, how would you like to accompany us to a concert this evening?”